I will do this solo
No need for me to go
Leave me alone
Stop spamming my phone
One
I need a break and I need it fast
Two
I've always showed up last
Three
Preparing to watch my back
Four
Leave me alone this isn't a selfish act

Sick of the subliminal hints
Sick of being the ugly man
No girl will understand
"You're friends cute"
Oh, not again
Need a beer open
I shouldn't have to interrogate
All that **** to take someone on a date
But **** it whats the harm
I can give you a list and you'll understand why my heart ain't warm
I'm in edge, ******* hardly sleeping
Who will take me apart next?
Never was happy because I'm down six feet deep
******* be killing my love
And my ******* was the only one that showed up at my own wake

I'm no toy so you best quit playing
Games over!
Understand what I'm saying?
Need A clover?
Even then your luck will run out
Might as well start praying because you're about to gain more doubt
I'll walk away because this was easy I'm out
Homie said you're talking but I haven't heard you speak
Nothing to back up because you haven't study your history
Only A cheat but even then you don't have game
About to put you to shame
By the time I'm done I'll disgust you because you're thoughts don't meant ****
Addict to dissing you but I need to quit
Here's A dictionary and A history book go study
Either way when you step up things will get ugly

Couldn't be any more sympathetic about these kicks. Walked plenty of roads with these. A greater distance with plenty of views I was able to see. Some good shoes taking care of my feet. Haven't felt anymore or less from the soreness that kept me on my toes. The new shoes will soon enough take me on another adventure. But I'll never forget the times I've spent slipping these on and off.

I really miss the company.  Feeling extremely lonely.  Pillows drowning, face frowning. I'm a stranger down beneath, I miss being able to breathe. All the insecurities and the dramatic change. Now it's all the sudden strange. I cherish the scent of our home. Now I feel like I'm alone. Time to bust out the journals and pretend. Rereading the memories but trying to also defend.
My mental mind is daydreaming about the simplest time. She use to be mine. She shined so bright, use to hold her tight. But she was ready to let me go. May these tears glow.
I've picked up so wishies and I'd wish for a simple kiss. Forever and always is now a miss.
Someone save me, I'm living a painful memory. Why must she get that comfort from someone else. My emotions are wrecking my health.

Blood dripping
Blacking out again
Need my fix
Why am I doing this
Haven't got the answer
Ask me how I am doing
I couldn't tell you
Are you okay?
Ask me again if I'm okay
I'm going to ******* lose my ****
But I want to quit
As I'm watching blood spread
I grabbed a lighter and wanted to reheat the blood
I wanted to feel the pain
I want to disappear but I've got priorities

Lost my own respect. The dark me conquered my regret. Sooner or later this will hurt, but for now **** what's broken. I didn't risk it all to rip my hearts stitches open. I'll do my rant, cry on the ground to water a plant. I'm growing black roses to put my feelings in a grave. Too bad I'll be late to my own wake. What a heart ache. My temper has control now respect me I ******* demand it. This is my life you can't have it. I'll repeat myself again just for you to not hear me. Starting to believe you can't comprehend my agony. The temptations to throw hands through these dry walls. Under my pillow I scream I hope you fall. You claim the love when my feelings fall the opposite direction. All I feel is barb wires squeezing my temptations. But the more rage fills the satisfaction of my broken heart. Thank you for ruling my life as I fall apart. I don't know me, I knew me. I fought for you, just for you to lie and abuse.

I am so glad it was never a commitment. You're the one declining my achievements. If it wasn't for your disagreements I'd a never snapped, but it was you spamming my chat. Sorry ***** I'm a disagree with all of that. Good thing my heart never signed no contract. You best not keep in contact. My feelings were for a moment breaking, you ****** me but I was the one faking. Thank you for adding color to this picture because I'll leave it hanging. That's what you get for body shaming. Don't let my homies see our conversations, I'll respectfully warn you to ******* and have a nice life.

i wish to run the world with no limit for a day
unlimited amount of impulsive choices
ignoring every ones  voices
I wish to maybe get away
find a better place
sick of hearing my name in vain
about to really be a pain
okay headphones on
Bring me the Horizon
Pierce the veil
three days grace
get scared
these are the current bands mood
about ready to blast my music loud
got a motive to make some pathetic ******* proud

I'm beginning to think I'm a *******.
This tolerance was either built in perfection or was meant to be ****** up by their destruction.
The pain of depression has no location, but physical pain always had the location enabled. Maybe that's why I find comfort in my scars. For the sake of the walls I built I will be ****** of my veins bleeding.
I'll find a map instead.
Her hellos and goodnights made me wish her lies were wrapped in my arms. A good day and how was your day made me feel a touch of warmth. It's tough to figure me out.

People try to cross burned bridges
As if they had no where to go
I've got on my coat because the heats so cold
Might as well call it freezer burnt
Always trying to cross over
Learning slow as I get older
I stay for self respect
Never knew what to expect
People act like they know me, especially when they see me doing stupid **** on my story
Never knew I was being judge until an argument comes
They shoot shots at me as if I was dumb
Just out having fun
I've burned bridges and still managed to cross over
It's not all over
I'll wait for a response when in sober
Not like these choices fight back
I've built respect only the real friends know that

"I don't wanna be alone, I don't wanna be alone in the darkness"
Marshall knows me
But on a serious note, what did I do now?
I went to head home, forgot to charge my phone.
Before all of this I was already contemplating self harm
Wanted to take the edge off
But that's a stupid filthy way
I'm beginning to scare myself
I was doing well at telling the truth
But look I'm about to lose
Grabbed a bottle of Jameson
Drank myself silly
Burn and bled
Wanted a dose because I'm ****** in the head
I claim I have no one because I'm still battling all it myself
Physical and verbal appearance isn't enoguh nor doesn't help
I'll be alone crying and singing a lullaby
I may or may need a med
The lights are dead
I'm alone in the darkness wishing i wasn't so ****** up
I hope people will keep their mouths shut
I blacked out and started crying
Called my ex
She is so beautiful but it's over and I need to figure out what to do next
I don't remember last night because I blacked out
**** i blacked out
Blacked out
Hello darkness that didn't take long to see you again
Where a blade and a lighter
Lets set blood on fire
I've got the urge because its a desire
I need to chill
Don't give me a pill
Though I'm curious
Resuscitate me if I overdose
I'm curious
Nah **** that
I'm better and know better than to do that
Get off me darkness
I don't want to remember
darkness speaks
"Grab another drink then"
Fine I will
I really need to stop relying Benzodiazepine to chill
But wait I haven't done that in a long time lets keep it that way
I don't need a pill addiction
But **** me for failing again
Why did i let darkness in
Where did it begin
What's happening
My night is a big blur
I remember hearing her voice here and there then i remember puking
Then i remember trying to walk........
Woke up crying.......
**** I'm sober again
What the **** just happened?

One more chance after another
There's no way I'm a bother
Not a glance of each other
Heart open
But broken
Feelings spoken
False hoping
Feels like I just went through this
Always ended with a blank kiss
Life dimmer
A fallen angel because I'm a sinner
Just a beginner
Never found my winner
A bottle for some sleep
A case to get motivation to eat
Now some shots to feel at ease
Can't get out of my head I need peace
I've tried a diet
Insecurity has no refunds and I keep buying it

What streaks?
What another daily blank selfie?
How about something different for a change?
I am guilty of being boring but the daily got old and I attempted something new
I get boring responses from you
Nice forehead, that will be my head against that blank wall
I look up to the ceiling and boredom hit me til next fall
I guess main events will be the same
Tik toks and radio snaps for about a hour long
I like the person don't get me wrong
Just would prefer something different
People I don't hear from leaving me on read
Then a hospital selfie as they lay in bed
I'm trying to figure out why the pity *****?
Like poor me? I need the get well soon for comfort but it was just a check up....
Now I got heart ache drama but then I get left on read to check up?
I'm a just do me, if it's blank selfie I'll spam you with mockery.
Ask my buddy Kory 🤣

Today I am tired of the day. I'm exhausted and I wish I wasn't awake. Another dark and gloomy wave. My hand on a cigarette, inhaling my thoughts away. I want the day to be silent, not overwhelming. I just lay here, it's funny......I am supposed to be on this bed to rest. But I'm not even close to resting. In fact I'm restless. Maybe tomorrow something will brighten my day. Maybe tomorrow I'll clean up my space, in this place, and then just Maybe find a dream to chase. Maybe tomorrow I won't drown in doubt and have another severe anxiety attack. Maybe tomorrow will not be as depressing as I am today.

Are you really scared of me? Am I the one who created this dark memory?
Is remembering still your enemy?
What are you afraid of?
We come home and some how we're okay.
I'm realizing my love.
It never even left.
For you all I did was fall.
But you also picked me back up. So I ask what are you afraid of?

She deserves better than that
Not like he actually has her back
He's always making her feel bad
But now all the sudden its the best relationship I've ever had
I completely disagree with that
Tracks her phone
She don't even feel safe alone
All that is so wrong
She can't view his because he'll have a behavior
Than she ends up collecting debt with favors
I'm sorry for the way I have to be firm
I've been guilty and the victim of that situation I know what I've learned
**** hurts and burns
But if I ever hear anything I hate I'm a show up and put that ****** in place
Lost you once and would rather have you be angry with me
He isn't making you happy
Just upset and depression filled with anxiety
Not including the paranoia
But continues to ignore ya
Not gonna lie I want to get up in his face and destroy him with my words because he's weak and wouldn't step up to me
He'll probably hide then continue harrasing you on the low key
Now I'm stuck here having to listen to you hurting and my knowledge and judgment for you never was working
Just kept worsening

If i grow up I'm a not let go of these bills
Get a new vibe and enjoy cheap thrills
Don't want to be criticized
Raise a drink to the night sky
Shine with some stars tonight
Hoping to do good and be alright
I swear the voices hold me back
But **** that I'm a do better
Write depression a darker letter
Maybe attempt to be less antisocial
Hang with stranger and give it my all and make sure I'm not local
Is it strange to open up to a stranger
I mean I'm not in danger
I love hearing life stories
Its like watching a movie in your head
I'm ready to enjoy new journies and would live to get out of debt

My flaws anchor me down. Been through hell because I watched my love drown. She anchors my past, then we fight and she swears to God I'm her last. But babe I don't want to fall. I'm here giving you my all.
What do I do?
I'm not through!
My flaws anchor me down because mistakes are meant to drown. I refuse to let you go because you make me safe and sound.

I've always tried to do it myself first. Even when I fell and **** hit me where it hurt. But you answered my call when it got worse. Picked me up and dusted off the dirt. Showed me how to fix and repair. Was the only one who can fix **** from out of no where. Now I'm fighting my tears away from others in silence. It was you who fixed my broken heart, it was you who welcomed me home. Kept from from falling back, kept me on track. A cheer from the sidelines, now I'm performing glancing in the stands to see nothing. Now both of you are gone. My most mother and father figures are gone. I didn't expect to be so hurt, this will hardly ever work. This is beyond the worse. I can't handle to see anyone. I can barely eat, I'm exhausted to sleep. Dehydrated but I still drink. Numb for only a moment. Give me a blade and the pain won't even phase me. I'm ******* lonely.

I feel sorry for those who cheat
Hope that they find the other half so they're complete
With these scars on my back, I move forward and refuse to look back.
But I won't drown again, I'll keep my arms open. Need someone who's just as wrecked as I am. Someone who can understand. Sure everyone won't be perfect. But fighting for two halves to make a whole would be totally worth it. I'd much rather step back to contemplate, then find another heart ache. But I'm also prepared to fail. Not everyone is bad, just mistakes happen I just so happen to catch the worse.

I never thought this would happen.....
I got a call, rushed to the hospital wishing it was you I can call
I was hoping to get you out of there.
I'm struggling twice as hard because you're not here so I'm not about to prepare.  I can't seem to feel okay again, my heart had stopped beating and singing. It aches in silence as my tears drown my face. I'm lost daydreaming about your face. A drink to put my anxiety back in place. Alone I cry, alone I deal, alone I feel. My red flannel kept me cold but hugging you for one last time drowned me with lifeless comfort. Because it was your last warmth I'd touch. Dad I miss you so ******* much!

I've never seen myself a handsome man.
Handsome like the guys who always have the right look, the right smile, the right people in their life, filled with confidence with no insecurities drowning them. A man who has the perfect world between love and desires. But at peace with his respects. I see myself no different than a shadow or just that empty man in the background like a background noise but with no sound.
(If that makes sense)
I'm no stud...
But I accept myself.
My smile may not be pure as gold.
My world may be dark and gloomy.
But my loyalty has grown truthfully
My mistakes taught me how to survive all the storms before the handsome ones took the light and rainbows.
I'm no handsome man.
But I'm a good man

I enjoy to celebrate my success. Always doing my best. Taking that weight off my chest. I am far to amped too rest.
A shortness of breath. But thus isn't anything I'll regret. Happy I woke up early with the shortness of hours I slept. Now I will happily take a step.

He got your attention
Had a lot of cute ****
Adorable intention
Now he's going to quit
Stop feeding him your attention
Ghosts are comin
Let's run away
I'll be your hero any day
You're my bestfriend
For real though all the way to the end
I hate saying forever
Because forever is a myth
Look at the **** we both dealt with
"*** don't leave"
"I'll never leave"
On a serious note i mean it boo!
Not worth it
You're a shooting star killing the darness in flames
A beautiful soul as Jesse McCartney would say
Anyway
He all the sudden is keeping distant
Why try, he proved himself, not worth it
You a hollar girl
I'm a **** up anybody that hurts your world
Not worth it darling

I wouldn't trade love for the world, but I'd trade my world for love. A beautiful soul? I think my personality would be more than enough. I've beat myself up for the sake of mental health! Not once had I attempted to seek help. Sober today..... Gone tonight, I best put my self on do not disturb so I can avoid a fight. Had a girl once tell me I've got a beautiful crack in my smile, just a tad broken. Tender, love, and care should do the trick. Her being around was more than enough. Just like my broken smile she had left, left me with a frown. I guess I shouldn't allow anyone to pick me up when I'm down. Vulnerability stays open, I just refuse to allow ya ******* to see me broken.

Upon this journal I write
About to fill these pages to find some light
Dark ink beautifully written with pages going to the right
On top of that I mentally fight
Maybe one day it'll be filled with some delight
Recycled ideas in sight
I continue to write
Even if it's wrong it'll still be right

I can't promise you the world but I can promise you mine. I understand when you're not ready to give me your time. But you're the only one who sees me, we still chose to be so lonely. We both fell, we both weren't doing so well. But you can mark my heart on your map so you know where to find your home. Just promise me you won't ever go. It's bad enough I felt safer alone. We both know that's not the right path to go. As your tears began pouring, my heart beg and pleaded to save you. But you can't stop a storm. I'm a build us shelter and give you my jacket. My hugs tried to be your blanket. But I'm also not as prepared as any sane person would be. I'm hiding because I'm ******* lonely.

So ******* dramatic
I'm guess you're claiming I'm the one noncompliant
Getting angry
Getting annoyed
Why am I helping the ungrateful
why can't I get help the ones trying to be successful
I just don't know
Getting ******
Where's my **** wish
Will it ever be granted?
Maybe a different life I'll no longer have to struggle by hanging by a strand

I'm afraid to allow company
All anyones done was hurt me
Got a lot of thinks on my mind I can barely think
Shredding the shore about to sink
Wishing a had a little drink
But I'm stay clean
Avoid things so i say what i don't mean
Caught up on depression
No need for a counseling session
I think I've learned a lesson
Who needs help when trust is a issue
Look at the things I'm gping through
Wish i had someone to save me
Got no where else better to be
Nobody to go see
I don't want to live life full of impulsive guilt
Just want the real deal
Things on my mind and resentment is all I feel
Hold me
Nah don't touch me
Hug me
Nvm i don't want you to see me
Whats wrong
What do I do from here

I wish we can escape together,
Go on a long adventure.
Go somewhere new with people we don't know.
Put the ones we know on ghost mode.
Just you and I watching the review.
Sorry baby with the things i did to you.
You're home now, you're safe to. Life after life love to times infinity and beyond times infinity and beyond.
***** the past because this trip would bring us back. I'm in it forever just you and me.
I can't except the separation
I'm feeling dead because there is no more cooperation.
I'll cry and cry and still get no where.
In love and have high hopes then reality guve me a scare.

I know it hurts, that ***** doesn't see your worth. To be honest darling it's not worth the work. Nikkie chelle, this is going to hurt like hell. I'm here for you I handle things well.
Is there anything I can do, I hate what he's doing to you.
I know what it's like to **** **** up, but what he's doing to you ain't love.
I love you and I'm here for you. You were there for me when I couldn't pull through
I hope you know I only live 120 miles away from you.
I'll drive to make sure you're okay, to make sure you're safe. It only takes a full tank. I don't give a **** what that prink thinks, he's playing games. I know what its like I've been the suspect and the victim. Sounds to like he's full of **** and criticism.
Please call me, please talk to me. I don't want you to be lonely.
I've done stupid **** when I was alone.
Low key still do, Nikkie I don't want to lose you

I've been thinking you my darling
How is everything going?
You okay? You sleeping just fine?
How's your iron level?
Remember your med?
I was working outside and watch the sun go down. Felt like I was gazing into your eyes.
The set was perfect, and thus is the weekend I don't have to work it.
You're smile is on replay, your beauty has me strapped down.
Darling how are you? I'm thinking of you

Why you always writing depressed ****
Why don't you quit
No one wants to listen to it
Why don't you take a hit
*
Let me tell you a little story
Mind your own business and don't worry
I'm going through ****
Talking and posting to poetry is my only outlet
I am a survivor
A strong fighter
Yeah I get the disappointment
I'm disappointed too
Had to go on a appointment
Feel like I won't mentally pull through
I'm fine though
I checked out ready to go
I'm paying karma back
Check please! I'm get back on track
(Eventually)
Don't push me
My motives aren't as bright as they use to be
Try watching the people you live disappear
Try watching your family separate further every year
Try doing **** alone
Better yet
Tell me about a ****** up addiction
If you ever had one
Whats the definition of perfection
******* critical geeks bet you don't know what its like to backout
Nor what it's like to **** near overdose
Or even ******* nearly die
Maybe support and not judge
I admit I'm guilty of holding a grudge
You know what it bothers me when people criticize me
Hurts lots but **** it karma wins with a check of reality
Don't push bet you candle the recoil
I learned the hard way how to be loyal
I'm also a better writer
Expectations higher
I've got a desire
I'm a hit up the fire
Burn all the ******* judgements

Someone found me, I can't wait to be of company. Without a conversation I'm already feeling a bit lonely. Finders keepers, she didn't need to say that. But her heart did. The way she looks at me brought me to safety. I think I'm no longer the hide and seek champion. But hopefully wish to express how happy I've been found.