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Nellie 55 Feb 2021
Call me a rug because I'm one the ground getting walked on and I'm lying. Did me ***** and no one's prying.  I want to feel okay, but I'm cold and need to get away. Had a perfect job but I lost it all. Jobless, homeless, but atleast I've got passed due bills to top it off. ****** to have to hear everyone's problems before they have the conscious to worry about mine. But no need to worry I've got thinking time. Why give advice, when they tell me the same issue the next hour or day later. I get firm and informed a redirection and I'm a hater. Before I know it that's another conflict now I need my own saver. But instead I speak truth to a paper.
Nellie 55 Mar 2021
I've got my confidence back
I really needed that
But I won't let this momentum go to waste
I'll keep a pace
It won't even be a race
I'll reset and start over again
Happily repairing what's broken
In the dark, but the light is on its way.
Sun is resting but these stars light my way home
I'm a make it on my own
I'm happy to say I'm a make it
Jamming to peep singing save that ****
But I'm not about to quit
About to be
"NORMAL"
For a bit
Nellie 55 Jan 2021
Star light
Star bright
Can I please get peace tonight
Been a struggle times are tough
I've just about had enough
Everything is just so rough
I wish upon a smile
Wouldn't want a burden on anyone
I know it's been awhile
Gaze upon something that should've been done
So star light, star so bright can I please get a peaceful sleep tonight?
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
Why is it so hard to find comforting company. Been through hell don't anyone see?
How have I gpt this far without that comfort without any blood in my veins.
Been a struggle i swear I'm going insane.
Can't even shower without sitting down.
I'm about to break down crying with a wimpy pout.
I'm abuser cheater and a manipulative ***.
But don't matter because she don't want me back.
Nellie 55 Feb 2024
Honestly what is power to people?
It can be family, it can be Loyalty, it can even be something as strong as a addiction.
Love is powerful.
Why is love thrown somewhere so deep and tough to dig up?
I don't have that answer
But I do know one thing.
It still reaches into my heart.
Pumps the blood in my veins.
But power is something someone is strong enough to lose and gain.
You'll lose a lot on the way, you'll gain some as well.
But don't allow power to be your addiction.
Nellie 55 Oct 2023
She hinted I took it toooo far, but I was just sipping beer and whiskey at my favorite bar. Might of pregamed too much, love and flirts is just far enough. I'm built tough, but my desires were more than enough. I played too much at a bar, I really hope I didn't take things too far.  A reset and restart. I'm a take safety courses for my and others heart. Pray and hope I don't break or go too far. Limits needed to be reached, but I was vibing and cruising past the recommended speed. I'm a learn how to take it easy, I should of known better. My sincere apologies I hope to make peace or at least make things better.
Nellie 55 May 2020
I know you want me clean, I'm sorry honey I'm only a human being
Baby I'm not sober, hard to climb over
It's a difficult achievement
What a painful experiment
I'm sorry, does my sorry matter
Am I causing feelings to shatter
Cupcake it's hard to pull through
Can't afford to lose
I do fine then I do fall behind
Sorry I'm starting all over
Then choose to not be sober
Baby I'm so sorry to cause some pain
I'm going insane, lost track with my brain
I don't mean to complain, it's faith I'm trying to gain. But these eyes storm and rain
A few drinks is all I know, I don't blame you if you want to go
My darling, my "baby girl"
You'll always have my world
Nellie 55 May 2020
Been called a lying cheat, happiness decided to play hide and seek, I dont want to eat nor sleep I just want a cold drink sit alone with music to help me think. Left dark messages subliminally. All I see, is agony down beneath. Hiding in a corner sobbing. Headache heartache, want to break already to late where's my peace for ***** sake. I'm raising my glass to the stars, ******* at life counting these cars. Realizing theres no home, snaps hitting my phone. I think I need to be more alone.
I'm just under so much stress, to lazy to get dressed, I'm depressed. Want to put anxiety at rest, what's next? Oh wait my ex sent me a text. Great beautiful pain, ugly truth. Don't matter anymore, I'm a drink a little more. I've got knives in my back, patching the heart and releasing the veins. Am I going insane? Whatever I ain't wanna eat sleep just want a drink. I'm a let my thoughts sink because I'm to empty to think
Nellie 55 Jan 2021
**** your apology, that doesn't mean anything to me. Truly not yours sincerely, couldn't believe I took you seriously. Just had to be poked, at first it was serious but now it's a joke. We met each others family, for a second I was happy. We dreamed of loyalty because we knew betrayel. But still under a storm now there's hale. Dreamt of love but it broke, now I'm woke. Under a nightmare that heart broke. **** your apology, now feeling like **** so I write in agony.
You decided to chill in the dark when I searched for you with a light. Drowned me under a burnt out spotlight. Now I'm to let it go, but for that I decided to walk away slow. False hope! Started off talking about ****** up **** we've done in the past. Worked on making this relationship my last. But she looked back, picked up the old habits to put it in my track. I tried to take a step just to trip. I guess I'll see myself next fall.
Tough talk after a change, in my past I admit my lies and cheating. But I learned from it, now her flaws had my emotions defenseless. **** a apology when I'm trying to be happy. Fighting mentally, worked together financially. For a 10 minute poke, now loneliness provoked. How am I to take you serious when I'm treated Like a joke? **** your apology, this is me trying to be happy.
Nellie 55 Feb 2021
I can handle the gossip, I can take some insults. I can even be the bad guy in some of these stories. I'm in no rush or a hurry. Just don't abuse my time and be fake. These stars die, but atleast there's some light. Even the darker ones get a glance of a dim direction. It's a great day to catch my friendship pending. Snaps that's been sending. But I'm not worried, kind of curious to see who's next, or who'll use me when they send me a text. Left on read, that's fine. I do the same sometimes, but don't be rude and expect my time. I've got a horrible record of having poor conversation skills. But atleast my loyalty is real. I find myself bored as well with blank forehead selfies, but atleast the streaks are increasing your score though. I'm open to talk, well more than likely to play the question game. Atleast I'm curious and attempt to know more then your name. I know some of my questions are clingy, cheesy, and raw. But atleast I'm trying and giving it a shot.
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
Don't ghost me because I'm the one haunting
Now taunting
What a waste
But I learned how to keep pace
Built myself up hopefully will get my own place
I'm the definition of a nightmare
Ask anyone hence the reason no one will care
Not a soul stayed there
I'm a beast do to independents
How many people can really be real with me
What's reality
Oh wait let me give you a book about it
It'll be my subliminal hit
Not about to quit
Maybe just lose myself
Like Marshall I'm a work on mental health
I'm not try so hard
Because I know I'm not going to go far
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Let me get one thing straight!
I'm not afraid to speak up.
You forget to realize I survived the darkness while all of you grew up in luxury.
I'm feeding off kindness but the angery side of me is hungry.
I'm not the one you want to *******,
Sure I'm trying to change but I also could say ***** it all.
There's a reason why I'm silent.
I don't want to hurt anyone but I'm not afraid to get violent
I've gone to far
But I also don't care who you are.
Let's say I'm weak,
But you don't know that till I knock you off your feet
I've bled before,
I've lost a war
But battle me and you'll see a new darkside of me
I can make you regret fighting because I'll put you in misery
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
Why is it so hard to slow down on drinking?!
But no one cares enough so I start over thinking
But to be fair I never speak
Nor eat
Especially know when I start shrinking
So maybe it's a bless I impulsively start drinking
Then I know who can tolerate me at my worse when they seek out my best
But until then I can not put my sanity at rest
Insecurities a ***** when you're known as a mut
But everyone I love treated me like a shut
So I guess knife and hands put me on my back
Stitches so close there is no such a thing as slack
Nellie 55 Jan 2021
My heart was sitting on a fence
Couldn't pick a side so I had to learn self defense
Like trouble I'd like a time out
Trying to improve anyone ready to take me out
Here's a chance, but I'm for once generally happy
Aside from daydreaming of a settle
Hopefully one day I'll have my own cute family, but until then I'm okay with where I'm at
Not to skinny, not too fat
Just a decent man waiting for someone to see that
Loyalty is my specialty
The past is the past and I'm on a new journey
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Little do I know
I've got to stay clean and let go
Past catches up
I'm just lock it up
Everyday is a battle
This is the last time I drink 3/4 of a bottle. Like my issues they poor down my throat. Time to swallow them because I'm scaring and hurting everybody. I don't work well with anyone because i get so ******* anxious. Tbis ain't good and mentally dangerous. But i rush home to my room and lay the **** down. Distracting my self with a song. By now i should all the words. too bad Nickelback I've got one objective. Stay faithful and stay clean. Don't mean to to hurt y'all. My thoughts of myself aren't good, god forbid I'm clean. Wait what do I need? I'm literally applying for a second job to get caught up and to stay busy. **** the world for ****** up my reality. **** anxiety all I do is listen to loud music and write about the ****** up issues. Not eating and struggling with sleeping. Not taking care of my body but I'm down to keep moving. Seems like I'm losing. Another song that is on my mind is kind of depressing. when your gone by Avirl Lavigne I'm caught up on the same thing. This is me ready to stay clean. I'm a mess, every persons regret. I'm a bottle it back up and jam it in the freezer. Because if i open again **** will get cold and cuts my go deeper.
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
Kisses feeling empty, am I losing everything?
Did I get slowly replaced? Or is this just a glitch or a phase? Why am I not feeling loved or safe?
I know it's not my place to try and intervene
But losing myself through sanity and I catch myself saying **** I don't mean
One minute I'm loved
Then it feels like I just got shoved
Depression comes in waves
Shook my hand back
**** it i guess I'm drowning to that
But I'm fine, then I'm not, then I'm okay
I smile because it's natural but then I lose at the end of the day
Talk about two broken hearts in the same place, I think my is deteriorating
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
I'm alone with all these drinks, numbing the pain because life ******* stinks.
Case all to myself, Smirnoff all to myself.
Vibe it up, more in my cup.
Everyone passed out, me the last one standing ready to shout.
Light one up, I've got my cup.
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
I'm feeling so ******
******* and don't want to be here
No more love and snuggles but now I get to look at him everyday at work and it's making me anxious and insecure
I "don't got to prove ****"
Mother **** what do yoh mean?
I'm not going to be classified as a liar for the rest of my life?
You know what **** it you're right
I guess I'm that flaw that wont change
Grab me a blade so I can open another vein
Look at me though
Should I become a ghost
**** the feelings I've got inside
Don't no one feel them so why should I hide?
I'm a be so ******* ****** if the next human being cracks ****** *** jokes
Last ****** that said my name in vain got punched in the face and **** near choked
I'm a pick up my ****** world and drop it on you
Hopefully you'll see what i go through
Honestly no one cares about me
I'm a just do my think and hope someone real appreciates me
Nellie 55 May 2020
Dear depression,
I've done my best I even had my own therapy session. I've tried and lost myself in the past, wished my sorrow away with beer sitting on my dash. Not influenced nor will I drive. I'm a be by myself tonight. Everything hurts, feels like nothing works.
Dear Nel,
You've got a new motive and you're better off by yourself. You just need a relief, take a step back and breathe. Put some sage in your back pocket, empty the madness then fill it with a positive and lock it. Things will be okay, take it slow day by day. Life will be shallow before success gets deeper. It will be rough, you'll rise to fall. Just remember you're not alone and dust yourself off. Pain demands to be felt, just remember the feelings real. Being real is better then feeling fake. Sometimes you'll need a break.
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
I've ways dealt with things alone. Never was anything new only new things was the "false hope"
I've always had a lot of anger. Defense mechanism because I was afraid to be in danger. Therapy sessions with pen and paper. Always in a room writing and crying. Notes look like its just me and you. Mirrors laughing at me because the reflection was not so great. I lost my one true love and now I'm done woth the tears because everytime i picture her smiling i break. I've got hope, I've got these dreams. Let me tell you one thing. I am loyal, I am the right man. She deserves to be mine. But wouldn't be fair because thats not what she wants. Time to sit in the park and hope she sneaks up on me for a kiss. Walk this lonely road down the block because its her i miss. Knocking on the door while shes freaking out. Barefoot and rain pooring down. I'm here baby I'll always walk through hell for you. Road trip is our adventure and now you see me in the review mirror for your adventure. Man why don't the past let go of me. I'm moving and why does it have to summon me. Everywhere i go especially when i try to sleep then find myself ready to bleed because i cant eat nor wanna speak about ready to lay low beneath because i wanna ******* breathe but thats to easy. **** me for finally being happy to just lay down in agaony. Why me? Why does it have to be me alone? Just why?
Nellie 55 Feb 2021
Feels like fighting more than that temptation. Ruins every good relation. It's like throwing hands with the world! Not only that, fighting back the urge to hurl. Wanting to fight everything but wanting to feel nothing. Something to get rid of this panic. Doesn't help with this global pandemic. I'll refuse you to fall apart on me, I'll try to get you back on your feet. You've got a family. We can be each others crutch, I know it isn't much. But it beats falling back into old habits. When you were in jail feeling like you're off this planet. The bad issues piled up and pain really demanded it. Honestly, I wish I could do more than being mental help. Wish I can take the storm so you can have some better health. It was you that can look at me without a judgment. It was you who saw a reflection through my eyes. Both faced a little bit of the worse and dealt with too many goodbyes. I promise homie I'll have your back. I wouldn't want you to fall off track.
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Tonight I'm a watch corpse bride.
I miss the company when watching this movie
To **** lonely
But this movie is better the nightmare before Christmas but not many people enjoy it as much as i do.
**** ******* hurts losing you
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
I have potential to be the greastest.
I know I can make it. Don't need to fake it.
I'm a rule this achievement, need to stay positive even though my thoughts are negative.
What's the truth?
I'm learning to walk again.
Once I heal I'm a not be so wide open.
Has anyone ever felt so powered up?
Especially after losing love.
My feels sporadically broke out.
Never meant to isolate and fill myself with doubt.
I'm a phenomenal human being,
I'd write you a song but unfortunately i don't know how to sing.
I can fight and I can win.
But what's the point I can't even.
Does it really matter?
I'm lose myself but I'll pick it up.
Let's go out there and make a dream come true.
I've lost myself and found out miracles can pull me through
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
mom,
i cried because of Marshalls song
felt like i was never a good son
wished it was me that was gone and done
isn't life fun?
i remember the good and the bad
wished i was a man that wasn't a regret you once had
glanced from a distance and saw the old white car you use to drive
tear drops flooding my eyes
hey where dad?
******* depression
i'm beginning i'm the regret everyone had
she don't want me neither
i'd rather sit here in silence and take whatever everyone has to throw at me
just letting every thing hurt me
that's how it's supposed to be
dear family,
wished i was something ya'll wanted
now my feelings **** me guess who's haunted?
ma
wished i didn't hurt you
nor watched you die a few times
**** i'm glad no one was ******* there for me
i'd go take try because i was always lonely
even when i did want help
guess what? I ain't got no one else
plus who wants to waist time sitting with me in the waiting room
i'm a be here suffering in silence
guess what i'm trying to say
is that I'll eventually be okay
love ya ma
love ya pops
i'm a not ask for help'
i can take it with me back to hell
Nellie 55 May 2021
Waking up for my first job and still half woke. Survived first shift to barely make it to the second shift, all that work to still be broke. A handful of bills in my wallet. But these dead presidents keep my credit score haunted. I remember when things were fairly easy. Never mind no I don't, I've been working full time since high-school. Never was once was able to see my own IQ. The difference between dayshift and late shift is that I'm able to nap to prepare for the cycle again. Chasing dreams from head but it's going to cost overtime to make that happen. I've got to stay on my feet, work late for 3 extra hours to enjoy my lunch breaks just to eat. I've got no where special to be, I'm just trying to succeed. Hardly ever want any company. By my lonesome is comforting. A day to myself is more than a treat. But that's I day I hope to see. By then that'll be plenty!
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
I need to review
Did I wrote something new?
Or did I reuse
Either way I don't have anything to lose
Not impress
Still out with this stress
If I were to Date it, it'd be toxic
But at the same time it'd be fantastic
Been writing for some time
These words will be filling every line
I hope to illuminate someone's world but forget mine
I'm not meant to shine
But I'm a son, I will set up
Suns heat and rises up maybe its just nature's luck
I've got to father in my life
Rise and go down till it feels right
Now I'm a enjoy a moment
As if I own it
Nellie 55 May 2020
I wish I was okay, wish I had comfort today
Wish I had love on it's way
But I'm alone, drama blowing up my phone
***** it I'm drinking when i get home
I need a break, I'm have a mental ache
Sick of the job already, everyone is just way to pity.
I need some time, to make things right
Especially for my mental health
A perfect distraction because I'm in hell
I struggle with anxiety, always overthinking. My life feels like I'm sinking. So I started drinking.
I just wish it wasn't hell
Nellie 55 Dec 2021
I don't anyone can understand me when I choose to drink and drive.
I know its completely wrong but I really don't feel alright.
The drunker I get, the sober I feel.
Because of that pain never getting dual, it's just sharper and that's something I don't want in this deal.
No one to call my phone, dad I wish I was coming home.
Holidays just as empty as my stomach.
But I'm a fat **** so I guess not eating at the moment is just fine.
I lie to everyone about me staying up most of the nights crying.
I can't just stop thinking about my grandmother father. That grand sons and grand daughters. Hope that makes for you to understand. Now I'm sitting here writing letters to myself. Dad without you feels like I'm being punished in hell.
Nellie 55 May 2019
I'm sitting on top of a tree watching **** scrambling beneath me.
Feel the need to feel the wind rock me to sleep.
I should get a good comfortable bearable seat.
But until then I shall speak in silence and hope nature understands me.
Can't think of a title
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
I already miss your company
Still mean the world to me.
Now you wanna be a stranger
Insecurities put me in danger.
Don't know how to pull through.
I officially don't know the new you.
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
They say moving on maybe the best. But i got this fear in my chest. I'd rather be broken apart then to be strangers, because that would me bye forever. We walked this panet, now I'm running up to catch it. The keys are still tucked in your pocket. My bearts your just come home and lock it.
Where is my darling, I lost my one and only hero. Couldn't even share one last night together watching tv and dosing off in each others arms. I'm screaming like a puppy waiting around for you to come revive me. Drunk off the flames and hearing my thoughts taunt me. Where do I swim from here because I'm a drown alone, wish I can call whenever but she ain't gonna wanna answer the phone. I don't even get to here her voice on the voicemail. Just myuck huh.
Miss the snuggles miss the food and miss all the times we spent. I didn't care about anything because I was happy. You know. Knowing a lot of people don't matter because I'm still lonely. Not a **** cure will even help. But look at me, I hate myself.
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
I took **** to granted
Ran myself to a darker planet
Her love! **** i can't have it
Fell to deep and separated
Miss it all
Wish she'd call
Come home
With us we wouldn't atleast feel this alone
...........
Nellie 55 Jul 2020
Never wanted to panic
Took a hit from insecurities now I have it
Been working just to make it
Use to drink do to my flaws, now I drink to accomplish them. Cheers to failure, flaws got me here.
Now is the time to grab fear.
My little homie is committed with guilt
Experienced something real
But drown in fakeness
Wished that pressure was weightless
Relating to **** commitment
Hey man we're all facing that experiment
Just need to chill, doctor suggested a pill
No time for that antidepressant
On the search for real excitement
Shoot for the stars while flaws gaze upon me
Accomplish failure still haunts me
But who doesn't face failed attempts
Builds up commen sense
I've got my two cents
Just need to vent
What up Dylan how's it going
Heard you're frustrated
But you've got time to change
Got your back and don't be afraid
Not about to stab it with a blade
Patch you up and we'll upgrade
Waiting for you to calibrate
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
Hello
How are you?
I noticed the struggle you put yourself through
You care too much
But everyone's annoyed and life gets tough
If I don't have anyone atleast I have me
I know me better
Lesson after lesson
No kindness
Just in debt with favors
Nellie 55 Jun 2020
I don't know
Feels like I'm speaking to a ghost
What's killing me the most?
I guess insecurities got the best of me
What do you mean a check from reality?
Taxes beyond debt
But ***** it I'm spend my regret
Having fun yet?
Family before life
Spend some time and get some buzzing vibes tonight
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Not a lot of you know my story
But I've been the suspect and the victim
Ask a ex, I was abusing all sorts of ****
I even took it to far for a bit
Started blacking out on purpose
Got hooked real bad
Lost all the responsibility I've once had
I've been taken for granted
Hurt others to a whole new planet
I don't deserve ****
I wanna really feel the iverdose for a bit
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
Babe take me back, been missing us and i think we should get back on track. We can eventually help each other through it. Harder on ourselves but i swear we can prove it. By the time I woke up I noticed you weren't next to me. Truly yours and meant to be. Tell me how you still feel. Am I wrong about believing because my loves real. In tears think of me replaced. I wanna come home to your beautiful face. I am sorry, i am loyal, babe I can prove my worth. I can give you everything i have to offer. Please consider me back. In love with you no joke nor a act. Darling xoxoxo a kiss, it's you I miss. I've got a wish. Please be mine
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
I feel the pressure on my chest
The disappointment in everyone's eyes
Time to go in disguise
Evil is a surprise
Welcome home
Oh wait what's that?
Never had a roof that'd keep me on track
But now im safe temporary
Let's see how long this will last
I truly can't stay away from the past
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
I hate myself  
Im not worth ****
She ain't want me
Im in agony
She can't trust me
Dont no one want me
I'm not of worthy
No one will ever ******* love me
I guess i wasn't meant to be happy
Nellie 55 Jan 2021
A cold one to drink as I day dream. Poetry to read and stream. I've got a decent streak. But I've got plenty to think. Feel like I've got the world wrapped around my fingers so I give it a clap. Earthquake with words I can live with that.  

I love to feel anxious because it demands my respect. Can't live with a regret. But I learn quickly with a reality check. Always  did shut solo. But my predictions ways illuminates my personality so I glow. But I'm happier with anxiety because I lived it.

Ever take a step back to enjoy the autumn views? A smile has me too. But it's something I don't lose. Always wanting a London fog to sip. Warmth down my body but I don't lose it. Never had the fog, but it fits the picture and I frame it in the back of my mind.

I love loud music in my car. I jam and play air guitar. I don't drive very far. But I drive slow to enjoy the last part. Cross my heart! Music therapy helps me. Especially with that struggle I deal with mentally. Smooth ride to cruise. I've got nothing to lose.

My favorite heroes are between DC and Mavel. But I'm my own and it's a miracle. Spider man or the flash. I still "stick" the sense pretty fast. Krypton has me wishing, but this beer is all I'm kissing. Here the news? Parker took a picture of superman while iron plans his move. I enjoy a conflict that has me confused.
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Wait you're scared of me?
I'm not that suicidal man this is embarrassing
I mean I can commit to the pain
It's complicated but I swear I'm sane
I would put a blade to my skin
Grab a lighter to burn to burn it open
Man that's ******* up I know
Doctor visits? Hell no!
I've been arguing with help and I'm kind of an ***
I don't want help no more because I find myself detached
Give me a good reason like for real
This ***** something different
How am I doing?
Well to be honest I'm a ******* lie about me doing well
I'm honestly in mental hell
But who wants to ******* listen to me
Or deal woth me being petty
For reality I'm not really ready
Nellie 55 Jan 2021
There you go
Off by your lonesome
Thought you'd be different
Nope that was a mistake
What's a date?
Give me a story
Ghosted once again
**** ya'll
I'm a focuse more on me
Nellie 55 Nov 2019
I want to cry and be held
But that's no longer a go to
Especially with the cheating i put you through
It was never okay
But I've changed before it was to late
I'm ready to isolate
I've got no where else i wanna be
I've got no one i wanna see
I guess you've nailed out some plans
Happy for you
Now it's time for me to try to stay close
Because I'm resisting the urge to beg for you
I'm in love and I'm in agony but it's what i get for hurting you.
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
How many times do I have to feel this feeling
Wanted her to be happier now I'm suffering
Does it feel better?
When will I get a letter?
**** whats the number
I'm in need of help
Wanted to plan a few things
But then I thought of my brothers baby
**** I need to see him been a while lately
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Dear Nelson,
You crossed my mind reading some dark post.
You need help and I don't think you should be a ghost.
How's the life treating you?
Any paid time off I believe you need it.
You don't need to be suicidal because you're better that that.
Have you ever noticed your feelings affect others?
Maybe you need to be away for a little while.
Get away from a familiar place.
Come on Nel have some faith.
I really believe you're an amazing man
Not all good people make it and I believe in you.
You shouldn't isolate
Butbi know you cant help it.
Come on Nel reach out please

sincerely your sane thoughts
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
My sanity went through a massacre
I always put people first
I'm indeed independent and critical against myself
Get me off pills please
Daddy told me I'm alright
I'm a end up again lonely tonight
No more spooning snuggles to cure the insecurities
Wish there was a easier side of me
Did you know I'm a ****** mess?
I'm literally a regret slash threat
You wanna try me let's make a bet
But look I'm fine.
Give me something duel to be more forceful
Time to met these tears shine
I'm losing myself and the past I left behind
Half tempted to become a ****** ghost
***** been hurting especially when i need the help the most
Just can't get the picture to let go
I'm feeling numb and cold
Goodbye now
Nellie 55 Jun 2020
I don't suffer with jealousy.
Just having bad anxiety.
I predict, watch myself commit.
I'm a be the end if me.
Plans change all the time, for what though?
That's fine, I'll get over it.
I'm at my best with no one by my side anyway.
Nothing affects me, not having jealousy.
Being a concerned friend is now considered jealousy and butting into business?
Forget I said **** then.
Excuse me while I go close myself because I was beginning to be open.
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Have you ever done anything you instantly regret?
I use to have the world in my hands
Now I'm losing my **** everyday
I'm not even allowed anywhere safe
The dark part of me won't leave because I'm a few steps behind.
I use to rush home to kiss your beautiful smile
Now I'm lost in a dark shadow.
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
Every struggle gets to personal,  a endless cycle. Broken up, hung up. Hanging by a strand. I've got you take my hand. I see the struggle lost in your eyes. I can hear your screams from that smile. Wish it wouldn't consume you from inside. I can tell it's been awhile.
                          "Help me"
Darling I know it hurts, I know it kills you. Baby you'll be okay. I'm always make sure you're safe. We'll figure it out to overcome the wave. One day we'll do great. You're so sweet, so kind, and someone to adore. Bad luck will leave so you don't take anymore. I live you, I need you. I'm a fight everything to revive you my darling. I want to help you, but you'll have to fight too. <3
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Had a dream
Woke up
Half tempted to scream
**** love
Don't got a temper
Just bad luck
Been at my worse
Did all the work
Found out I'm a bit of a ****
"Oh he's so sweet"
ghosted
Okay well noted
I can call out **** before it happens
***** because I just want to be happy
I just moved in with my new soul mate the names insecurity
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