Laying in a field of dandelions, buzzin like a bee. Phones off leave me be. No one I want to see. Out here in the peace, ready to think. Ready for a late night breeze.
All I can do is watch the sky darken.

Got the keys to my heart back. I'm a lock it and keep it safe in my pocket. No one mess with me please, I'm recovering. I've got deteriorating feelings I'm trying to catch. Ready to reach for the stars because I know one day i can shine. Wasn't meant to be but I still need to fix up my life. I'm bout to move out. Ready to avoid the same mistakes because I know I can be a mess. But I've got myself some new motives to clean up.

I just needed some mental health time. Bring on your doubts I've got plenty of mine. I told the world I wouldn't trust anyone to hit me up, but now I don't really give a ****. I should just cancel my phone plans: I don't think anyone is decent enough to really understand. Bring on the crickets, I'll bring my shine.
Bring on the crickets; you've got no business on my mind.
You watch your own bobber and I'll watch mine.  No need to light my phone up, My trust issues had just enough. I just give up, bring on the crickets it's a beautiful night.

I don't want to just fall for love, I want love to fall for me. Simply or simply not meant to be. Either way I found myself lonely. I've got scars and flaws to make up. But sometimes tear drops wipe them away, sleeves can only cover so much. Just please don't hurt me the way I've hurted myself. For that I refuse to seek out help.  There was a illusion that filled my head. I don't want to classified as delusional so I keep **** myself instead. With the fear surrounding my fall, I find myself deeply in love with false hope. I predict no future but I predicted what would hurt the most. Little did I believe, I said I dint feel no ghost, but I'm haunted by any attention. I'm a open person, I forget to close my heart. A warming person who feels cold from the start. I've been so close as I've been distant and I know that's my bad habit. But how do you quit a bad habit if there wasn't even a commitment? Just feels like I'm wasting time finding no achievement. I don't think I can settle to anyone's agreement. I've always known me less, but others the best.

I've made plenty of mistakes as a kid
Grow up! But wait how?
Learning as I go
Does that mean I'm still a kid?
How would I know that I'm fully grown?
Dealt with a lot of anger
Did **** that put people in danger
After all that my journel stayed by my side
Through everything because between us there wasn't anything to hide
Played some music and stared in the mirror
Didn't understand the man i became
Am I ready or not?
Kids learn fast and kids should be relearning adults because I swear we've lost track of who we all became

His family got the end of his night terrors, and he's battling a nightmare. He didn't know, no amout pleads for forgiveness because that had been buried a long time ago. Then broken promises took control. Off with his respect. He needs to stop it and let go. Here's my true sincere opinion. I'm a mess and I shouldn't be chillin. I should roll up my sleeves, plant something healthy. Water my world, grow mental stability. Honestly I'd be happy for myself to change. Even if I lost the people in my world. I'm a be successful eventually. Once upon a broken heart, plot twist I broke it myself. I'll seek help. I'll give the world some space. Shooting for the stars at my own pace. It's never easy but it'll be honest work. Off with my disrespect here's my mistakes. Let's recycle to reduce bad habits. Sobriety I'm reaching up for you and here's my time you can have it.

She said life is difficult for the blind. Darling hold my hand I'll be your guide.
Difficulty or not I'll be that guy. Make sure you stay by my side. Reinsurance along the way, I promise you're doing good babe.

You've answered my calls when I'm depressed. Happiness ignored me once again. It's me... still broken. Still finding more flaws, still being lame asf when I've had more than enough. Like the bottle I broke...... I can't glue my shattered heart back together. But I do still get better. I just don't trust myself because every day a flaw still haunts me. Very few trust me, but I refuse to beg for help I don't need saving. I grew up with a bad choice, screamed, cried, and lost my voice. I know I'm different, losing people had my tears dripping. But now I'm just not trusting anyone because I don't trust myself to be happy.

I've ways dealt with things alone. Never was anything new only new things was the "false hope"
I've always had a lot of anger. Defense mechanism because I was afraid to be in danger. Therapy sessions with pen and paper. Always in a room writing and crying. Notes look like its just me and you. Mirrors laughing at me because the reflection was not so great. I lost my one true love and now I'm done woth the tears because everytime i picture her smiling i break. I've got hope, I've got these dreams. Let me tell you one thing. I am loyal, I am the right man. She deserves to be mine. But wouldn't be fair because thats not what she wants. Time to sit in the park and hope she sneaks up on me for a kiss. Walk this lonely road down the block because its her i miss. Knocking on the door while shes freaking out. Barefoot and rain pooring down. I'm here baby I'll always walk through hell for you. Road trip is our adventure and now you see me in the review mirror for your adventure. Man why don't the past let go of me. I'm moving and why does it have to summon me. Everywhere i go especially when i try to sleep then find myself ready to bleed because i cant eat nor wanna speak about ready to lay low beneath because i wanna ******* breathe but thats to easy. **** me for finally being happy to just lay down in agaony. Why me? Why does it have to be me alone? Just why?

I go to sleep for a bad dream, reality check with a dramatic scene. I've said things and done things I dont mean.
I wake up and realize I want to go back to sleep. I feel pressure and it's hard to breathe. I'm non-compliant at home because I want to isolate. But then the voices and thoughts in my head cause me to hesitate.
I escaped and got no where, now I'm back to square one. I'm jotting down the flaws I've made and the **** that's been done.
I've got no confidence, my writing helps a bit.
Tell me I'm not of worthy, because I'm already aware I'm not. Announce it to me so I dont catch myself being defiant.
Where to go from here, don't know. But it's that time to pull out a map for a direction. I'm again trapped in a dark place. I guess I'm on a home visit with depression because that's all I know. Lights out because i shattered the lights again. I've caused a heart to be open. Now i can stitch it up bits late and now I'm in a corner crying and daydreaming.
My bad dreams are at least a place where I can't feel this amount of pain.

Wish it wasn't real
The regrets I feal
Copenhagen to keep busy
Now I'm laying in bed in misery
Wintergreen to keep me from overheating.
Hello depression!
I'll clean up your guest room for your stay.

I feel like I get get better.
Feel as if my life choices melt and grind into a shredder. I look in the mirror and see nothing but flaws.
How does one rise from a mountain of flaws?
How does one find a way?

My guts told me her pleads for me isn't enough. My mind went numb and I'm paralyzed because this wasn't love. A fake, a distraction, a cheat. I guess I'm destined to be lonely. I thought you were serious when you said I was your only. Now I'm dropping tears while my hearts storming. Why me? Why lie? You met my family, I kept life private for a reason. I let you in but I guess you were the one teasing. Now it makes sense. Not once did I get a goodnight or a goodbye. All I've got were hellos and fake *** compliments. The time frame of me talking and calling was all a joke to you. **** my heart hearts. You did t even give me the benefit of the doubt, I'm out. My tears form as you're patching things with your man. I can't believe I was your side piece, I just don't understand. **** me for almost being happy. I guess I had a dream, but now I'm not at peace. You really ******* hurt me.