It was your failed intentions that ****** me up, the way you impulsively hurt me me. The way sins blushed your cheeks as tears rolled down mine. Love was meant to hurt me and drive me mad. But I've always loved so madly.
Once upon a time I'd day dream of the right one treating me right. Dates under the dark sky under a blanket of stars. The comfort of a presence.
But now I'm insecure and would rather do what I'd imagine any broken soul would do. I'd smile and tell others I'm fine.

A new day
A new age
Some great friends
Family with a birthday cake
Make a wish, blow out your candles
Take a slice
A new day, a new age
Birthday wishes, family with friends handing over gifts
Happy happy birthday
Merry birthmas
Happy existence

Attached to a heart with no pulse.
Wrapped around the finger but my attention was paid through impulse.
Picked me up to my knees had me pleading.
Depression had me bleeding.
I'm no longer hardly speaking.
Only voice anyone's heard was a non sober one.
I guess that's why I shouldn't be allowed to love.
But why am I writing love notes to agony?
Is this the only hope I've got left in me?
Can you imagine caring for someone so much?
But my sincerity goes further away from their direction.
Either I am meant to be a toy and rolled up & down wrapped around their fingers....
Or I'm meant to lose my pulse knowing I took my anxiety attacks too far.

You've claimed to be hopeless
I've got faith in you and I wish for you to stay focused
The storms here on purpose
You're not worthless
It's just that negative debt
Sadness and trauma ready to collect
But you've got my love yet
I'll redirect you until you've rejoice banging out of your chest.
Never been perfect, I've always been the opposite. But I'm down to fight til I've got nothing left. Me, myself, and I! I've always been that great guy. With no one hardly by my side. Hardly a close half part of me, but I've learned that peace comes violently. It's all in your head, just don't make yourself a regret. Sometimes the brightest of lights go dim.

First off I'm a start with the insecurities.
I'm not afraid of the pain I'm more afraid of you betraying my trust.
Bourbon, whiskey, toilet tissue, and tape to fix me.
I've always been everyone's rock, been know to be kicked and forgot. But most would of flown off like paper so I'd a stayed on top. Waited for their gain so they found the strength in flying across the world as I'm skipping a cross the shores, go keep up with your success as I'm supporting mine with yours. I've been know to unlock doors. But my love would always be yours. Secondly with my my sincerest grip with a gentle firm hug, wanted to let you know that you're all more than enough.

Love is a desperation cried out loud from the broken. Been taken for granted for leaving my heart open. Had a few almosts, began to believe in ghosts. These days it's a matter of popular demand, what's potential without a chance?
I've been on both sides of a few love stories, still managed to fail though. My time will come because losing means I've got much more to lose. I can't count how many times I've lost and found myself. Sometimes it's a matter of self love or a bit of help. Many of us got so far with no guidance, real ones call that independence.
One day love will find me again.

Locked in a room drowning in alcohol, but still feeling nothing at all.
Numb with emotion as tears storm my face, I wished I felt a feeling especially for a happier place.
I'll remember the smiles on their face.
Addicted to numb, wake up still feeling no pain.
Just cheeks experiencing the rain.
Tears fell, my heart aches for attention.
I don't say anything.
Everyone's breaking, my hands are shaking
I'm drinking to remember, waking up to forget.
I'm so sorry it was you who had left.
So young with a beautiful baby girl
I held her for the first time today and I felt the slow motion in my world
I went from numb to a heart break.
Love you man hope you rest well and mosh for me

So much to debate
You claimed you wanted to date
But the night we met
Was a beautiful happy mistake and I was your regret
As I gazed
My heart sank
I should have stood my ground
I'd rather be ripped apart by these sharks
But the sun dried my eyes out
I'm a go for a drive, one day I'll feel alright.

Tired of feeling empty, but when I drink so heavy, all my problems spill out this bottle til everyone is sick of me. I'm drinking Jagermeister ice cold. My Problems on the rocks, these insecurities don't stop. Fell down before I saw the world crumble from the top. When did the lies begin to burn? I've learned the truths that hurt. Been fighting since birth. Letting go by the next toughest lessons that brought pain to my chest. One day I'll be able to be at peace but my burdens continues to rest. I only know me at best. Counted my personal wins that kept me at success. Cheers to the ones that knows a little toooo well, what's its like to drink yourself to hell. It's like spoken slurred words ranting some spells, a suffocation on the liver ringing painful bells. My drinks empty, my decisions filthy. Words I've never said, actions I'll forever regret. Began a journey I shouldn't have left. But as long as I stick to the right maybe I'll find my way back around, a moment of safety or a moment of weakness either way there is a way to hit the ground. Eyes blood shot, stomachs a angry growl. I'd change the minute I know how.

i wish to run the world with no limit for a day
unlimited amount of impulsive choices
ignoring every ones  voices
I wish to maybe get away
find a better place
sick of hearing my name in vain
about to really be a pain
okay headphones on
Bring me the Horizon
Pierce the veil
three days grace
get scared
these are the current bands mood
about ready to blast my music loud
got a motive to make some pathetic ******* proud

I'll miss the conversations about life on the slow hours, I'll miss the smiles with coffee in hand.
A fresh ***.
DELTA 14, Will you please rest easy?
I'll mark you down
(DELTA 14 - 10-25)
I know we didn't have much in this small town.
But you sure always knew how to fix a smile.
Dispatch to Delta 14 Rest easy bub I'll be sure there is a *** of coffee ready every chance given to me.

I'll be your superman, your shattered heart will be my kryptonite.
I'll hug you so tight. But as long as you fall I'll take you out so we're in flight. Depression and pain is something we'll always fight.
Remember when we used to talk through dawn? The times we called our home phone, or the endless skating sessions and the top of Pinehurst was our throne?
Well it still is, we're just cloquet kids. For you I'd never put away my cape! But in the end it'd be you who saved the day. You've got the sweetest heart, I swear it was a cavity. But with you I'll always be happy. Darling you were my shooting star and you're now a granted wish.

What a year, what a mess. Ready for a change, hopefully it'll be a success.
Been lying and be cheatimg. Been betrayed and have betrayed.
But then saw how fast I was replaced. **** the suicidal thoughts screamin at me. I'm a be in control but it won't stop my insecurity. I love how I'm always going to be the bad man. I love how I'm always the clingy man.
But you k ow none of that matters because hope is lost.
What a loss cause.
**** the agaony, **** the betrayal, and **** the way I use to be. I've got to get better. **** I forgot to write my grandma a letter. It's amazing that I'm no longer a priority I'm a stranger. Been replaced quick and I put my feelings to danger.

Already alone, family angry time to isolate and watch my empty phone. Write another dark poem.
No new years kiss, and yet another year missed. Don't nobody want me, nor attract me. I guess as far along this road I'm meant to be alone. I don't even wanna pay for my phone. At this point all I have is an alarm clock. Insecurities out showing and I can't block. **** this start with my **** torn a part.
I'm only attractive to my paper and pen. I didn't have that in front of me again. Time to split myself open.

On the phone
Spend hours talking
You home
Pacing my room about to go walking
How was your day
You doing alright
Yeah im fine
For you im a make some free time
Would travel the world to bring you comfort
What's that ex alert
I got you
I'll pull you through
It's the loss they're going to lose
I got you boo
**** them too
Can't wait for you to move
We will rule the world
Happy your a true friend you're my home girl
We'll spend some time traveling
Spend some time cooking
Impulsive adventures
We'll all discover heart breaks
And mental aches
But i wouldn't ever let any one hurt you again

I'm sorry, I love you.
I went down a dark path.
you dug me out and you fell with me.
you went deeper and suffered.

I can be your love and armor!

When i cry, i look for you.
i wanted you to hold me.
the **** gun is still on safety.

Now i kind of want some pills.
but i cant seek them to dissolve.
I'd choke before the dose.
not successful not even a joke.

I'm beginning to think I'm a *******.
This tolerance was either built in perfection or was meant to be ****** up by their destruction.
The pain of depression has no location, but physical pain always had the location enabled. Maybe that's why I find comfort in my scars. For the sake of the walls I built I will be ****** of my veins bleeding.
I'll find a map instead.
Her hellos and goodnights made me wish her lies were wrapped in my arms. A good day and how was your day made me feel a touch of warmth. It's tough to figure me out.

I can't promise you the world but I can promise you mine. I understand when you're not ready to give me your time. But you're the only one who sees me, we still chose to be so lonely. We both fell, we both weren't doing so well. But you can mark my heart on your map so you know where to find your home. Just promise me you won't ever go. It's bad enough I felt safer alone. We both know that's not the right path to go. As your tears began pouring, my heart beg and pleaded to save you. But you can't stop a storm. I'm a build us shelter and give you my jacket. My hugs tried to be your blanket. But I'm also not as prepared as any sane person would be. I'm hiding because I'm ******* lonely.

You can hog the covers
Warmth is what we bring each other
You can even lay my my chest
Good ahead darling get some rest
I'll keep you safe
I'd love it if you woke up next to my face
Just don't go baby, I'll get up early and make fresh coffee
Call in I'll take care of everything
Dance to pop music and sing
Snacks upon tv
Please hang with me
What would you like to do today?
I'm daydreaming about a girl
I'd love to give her my world
She's got something special
For her I hope I've got the potential
Why is she so perfect
I'm hoping I can be worth it

666
Not falling for tricks
Rituals will be something I will happily miss
Not going out to fall for this
666
I've got fire and sticks
Bones break but my words are unstoppable
No darkness please if possible
Dark soul on my shoulder I need a black shovel
My soul ain't for sale and figures aren't crossed in a double
Sorry Mr. DEVIL
You're a fallen angel and rose hell
But I will not be under a spell

Dedicated caring person
refusing letting go.

All these doubts are making me lose motivation. Especially when I feel good about a situation. Never a dull moment but always a sharp pain. With a thought of comfort I put myself in vain. But on the bottom of a mountain I still see beautiful views. With not a moment to lose. Not trying to get myself confused. Doubts gave me a hand, depression gave it a round of applause. Anger filled my world with chaos.
I've chased dreams before. But a catcher caught it, so I bought it and tried to catches more. Now the dreams catch me.

My legs hurt
Feet and heels too
But gotta get my check
Two weeks worth
All that to solve another financial issue
Ten hour shifts with pain on my back and neck

How do I survive off of two cents?
Expensive to relax
Impossible to get insurance
I feel it on my back

Ache, out of shape, 15 minute break.
Need something worth my cents
Commonly out of sense

We're all good people here
Laughing and dancing with a beer
We shout and cheer
Having a good time here
I might be a DD
But I'm pretty happy
We watch our own
Even though I'm to stay home
Would rather bring people safely home because that choice is my own
Stay safe everyone
We all just wanted that company
Worth bringing you home safely

On her first page,
Her story skipped to his suspense.
Where did the sins come from?
I don't think this is how love begins.
I'm not all that basic, but a chapter taught me all I needed to know.
Give me a smile full of commitment.
Allow my desires to be half innocence.
Take me to a different place, somewhere to allow my securities to feel safe.
But I believe my story was too scary for hers.
Her tears formed and drowned me under.
Even the darkest moments can be just as beautiful as the lights she brought me.
Her cover of her personality was so beautiful and she never judged mine by my cover.
Sometimes the perfect match burns not just the Bridges, but can also burn a place where you call home.

What A beautiful girl, has this amazing sound. Smile filled this type of beauty that stunned me. May I get to know her personality?
Can we start off with A name?
If I had your contact I'd wake you up with compliments everyday.
Who is she? I would like to get to know this cutie.
Watch A movie and go out for coffee.
Explore the outdoors and drink together at A party.
Wake up to watch the sun rise, stay up late to watch the sun disappear.
Hello beautiful how are you doing?

My family has addiction issues
Use to try to cut through tissues
But what can I say I survived
I'm a be one day alright
Things get tough
But life's always been rough
I was a pill addict
Definitely a alcoholic
I'm a recovering
New feelings discovering
I'm not going to lose my temper again
Refuse to split someone open
I'm a change
I must admit it was kind of strange
**** addiction
I'm hoping my change gets recognition

So adorable I'm just about heating the air
Blushed up cheeks and I just don't care
I've got you smiling and I put that on repeat
Adorable amazing girl brought me down to my feet
Hey Ashley you're adorably beautiful
Got my mind racing I call it intensity blush and you made it successful
Earlier you said only one saw the beauty you've got
But through my it's the one world
Hey Ashley you're adorable

It's a long drive, to a safe place. Road trip for days, seems like forever.
But the music on repeat with some ugly singing.
Some dancing to make the time pass.
Cruise the lane and let the fast drivers pass.
I'm a enjoy the headlights and I won't look back.
A drive, a trip, some music, fast food and snacks along the road.

I’m on hold again
Beginning to wonder what’s going to happen
I don’t like false hope
Been climbing up this half *******
Fell down just dig a deeper hole

I change and it wasn't enough
I fall down to get back up
All of this is meant for me
Still managed to catch myself unhappy
All I ever do is try
When will I land a win
No such thing as a finish line but where do I begin
Reset and start all over
Thats all I'll ever do, I'm losing myself again

I felt a good feeling surrounding me.
Everyone was just laughing, smiling, and dancing.
I've wondered how many people were here to just escape.
I didn't think too much, I've had a few to drink and some really good food to eat.
I'm genuinely happy in this moment.
If I can rewind time I'd come back for a minute to just hold that moment.
The sky had beautiful clouds, the music was beautiful and loud. Genuinely happy to be a part of this crowd.

People who know of me
Still will never understand my story
The trust of my circle always repeated stabs in my back
But forgiveness is strength and I'm okay with that
I agree that I'm complicated
But I never gave up
You don't **** with depression
Pain demands to be felt and it'll come with aggression
Ask anyone I bet they'll agree
I'm no one else but me
**** being anyone else but everyone taken

Love was a joke, especially when you're fighting to avoid being broke. Like my heart, use that in the last sentence. Always on mental maintenance. The smile I use to have illuminated my world. Now it's me alone in the darkness but no one can have my soul.  Marshall taught me love is just a word, you bring the definition. But never wanted all that attention. Wanted to be at peace, anxiety always took over me. Love got me too broke, ask my heart because life got cold. Living in below temperature with out a coat.
Tell me I was never worth ****. But was requested to work for it. Always stayed late, too much to complicate. All that overtime for this ******* heart break. Now tell me I'm ugly, tears formed for nothing. All I wanted was someone to just hug me. Always lonely, ask my thoughts what they think of me. I began to be sober but then doubts hand to enter. Then I lost my temper. But I refuse to go back on pills! No matter how much all this kills. I'd bite my tongue, slit the wrist to let the blood run. Now ask me if I'm happy! I'll smile with a fake celebration and beging clapping. All because I was a ******* joke. I fought to avoid being broke. But my hearts indebt and depression threw me the the negatives. It was so cold I froze. With all that failure I still avoided begging and pleading. Asking for help is not me I'd rather suffer and begin bleeding. But I'm good I ain't about to drop my burden on someone who don't care to see me succeeding. Especially with others who refuse to simply check on me. Talk about a joke.

The toxic touch of her lips
A taste of poison from a kiss
I put a flyer everywhere because I feel so lost
Where do I begin the search?
Toxic love everywhere
Broken hearts come out of thin air
Lost sleep, lost the weight.
Happens from a severe heart break
Now I don't even know which path to take
Went from special to betrayel
Who'd a thought that the people you adore
Would grow quick to not love me anymore
Throwing my knuckles through these walls
Tears formed I crash and crawl
Stories told
Rumors solid as gold
Truth burns and feelings form to ash
I'd a done just about anything to get happiness right back
Her lips, toxic kiss
Need a safer place better than this

I've studied my actions like there will be a test
Flunked out and still couldn't rest
Graded my own personality and still wasn't the best
Misspelled actions and scribble some of my past
Used a highlighter to brighten some of my success
I hope I learn fast
Not in a rush but I atleast have to see the highlighted points
I hit up my memories like a text book
Wondering when will be the next break because I don't remember the last one I took
Dyslexia caused me to read slower
Doesn't mean much it just means I'm cautious with my flaws
Trying to improve and thats all

You were always so sweet to me when you requested my presence.
We'd always have a drink and share cigarettes and just talk.
Our sweet snuggles with True Blood in the background. Dogs also snuggled in with the both of us. It was literally peace, I've never been in a safe peaceful place in a long time. I swore I was able to sleep just fine. I almost never wanted to leave. Your smile and giggle was literally the best thing that ever happened to me. I still remember the happiness of your energy when you'd wake me up. The very first time I slept over you woke me up and asked me if I wanted donuts for breakfast. I've never blushed so hard in my life but I drifted off to sleep, my bad love. I'd read out loud my journal entries and my poetry. I'd express my feelings and history with a few drinks and cigarettes as you lay in my arms seeking peace and comfort. I'd never been so happy to share my poetry I'd almost thought you was bluffing until you asked me to keep going. It was right then and there I knew you were serious about your interest with my words. I still day dream about you requesting me to come over. I knew you weren't ready for any relationship, I couldn't careless about your history, but I did care a lot about you and your request was always granted in my book. I don't blame you one bit for ghosting me. I'd be scared too, but I do know one thing. I wish to be scared with you.

People are normally going through rhings alone
How many of you have a empty phone?
Distracting yourself wishing you were in a better place
How many of you are wishingbthat right now?
I know I am.
Sure I've got people
Heres what they don't understand
I've lost love and I can't do anything that helps me
I seeked help ended up worse
I'm just dont talking
I'm just done with all of the failed attempts
I'm working on myself
Working alone with a journal by my side
Alone with the night light on writing
Headphones on
It's about to be another long one
Up most of the nights crying
Trying to fix up all the lying
For better or for worst
I'm a attempt it all of course
I'm independent
Always have been and always will be
I'm alone

I didn't work another double
All just to watch a bigger struggle
Now I'm trying to snuggle
But apparently I'm nothing special
Is it me, or my my personality
Either way I don't know anything about happiness
Just fluent in loneliness
Now I'm working overtime
But I'll be lucky to have a dollar and hardly see a dime
I've ****** up and lost control
What a way to tell me I have a ugly soul
Grab a time sheet and punch me out
Like a upper cut I'm knocked out
But I got back up ready to punch back in
I refuse to let the haters win
I'm just trying to find myself again
I saw a flyer and would love to begin

I can't help to have a episode.
I enjoy the discomfort a bit too much.
Maybe I enjoy it all being rough.
I know I'm mentally weak,
Sometimes I can't sleep.
I sometimes don't eat.
I need help but I forgot how to speak.
I don't wish this struggle upon anyone else.
I still struggle with this mental health.
I swore upon god that I'm in hell.
My guardian Angel had fell.
Can't increase anxiety any further, this is a dark place I know far too well.
I want this pain to cure my episodes.
But I am also afraid of being hurt.
Am I a masochists'?
Am I just ******?
I've attempted to find help.
But destruction was the first responder.
Guilt hit me up after.
Depression gave me a place to stay.
Guess what anger brought me?
  PTSD

My flaws anchor me down. Been through hell because I watched my love drown. She anchors my past, then we fight and she swears to God I'm her last. But babe I don't want to fall. I'm here giving you my all.
What do I do?
I'm not through!
My flaws anchor me down because mistakes are meant to drown. I refuse to let you go because you make me safe and sound.

Which of the fence do I land on?
I've been broken apart and some how carried on.
I feel wrong, I feel gone, I'm feeling aches.
All I've I ever heard was what I'm too do or should do.
I'm anxious to even move.
Chest pumping leg shaking.
Staring off into space with a loud silence.
I've been here before but with a higher price. The cost of friendships and the cost of mental health out weighing one and  another.
Tears form but my sweat to thick.
Hands getting heavier, legs barely moving. I'm stuck and paralyzed with these dark thoughts. A cloud forming and voices calling.
(You okay?)
Me: yeah man, I'm fine just tired