Brother is a deep meaning to me.
Guess people out there just use it meaningless.
You'll always get my back,
I sure as hell got yours and I'm ready to help that's a fact.
I use to be the only kid that had a problem. I've got brothers that never really helped to solve them.
Now you're in my pack,
I'm no longer a lone wolf thank you for having my back.
I'll always keep you with me brother.
Believe me you a part of the family bub.
Let us laugh, let us cry, let us be angry, let us succeed and fail together.
It's not fake it's not a phase.
For you I'd always be there with or with out a trace.
Have a beer with me brother.
I'm celebrating because we've got a journey together.

Hanging with the boys
Always doing something different fun and all by choice
I got your back and they've got mine
Always putting in the good time
Jamming then drink
Games and drink
BS and drink
My homies, my brothers, my boys
What's up today we ready to chill
Talk about life and laugh the hours away
Talking about a set life
Scrapping yo mama jokes aside
Lunch on me today let me make the drive
Rant life and sharing stories
Bumping and dancing to our favorite tunes
Thanks bro I vibe with you too

I enjoy the company with us dancing on our feet
Hopping reaching for the stars with a drink
Cheers to all my homies
That's the way it'll always be
Bar hop, can't stop.
Avoid the drama along with the harsh words
No one would be Cursed
A celebration with the night so young
We're the youth having some fun
Give me a double shot
I'll reach up and give the stars a hop

Proud of myself for having it rougher than most
Always surviving because I'm tougher and thats how it goes
My vacation is being at a place of peace
Behind my journals I speak
Don't need anyone but I would love somebody
I'm a great man ask anybody
Ring of fire but I run in circles to put it out
I carry a burden but I know I survive
Truth is better than these tears from my eyes
I understood goodbyes
Learned how to manage
Never took advantage
I'll be exhilarated
Especially after a feeling deteriorated
I know that might be complicated
But I'm a writer
A true survivor
Use to be a liar
Now I set these flaws on fire

People try to cross burned bridges
As if they had no where to go
I've got on my coat because the heats so cold
Might as well call it freezer burnt
Always trying to cross over
Learning slow as I get older
I stay for self respect
Never knew what to expect
People act like they know me, especially when they see me doing stupid **** on my story
Never knew I was being judge until an argument comes
They shoot shots at me as if I was dumb
Just out having fun
I've burned bridges and still managed to cross over
It's not all over
I'll wait for a response when in sober
Not like these choices fight back
I've built respect only the real friends know that

This work place put me through the ringer
A busy bee avoiding the stinger
Not a better place for a bee
I've been put to work for my honey
Beautiful flowers to bloom
Plenty of pollination in this room
Orders from the Queen
21 day cycle and I'll go on repeat
That's the way it's supposed to bee
Working for my Queen
Lavender to coat my scent
A sunflower to watch open
I'm plenty of busy
I'll fly around 20 miles a hour to collect goods from a rosemary
The beauty of a drone, a true natural nature grown
Worker bees protecting a Queens home

I'm okay with taking things slow
Just tell me the interest so I know
Hopefully I don't give up and go
This Sun goes down as im daydreaming of home
But I stand alone
Barely any happy thoughts of my own
But that's okay because these thoughts rebuild my heart

Somedays I feel like I got nobody
Just me and my personality
Where do I begin?
Backtracking my journals but some I refuse to open
Ever wonder why you wrote something
But find out it doesn't mean anything
Just be yourself
But who am I
Looking at the man in the mirror
I got glass no chandelier
Picked up a pencil but words aren't as sharp
Just broke the led apart
A written mockery from the heart
Man why is life so hard?

Pills, pills, pills
Shots, shots, shots
Bottle, case
Smokes
Slow depressing music that's supposed to be uplifting.
Look at the ******* tears dripping.

Listen to me when I speak
Promise me you won't roll your eyes and leave
I've been working on myself lately
Realized how more I'm lost with you baby
I know I was never a amazing man
But I did everything I possibly can
Please look deeper into your heart for me
I'm always here with open arms don't you see?
Just come home
I'm by my phone
I know with me you don't feel alone

I will always cherish the smile you give me.
You've got it all and a ton of beauty.
My daydream cutie.
so call my cell phone baby,
talk to me endlessly
you're amazing
I've got a huge crush on you
made me lose myself in your greenish blue eyes
dark hair and smile that lit up the town
about to light up my world
crazy that we met at the bar
best smile by far
I can treat you right
won't you let me see you tonight?
c;

I write, it's garbage!
Time to take it out!
Is it the day I give up?
Nope, it's the day I write about false love.
Never ever thought in my life I'd be insecure about my writing
Mentally I'm fighting
But now I'm scribble these poems like a coloring book
Colorful thoughts but dark words
I can't decide if thats for the best or the worse
But whatever, temporary it works!
I'm slowly losing my mind
Wished I was able to travel through I'm
But at the same time I don't
Then who would my family be? What would I be? Would anyone I actually love give a **** about me?
I guess I'll never know

I've captured beautiful moments, had amazing feelings.
I've ignored my mental judgements because I don't want to doubt everything my heart screamed.
But slowly through the time my messages always been ignored or left on seen. Her
Attention begged for my attention and the next day she was no where to be seen.
Funny how things changed after I'd promised her everything. I was quickly replaced.
I ran across the fields to capture the red flag. Survived it all to wish I had put it back. What's up with these red flags with a high damage? I've chased her like dreams expect I can't have it. Plenty of love on this planet. But I wanted hers ******* it.

Now I'm pending, messages still sending. Realized these people were pretending. Am I worth unfriending? You're cunning but this is my sanity & it's not ending. That's something I'll always be defending. I don't care if it's offending.
One second I'm there
But then got ghosted in the middle of nowhere
You leaving keeps my thoughts haunted
But I refuse to be taunted
Looks like I've got to cut my lawn
Found more snakes, trying to keep them gone
But who knows what'd happens next because my worth is like a snap
"Pending"

I'm really cold, wish I had grabbed a coat. Had to leave the awkward drama and I'm here feeling neurotic. Am I still psychotic? I wish a stranger would see past my smile by looking into my eyes. Cut me off to hug me and remind me that things are going to be alright. Didn't eat today, left to get my hoodie and glasses. Got angry messages. Avoided going home, I'm in my truck cold. Why does this keep happening? After my attempted changes am I still the problem?
I've had people who mean the world drop me to solve their own problems. We're all paying for life, don't matter because for reality we all be giving it a check. Haven't figured out **** yet. I'm exhausted, been wishing I was doing fine.
I've driven home everyday with tears running down my face. That ***** on the daily. Hold up I'm getting a call, it's anxiety leaving voicemails. I should call back, maybe.
I'm judge
Eyes sore
Hands shaking
Chest aching
Feelings deteriorating
Hearts breaking.

Everyones gathers around
We're all together still safe and sound
No one's left alone we've got each others back
Cheers, this is cheaper than the pub
All by the fire sharing stories and wishing each other good luck
Greetings and cheers

Cheers to being lonely
A **** because its my "only"
What's it like failing miserably?
Here pull up a seat let me tell you a story
I know all about miserable
I use to think I ruled the world
Had a perfect girl
Had a decent life
But nope karma is committed to me
I've got nothing but the past
Soon I'm a be pass tense
No one can stop me
Cheers to Jack easing the pain
Not by much but I'm a little sane
Cheers
Okay grab me some beers
I'm no where near done
I just want some thrills hopefully some fun
But I'm anxious with the feelings hanging
Is this what it's like being hung?
**** I'm just about done
I don't know the definition of happy
Honestly lost hope on the feeling
It's eating me alive
Dear Nel,
I'm screaming at you but you're clearly avoiding me
Haha you ain't ever going to be happy.
I'm not going anywhere unless you put a bullet in me
I'm trapped in your head
I'm a be with you forever and ever till you're dead
Hell even life after life
I'm here to make sure you're never alright
Cheers again
You about split your veins open
Another waist of a petty achievement
Let me know when you're going to sign off on the suicide agreement
Sign on the dotted line of this invitation
You're a perfect example of a waste of a creation
Cheers
Well thank you train of thought for your opinion
To be honest I'm fine that opinion was well said
Why split till I'm dead
Maybe I should find a slower route
I kinda enjoy the doubt
Its thrilling calling out **** before it happens
Tears shed find me a napkin
Let me call out the fake feels
Let me cheers to another lie
Let me climb over a volcano thats about to erupt
Let me burn myself to ash because who really gives a ****
Let me get attached and ***** it up
Or let me get attached and have them abuse me
Either way I'm at defeat so ask me again why I ain't ever happy
If you can hand it to me maybe things my be different
Until then cheers to my petty *** being ignorant

Grab something to eat
Got my homie to chill with me
Turn on the tv
Nothing's better than being lazy
I'm put on some horror film
Bag og gummy worms
Redbull by my side
Popcorn and peanut M&Ms
Let's watch all the classics
I'm a enjoy myself because it's almost my weekend

A trip to a lake
My heart had to break
A few drinks deep
If I was okay do you really think I'd a still had the nerves to speak?
A ice cold drink chilling on the doc with me
It's so peaceful
I wished to be happy
Memories flooding
This lake gave me waves
Time to go and be brave

In these walls I get intimidated
Closed curtain, with IV plugged in.
Bodies irritated
Anxiety blowing up
Discomfort on my hand with the IV pumping
Cold room
Blanket warm for a minute
But now I'm paralyzed in pain
Have to go to another hospital for a specialist
Time dragging
Needle pain
In my vein
But its to improve health
This closed curtain is hell
Found out I had to go to a different ER to do tonsil surgery
My anxiety came in a hurry
So dad drove me
They went straight to work
Opened my mouth and shoved a needle in to **** the pus out
Slit the tonsil
To use medical plyers to manually get the rest
Pain everywhere
Eyes losing focus
Gagging pus and blood
Worse feeling ever
Felt like forever
Closed curtain
Supposed to be healthy again
But I've been nervous

Not going to pretend I'm playing
I've joked but I still have you praying
Ignore what I'm saying
Mess with me, lyrically I start slaying
Give it a minute, you'll beg for me to quit it
Need a coffin? I put a mask on daily and I'm not coughin
By the time I'm done you'll have some symptoms
If embarrassment was contagious you'll get infected
Bet you'd feel neglected
Should of respected
Now I stand corrected
Critical thinking?
I'll give you a life jacket before you start sinking
What are you drinking?
This is boring
Wake me when I start snoring
I hear coughin
I'm coffin knockin
Bury you down and haven't even gone a foot deep
Pressure builds through your chest because your opinion ran cheap
You're ******* contagious and you're giving everyone the wrong symptom
About to make you my new victim
I've got four by four
Bout to bury you under this floor
About to be easy to ignore
A coffin full of new symptoms
Collecting victims
Need a new shovel
Bout to work another double
So leave your message on my voicemail
About to show these followers what it's like to fail
Before you even talk about it
In silence for a minute
Carving your name in your new home
Might be further than six feet so you're not alone

I'm so cold it hurts to cry.
So overwhelmed because this journey is a long drive.
What's my destination
Send me a location
Wheres home?
Oh wait I'm driving in home
Always on the road
I just don't know
Wish it wasnt so cold
Now my eyes sting from tears freezing
Not enough blankets oh well i shouldn't be complaining
Could be worse
Stuck in a homeless hopeless curse
I have to stay strong not only for me
But to the people who say they'd do anything for me
I'm sorry but I dont trust that
Living in my truck
Depressed, cold, and lonely
Eyes ******* heavy
Just to cold to live and sleep

I'm in bed because I feel so lost
Frozen with depression I need to defrost
Putting all my locations to ghost mode
Contemplation began to haunt me but I didn't know where to go
At this point nothing astonished me
I began to hate me
Some of my past relationships ridiculed my personality
Now I'm appalled to improve
But this depression paralyzed me and I couldn't move
Why am I 25 and still lonely
I barely trust a homie
Love is just inadequate
Surviving the cold is just a part of it
I guess fighting with fire and ice is still at war

I want you to come home
Bring your cute personality and ignore your phone
I'll leave the night light on so you can walk to my bed
Lay next to me and I'll wake up kissing your forehead
My body naturally clings on
I've got the twinklight on
Come home baby you don't need permission
I'll keep you safe it's home not a mission
Come home to me
Let's love for all of eternity
We still have a journey
Please stay and keep my heart some company
I love you with all my heart
Now it's time to for us to start
We hit a pothole
We can climb out ya know
Come home
Please don't leave in the dark alone

I'm a leave you a selfie with a cute text. Compliments come next.
Compliments weird? You may have to get use to it my dear.
Can I see that smile please?
I'll give you a cute selfie.
Compliments weird, luckily for you I'm a ******.
A goofy hero.
The shoe fits?
I hope so.
Just a simple response has me smiling.
Hey cute ******, I'm a fill your world full of random compliments.

Don't worry bout me
I'm my own reality
Who has time for that concern?
Any one stuck around with a concern?
Bet all of you can say you lost that concern for that particular person
Let my example be a lesson
All my loved ones well past loved ones ain't around
They busy so now I'm tied down
Bet y'all can't win this fight
Look at me still solo and I know I'm right
I use to have it all
Use to rule my world
Now I'm ******* solo
Don't want any one there
Starting to not to care
**** it
I'm a quit
I'm a head out
Well hello Nel
Welcome back to hell

Picked up a compliment
Don't know if i should write a grievance or about the achievement
Beauty gazing upon our souls
Happiness filled hearts even the shattered ones
All about confidence, even to the ones that fight for it
Just give it a minute
Time will do it's part
People are good we all have a heart

Drinking wine
Confused myself again
I'm inhaling toxic again
Left my locks open
It's not love its a trap
Just trying to smile right back
I'm drinking wine with no glass
Reached up to pick some of the roses
Confused, felt like being used
Does this amuse?
Oh I'm a fake and a liar?
Last I checked everyone close to me chased a wrong desire.
I guess I'm fantastic with ghost
I'll carry salt next time I want to think someone was close

Started off in a shut down mode. Realized stopping is impossible. Depression and having it the worst isn't a contest, consumes one and why try to achieve that conquest?Why not help one another before they put themselves to a deep rest?

Yawning is contagious because we're all tired, we get sick from the contagious one because are normal Temps got fired.
But we smile when the others smile do to a desire.
The attention for my lips to touch. With a smile like hers I don't think I can get enough.
She's the one with a contagious smile, she's the one with the cutest lips.
Simply the ones I'd love to kiss.
Eyes trapped me but it doesn't get any better than this.

One minute they're there to converse
Didn't matter if things got worse
Conversations with me got shorter,
They've got attention with someone else
That's because I wasn't close any longer
But I've got to start using my armor
But my feelings aren't bullet proof
So I began taking shots like I'll run out of stock
Back to the bottom because I was never on someone's priority spot
I could keep filling my glass with doubt
Drink it till happiness blacks out
But what's the point, I'd rather feel numb
People have lives I get that but their subliminal post feel as if it's directed to me and I feel so dumb
What have I done?
Just fuckimg lonely but I'm not alone!
How is that any comfort to anyone? Especially when it feels like betrayel is something they own!
Converse with me is like a question game because I've wondered what intrigued them
No one knew me, just know of what I've done, or who I chill with
I've surfed couches but delt with a harsh wave
Slept in my vehicle not a ******* soul gave a ****
I never knew how to converse because this short story always had to come up
That was me trusting you and showing you some love
But since I'm crazy might as well act like you don't know me
Well that's not all wrong who the **** had to patience to get to know me

Woke up paralyzed, tried to move but ended up watching unexplainable things moving closer to me. It creeps, I'm trapped under my sheets. All I can hear is my heart pounding a new beat. It's so dark but I think I hear voices. Afraid to make a sound but I don't think I've got a choice. What's my surroundings? I've got chills down my spine, I don't think this place is mind. Is this a dream or is this reality? Something consumes the light out of me.

You think I'm a stalking creep?
Do you even know me?
On top of all of this you posted anonymously
That's low key funny
Sounds to me you're focused on some flaws
Bet you don't know me at all
Why not confront me?
Why anonymously?
Two faced little ****,
People should quit
I don't have haters, I've got fans.
These fans are big on my flaws, especially when they think they know me
Bet they had it easy
I shouldn't assume, but apparently that's what petty people do
A bunch of followers but no one leading
I'm doing it on my own and succeeding
I should warn you, I'm the one supporting worlds and working **** through
I know for a fact I'm atleast loud do to my actions

You don't know me, on top if that why would you care if I was happy?
I'm a man of my word and being close is not likely.
I'm that *** everyone criticized,
I was off guard but my personality will hit you with a surprise
I'm the one that will stay and the one that won't look the other way
Why give me false advice that's for your benefit
I'm doing me and I'm not about to quit
Now you want me to stop
I think you need to stop recognizing my flaws
Adrenaline feeling, got my goals aside and I'm still achieving
Been on my all
**** y'all I'm grown
All natural and independent
Messing with me is a mistake you'll regret it
Filled with experience,
Now I'm learn you
I'll put your criticism on clearance
Not valid and transaction won't go through
Instead of criticizing me me why don't you do you

How long do I have to bottle it in?
I've got to wait till I'm by myself again.
To many people around.
I cry in silence not even a sound.
I've hated myself for a long time.
Losing everything I don't even know whats mine.
I've watched women jump to fast,
Breaks my heart because where was the feelings?
To be honest, no one really has my back.
Poison and toxic **** is all I'm receiving.
I wish I didn't cry alone so much
I hate looking at my own reflection
To all of you who can change their feelings so quick.... i wish I had that perfection
They say time a magic thing
But who really gives a **** about one human being?