I had the blade in front of my vein, I didn't go deep enough but it was enough of satisfying pain. As I grin with a new fresh blade, ironically it was rainbow but now filled with red  shade. skins split and I am grinning. feels so good the ******* part of me is winning.  I am running from something I turning into. this isn't me but the pain you caused me isn't compared to what I put my skin too. I am so empty, No one can help me. I may leave I may stay. I need her to talk to me but I understand so I leave it at its pace. She is in a bad place and I am at my worst. truth is I am gone and she busy so I let things work. we're split now and i had screamed out loud. I split my skin and now I am addicted to it just as I watch the blade win.

Always on the move, honestly still have no idea what to do. But time is due, I've always felt so used. But then I can't decide for myself, always in a battle and I forget to take care of my health.
I can't hear myself right now.
I'm battling the world when I should be at peace.
Okay, I'm fine. In fact I'm too well.
But I can't decide for myself, I'm not picky.
**** it just do it with me.
No wait... I just want to be by myself
(I don't want to be lonely)
I can't make up mind. I've got places to be and I'm running out of time. Also people to support, I've got to rebuild us a stronger fort. But I'm doing just fine.

On my story, in my moments of immaturity. I get called out for stupidity. Just a young man having fun. Beats music videos of overplayed songs. We're all here for a distraction. No need to complain to get a reaction. This is amusing to me, just let me be.

Every one struggles
Every one fights
Nobody has it easy
Nobody really gives up
Everyone has a breaking point
Lessons has its way to teach
No one has fame, but fame is a dream
Possibilities are endless
How far are you going to get there?
Thats the real question we should be asking ourselves

Funny how that was my main
That cute name
You're close to opening my vein
Oh **** I'm ******
Congrats you're no longer stuck
I was almost on top of the world
But you just killed me girl
"Studmuffin"
#studnothin
I'm not ever going to allow anyone to get close to my friends!

Summers filled with fires and cold beverages,
Sitting next to the heat laughing and singing songs. Hoodie and jeans to keep the mosquitoes bite less. Sky filled with beauty might lay here and rest. Summer songs got my attention tonight, love that everyone is pretty chill it just feels so right.
Stories shared, surrounded by people who care. This is unforgettable, tonight ain't so terrible.

We were supposed to start a life together.  We were supposed to be forever. I stay up late crying over you because you said life after life. I'm ready to call you my wife. Till the day I die, i wish i can come home to prove you right. Theres always a possibility.  You've got no idea how much you mean to me. I'm sitting in this house ready for more tears while anxiety rips me a new one. Sorry for the **** that's been done. I don't want to be a Ex, i want to be your next. Wish you were with me, I'm alone in a dark place with a picture next to me. Baby i need you. You are my true love, and you're amazing. So beautiful. Wish you feel the same way. Supposed to be me supposed to be forever.

Before the football game we fought, today after work i was still in tears i **** you not. She wants a break and some space. Still loves me but i may be replaced. Its funny how i wouldn't eat after she said so. the smile looked so real but i have already known. kisses were real but now it may not happen again. these wounds are not to be cured, no ones there and sooner or later i sob till i begin to slur. Tears happening non stop. all this struggle now shes gone in to a new spot. I'd smell her hair when she had laid on my chest, play with the hair and lose my breath. stunned by the beauty and remind her to shut off her lights. Put your glasses away babe you may break them and im a snap chat you kisses for good night. ( left cheek, right cheek, lips, nose nuzzles, forehead muah) these tears are not stopping and now my hearts pounding. babe please lets get back, now that your gone i eat not cuz im hungry but my heart tells me howd you feel. i keeps the lights on and my glasses on the bed because it reminds me what we had. this hurts its so real. i miss your love and miss the Joyce but i fail and drown alone in these tears. Please baby imissyou and iloveyou alottle, i promise to do  what i can and for sure i am as if right now no man. I am in TEARS and the nightmare and fear came true.

Want to run away, but i can't help to isolate.
Working my *** off to make debts rent. Impossible to make a dent. Along with bills thats increasing but my checks spent. **** near impossible, ***** unstoppable. How bout we all stick together and take shifts. Humanity is supposed to be a gift.

Anyone else have a moment where your brain puts on a performance?
Then insecurities rehurse all the hurt you've fell in. Comparing each memory as a story debating which ones the worse. Losing count now am I now a fallen star? I've once heard the stars are dead but they blow out so fast. I think I'm laying down talk myself back.
In my guts I pull them out, give my heart a yell and a shout. Let me in, I've caused a sin. Don't even know where to begin. But I refuse to allow these intrusive thought's win. Once upon my happiness I've recognized a win. I've got family and friends that joined me along this dark street. A light under that tunnel was all that I was able to see. But lately these dark thought's caused me to hurt. My insecurities performed an accurate rehearse. I swore upon my MA since birth. Don't have me fooled I know how to be heartless because I was once fooled. I've tried so hard to sleep but insomnia kept me cool. What I'm trying to tell myself is that I'm at war with myself and I with you.

Just what I need. A comfort I wish to receive. Please invite me, that's where I'd wish to be. Hands always cold, comfort warm me. Wrap your warmth around my fingers. What a wonderful place of thinking. Dreaming!
Yes I'm dreaming of my perfect world, a amazing girl.

Mockery, but you can't step up to reality. I stay busy, always working. I'm doing something totally worth it. I see you being lazy, collecting nothing. I put away the change, put some boots on to collect my 2 cents from the bank. I don't care about what others think.
How many of you can tell me that you've been busy?
Most of you are out partying while I be up working.
I've got maybe 3 people in my life that make the time, I'll be clocking out to be ready to meet my partners in crime. The struggle of distance doesnt bother me not one bit. I'll be driving the extra mile for a visit.
Thank you for the ones who take the time to be with me. Let's go out for a drink :p

I'm a gaze upon the moon light. Lay in silence till dawn. Let the natural peace fill my thoughts. In curiosity, I am thinking of romance. The bittersweet of nature's demands. Need a loving hand to bring the comfort. The relationship between the moon and the sun is more committed then the weather. This brings comfort I'm feeling better. Stars dying, clouds surrounding. It's cold, but I can slowly feel the heat.