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Nellie 55 Feb 2020
I turned my tears to sweat
All led to success
But guess what?
This guilt still fills me with regret
Nellie 55 May 2022
Who needs another?
Why do I still bother?
I'm doing fine on my own.
I do well, I do okay, I do want attention.
Nellie 55 Jul 2020
You're going to tell me that I'm a known bad guy for eternity. All because I've cheated in the past, here's a lesson.  Younger relations are known to have knives in your back. Heartache, heartbreak, risks to take. I can't count how many relationships I've ******* up. But that's the true definition of tough love. I've got future lessons to learn. Treat everyone like it's my last one not about to burn. Cheaters learn, commitment hurts. That's the way it'll always be. For the rest of eternity.
Relationships so complete, some toxics will disagree. Others try to compete. I'm on a search and there's plenty of fish out at sea.
couples with matching sealfies. Toxic relationships filled with some counseling. What are relationships without passwords?
Lack of trust and real worth.
Nellie 55 Feb 2015
If everyone didn't yell, imagine all the changes. If everyone was patient and relaxed, there wouldn't be any serious trouble. If everyone tried, there would be less chance of poor common sense.
N.A.H
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Woke up sweaty
Time to go but I'm not ready
Eyes still to heavy
I've got to go
A bit hungover so I'm a be slow
Not going to call in
Ready to live on my own again
So this is where it all ends
Time to start a new journey where should i begin?
I need to sober up for a bit
I don't want to lose anymore of my ****
Not like it really matters though
I'm always alone
Hey Nel!
Remember when?
All of the bottles you picked up and cans?
Wishing you had somebody
I do, you were talking to your reflection in the mirror
I told you to just open a new beer
Repeated the cycle again
Losing your thoughts again
All ready to be okay
But that was all just lie
You deserve the world but you knew how to ***** it up
Don't cry because you lost love
Remember when you were drowning in *****
Had a side arm with a trigger to your brain
You were about to lose it
What's pain?
Ask yourself that little homie
Enjoy being lonely
You're gonna learn
Good bye again you're gonna burn
Nellie 55 Jun 2019
Remember when we'd go out with each other?
I remember when we'd compliment each other.
You're beautiful and amazing.
My heart wants to be yours.
Tuck me under your covers please,
Lifes brutally cold i dont want to ge sick.
Here lets go purcha coat.
Grab the keys we're goimg on a adventure.
I Love You I Miss You
My family is your family because they know you make me happy.
Remember when we spent Christmas at my moms?
She loves and adores you.
I'll take care of you, you're my priority!♡
Remember when we went for walks?
Lets do all this and get through it together
FOREVER
I need you back,
Remember when I'd write you notes?
I would love to do it agin
For you my hearts open
Remember when we'd hold each other despite what life throws?
I can assure our saftey
I adore you cutie
Remember when i said you are mine and mine only?
I do, i mean that sweetheart♡
Nellie 55 May 28
I've been feeling so alone, I've been replaying her story to fill in the empty spaces. I'd bring her home, then take her out to a few places. I will replay her story to see her smile. I'm daydreaming of her again. I know I shouldn't, but I'll leave my doors open. She can call, she can show up, she can have my attention, hell she could possibly have it all. All I want is the be the cause of her smile.
Nellie 55 Jan 2022
I kissed a broken smile.
A beautiful smile, night got too wild.
The best New years kiss!
Please get home safely, I'll always cherish a night like this.
Your beauty was A perfect distraction,
I'm sincerely sorry about the broken heart that brought you destruction.
But it all wasn't for nothing, your kiss sparked something.
I guess that's why they call it in shock 😲
I heard my kiss never haunted you, in fact it enlightened you.
I've never been so flattered!
I've been randomly replaying that night as your lips hugged mine softly. I'm happy I you got home <safely!3
Once upon a two broken smiles brought each other the light to the two destructive worlds.
Kissed a stranger on new years, got her snap ^_^
Nellie 55 Sep 2020
Being resented, actions prevented. Conflicts after another. The who did what, the how and the when. Where do I begin? Doesn't matter. Life's about to shatter again. Why am I so broken? I smile to make it. Forget how much I had to fake it. The respect is so slim. I fight and fight to gain it back again. Forgiveness is dying slowly.
I want to end me, didn't want them to resent me. What's this reality?
Nellie 55 May 2020
Addiction is love
Love is image of an obsession
Caused by distress
Insecurities flooding
Comfort searching
Nothing working
Step by step
Hush now and just breathe
Slowly count your Hope's and accomplishments
Remember your rare compliments
We're all in this together
Things has to be better
Just give it your all and cherish the dual moments
Wake up, reset and remember you're the key to success
For worse or for the best
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
I've been know to visit hell, it's actually cold here oh well. I've done a lot of ******* up things. Nightmares of reality has a dark leassong i need to bring.
I'm not responding diss but I won't leave comfortably with this.
Sure nobody wants me, but I've always had writing as a company.
Sure my actions created a new name.
But I've learned and I'm meant to drown in self hate.
I'm Nel, ready for a way out of hell. I've been cold before don't bring it out in me. I'm just going to stretch and warm up.
Arguing with myself
Nellie 55 Jan 28
I've been living off anxiety and that **** made me restless.
No sleep again my body felt disrespected.
Pills offered to rest my sanity, but the thought of that sparked flames under my anxiety.
My nightmares destroyed the reality in my brain.
I can't tell if I'm going insane.
A sip of a drink, to silent the inner innocence that caused me to over think.
Nel you good?
NAH, but I will be.
I've got to be.
To be honest I just want to be happy.
But how does one restless soul go to sleep?
With out the R I P?
Let me think? Or let me drown uncontrollably.
Drunk poetry
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
If I can rewind
I'd change the worse time
Change the people I hurt
Avoid them cause they don't talk to me anymore
Might as well never meet them
I'm sick of the way I feel
Don't have much I'm only a human being
Always struggling
I've said and done things i didnt mean
Now these voices in my head want me to scream
All the people that don't trust me now
Don't know what it's like to suffocate silently with burdens on your shoulders
Holding **** back to avoid getting colder
Bet you can't handle the **** I've gone through
Bet you can't avoid being a addict
I got ****** in to a bad habit
It's comforting but a burden
Drowning in whiskey and bourbon
Has anyone taken all sorts of abuse
Drowning yourself because you feel so used
Then caught yourself becoming psychotic
Bet none of you can say you're changing
I'm not yet there
But I'm slowly getting there
I am done i don't ******* care
If I can rewind
Back in time
I'd try my hardest to avoid the people that no longer give a **** about me
Nellie 55 Aug 2020
Memories taking control of how I think, I'm having difficulties making a decision. There's comfort with these tears creeping down my face. Use to go to bed paranoid because I never had my own place. I guess you can call it homelessness, I always felt so homeless. Depression my number one rival. I'm fight for survival. Threw me enemies like doubt and anger. Regrets filled me with anxiety now I'm a one man army.
These insecurities won't leave me alone, I'm laying down screaming to my health! After I settle down I began counting my flaws, how could I have done this to myself?
Has anyone cried in the car with the music loud, get out and play it off? Act like everything's okay. Please tell me I'm not the only one! With this survival I'm barely holding on. Rivalry has me paranoid all the time! Give me peace because I'd like that to be mine.
Why do I have to battle the rival?
This feels so awful!
I've been the one to sit in a corner letting the silence numb my hearing. Disappointment is something Everyone's fearing.
Drop some pills or some alcohol and chill out. We're in a igloo chilling. Alcohol consumption and insecurities consuming!
How about we have a meeting and just talk about it, about to take a minute for the speech. We're all struggling and on a search for some peace.
Nellie 55 Aug 2015
Many people maybe so amped up and so full of energy. I am going to rock it out with some Three Days Grace. Wouldn't mind the Rocking Life. All sorts of bands and types of Rock. I felt the need to belong. Wheres Hollywood Undead? Turn that **** up. Some Bullet for my valentine or slipknot I don't care I want to jam I want to Rock. prove yourself by Varsity Week lets jam out time to Rock it out. A little bit of PTV maybe Asi it is I'm in the mood to Rock it out
N.A.H
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
Been a rough day but I made it through.
How was your day let's talk about you.
I'm just laying down watching youtube.
Listening to backround noise I'll keep it down because I don't want to be rude.
My day was just full of insecurities, talking to myself and backtracking all sorts of memories. I wasn't ready, but I have to be.
Attempting to swek out the best in me.
Let me start by pretending I'm alright.
Don't want to talk about it but I promise things will fine tonight.
So call me in a few. I've got some beer and I'm a relax too. Tell me about your day. Mines been rough but I'm okay. Days longer, nights slower. I'm thinking living closer.
Do you remember when life was easier?
Now having a day off is just a teaser. Chasing the good thoughts constantly. Daydreaming about somebody making me happy. What's the true definition of being happy?
I want opinions and theories. I promise I'll be just fine just need something or someone to call me. I pay for my bill every month and would like to use it. Rough day but once again I've still got the strength to pull my way through it.
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Call me the alcoholic
Pills to keep me less psychotic
Brain's lose I'm a need more screws in my head
What's going on with me? I must be going braind dead.
I'm a just go grab me another pill
Sip on something to chill
Why is the heartache so real?
Not ready to deal.
I'm a sit back
Another redbull no heart attack
**** time for a snack
Stomachs empty I should pack
Wait, I just wanna close my eyes for a moment
Grab something and tightly hold it
Tell me again I ain't worth ****
Tell me to just quit
Ready to isolate for a bit
Sadly that's just not how I visioned it
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
Told myself one day look back accomplishments approved I appreciate that
Tough talk from this rough walk
But I went the extra mile to improve
For that I got enough time to not lose
I got a good family
We're all decently happy
With the mistakes I've made
Slow improvements by the day
These thoughts are something you shouldn't enter
But I'm always improving and doing better
Step by step
I'll lighty jog without a single regret
Nellie 55 Sep 2020
run it up to me, we out here about to drink. let our minds shrink. let the slur start talking. snapchat blowing up on our stories to have views stalking.
we're letting go, chilling by the fire before it gets cold. weekly tunes, about ready to bust a move.
Nellie 55 Oct 2015
People have different opinions
(ok I get it)
I have yet to discover
I've yet to rebuild.
I was laying down and got a rush of sadness.
Don't know why.
It just happens!
I cried and was talking to my father.
Daddy I'll be ok
I Rush to my pitty as if it was important.
Well the point of it I guess is to let it pass and keep yourself busy.
Now a days sadness is ones legacy.
The regrets are just painful memory that repeats.
Why rush, why not heal it?
I admit some wounds never heal.
I've got these scars that don't show but their in the way.
Have tears that won't dry and impossible to wipe away.
I'm drowning with the rush of tears and won't be able to shred the shore.
**** not again this is a feeling I won't be able to ignore.
Crying, Hyperventilating, Screaming.
All Involving with a Rush.
N.A.H
Let your sunset
Nellie 55 Apr 2022
Why do I have to lose my eye sight?
I've got tears drowning my sunlight.
Maybe I should just ignore me, myself, and I.
P.T.S.D & S.A.D ******* with me and my personality.
Trauma on repeat every time someone criticized me.
You've argued and assumed I'm a narcissistic sociopath.
Used my weakness as your strength and made me believe I'm a hypochondriac.
Just let me lay in bed silently. I've got enough mental struggles hitting me violently.
The sky is just as cold and dark as the bottles laying next to me.
Depression winning scars on my body, I'm just so lonely.
Nellie 55 Dec 2023
The air dark with the weather cold.
In bed still stuck in my head.
Tossing and turning, holidays still burning. But I'm frozen.
Is this what it's like to be numb?
A rush of confusion as the hours burry me in my pillow.
Tears flooding, stomach growling, heart pounding, and I still have no motivation.
Go ahead and fire me.
Go ahead and hang out without me.
Go ahead and ignore me.
My eyes are a bit preoccupied anyways.
Cold waves, air suffocates me.
I'm paralyzed with depression.
I don't need no counseling.
Shhhhhhhh
I'm a try to sleep the world away.
Part one.
Nellie 55 Jan 2015
S.A.D
why do you do this to me?
i get rush of tears pleading to form and drip out. i hold so much back because there isn't a reason right now. then i look back at my flaws, give me some time so i put reality at a pause. i went to go cry it off. i have no reason but it still hurts. keep me moving i don't want this to work. why must this give me chills? i have yet to learn so bring up some music and take me out of social. i would rather jam and write with nature, express it and let the tears fall from my eyeball.
Look what i almost completed, the trying was worth it wasn't it. Please S.A.D don't do this to me. i was doing okay for a second then all the sudden i lost the happiness. got the bad rush of the Sadness. kills my dream, what was i daydreaming about again? don't matter now i want it to go so my wounds don't have to open. To myself I think what happens in reality? if i showed them loneliness is more of a cavity. when i was smiling i guess it was ugly. now that i realize i do nothing but judge my body. silence for me is something that people should fear. but for the time being I'm a share this tear. has anyone ever blasted a song and felt your throat get locked up and dry then your stomach drops because the lyrics flashed you back to the agony. or made you cry till there was your wrist dripping to a dream of wanting to be happy. sometimes i can be the happiest person and in a split second of nothing I'd break in tears. A lot of times i don't know why but then over a good session i think i can get through just need to stay strong because i am alone i don't feel any help.
   when i was thinking here comes good-bye i thought see you later you don't get to see me cry. Why s.a.d just why me on this specific occasion.
N.A.H
Nellie 55 Apr 2019
I'd walk through the storm for your safety
I'd kick some *** if anyone touched you and wouldn't step up to me
Like hell I'd jump the gun without the story
Because forever yours and forever I worry
You're my everything
**** still hurts regardless
Even if it meant you loved me less
I'm not about to go down without a swing
For you I'd still let my heart sing
I love you and you're always welcomed home
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
Know that I'm struggling
Struggle stays the same
Always a different pain
Doubt with shame
On the hunt for gain
I don't feel the same
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
Sitting alone, music to help me. I'm nodding slowly, music speaking to me. I daydream of love again. My first thoughts sing please don't go or hurt me. I'm sensitive. I don't think I'll find love like I recently had. I'm feeling bad. The pressure increases through my chest. What a tough reality check. Music stopped and half tempted to turn the ignition on. Whats wrong with me? False hope, I guess I just had to go. Got a letter, felt a little better. Grandma hug me, hold me. I miss being happy. Tears forming, air storming. I miss who I was with who I used to be with. All i can do is daydream and wish.
Nellie 55 Sep 2020
I woke having to drive to Brainerd to pick up my best friend Nic. His ride blew him off last night and he had to stay there for the night but I went to pick him up. Yesterday was a good day until my other best friends family resented me for living with them. My dad needed me and I was there. But the family needed me here. It's just a mental conflict. I came home last night and did whatever I needed to. I feel bad that I wasn't there when they needed me. Now I am just going to do whatever I can and just let whatever happens, happen. So on the way to Brainerd all my stress stopped for a minute. The trees were so beautiful and it took life away. I drove in silence but it was the good kind of silence. I couldn't even find myself sad because the view brought warmth to my heart. The smell of cut grass, the smell of fire wood. The leaves changing colors. The weather chill but perfect. I only found myself crying once and that was because I can't help it. As soon as kept going the view got prettier and it cheered me up. Once I got Nic, we headed back home, we tried getting McDonald's but they were all so busy. So we went to McGregors bar n grill to eat breakfast. 3 pancakes, 3 bacon, toast, coffee and cranberry juice. He had French toast, white bread toast, and sausage links with orange juice. I was so full but the food was so good. It was a good moment. I brought him home so he can sleep, I secretly paid his bill as well. Shhhhhh don't tell him :p
I got home and updated my new cellphone and just about passed out. It is hard to stay awake, I am so tired. A girl I know keeps begging me for money or at least build a private room for her. I cringe because I feel like she don't even want to be my friend but it is hard to give her a piece of my mind because I don't want another conflict. What is it with these girls I once knew becoming a private gallery type of girl. Most of them have only fans and premium snap chat. kind of makes me upset because every time I lay a compliment or attempt to reach out I'm either harassing or coming on to strong. I am just ready to save money and make sure I commit to the boys. They are my family, we look out for each other that is what we do. I refuse to let them down.
Nellie 55 Aug 2020
Beer, gaming, some fresh clothes
Brothers out and about let's go!
Cold drink
We're chilling sips and we don't sink
Not drowning
But We're clowning
Laughing out loud
Nicotine and alcohol in our mouth
We're loaded getting shots
Roasting each other slowly might as well grab a crackpot
Ope let's start again
They're smoking
I'm dipping cope
Nights fantastic not a soul can stop it
We'll chill here for a good minute
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
I forgot
Replay that snap for a screen shot
Perfect it's mine
About to admire it because you shine
Replay that vid because you're to cute
Oops had it on mute
Replay the sound
Want it to be loud
You make me proud
Streaks for days
I'm always here so behave
We brave
We got it
Snap me
With your snap streaks I'm happy
Screenshotted you baby
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
Y'all live in luxury
I've still got nobody
Pass me a plate
While I drive to get a drink
Ight here we go listen to me
You can't just ghost somebody
To return with the words sorry
All though that's nothing new to me
I bet nobody can revive me
I'm something nobody can stick around with
Trust issues has me collecting victims on the regret plate
Sick of y'all being fake
My heart did break
I'm here picking up shreds with pieces cutting my hands
This is a dark cold place y'all can't comprehend
Okay time to pretend
Let's say I'm happy
Talk about a happy ending
I'm crying with a smile on my face
Not to mention!
Everyone will commit for a moment
While I'm making a new plan to settle
Next thing I noticed
I catch myself drowning again
Veins ready to split open
Crying so ******* hard I'm choking
Like I said you have it easy
I'm here not eating
Hardly sleeping
I stopped my meds cold Turkey
Dealing with all the pain slowly
Realizing I'm really lonely
No perks, all agony naturally
Like I said I'm fine
I'm happy
I'm okay
What's happening
Bet you can't say you watched someone die before your eyes
Then repeat the cycle for endless nights
Wanting to figure out your life
Bet you can't say you survived all the abuse
And show up to school happy
As if nothing happened
I failed to mention what happened with me in the after math
Tell me I'm handsome
Then leave me
Tell me I'm ugly to ghost me
Raise the young up
For you to drown
I'm no where safe
I'm watching all of you having it easy because y'all are fake
Try watching mama hurt you to tell you that you're her favorite
Then having dad threaten you man thats fake
We're all happy
I'm here hyperventilating hoping to be "okay"
I'm in a dark room writing
Oh, **** I hear the family fighting
**** it I'm a take some of my moms pills
Taking grandmas alcohol
Really ready for shots to fall
******* mean my life is something you envy
I'm barely not drowning
I just had practice
You can't tell me you had it rough
When you have love and a good family
Try watching siblings leave you
Try watching your family struggling with addictions and to be homeless
I've never had anyone to be with me
What can I say you're all luxury compaired to me
I can say more but I won't
Because lets be honest don't nobody wanna hear me out
So tell me something that you struggled with
Bet you can't say you were a addict and abusive
***** everybody for not helping me
Nellie 55 Jan 2015
I have lots of room,
But only can stand so much.
Being angry don't solve it.
Please don't give in.
High school will someday end.
***** drama because after drama it becomes Reality.
N.A.H
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
It's cold outside so I'm chillin
All the sudden I'm a villan
Times killin
Thanks for false hope
Now I gotta find a new way to cope.
She said I was everything
Am I though?
I got no good looks
I'm always writing in these books
I'm loyal and ready for commitment
But these ******* like me for their only fans because its business
Love is not going out of stock
You're all just waiting for something hot
But I'm on the search for something real
Settle down is a way better way to deal
***** everyone who doesn't like me
I'm just trying to commit and be happy
set
Nellie 55 Jul 2020
set
I watch the sky set, as I'm gazing upon
I've notice how peaceful the sky sleeps
World full of surprises. Little cold, pretty happy. Birds singing, I'm daydreaming. Trees greeting me, stars gazing down on me. This is perfect.
Nellie 55 Mar 2023
She told me she fell for me, raked up a good side of me. Love piled like leaves. Before I fall, what do you plan on doing? How am I of worthy? No one understands it because I'm normally lonely. I talk to myself more than anybody. She fell for me? My love tried to hide but she found it for me.
Nellie 55 Feb 13
Her smile gestured a secure blanket over my smile.
It's no wonder I felt warm when her lips pressed against mine.
She don't really have to acknowledge me when I do anything for her.
The way she looks at me has done that for me.
I've once fell at someone's feet for them to rake and bag me.
I get a strong feeling this one would let me roam free in the yard.
Falling for the idea for love is a bit crazy for me.
It's interesting and scary at the same time.
Each time is cliche as it sounds, but I sure love learning more about myself when she describes why she liked me.
If I fall in love all I ask is for you to outlive me so I don't have to go another day without you.
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
She's narotic, she tore her heart out to stop it. I'm a **** him up, about to collect a new victim for the dub.
Where is the real love at, I wanna a ****** it back. Keep a eye on her to keep her on track
I'm ready to keep them ******* out of her way. I'm her king, watching me go through a ringer.
She's narcotic, I'm a bend some bones crack some jaws.
***** the difference y'all crossed the line.
Always calm before a storm
What else is new and what's the norm
I'll take care of her, hug her. Clean up for her. Remind her she's beautiful and not vulnerable. Try to get spiritual. Ignore the subliminal comments baby, they don't mean nothing. You're to real and full of love that no ***** deserves you. Especially after what they put you through.
Nellie 55 Feb 17
She'd not fallen the height I fell for her.
The way she smiles at me to make me feel so secure.
The allowance of my hand being held by hers.
She wouldn't love me even if I begged every pulse she has pumping through her heart.
She'd not feel the same nor even be filled with exuberance with a sound of my voice.
She wouldn't love me no matter how much I change, she wouldn't love me no matter how much I shield her from potential pain, she wouldn't love me even if I told myself I wouldn't love her the same.
I wouldn't love me either.
I deserve peace and what I'm searching for has to put me through hell and back again to seek out the peace I deserve.
So I'll say it once more.
No matter how much I desire her and admire her....
She wouldn't love me
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Relations
Intimidating
Head spinning
Headphones on
Music loud
Temporary
But I'm enjoy the dual moment
Not a soul can have it
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
With out me
Where would anyone else be?
Never been the one to accept defeat
Just took a minute away to breathe
I got many of acquiesce friends
But I got homies til the end
One journey till the next begins
For that I'll full send
Nellie 55 Jan 2021
Shovel is a unique tool
Burried myself because I was a **** fool
One day I was to learn
But I'd rather light a fire and burn
Souls supposed to light up but it's getting dark
Illuminated moments captured a glimpse of her heart
But I'm not a noose meaning I'm not hung up
Just happier to be away to search for my own love
Even if it's just me finding myself
A fallen angel but found the devil
6 foot deep for the 666 traditional sleep grab a black shovel
Any prayers lead to a ritual
About to be a darker spiritual
On a low level
Going to decay while people stomping on my grave
I tell the darker temptations to behave
Shovel had me Burried and I dig it
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Dear siblings of mine,
I wish I was a better brother
Especially towards you viv
You've had it the worst
I always tried to take care of you forst
I've had nightmares about me hirting the hell out of you
**** man I hate myself for what i put you through
Man DJ I've hurt you too and for that I'm sorry
It'll be a bless to get forgiveness
I'm so caught up in agaony I ******* forgot how to be happy especially for others because I'm still selfish
Yaya I wish I could of been there
Especially when you'd call
**** man I'm the worst and all
I'm a bad brother
I wish I can accomplish **** to be better
I'm so disgusted with myself
Nellie 55 Feb 2022
Always needed that company
Never wanted anyone to speak
Just sit in the room silent with me
The comfort of a silent conversation dulled a loud discomfort
Just sit close with some comfort
Nellie 55 Jan 17
His silence is not all the quieter.
The silent that brought chills that brought goosebumps. The discomfort of his expression, the temptations to request any conversation. His silence screamed so loud as if the actions brought out the sounds. His silence cut deeper than any blade, his silence brought agony to pain. Was the silence necessary or was it traumatic moment for him to realize his own silence? As if the sound waves drowned him into deep thoughts. As if he had any thoughts running in his head. His silence brought fear for his safety.
But why so silent? What was the reason behind this?
Nellie 55 Jul 2023
Darling your silence is so loud, blood shot eyes screaming "I'm fine"
I've noticed the shattered pieces & from the looks of it you're puzzled. Wish you the best, I hope you get some food in you & hope you get a days rest. I'll pick you up, I'll make sure you're alright my love. I can't save you but I can struggle with you. I won't leave you, I will atleast help you see things through. Take a breath, take a moment. You're overwhelmed & your sanity is pleading for peace. Wish you were safer & you didn't lose your lease. I'll be up in the stands rooting for you because I know you've got this. I just hate to see you in this dark place. I'd be there for you to help you dry the tears rolling down your face. You'll get there, you'll not be okay for a minute... but you won't live in that dark place.
Nellie 55 Sep 19
I chose to admire from a distance
Chose to fall in love in silence
I'd much rather dream while your smile drives me restless when I can't sleep
Would rather love and adore you from a safe distant away from your gaze
Would rather get over you in days
Rather than spend my whole life dealing with the rejection you gave
Would much rather skip a rock against your waves because I'd be able to control the skips before I drowned down to a dark place
I'd rather day dream a cliche
In silence I'd treat you the best anyone had offered you
But again.....
I'm better off staying silent
All because I know my action screamed but I'm not of worthy
Would rather fall in love and let go all in the same day.
But baby trust me when I say,
In silence I've loved you life time after life time in silence full of life.
Nellie 55 Aug 2020
I don't write for attention
I write for the relation
Most can relate
Some learn a little late
Others enjoy the view
But I can only list a few
Other can't read
I'm writing to succeed
This is where I'd rather be
Not a silly dream when I'm the one writing
With this path I shall continue shining
you call it a silly dream?
I call it journalism passion
Nellie 55 May 2020
Sometimes the simplest mistake is the hardest reality check.
Learning from rock bottom achieves the greatest views then being in top of the world.
I've turned my tears to sweat in high Hope's of success.
Nellie 55 Apr 2019
You've been there for me since I've been a kid. Swearing, crying, screaming, and denying  and yet here we are look at what we did.
Laughing, loving, and hope. After all the hatred and peace you've been there helping over the skills to officially cope.
Poetry I love you because you've never let me down. I can honestly say I'm proud. I'm sorry recently it's all been dark. I promise you it's all real and painful but thank you for listening to me. This break up really put me down physically and mentally. We've been together for 2 1/2 years and after the break up we still did couple ****. Kisses and I Love Yous was still a part of it. Please have her come home to me, because our life has a future together sad to say not everyone can agree. She said I'm officially done but I can't find myself to leave. Poetry thank you for listening because writing my **** out has been there for me since I was a kid. I am now suffering and my writing is a true friend no I take that back writing is family and it is something I'll never give up because we've been together since I was a kid.
Nellie 55 Aug 2022
My love for you can go from intimacy all the way to expressing everything verbally. If your attention found my direction I'd hold you closer. I want us to love each other, I would love to watch us grow older. With you I feel sager.
I don't think you understand how you mean to me. I believe I owe you my heart. I believe you deserve my attendance.
But darling you need to realize things will be okay. You don't have to hide away from me, you don't have to ignore me. My love maybe a mountain, but together we can climb. We can take a hike. Guess what.......?
The adventure has its mystery but....
Wouldn't the view be beautiful?
I think it'd be.
I have a trillion love and miss yous piled up ready to head towards you.
You're my hat to block the sun or the rain.
You're my blanket to keep me warm.
When am I gonna be your Bel to fight off the pain?
I don't believe you know how much I adore you in every sense of the way.
Nellie 55 Dec 2023
With the voice of a siren.....
I can still see myself getting lost in those eyes. Abandoned ship! I'm floating the dark ocean. No where to swim too. Just the night skies with a siren singing to me. I'm unsure if it's a trap or the key to my safety. With a voice like that? How could it be a trap? A kiss so sinister and the feeling of being secure. Where do I go from here? Once upon a broken smile? I'm brain washed from this voice. My body aches and I'm tired. I'm sore, I just don't want to swim anymore. If you're going to swim with me.....
Then swim and don't drown me.
Please
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