I used to say ‘don’t you dare.’
Now I say ‘please, please,
Don’t leave.
Just hold me, let’s pretend.’
But I could not,
The illusion's end.

You could not,
Give up your little attempt,
Your pathetic pretense
To be the man
You think you want to be.
I was not,
Weak-willed enough
To fit in with your little game
A pretty play-thing
The role I'd played.

Unexplained
It grew like a parasite.
Til one day I paralysed it
But it remains
Lodged in tunnels,
Inside my brain
When my guard is down
It eats away

You presented a mixed array
Of sincerity, lies and games,
'You're the one leaving,
I won't change.'
Lying in those sheets,
Where others lay.

It tore me apart,
That night,
That by nature
I was helplessly strong,
I was driven away
When my protector
Punctured my inflated heart.

I did not arm myself
With reasons, dignity.
Regretfully I let it
Eat away,
Always wishing,
I could lower myself,
To play that stage.

Long and in darkness, I wander these twisting halls. Drawing closer, with each one of my foot fall’s. The time crawls and carries, sweet moments I remember, of a time in my youth so simple, farther and farther away from me, oh how I long for them to stay with me. But they drift. Passing the doorways I chose to open, peering deep into the wisdom gained, causing me to change and straiten, askew concepts of reality, forced into choosing neutrality when faced with life’s cold unforgiving brutality. Jaded and wearisome I have grown, as I find myself drawing closer to the end of hallways well-traveled. With the great mysteries of life unraveled, my path is well lit by wisdom and knowledge. Fractures and faults that riddle the walls become clearer, the crooked portraits that line the halls are like massive mirrors, the clearer they get, it won’t be long I bet, before I repay my debt. The final door at last I have found. With a long life and grey headedness I have been crowned, I close my eyes, ready to return to the ground.

Shut the eyes that hold you to this universe, feel my breath on the nape of your neck, as you read the next verse. Hands, palms and fingertips, trace a path down my spine, until they reach my hips. Careful, keep them shut. Hurry to find my lips. Drawing breaths, short and shallow. Instinct lies beneath soft skin and bones hollow, instinct that awakens, and we begin to follow. Fingers intertwine, as roots of an old tree, you hold me in place. Faster my heart starts to race. Studying your eyes, the color of earth. Something of invaluable worth, begins to fill, begins to spill over, out of your soul’s window, something portrayed by a four letter word, so simple. Like the dawn, you rise and break free, from this world, from me, only for a moment, to drop to one knee.