I can't go anymore further with the pain
Got use to names like hunny baby hubby and now painfully you say my name
I'm depressed all the time because I dont make you happy
He's making you happier
I'm getting torn alive
The anxiety of everything especially when I wish it's you laying down by my side.
Hard for me to go, but you don't want me anymore
For my sake I'll try
I miss kissing you and looking into your eyes
But now the cliny darling I know
Will be now doing it to someone else
I just wish I was worth your time

I'm afraid
I'm insecure
Especially when you're not busy
Or when you're not here
I manage to drown my ego full of bad insecurities
All because I'm to clingy

I've been thinking you my darling
How is everything going?
You okay? You sleeping just fine?
How's your iron level?
Remember your med?
I was working outside and watch the sun go down. Felt like I was gazing into your eyes.
The set was perfect, and thus is the weekend I don't have to work it.
You're smile is on replay, your beauty has me strapped down.
Darling how are you? I'm thinking of you

I need someone really close
I'm feeling alone
Can somebody please hold me
I can't shake this feeling
Let my anxiety feed
Hopefully I'll be pain free
I need something to hold me off
I'm about to break wheres the lock
I miss being happy
I remember it like it was yesterday
Back when I felt safe

I was on top of the world with joy and love
Began a journey
Use to believe it was all worthy
Always got sticking working
She kissed my forehead and sat me down
Took my boots off and made sure I felt safe and sound
Always dressing up to go for a walk to the gas station
Walked to Walmart because of our no vehicle situation
Did everything together
But that didn't last forever
As I ******* up
She still found love
But I've made it worse
Got close to being buried in the dirt
Lied and cried a lot
Wanted to end me everytime we fought
Made up
Forgot to stay closer my love
I'm now alone drinking too much
You've found a new love
What happened to me
I'm still sorry
Filled with Longines
Lost my happiness
We both were in the wrong
I go back to the past replaying a song
Sometimes a whole Playlist
It was you I miss
Time to let go
Sorry, I loss and can't find light to my world
Now empty and silence fills my tears
I drown in the shower to let it out
Turn up my radio to scream and shout
I'm happy you're finally happier

I've always know this had been over
But your attention had you laying on my chest and shoulder
What's the hell am I to do when I try to climb and get over?
I've always thought you wanted what I wanted
The what ifs and how's that?
Feels a lot more worse than a closer loved one stabbing my back
You showed me hardly any emotion
Called me out for not showing enough
You'd already givin up
As I'm repairing **** that'll continue to break up
Now my inner sides scream in agony with tears shoving me back into the night when we'd dance with the waves
Had no idea they were your waves to me

I can't take this anymore. Wish I've got the right help. I'm stuck with the thought of you being in love with someone else. I'm losing it all. To soon but I guess that's what happens when I wasn't allowed to help make a call.
Someone help me I'm hurt and I can't get these tears to dry.
I'm living in my dreams and I'm afraid to wake up.
She's out there with him, I'm alone in bed listening to songs.
When did my messed up life begin to feel more wrong.
I guess nobody really ****** love me.
They've always been pretty ****** quick to have me replaced.
I'm just temporary.
Wheres the drinks I plan on drinking my appetite and I plan on smoking to get some rest.
Guess who lost his best.

I can't talk
But my tears can
Maybe hold me or atleast my hand?
I can't control the feeling
Bet you don't understand what I'm feeling
Depression is all I'm receiving
These tears communicate words that my voice can't

Go ahead and play me
This game is a ****** ending
I'm out here pretending
I not doing well
Haven't been in a while
Me begging and pleading for help ain't my style
I've got music
I've got smokes and beer for this crying session
Here comes a confession
I'm not okay
I struggle everyday
This is a ****** game i play
I always put others forst
I try to make **** work
My family is in a middle of a hate love relationship
Wanna hold on but I'm losing grip
Eyes dripping
Body shaking
Thoughts shrinking
Alcohol successful
Drowning and now impulse is unstoppable
Welcome back Nel,
You need to stop leaving
It's not like resecpt is something you're receiving
You know what to do go into the bathroom to start bleeding

Don't Resuscitate
Life and reality has to separate
I'm a mess is this my fate
Guilt isn't great
I've got a vision
Filled with suspicion
Why is everything closing let me in!

I was always the kid no one would have patience with
Always the one done with a wish
Simply apparently not read for "this"
Okay, bet I handle things better
Might as well put your thoughts through a shredder

Frustration
Filled with inspiration
But not necessarily inspired
They say I'm not filled with inspiration but I swear I am
Can't explain it because no one can understand
In between
Why is this feeling so confusing

What would of happened?
How much would og changed?
What's going on next?
I'm just classified nothing more but a ex.

Stress relief?
What's that?
Where do I purchase that?
How much?
How long?
Taxes?

How long?
What's been going on?
What am I?
Does it feel any better?
Any regrets yet?
Better yet how do you really feel?
Is this love any real?

I'm hurt
Don't know my worth
Got to get up and head to work
Past due bills
In the negatives
I just want to get by
About done with life
When will I be alright?

Stood up
Fell down
Sat up
Lied down
Got the spins
Stood up again
Why is this happening?

I turned the lights off, fell in to the dark. Realized the light and now I'm stressing it. If only people knew, then what would has she done or do. I open my eyes yet they have drowned. I wink at fear, then knock it to the ground. I'm beginning to smile, took a lot but now if only it were often. Loveyou and that won't ever change.

It's such a cold place, shaking and alone picturing her beautiful face. I won't stop the tears. We almost made it a year. I can't handle this pressure. I decide to walk and lay in the flame. still Ice I can't take it. Whats happening to me. I am buried and can't even see. I begin to fall and won't be caught. Now I lie so I won't get caught. I'm ignored as if I was a bird flopping in pain. Above or maybe below still it's not the same. All I can wish for is a second chance. Please I'm suffering and I hate taking a glance. then you walk by me like i don't exist, you're the only one I miss. I think about you all the time. Like how the people i don't like begin to talk to you and you smile. Then I begin to think has this been going on for a while. Oh well I guess **** don't matter. I already did shatter. Like a mirror all the broken ones still don't forget. They all can see it reflect. Maybe I should drown myself like the tears did. I won't but I still think of it that way so I just learn to forget because it's something I forbid. I'm cold now, let's try to not make it that way forever. Imissyoubabe, Iloveyoubabe, so much and I plan it to be more then alottle.

In my "dreams"
I'm reliant on pills
Alcohol took over and gave a buzz full of chills
How does one avoid the a dark reality
Got so lost I didn't know my own gravity
I got so neurotic
Felt a bit psychotic
Give me that chill pill
A tipsy buzz ready to fill
Maybe I will
Don't make me regret "False Hope"
I'm already tied down and I'm dipping cope
I'm tired of you messing around just come back
Here's my key to my heart seriously take and lock it
Then put it back in your pocket
Please don't wave it and mock it
Been in love with you and I don't want to unlock it

I've got a few things on my mind
Been a repeating cycle this whole time
I've got a lost interest with hope
Somedays I can't deal so I pack a lip with cope
I'm smoking marbs again
Hundreds full flavor
Anxious again but this time I'm filled with anger
One night I'm fine
Tonight I want some wine
Wish somethings would of stayed mine
I'm clueless and can't help to judge myself
I'm forgetting to take care of my health
Where you at Nel?
Hey yo, leave me alone
You are failing Nel!
Nah homie I'm out fighting the past.
Guarantee you'll lose but I can last
Don't talk **** Nel!
Bro you don't know me
You only know my history
Thats cool history lessons only get you so far
But Nel I understand who you are
You've ****** **** up
Where's your love?
Man *******
I'm a mess but some how I'll magically pull through
Hey Nel I dare you to isolate
Take another pill and let your mental health deteriorate

Blood dripping
Blacking out again
Need my fix
Why am I doing this
Haven't got the answer
Ask me how I am doing
I couldn't tell you
Are you okay?
Ask me again if I'm okay
I'm going to ******* lose my ****
But I want to quit
As I'm watching blood spread
I grabbed a lighter and wanted to reheat the blood
I wanted to feel the pain
I want to disappear but I've got priorities

I enjoy to celebrate my success. Always doing my best. Taking that weight off my chest. I am far to amped too rest.
A shortness of breath. But thus isn't anything I'll regret. Happy I woke up early with the shortness of hours I slept. Now I will happily take a step.

I've been warned to not fall so easily.
But I'm clumsy.
I fall for actions followed up with some attention.
Can't say I'm receiving any of that in return.
Love is so cliche also very difficult to learn.
Most love now a days are toxic.
A argument is
"Commitment"
A compliment is
"A insecurity"
But what do we call fear?
Marriage?
Maybe so, but I'm sure you're following a long with what I meant.
I guess I'll have to give it a chance one day.

Hoping your choices haunted you
Along with cupid that taunted you
How are you going to fight for my attention?
Then just leave?
Once upon a broken heart lead by cupid
Struck by a arrow that made my guts seem so stupid
The youngest God of all time gave hope to those in need
All with a dash of a happy heart beat
Now a arrow struck for dark punishment
A failed heartless commitment
Haunted romance
Cupid with a beautiful voice made queen rejoice a dance
Little did anyone know we watch our love deteriorate as we feel so empty
The numb of nothing brought a cruel love affairs of destruction
Tell me who fell off but still kissed some lips softly?
Reply to agonizing comments with compliments in hopes of repair
Now a bottle in despair  
Now I felt pain and I felt so ugly
But can't help to still reach out to repair the arrows wounds like I'm a medic
What a pandemic
Here's the keys to my trust I guess anyone can have it
Cupid conquered what I wish to have but I can't demand it
I beg and plead
With cold hearts making me freeze
I really hope you get what I feel I deserve
As you're walking around happy and I'm the only one hurt
I better put this broken heart for auction
A poetic broken heart
On a shelve collecting dust like a piece of art
Who can really understand how that feels?

The night we met
A simple kiss
A simple night
Kisses grown wild
One thing led to the next
Laying in bed for some rest
Plans to know each other
Plans and intentions to admire one another

Some days I just don't know how to feel
I'm laying in bed contiplating what lies under the truth and hope things aren't so real
How do I begin to wake up under this chill
I know I need to see someone but they'll just give me a pill
The toughest old habit I had to ****
Some things aren't just meant to be this real

I've learned to rest when I need sleep, it's always different when you're next to me. Here baby, I've got comfortable clothes, I'll hold your hands when your cold. Want my hoodie and my coat? Let's watch our babies get old. Be there on their high and lows. Roll me up, smoke me up, wish to hold you my love. My partner and my best friend, I never want our time to end.
The way you look at me, the way you kiss me
The way I hold you, the way you let me too
I want to grow with you
My plus one against the world I hope it stays just us two

Lost another from home, lately I feel like I'm a be more alone. Due time the fear of getting closer, I don't want to be sober. Wish they didn't leave the family tree where the branch broke, now the branch is in the dirt. Hearing the news really ******* hurt.
Everyone here? I'm lost and I'm a have me a beer. Can't really hear, my mind isn't clear.
The drink isn't strong enough, you're just so ******* young! I'm a give this bottle of whiskey a good chug! You've always had my love! You were like my brother! You and the others! A happy broken family, I can't believe this **** we was always so happy! Wasn't much but it was real! Now I'm sipping whiskey ugly crying to deal.
It was you that took me in when no one gave a ****, it was you to cheer me up when I was down. I've always owed my world to you and all you wanted was my loyalty.

I've always been the first and the last to offer my attention.
Never been much for begging for any in return.
Well,
At least not sober me.
If I were to walk on coals I'm so sure I wouldn't burn.
I'd be cold.
But is it really different than any of my inner thoughts?
Placing bets on my questions that glow.
I'm certain I'd win them all because it's unfortunate but true.
I'm lost and kind of alone.
The difference between you and I is that.....
I'd always give.
Some how you'd be the first to receive and forget.

Sick of the subliminal hints
Sick of being the ugly man
No girl will understand
"You're friends cute"
Oh, not again
Need a beer open
I shouldn't have to interrogate
All that **** to take someone on a date
But **** it whats the harm
I can give you a list and you'll understand why my heart ain't warm
I'm in edge, ******* hardly sleeping
Who will take me apart next?
Never was happy because I'm down six feet deep
******* be killing my love
And my ******* was the only one that showed up at my own wake

Can't tell me I don't know what I am doing.
Don't tell me I'm ignorant because I've committed myself.
I've done jobs no one else will do.
Exhausted and blood thirsty
Don't come near me
You think I'm afraid of being jobless?
Not afraid to go out hunting
I'll always come home to something
Don't test me
It can get pretty ugly
What was the point of working overtime to go back to none
I'm just about done

This ache
This pain
I'm different
You're different
We ran the world
Hid from the world
Now the bridges have burned
I'm struggling to keep up
This feels like a lose lose toss up
It's too ******* tough
I don't need a something to lean on
I just want to continue the journey we've been on
I'm ******* drowning bruv

The doubt fills my covers with warmth. I wrapped around to curl up. The thought of love gave me a chill, but I flipped my pillow over to hold it tightly. I began to doze off to sleep, I still feel a bit lonely. But I remembered to breathe because taking it at my own pace is free. I still work on my own anxiety. I took the time to turn on the radio, what am I going to daydream about now?
Do I sleep earlier to let the day fly or do sleep to forget? My love is out there somewhere...... she'll build my home with a warm place in here heart. That amout of heat will be my true desire place. But I've got to catch a few colds to get better.

A mixture of laughs and music hit this town with a perfect volume. I feel the happiness that's meant to be loud.
Lots of smiles in this crowd.
Kids horse playing and families so proud.
I don't want this moment to end, I'm enjoying me a few beers watching rejoice come in.
I love a small town get together
Plenty of food and plenty of family friends to be with.

Time to clean up my looks,
Change how I react.
Fix up my body,
Maybe then she'll take me back.
I got butterflies that cause me to get nervous
She'd kiss the stutter away
She still shines and makes my day
If it wasn't for my mistakes I dont know how I'd be in the future.
I'll sleep in a regret because now she dont feel safe
I'm in love with her and I've got no other
I'll stay and hope and pray to help put her mother.
My family is yours
Just please open your doors
Now let me come home

I should probably turn off my phone.
Drinking habits began from a broken *** home.
Brain washed from toxic relationships and toxic habits.
Here's a shattered heart anyone can have it.
How are you not cold? How are you holding on?
I once learned how to swim from thin ice, I've became my own anchor.
I've been doing most on my own.
Shhhhhh
This is the part where you don't get to see me open up.