Babe take me back, been missing us and i think we should get back on track. We can eventually help each other through it. Harder on ourselves but i swear we can prove it. By the time I woke up I noticed you weren't next to me. Truly yours and meant to be. Tell me how you still feel. Am I wrong about believing because my loves real. In tears think of me replaced. I wanna come home to your beautiful face. I am sorry, i am loyal, babe I can prove my worth. I can give you everything i have to offer. Please consider me back. In love with you no joke nor a act. Darling xoxoxo a kiss, it's you I miss. I've got a wish. Please be mine

I'm sitting in the car. Engine running with songs crying with me. I sing the blues in a realization of this agony. I want to pour it down my system till the chills go away. Start off with a better day. How does one good man face something like this? The simpler times run through my head and I begin to truly miss.
I'm a go on, time to prove them wrong. I'm not letting myself go, I'm a restart and take it slow. I've got this, I've got my strength.
Not living in regret, I'm a start myself all over.

I held on to the weight of her guilt.
Carried the regrets she once felt.
I'll still seek forgiveness for the way I once was. Simply not meant to be. But we work on ourselves to be happy. False hope and filled with misery. Wishes fill the field and the sky. Please take me away from this planet. I will be better I demand it. Here's my agony you can have it. Held on for nothing! Held myself for comfort, Also held a bottle. Even then I still felt the pain. Held that pain in between my arms. I held on to her weight of guilt. With the false hope I've once built. I will hold my own, Find A new home. Sick of the darker thrown. My experience has grown. Now it's time to plant me A new future. I had A gut feeling when the toxic relationship started.
She's the one that gutted me and no longer felt guarded. I held myself for so long.
I killed my love and she got so cold.
Lost my world, I held on to let go.
Don't know if I regret my choices.
Wanted someone to hold. Please forgive me. I can't forgive myself. We kept secrets, lies with bad conversations to ourselves. All that to make sure none of us will go insane because we wanted safer health. Held on for so long. Let go so we can move on. I'm sorry I emptied A clip to your heart. Lost my shot and we both fell apart. I forgive you and I will get better. I'm slowly finding out who I am

Someday I write something then read it to get someone's back. It'll be motivation and hopefully they'll agree with that. Help them get back on track. Remind them a little help wouldn't be so bad. Hit up my phone just to chat.
You ever cringe at judgmental people? I do all the time. I cringe til my my teeth hurt from the grind. But i breathe and give it time. One day peace will be mine.
I'm always attempting to put away the frown.  But gay jokes and fat jokes brought me down. I brush it off because one day that'll expire. But feelings don't go out of stock so now my eyes start a fire. Eye for an eye, but a notch worse. I'm a put my thoughts to work.
Everyday was a struggle, I look up a rush forward to forget where I was going. Out of breath because I was anxious. Physically I get dangerous.
I'm starting to lose my mind again. Refuse to stay open. Trying to not be so broken. Here we go again. Fights on and i refuse to go down before I start swinging. Then the laughs and tuants have my ears ringing. Shut up butch I'm trying here. ***** it i need a break grab me a beer.
I look in the mirror and see a regret. Shattered it and realized mirrors don't lie so I picked up what's left. I realize the people who dislike me doesn't dislike me as much as I don't like myself. ***** the mental health. I'm fight it and raise hell. Fallen angel? Probably not. Why do I write? I don't know i forgot. Wanted to end me, suffering with anxiety. Great I'm like the rest of the population. What a pity situation. People go through worse. So I punch these walls to watch blood drip on the dirt. What is this worth?
Wanted to end it by screaming **** this world. Then stomach turned for me to hurl. Like a clam I'll patiently wait to be as pure as a pearl. Time will eventually give me my world.
For now this depression demands its debt to be felt. Getting baggy and heavy so I grab me a belt. All that to keep walking. But pain is restalking. Non of it is no longer shocking. If you look at my writing and typed up poetry on this account you'll see my tough love. Well atleast the start of it. But it haunts me so i rant write about it.

What are you doing to your body
No food because someone cracked fat jokes now you're claiming not a hottie?
What are you insecure again.
Whats next splitting wrist open?

Don't even start! I'm attempting to keep these voices apart. I work 10 hour shifts and the las i need is some thoughts dissing me. I want to be happy.

You can't be happy not getting when you're notified as Nellie with a belly. You need to lose weight to look great.

Nah man I'm just enjoying myself again. I've lost **** near 20 pounds

Hold up 20 pounds isn't enough. No wonder you can't find love. You're the definition of a mistake. What happened, did you're heart break? No wonder why everyone left. You black out and its your own regret.

I just drink to feel nothing. Now I realize its atleast something. I know I lost myself. No one hates me more than I hate me. What a true agony. So what no likes me

Dozen messages, handful of false hope. Sometimes you just have to let go. Walk along the dark road. In my lonesome. I use to be handsome. I use to matter. This heart is going to shatter. But why does it matter. I'm left on read. New man, new style, new choice of words. I just feel my insides dead. What happened to me?

I ain't trying to compete. But you want to get your *** beat. Maybe you shouldn't talk **** now you don't speak. Bet you're ******* weak.
Don't try to test me kid. Hearing you talk makes me sick. Sick of the games but I can still slay. Start something you can't finish will out you in debt but I know you can't pay
Last time I checked you came to me for help. Then you ghost me like I'm nothing. How funny, how silly. Now I'm ready to throw hands don't need no homies.

I've got 4 by 4s ready to treat you like you do to your ******. Six feet deep, decay below my feet. You won't even have a wake. I'm a be  at your funeral paying my disrespects. You and your poor choice of reality checks.

Summers filled with fires and cold beverages,
Sitting next to the heat laughing and singing songs. Hoodie and jeans to keep the mosquitoes bite less. Sky filled with beauty might lay here and rest. Summer songs got my attention tonight, love that everyone is pretty chill it just feels so right.
Stories shared, surrounded by people who care. This is unforgettable, tonight ain't so terrible.

I want to end it. Sick of these voices manipulating me. I want to scream, I want to crawl. Start fresh again. Avoiding the people that don't make time. How many people will make it with me. I predict very few. Some of them should me the truth. Others bailed and went out their own way. Always by my lonesome anyway.

Once again hung, change yourself nel
You dont got to act up. Don't tell me to act up I've got feelings might as well broad cast my activity because the thoughts catch up to me.
It's okay though this stuffed animal is next to me. I've got a playlist to ugly cry it out. Maybe tomorrow it'll get better. It has to grandma did you write me a letter?
Hey nel,
Why are you still hung up? Honestly you'll always ***** up love. You and your dumb actions sink you down you can't swim your way out. Guess who left everyone you loved is now a stranger. Keep that petty **** out because you'll drown deepr and you'll stay in danger.
Come on man I'm just trying to fix how I act. No one gives me the time to explain because I cause to much pain.
Nice try Nel,
You haven't changed. You're actions make you uglier.  I don't blame people leaving you to be happier. Guess that's why no one actually reaches out to you. Especially with the stupidity you put others through.
Okay man good talk. I'm a step down and walk away. Thanks for the advice anyway. I know i can get through it. Just have to force myself and keep the good vibes alive.
Whatever nel,
You're just a little *****. Why dont you make another stitch.

As long as if i don't suffer any more pain, I know in the longer run I'll be okay. Not like everyone will be the same. Just always a new wave. Rounds after another one, I pour some then I'm done. Lost too much before, had to start all over. Don't want this on anyone else.

I'm a sit back, try and relax. Find some company, or find something comforting. Sick of the trauma, don't need more drama. Wish I had a way out but I refuse to call my old man or mama. I'm in need, avoid the razor to bleed. Stay away is something to achieve, I'm a believe.
Don't touch me anxiety, keep your distance depression. I avoid being angry, but I'm down for a crying session.
I've got family, I've got friends,  I've got a roof over my head. I'm not stuck nor stranded.
But these thoughts fight me, I've felt a little empty. The cycles not going to end. I'm a be alive again.
Now I don't care how you approach me, but please understand I'm no therapist but my advice is real as my company. Forget all about what's on your mind and walk forward. Looking back will make you fall and past will pile on. Move along, get up and dust off till most feels are gone.
Lay down your shovel, climb up and fall. Climb again fall again do something other then to dig and bawl.