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Nellie 55 Dec 2023
The air dark with the weather cold.
In bed still stuck in my head.
Tossing and turning, holidays still burning. But I'm frozen.
Is this what it's like to be numb?
A rush of confusion as the hours burry me in my pillow.
Tears flooding, stomach growling, heart pounding, and I still have no motivation.
Go ahead and fire me.
Go ahead and hang out without me.
Go ahead and ignore me.
My eyes are a bit preoccupied anyways.
Cold waves, air suffocates me.
I'm paralyzed with depression.
I don't need no counseling.
Shhhhhhhh
I'm a try to sleep the world away.
Part one.
Nellie 55 Jan 2015
S.A.D
why do you do this to me?
i get rush of tears pleading to form and drip out. i hold so much back because there isn't a reason right now. then i look back at my flaws, give me some time so i put reality at a pause. i went to go cry it off. i have no reason but it still hurts. keep me moving i don't want this to work. why must this give me chills? i have yet to learn so bring up some music and take me out of social. i would rather jam and write with nature, express it and let the tears fall from my eyeball.
Look what i almost completed, the trying was worth it wasn't it. Please S.A.D don't do this to me. i was doing okay for a second then all the sudden i lost the happiness. got the bad rush of the Sadness. kills my dream, what was i daydreaming about again? don't matter now i want it to go so my wounds don't have to open. To myself I think what happens in reality? if i showed them loneliness is more of a cavity. when i was smiling i guess it was ugly. now that i realize i do nothing but judge my body. silence for me is something that people should fear. but for the time being I'm a share this tear. has anyone ever blasted a song and felt your throat get locked up and dry then your stomach drops because the lyrics flashed you back to the agony. or made you cry till there was your wrist dripping to a dream of wanting to be happy. sometimes i can be the happiest person and in a split second of nothing I'd break in tears. A lot of times i don't know why but then over a good session i think i can get through just need to stay strong because i am alone i don't feel any help.
   when i was thinking here comes good-bye i thought see you later you don't get to see me cry. Why s.a.d just why me on this specific occasion.
N.A.H
Nellie 55 Apr 2019
I'd walk through the storm for your safety
I'd kick some *** if anyone touched you and wouldn't step up to me
Like hell I'd jump the gun without the story
Because forever yours and forever I worry
You're my everything
**** still hurts regardless
Even if it meant you loved me less
I'm not about to go down without a swing
For you I'd still let my heart sing
I love you and you're always welcomed home
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
Know that I'm struggling
Struggle stays the same
Always a different pain
Doubt with shame
On the hunt for gain
I don't feel the same
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
Sitting alone, music to help me. I'm nodding slowly, music speaking to me. I daydream of love again. My first thoughts sing please don't go or hurt me. I'm sensitive. I don't think I'll find love like I recently had. I'm feeling bad. The pressure increases through my chest. What a tough reality check. Music stopped and half tempted to turn the ignition on. Whats wrong with me? False hope, I guess I just had to go. Got a letter, felt a little better. Grandma hug me, hold me. I miss being happy. Tears forming, air storming. I miss who I was with who I used to be with. All i can do is daydream and wish.
Nellie 55 Sep 2020
I woke having to drive to Brainerd to pick up my best friend Nic. His ride blew him off last night and he had to stay there for the night but I went to pick him up. Yesterday was a good day until my other best friends family resented me for living with them. My dad needed me and I was there. But the family needed me here. It's just a mental conflict. I came home last night and did whatever I needed to. I feel bad that I wasn't there when they needed me. Now I am just going to do whatever I can and just let whatever happens, happen. So on the way to Brainerd all my stress stopped for a minute. The trees were so beautiful and it took life away. I drove in silence but it was the good kind of silence. I couldn't even find myself sad because the view brought warmth to my heart. The smell of cut grass, the smell of fire wood. The leaves changing colors. The weather chill but perfect. I only found myself crying once and that was because I can't help it. As soon as kept going the view got prettier and it cheered me up. Once I got Nic, we headed back home, we tried getting McDonald's but they were all so busy. So we went to McGregors bar n grill to eat breakfast. 3 pancakes, 3 bacon, toast, coffee and cranberry juice. He had French toast, white bread toast, and sausage links with orange juice. I was so full but the food was so good. It was a good moment. I brought him home so he can sleep, I secretly paid his bill as well. Shhhhhh don't tell him :p
I got home and updated my new cellphone and just about passed out. It is hard to stay awake, I am so tired. A girl I know keeps begging me for money or at least build a private room for her. I cringe because I feel like she don't even want to be my friend but it is hard to give her a piece of my mind because I don't want another conflict. What is it with these girls I once knew becoming a private gallery type of girl. Most of them have only fans and premium snap chat. kind of makes me upset because every time I lay a compliment or attempt to reach out I'm either harassing or coming on to strong. I am just ready to save money and make sure I commit to the boys. They are my family, we look out for each other that is what we do. I refuse to let them down.
Nellie 55 Aug 2020
Beer, gaming, some fresh clothes
Brothers out and about let's go!
Cold drink
We're chilling sips and we don't sink
Not drowning
But We're clowning
Laughing out loud
Nicotine and alcohol in our mouth
We're loaded getting shots
Roasting each other slowly might as well grab a crackpot
Ope let's start again
They're smoking
I'm dipping cope
Nights fantastic not a soul can stop it
We'll chill here for a good minute
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
I forgot
Replay that snap for a screen shot
Perfect it's mine
About to admire it because you shine
Replay that vid because you're to cute
Oops had it on mute
Replay the sound
Want it to be loud
You make me proud
Streaks for days
I'm always here so behave
We brave
We got it
Snap me
With your snap streaks I'm happy
Screenshotted you baby
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
Y'all live in luxury
I've still got nobody
Pass me a plate
While I drive to get a drink
Ight here we go listen to me
You can't just ghost somebody
To return with the words sorry
All though that's nothing new to me
I bet nobody can revive me
I'm something nobody can stick around with
Trust issues has me collecting victims on the regret plate
Sick of y'all being fake
My heart did break
I'm here picking up shreds with pieces cutting my hands
This is a dark cold place y'all can't comprehend
Okay time to pretend
Let's say I'm happy
Talk about a happy ending
I'm crying with a smile on my face
Not to mention!
Everyone will commit for a moment
While I'm making a new plan to settle
Next thing I noticed
I catch myself drowning again
Veins ready to split open
Crying so ******* hard I'm choking
Like I said you have it easy
I'm here not eating
Hardly sleeping
I stopped my meds cold Turkey
Dealing with all the pain slowly
Realizing I'm really lonely
No perks, all agony naturally
Like I said I'm fine
I'm happy
I'm okay
What's happening
Bet you can't say you watched someone die before your eyes
Then repeat the cycle for endless nights
Wanting to figure out your life
Bet you can't say you survived all the abuse
And show up to school happy
As if nothing happened
I failed to mention what happened with me in the after math
Tell me I'm handsome
Then leave me
Tell me I'm ugly to ghost me
Raise the young up
For you to drown
I'm no where safe
I'm watching all of you having it easy because y'all are fake
Try watching mama hurt you to tell you that you're her favorite
Then having dad threaten you man thats fake
We're all happy
I'm here hyperventilating hoping to be "okay"
I'm in a dark room writing
Oh, **** I hear the family fighting
**** it I'm a take some of my moms pills
Taking grandmas alcohol
Really ready for shots to fall
******* mean my life is something you envy
I'm barely not drowning
I just had practice
You can't tell me you had it rough
When you have love and a good family
Try watching siblings leave you
Try watching your family struggling with addictions and to be homeless
I've never had anyone to be with me
What can I say you're all luxury compaired to me
I can say more but I won't
Because lets be honest don't nobody wanna hear me out
So tell me something that you struggled with
Bet you can't say you were a addict and abusive
***** everybody for not helping me
Nellie 55 Jan 2015
I have lots of room,
But only can stand so much.
Being angry don't solve it.
Please don't give in.
High school will someday end.
***** drama because after drama it becomes Reality.
N.A.H
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
It's cold outside so I'm chillin
All the sudden I'm a villan
Times killin
Thanks for false hope
Now I gotta find a new way to cope.
She said I was everything
Am I though?
I got no good looks
I'm always writing in these books
I'm loyal and ready for commitment
But these ******* like me for their only fans because its business
Love is not going out of stock
You're all just waiting for something hot
But I'm on the search for something real
Settle down is a way better way to deal
***** everyone who doesn't like me
I'm just trying to commit and be happy
set
Nellie 55 Jul 2020
set
I watch the sky set, as I'm gazing upon
I've notice how peaceful the sky sleeps
World full of surprises. Little cold, pretty happy. Birds singing, I'm daydreaming. Trees greeting me, stars gazing down on me. This is perfect.
Nellie 55 Feb 2024
Her smile gestured a secure blanket over my smile.
It's no wonder I felt warm when her lips pressed against mine.
She don't really have to acknowledge me when I do anything for her.
The way she looks at me has done that for me.
I've once fell at someone's feet for them to rake and bag me.
I get a strong feeling this one would let me roam free in the yard.
Falling for the idea for love is a bit crazy for me.
It's interesting and scary at the same time.
Each time is cliche as it sounds, but I sure love learning more about myself when she describes why she liked me.
If I fall in love all I ask is for you to outlive me so I don't have to go another day without you.
Nellie 55 Mar 2023
She told me she fell for me, raked up a good side of me. Love piled like leaves. Before I fall, what do you plan on doing? How am I of worthy? No one understands it because I'm normally lonely. I talk to myself more than anybody. She fell for me? My love tried to hide but she found it for me.
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
She's narotic, she tore her heart out to stop it. I'm a **** him up, about to collect a new victim for the dub.
Where is the real love at, I wanna a ****** it back. Keep a eye on her to keep her on track
I'm ready to keep them ******* out of her way. I'm her king, watching me go through a ringer.
She's narcotic, I'm a bend some bones crack some jaws.
***** the difference y'all crossed the line.
Always calm before a storm
What else is new and what's the norm
I'll take care of her, hug her. Clean up for her. Remind her she's beautiful and not vulnerable. Try to get spiritual. Ignore the subliminal comments baby, they don't mean nothing. You're to real and full of love that no ***** deserves you. Especially after what they put you through.
Nellie 55 Feb 2024
She'd not fallen the height I fell for her.
The way she smiles at me to make me feel so secure.
The allowance of my hand being held by hers.
She wouldn't love me even if I begged every pulse she has pumping through her heart.
She'd not feel the same nor even be filled with exuberance with a sound of my voice.
She wouldn't love me no matter how much I change, she wouldn't love me no matter how much I shield her from potential pain, she wouldn't love me even if I told myself I wouldn't love her the same.
I wouldn't love me either.
I deserve peace and what I'm searching for has to put me through hell and back again to seek out the peace I deserve.
So I'll say it once more.
No matter how much I desire her and admire her....
She wouldn't love me
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Relations
Intimidating
Head spinning
Headphones on
Music loud
Temporary
But I'm enjoy the dual moment
Not a soul can have it
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
With out me
Where would anyone else be?
Never been the one to accept defeat
Just took a minute away to breathe
I got many of acquiesce friends
But I got homies til the end
One journey till the next begins
For that I'll full send
Nellie 55 May 15
I want to know you.
I've got great experiences to show you.
I want to miss you, A reason to text you.
To hear about your day, how you felt.
Darling im dying to know you.
Hold you with your fingers wrapped around mine. A treat but please on repeat but forever. If that makes sense. I'm talking crazy baby, im running laps around your smile lately. Darling get to know me, let's grab a cup of coffee. Smoke on a chill night, talking about our lives. I'll hold you tight!
Nellie 55 Jan 2021
Shovel is a unique tool
Burried myself because I was a **** fool
One day I was to learn
But I'd rather light a fire and burn
Souls supposed to light up but it's getting dark
Illuminated moments captured a glimpse of her heart
But I'm not a noose meaning I'm not hung up
Just happier to be away to search for my own love
Even if it's just me finding myself
A fallen angel but found the devil
6 foot deep for the 666 traditional sleep grab a black shovel
Any prayers lead to a ritual
About to be a darker spiritual
On a low level
Going to decay while people stomping on my grave
I tell the darker temptations to behave
Shovel had me Burried and I dig it
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Dear siblings of mine,
I wish I was a better brother
Especially towards you viv
You've had it the worst
I always tried to take care of you forst
I've had nightmares about me hirting the hell out of you
**** man I hate myself for what i put you through
Man DJ I've hurt you too and for that I'm sorry
It'll be a bless to get forgiveness
I'm so caught up in agaony I ******* forgot how to be happy especially for others because I'm still selfish
Yaya I wish I could of been there
Especially when you'd call
**** man I'm the worst and all
I'm a bad brother
I wish I can accomplish **** to be better
I'm so disgusted with myself
Nellie 55 Feb 2022
Always needed that company
Never wanted anyone to speak
Just sit in the room silent with me
The comfort of a silent conversation dulled a loud discomfort
Just sit close with some comfort
Nellie 55 Jan 2024
His silence is not all the quieter.
The silent that brought chills that brought goosebumps. The discomfort of his expression, the temptations to request any conversation. His silence screamed so loud as if the actions brought out the sounds. His silence cut deeper than any blade, his silence brought agony to pain. Was the silence necessary or was it traumatic moment for him to realize his own silence? As if the sound waves drowned him into deep thoughts. As if he had any thoughts running in his head. His silence brought fear for his safety.
But why so silent? What was the reason behind this?
Nellie 55 Jul 2023
Darling your silence is so loud, blood shot eyes screaming "I'm fine"
I've noticed the shattered pieces & from the looks of it you're puzzled. Wish you the best, I hope you get some food in you & hope you get a days rest. I'll pick you up, I'll make sure you're alright my love. I can't save you but I can struggle with you. I won't leave you, I will atleast help you see things through. Take a breath, take a moment. You're overwhelmed & your sanity is pleading for peace. Wish you were safer & you didn't lose your lease. I'll be up in the stands rooting for you because I know you've got this. I just hate to see you in this dark place. I'd be there for you to help you dry the tears rolling down your face. You'll get there, you'll not be okay for a minute... but you won't live in that dark place.
Nellie 55 Sep 2024
I chose to admire from a distance
Chose to fall in love in silence
I'd much rather dream while your smile drives me restless when I can't sleep
Would rather love and adore you from a safe distant away from your gaze
Would rather get over you in days
Rather than spend my whole life dealing with the rejection you gave
Would much rather skip a rock against your waves because I'd be able to control the skips before I drowned down to a dark place
I'd rather day dream a cliche
In silence I'd treat you the best anyone had offered you
But again.....
I'm better off staying silent
All because I know my action screamed but I'm not of worthy
Would rather fall in love and let go all in the same day.
But baby trust me when I say,
In silence I've loved you life time after life time in silence full of life.
Nellie 55 Aug 2020
I don't write for attention
I write for the relation
Most can relate
Some learn a little late
Others enjoy the view
But I can only list a few
Other can't read
I'm writing to succeed
This is where I'd rather be
Not a silly dream when I'm the one writing
With this path I shall continue shining
you call it a silly dream?
I call it journalism passion
Nellie 55 May 2020
Sometimes the simplest mistake is the hardest reality check.
Learning from rock bottom achieves the greatest views then being in top of the world.
I've turned my tears to sweat in high Hope's of success.
Nellie 55 Apr 2019
You've been there for me since I've been a kid. Swearing, crying, screaming, and denying  and yet here we are look at what we did.
Laughing, loving, and hope. After all the hatred and peace you've been there helping over the skills to officially cope.
Poetry I love you because you've never let me down. I can honestly say I'm proud. I'm sorry recently it's all been dark. I promise you it's all real and painful but thank you for listening to me. This break up really put me down physically and mentally. We've been together for 2 1/2 years and after the break up we still did couple ****. Kisses and I Love Yous was still a part of it. Please have her come home to me, because our life has a future together sad to say not everyone can agree. She said I'm officially done but I can't find myself to leave. Poetry thank you for listening because writing my **** out has been there for me since I was a kid. I am now suffering and my writing is a true friend no I take that back writing is family and it is something I'll never give up because we've been together since I was a kid.
Nellie 55 Aug 2022
My love for you can go from intimacy all the way to expressing everything verbally. If your attention found my direction I'd hold you closer. I want us to love each other, I would love to watch us grow older. With you I feel sager.
I don't think you understand how you mean to me. I believe I owe you my heart. I believe you deserve my attendance.
But darling you need to realize things will be okay. You don't have to hide away from me, you don't have to ignore me. My love maybe a mountain, but together we can climb. We can take a hike. Guess what.......?
The adventure has its mystery but....
Wouldn't the view be beautiful?
I think it'd be.
I have a trillion love and miss yous piled up ready to head towards you.
You're my hat to block the sun or the rain.
You're my blanket to keep me warm.
When am I gonna be your Bel to fight off the pain?
I don't believe you know how much I adore you in every sense of the way.
Nellie 55 Dec 2023
With the voice of a siren.....
I can still see myself getting lost in those eyes. Abandoned ship! I'm floating the dark ocean. No where to swim too. Just the night skies with a siren singing to me. I'm unsure if it's a trap or the key to my safety. With a voice like that? How could it be a trap? A kiss so sinister and the feeling of being secure. Where do I go from here? Once upon a broken smile? I'm brain washed from this voice. My body aches and I'm tired. I'm sore, I just don't want to swim anymore. If you're going to swim with me.....
Then swim and don't drown me.
Please
Sky
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
Sky
The sky drifts me to think
Don't even want to blink
It'd be a waste of a second
I gaze upon will be my commitment
To gaze is to stare upon a star
Make a wish in silence
Where do I start now? How can I finish?
But I tell myself to stop talking
To myself I began to daydream
But I didn't drift asleep
For hours I just think
Pondering what if's
These nights are natures beautiful gifts
I'll cherish with every breath
Skys resetting so I left
It's time to start a new one
For these thoughts to enter
I cherish fresh snow for this December
The cold bites, but the warmth nibbles
I'm am go to sleep peacefully now
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
Sleep
Nightmares creep
Death flirting back
Lets live off of naps
Wait gotta back track
Won't let the mental issues attack
I got my own back
Bout to give it a little slap
**** sleep when you can live off a kitty nap
Nellie 55 Sep 2020
Attention lacks, blank selfies fills my snaps. Notifications about to go off. Creativity is rare, real talk is no longer there.
Stories filled with music videos, or hypocritical drama. Or the ones whom add you but leave you on read. All though the stories they have are like a hour long. Where has snapchat gone wrong? Then comes the people that come talking to you with they're issues. All of the sudden they miss you! I sit and attempt to entertain snapchat, then I get boring responses. Is there even a point in adding me I don't know. I should probably go back to ghost mode. Maybe that's why snapchat has a ghost mascot. We snap then pretend we forgot. Then I get the same selfie that's already on the story. So creative right?
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
Snap me, a selfie
Message me or facetime me
I'm easily entertained
Show me what you see
I'll be silly
A new source of communications
A story to view with a friends irratations
I'm a send you a snapchat with a positive
Help someone with a new motive
Just add me :)
Nellie 55 Sep 2024
Couldn't be any more sympathetic about these kicks. Walked plenty of roads with these. A greater distance with plenty of views I was able to see. Some good shoes taking care of my feet. Haven't felt anymore or less from the soreness that kept me on my toes. The new shoes will soon enough take me on another adventure. But I'll never forget the times I've spent slipping these on and off.
Nellie 55 Jul 2024
So sweet, so kind, and so demanding.
Cute, adorable, and frightening.
A snap to relight that spark.
It's your birthday, make a wish upon the candles, then let's go take a drive in your car. Perhaps talk or sit in silence.
Cheap *****
Expensive future
Priceless feelings
Gestures so sweet with the treat of a snickerdoodle
How my weakness fell under my desired sweets along with your desirable smile
Both must be delicious coming from you
I best reach out for the doc to avoid this cavity
Nellie 55 Nov 2022
Darling you're not okay, you avoid me all day. You're trying your best, but you avoid rest. Now your veins are filled with regret. Babe you just need help being sober. Life isn't over. If I can survive so can you. I'll help you through. We only got ourselves to lose. The real ones stay, their words not mine but it's part of dark and gray. I'll be there for you everyday. Help you avoid another wave. Like a hand saying goodbye I'll be the first to greet you. That's just what I'd do. You've got a lot to lose. Your life matters and it also matters to me. You're not losing me, thats not whats meant to be. Darling I'll stay with you through your fix, I'll fight til you're sober. Your life isn't over. I cross my heart and hope to die. But this reality and pain don't lie. We fight to survive! But babe you'll be alright. I'll be here for you life and the afterlife.  Darling it won't be alright, but you'll do just fine. Pain demands to be felt. But for you I'll be your stitches, I'll fight off the temptations to be dead in ditches. Just like the world turning in you, I'll rotate nothing more than love. Hey love, you're more than enough.
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
**** this I'm a try to stay sober
I know I'm a fail again
I'm A stay clean till anxiety is over
I'm broken
Everyone I've loved is gone
This is wrong
I'm ******* done
Nellie 55 Apr 9
Bring me to the day I chose alcohol, where did I begin to fall off. I've blackout the right spots. Hit that so hard for a battle I've already lost. **** I've forgot. Warm me up in this headed conversations, I've lost the right to learn my lessons. Once in control, out with another bottle. Dad show me how to be whole again, my sister's are drain from me calling in. Rarely good news I've been lost at sea. Drowning under our feet. Tears forming, wrist bleeding, and some anxiety retreating. Never have I ever been so out of luck, atleast I got drunk. Killing my success, it's in the back of my trunk. Driven myself mad, I want out so dearly bad. I need to better me back.
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
Please no favors
No card see you later
You're no heart breaker
Last I checked You're a faker
So bye hater
Onlyfans
Because begging never stood a chance
Not even worth snap premium
I'm blocked thats fine
I still don't waste no time
Find a better hobby
Tinder has more check ins and out in the lobby
I'm no hottie
But I'm real
My personality melts steel
I'm pretty chill
I goof off and let time spill
Family and homies is all I need
Beer to chug with liquor to seek
I'm the one about to succeed
If you're real you can speak
I tried tinder and got led on by a girl requesting my money so I wrote this to clear my head
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
Late night drink
Music
No time time to think
Anything acoustic
I'm trying to be at peace
Need a release
No time for this
This buzzed feeling was something I missed
Nellie 55 Jul 2022
I can't express how I'm feeling
But I'll play my role
Some luck behind these masks
some misfortunes with a act
I picked a role....
But the found knives flying behind me
Watch your backs, some smiles are sinister
Nellie 55 Feb 2015
Will anyone keep a conversation with me?
I just want to stay happy.
But I'm here singing to something filthy.
I can sing to myself.
Wonder what happens if I attempt to talk to some one else.
Hey I am here waiting for your reply.
What's going on and please don't lie.
I'm so cold and hungry.
***** this place I'm so lonely.
Some one please respond.
Maybe at least tell me what went wrong.
N.A.H
Nellie 55 Sep 2024
Always put in the work especially with faith
You mean to tell me I fell for something fake
I guess most can relate
We all fall for or hate some things we don't comprehend
Hurts the most when we fall over and over again
Can't tell from the beginning to the end
But the kisses felt more hollow
Silence got louder when I tried to think
All I wanted to do was drink
Maybe pop a pill
Shhhhhhh think softly because something fake felt so ******* real.
How am I ******* stupid?
Nellie 55 Jun 2020
Picked up nothing, in high Hope's to drop something. Always on the move.
Don't wake me up, I'm dreaming my next nightmare. Drink with me because I no longer care. Let's just forget about time.
Everyone I've known lost themselves with alcohol. Hoodies and chasers was a necessity for them all.
Like curtain I block the light to be alone and cold. Dim lights feel like gold.
I believe I'm ready for my next mistake,
In high Hope's the outcome gets great.
I dropped something, and picked up nothing.
Nellie 55 Apr 2021
It's a bit chilly
Walking with a hoodie
Hands in my pockets because it got windy
Loud tunes to shuffle my thoughts
Walking until I find peace with theses thought
Damp road, I'm a let these rains drops hit until I forget
Enjoying the peace yet
Nellie 55 May 2020
I need some space.
Take me to a beautiful place.
Sit alone in silence.
Let the sound if nothing mute me.

I'm a climb a tree
Start form the bottom
Reconizing the hard work before I get to the top
But because I'm one top doesn't mean I've made it
Have to reconize failure is a motivator
I'm watch the sunset in Hope's to see the stars later
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
I've been making some wishes.  Conversations and messaged some kisses. Under these lights I see her and I. Snuggles? May I call? Sometimes I try to hard to find comfort, but I've got eyes for one source. Tired of not being able to sleep, exhausting when I do pass out. What a crazy feeling. Okay naps here and there are a success now let's discuss my eating. Depression is starving and feeding. I've been making some wishes and it starts off with a place i miss. Feeling home sick. They say it's best to let go, they say it's time to let yourself grow. My efforts in choices haven't been the greatest. Especially losing her seems like my brain shuts off track. **** man why don't we get back. I'm a keep digging and hopefully burry the issues. Maybe if I dig enough I'll soon be able crawl myself out. I've got some wishes and all I feel is hope. Grab me a snare to hang this **** on a rope. I use to be the type to lie because I understood what it was like to be betrayed.  Didn't want to ruin moments of happiness but time was determined to learn me because reality don't care if I'm afraid.
I should've tried, avoid the lie, clean up my mental health and cry. I've got some wishes to hopefully prove myself I can make it. Heart's in pieces because I'm the one to break it.
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
Feel sorry for someone who don't compete.
I ripped the rappers for the bars to eat.
Brushed off the cavities, ready to brush them off my teeth.
Mouth wash mint, but they can't keep up and my trends already has been sent.
Like I said I feel sorry for the weak. Sorry that you can hardly speak. My brains been on fire this whole week.
When will I be well know. I'm talented and words like gold. Been writing, always mentally fighting. But I will always be the one climbing.
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
Not ready to explain, but I've got something to drain.
Thought I was able to pull through this. But can't do it especially when I'm supposed to drown her in gifts.
Some part of me wants to beg and plead. Having to difficult time not even pills will help me I'm a have to grieve.
Some dark **** ready to achieve, yet I'm here ready to believe.
Woke up thinking, was tempted to start drinking.
Someone help me! I need to be held.
Pull that trigger before I beg for a shot.
But you say it's not meant to be I'm just a bittersweet thought.
I can change, but the past is still in range.
Thought i was her main, now I'm on a pill and hoping to keep me sane. Tears falling and ***** a dramatic change.
Going through rough patch in life
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