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34 · Jun 2020
Untitled
Nellie 55 Jun 2020
I'm in a mood for a melody,  tell me something new to me
As long as its worthy
Not something that brings the insecurities in me
I just want real
Easy to feel
**** dont need something healing
I'm good I'm dealing
34 · Sep 30
Sweet Cupcake
Nellie 55 Sep 30
Saw a post, learned I missed you the most. Wish you was still so close. A rush of anger hit me, then Sadness took over lowkey. ***** that simple little posts and memories ****** me. Hate the ways of this reality. Unreal that you're gone, hate the way darkness consumed my rejoice of this ****** up world. Saw a post of that *****. What a ******* wave of a goodbye I had to deal with. I refuse to seek any sympathy if that ******* feeling. It'd be up on sight. Wished I'd had dragged you away that night. You're gone and life without you don't seem right. Dear cupcake I think of you most nights. Wished to talk about everything and wished to sat in the phone with you even as simple as background noise. My family wished they loved you as much as I do. Wish you came back home my dear, I'll love you to the moon and back baby. My best friend, my family, my lady. Miss you so so much bud❤
34 · Jan 2020
Untitled
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
Loss of confidence in myself
Lost in a bad thought
Lost is lack of comfort
Lost communication
Lost myself
Lost but I need mercy
Lost in many ways no one will ever truly understand
34 · Jan 2020
Violence
Nellie 55 Jan 2020
I don't have time to be playing games
Wanna throw hands just come up to my face
I promise I'll show uo and possibly be the last one standing
**** with me I dares ya
Tell me what you're thinking
You'll be the one sinking
By the time I'm done with you I'll go home and start drinking
You're a *****
I'm a man
What's the issue here?
Bet you can't say it to my face because you're probably full of fear
Call me a ****** one more time
I'll come over there and ******* up
You'll be ******* in diapers
Try me again
**** for you is about to be broken
To my bully from the past
34 · May 2020
Razor?
Nellie 55 May 2020
I lose my grip
I miss her lip
I need to quit
She's still beautiful, she was the only one that gave me compliments everyday.
I need to improve right now
My emotions and voices getting to loud
I can't message anyone about this
People will get annoyed and so sick
I just want to feel safe again, sick of feeling so broken
That sweet sound of her voice
She is the one that hurt and left and made that impulsive choice
Now I'm here suffering in silence.
Everyone leaves me on read
I've got these dark temptations screaming in my head
I'm crawl, I fall, I don't see at all, I bawl.
I just wish I could replace my heart as fast as she did
34 · Sep 30
Type two
Nellie 55 Sep 30
This was unexpected but also was predicted.
High pressures and hopes deflated
I'm so defeated
Depression gave me type two
I'm not sure if anyone understood why I stressed eat sweets
Always ready for a drink
I'm happy I pulled up
Upset about the results
Appointments after appointments for now
I hope I don't ******* drown
I've got a sweet tooth
But that's how depression and anxiety get you
Greater pros, higher cons.
I've got to learn how to avoid consuming under stress
A diet to put my levels a safer journey
I'm going wild both in my mind and my soul
34 · Nov 2020
Help
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
Some one help me but I'm fine
I admit I might of crossed the line, don't remember if I was sober
All I know is that is over
I just need some comfort
I'm still lonely and low key hurt
Where do I go wrong
Tempted to isolate and stay gone
Just help me
I'm always feeling lonely
33 · Dec 2020
Sky
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
Sky
The sky drifts me to think
Don't even want to blink
It'd be a waste of a second
I gaze upon will be my commitment
To gaze is to stare upon a star
Make a wish in silence
Where do I start now? How can I finish?
But I tell myself to stop talking
To myself I began to daydream
But I didn't drift asleep
For hours I just think
Pondering what if's
These nights are natures beautiful gifts
I'll cherish with every breath
Skys resetting so I left
It's time to start a new one
For these thoughts to enter
I cherish fresh snow for this December
The cold bites, but the warmth nibbles
I'm am go to sleep peacefully now
33 · Jul 2020
Fired
Nellie 55 Jul 2020
That's okay that I'm fired
I wouldn't want to be re-hired
File against me I'll tell you my side
Trusting vulnerability?
I don't care what they have to say about me
I realized my ***** ups,
I know my worth
Good things happen for people who are willing to work
Buried that double face crap into the dirt
I'll smile pretty for the camera next time
At least I saw the job through
Cheers to a new issue
Shots fired but I'm bullet proof
Not like I have anything to lose
Nellie 55 Jul 2020
I've got plenty of reality checks with my life.
My guts let me know I'm getting treated right.
Toxic dreams fill my head, daydreaming of a new reality buried my goals dead.
It's always the most determined people falling
I've never dragged anyone down with me
I'll do my own thing
In a corner documenting a lesson learned
Put reality checks to ashes and watch toxic dreams burn
Just add to it
33 · Sep 30
😍
Nellie 55 Sep 30
The night we met
A simple kiss
A simple night
Kisses grown wild
One thing led to the next
Laying in bed for some rest
Plans to know each other
Plans and intentions to admire one another
33 · Feb 2020
:c
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
:c
Listen to me when I speak
Promise me you won't roll your eyes and leave
I've been working on myself lately
Realized how more I'm lost with you baby
I know I was never a amazing man
But I did everything I possibly can
Please look deeper into your heart for me
I'm always here with open arms don't you see?
Just come home
I'm by my phone
I know with me you don't feel alone
33 · Apr 2020
Compliments weird
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
I'm a leave you a selfie with a cute text. Compliments come next.
Compliments weird? You may have to get use to it my dear.
Can I see that smile please?
I'll give you a cute selfie.
Compliments weird, luckily for you I'm a ******.
A goofy hero.
The shoe fits?
I hope so.
Just a simple response has me smiling.
Hey cute ******, I'm a fill your world full of random compliments.
33 · Nov 2020
But who am I
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
Somedays I feel like I got nobody
Just me and my personality
Where do I begin?
Backtracking my journals but some I refuse to open
Ever wonder why you wrote something
But find out it doesn't mean anything
Just be yourself
But who am I
Looking at the man in the mirror
I got glass no chandelier
Picked up a pencil but words aren't as sharp
Just broke the led apart
A written mockery from the heart
Man why is life so hard?
33 · Oct 2020
Yup
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
Yup
I use to be so good at conversations
Now I isolate a bit to avoid being a fool
Ope thats cool
Now I drink for fun
About to get drunk till the bottles done
Maybe I'll meet someone
But I don't have hopes up
I just have fun with the boys til the suns up
33 · Nov 2020
But
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
But
I'm okay with taking things slow
Just tell me the interest so I know
Hopefully I don't give up and go
This Sun goes down as im daydreaming of home
But I stand alone
Barely any happy thoughts of my own
But that's okay because these thoughts rebuild my heart
33 · Nov 2020
The weekend
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
The boys and I are on the hunt
We have enough ammo on the side
Up high to hide
We are ready and sighted in
Ready to bring food to the table
We watch for our own to make sure we're stable
Back straps, steaks, jerky, and venison heart
Ready to start
We care for one another
Got to call my brother
We'll have each others back
33 · Jul 12
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
Nellie 55 Jul 12
First off I'm a start with the insecurities.
I'm not afraid of the pain I'm more afraid of you betraying my trust.
Bourbon, whiskey, toilet tissue, and tape to fix me.
I've always been everyone's rock, been know to be kicked and forgot. But most would of flown off like paper so I'd a stayed on top. Waited for their gain so they found the strength in flying across the world as I'm skipping a cross the shores, go keep up with your success as I'm supporting mine with yours. I've been know to unlock doors. But my love would always be yours. Secondly with my my sincerest grip with a gentle firm hug, wanted to let you know that you're all more than enough.
33 · Nov 2020
Nothing to say
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
I wouldn't ever want to talk about it
Part of keeping to myself is saying nothing
But while others go through therapy
I was out in the cold finding temporary comfort because no will will be around permanently
Doesn't mean it's a bad thing, just stronger will power to walk away
33 · Dec 2020
Pancakes
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
So soft and buttery
I began stuttering
Come in circles
Devoured in squares
For this feast I prepare
Extra syrup please
Put chocolate chips and some blueberries
Pancakes are a perfect tradition
I'll flex on the recognition
Pancake after pancake
Devoured till I've got a belly ache
33 · Sep 2020
Boredom poetry
Nellie 55 Sep 2020
I sit back watching YouTube with snacks to eat, suto play so I don't have to leave my seat
Comedy and reactions
D.I.Y videos but I'm not scrapping
Ice cold beer next to me who wants to chill
I've got homies but few of them stay close
Haters going to hate
Critical lost daddy issues shoot some shots
Before I respond I noticed they're trying to detox
Blank snapchat selfies for streaks
Boredom strikes me
32 · Dec 2020
Feelings
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
Only one season
Always a depressed reason
I'll grab a coat
But still managed to stay cold
My hopes deteriorated
I am supposed be exhilarated
Everyday is like running a marathon
Depression chasing me but my lungs going gone
Chain smoking, like a chimney I'm burning
But still no heats working
32 · Oct 2020
Random
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
Never knew how to start a first page
Always scribbled my poor choice of words
Attempted to improve but made it worse
But I learned how to make it work
Always writing to increase my experience
Hopefully others can somewhat relate
32 · Sep 2020
Clear
Nellie 55 Sep 2020
Crystal clear, fame no where near. But I don't care about that I search for relationships. My personal favorite is when everyone can understand and show support so I don't feel alone. Darkness divided my insides out. Destruction destroyed me and my doubts. Pure distance from trust. With this Crystal I shall attempt to see clearly because I'm afraid to bust.
32 · Oct 2020
Untitled
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
Hello
How are you?
I noticed the struggle you put yourself through
You care too much
But everyone's annoyed and life gets tough
If I don't have anyone atleast I have me
I know me better
Lesson after lesson
No kindness
Just in debt with favors
32 · Apr 2020
Sat alone
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
Sitting alone, music to help me. I'm nodding slowly, music speaking to me. I daydream of love again. My first thoughts sing please don't go or hurt me. I'm sensitive. I don't think I'll find love like I recently had. I'm feeling bad. The pressure increases through my chest. What a tough reality check. Music stopped and half tempted to turn the ignition on. Whats wrong with me? False hope, I guess I just had to go. Got a letter, felt a little better. Grandma hug me, hold me. I miss being happy. Tears forming, air storming. I miss who I was with who I used to be with. All i can do is daydream and wish.
32 · May 2020
Okay.
Nellie 55 May 2020
Okay. That's the last thing I want to see
I've always responded quickly
Now you don't want to answer me?
Bet
That's fine that's "okay."
I'll kindly ******* now
Listen to music loud
Been jamming music since I was a baby
Now I'll sip a bottle till its comforting
I'll just keep my lips sealed
My journal is my only shield
32 · Feb 2020
Short poem
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Relations
Intimidating
Head spinning
Headphones on
Music loud
Temporary
But I'm enjoy the dual moment
Not a soul can have it
32 · Sep 2020
Like for real though
Nellie 55 Sep 2020
Every one knows me, we're all attempting to be happy. Take the judgments away because I guarantee I'll be scrapping. Happens so fast you wouldn't know what's happening. Woke up ready for a drink, fell asleep with a drink. Alcoholics need a drink, well i have a drink. I'm supposed to please everyone?
(The ****) well I with the Hollar Boys and don't have time to be frowned upon. Drink the keg and cases til it's gone. Music loud, keg stands and laughing out loud. Ain't know one here playing with me, I'm real and got more faces to see. We're all buzzin, drinking by the keg by the dozen. Have we met before? Nah lil homie thats fake don't show anymore.
32 · Jul 2020
Autumn views
Nellie 55 Jul 2020
Crisp leaves, cold air. Sunny day, gold and orange. London fog with some pumpkin seeds. I'm a travel up this mountain to watch the world set. My hoodie and some marshmallows in the backseat. Bonfire with s'mores ready to eat. Autumn views is a bless. Airs so chill and crisp I'd love nothing more than this.
Had a dream about autumn
32 · Oct 2020
I should say good<bye3
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
You're ignoring me? Only time you hit me up is when you're lonely. What happened? The more attractive guys ain't feeling it so you snap me?! Wow I thought I wasn't ugly. Hurts me honestly.
Thought I was worth it. But home girls got my back and told me it ain't worth ****.
I guess I'll be a ghost all along because that's how I'm originally treated. Never even physically met and greeted.
Now I sit in silence telling myself don't reply. But to bad I'm too good of a good guy.
32 · Nov 2020
Creep
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
Woke up paralyzed, tried to move but ended up watching unexplainable things moving closer to me. It creeps, I'm trapped under my sheets. All I can hear is my heart pounding a new beat. It's so dark but I think I hear voices. Afraid to make a sound but I don't think I've got a choice. What's my surroundings? I've got chills down my spine, I don't think this place is mind. Is this a dream or is this reality? Something consumes the light out of me.
32 · Oct 2020
October
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
Sky bright as gold
Pumpkins filled the side of the road
Picked up a latte some s'mores
About to have a fire after these chores
I enjoy the colors everywhere when I go driving
Horror movies on standby because they're exciting
Treats all moth long
Candy corns and chocolate in my belly
Chubby happy Nellie
What else can go wrong? :P
32 · Aug 2020
Company please
Nellie 55 Aug 2020
He's writes out his feelings realizes the empty holes in his chest. Working for improvement when really it's another distraction to keep busy. Forgets to keep a conversation, what a blank situation. How many likes before I realize I'm more me, is this ugly? Had some dreams thinking it was real and felt at peace. Woke up and felt so lonely. No one by my side, just a false hope. Always so broke.
One day I'll get there. Will someone actually be there? Need some love, need something real. Get me to the top I climb slowly. I know I can make it without help but I prefer company.
32 · Mar 2020
Forever
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
Forever is a myth
Whatever they say when you're in live probably ain't ****
Look at me now solo and me expecting more of it
Just how I Invision it
Nobody has patience with me
I ****** up a lot and I'm "crazy"
I love the pain
Because atleast it's real
I wish I can deal
**** it, I'm a let the worse of it all take my heart on an adventure
Hopefully die a little more
Want to feel the agony everyone "swore"
Forever is a lie
Because everyone I loved decided to say goodbye
**** it, I'm a quit
Everybody deserves better
Especially with what I can't offer
Because I'm nothing
Can't even accomplish something
So tell me why forever isn't real
I dont have answer just some stories
I guess what I'm teying to say is no one will no longer have to worry
32 · Dec 2020
Untitled
Nellie 55 Dec 2020
She's so perfect, would I even be worth it?
Time slows down but my heart rate is increasing!
Confidence decreasing
I'd love to get to know her my dear, want to take it slow and start here
All though I'm a ghost
But I haunt that beauty the most
May I some day find a chance
She can seriously take my hand
She's so beautiful and I think of her all the time
I know I've got false hope but what's the point of a daydream.... if I can't dream mine
32 · Nov 2020
Fall for me
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
Don't tell me I'm everything some can ask for because I'm not
I'm patient but also confidence is lost
I wouldn't know where I put it because I forgot
Last names supposed to be for my one and only
But everywhere I go I'm still lonely
I'm not even interesting but all it takes is for someone to hold me
I grabbed my securities by the throat
Threatening to **** it up because I need them the most
But managed to find hope
But alone I still am, so I'll just go
I make a bed for two with covers open on the other side of me
But I sleep alone in agony
Atleast these tears fall for me
32 · Mar 2020
Get the dub bro!
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
I need music with the right beat. Words freely coming to my mind but I can hardly speak. About to hesitate, with a heartache, possibly about to deteriorate, I'm a contemplate, everyone's fake, not about to break, risking it all but that's  what I'm a take, didn't mean for anyone to break, give it time with a rate, musics loud this is great.
How many times will I shine, star light that's mine, doing this all the time, need a Corona with a lime, back on the grind, secretly trying to be fine, but rejoice is something I'm a find, not looking behind, I'm just too kind.
Like lately, been crazy, maybe, where's my baby,  emotionally waving, I'm saving, love craving, feelings levitating.
Dear Nel, you surprised hell, but oh well, do tell, did it burn when you fell, was it a spell, you stuck in a shell? Come on man, help me understand, I'm a fan, how'd you start off was it a crayon, hard to keep up so i ran.
What's love, looking up, high above, i won't pry nor shove, look a dove!
Impossible! unstoppable!
Forgettable, debatable, realtable?
I'm a play on the swing and let the words free, no tax fee going to let it all be. So tell me who's next to criticize me.
32 · Feb 2020
Cry
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Cry
How long do I have to bottle it in?
I've got to wait till I'm by myself again.
To many people around.
I cry in silence not even a sound.
I've hated myself for a long time.
Losing everything I don't even know whats mine.
I've watched women jump to fast,
Breaks my heart because where was the feelings?
To be honest, no one really has my back.
Poison and toxic **** is all I'm receiving.
I wish I didn't cry alone so much
I hate looking at my own reflection
To all of you who can change their feelings so quick.... i wish I had that perfection
They say time a magic thing
But who really gives a **** about one human being?
32 · Apr 2020
Eating me alive
Nellie 55 Apr 2020
So this is it
Don't want to be the one to quit
Can I just be "normal" for a bit
Goodbyes is my life
I'm not really alright
But I'm fine
I've got to utilize things to be okay
Will someone hold me today
Need a hand, need help.
Not new to me
But I've got new feelings eating me alive on the daily
31 · Nov 2020
Too far
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
The jokes aren't that funny
But I'm alright
Laugh behind tears of A clown
I mask my frown
Global pandemic requires masks
But I've had A mask my whole life
Just to be alright
Too far, so I hit up the bat
Drink alone in corner
Wishing I can just start all over
31 · May 2019
Beer
Nellie 55 May 2019
I’m beginning to feel empty,
Going to drink beer till it consumes me.
What more can I say?
I’m alone and afraid!
This beer is a safe place!
Going to sip till I’m in a different place.
When has beer been a comfort zone?
Why is beer the bittersweet choice?
N.A.H
31 · Dec 2019
Untitled
Nellie 55 Dec 2019
Babe take me back, been missing us and i think we should get back on track. We can eventually help each other through it. Harder on ourselves but i swear we can prove it. By the time I woke up I noticed you weren't next to me. Truly yours and meant to be. Tell me how you still feel. Am I wrong about believing because my loves real. In tears think of me replaced. I wanna come home to your beautiful face. I am sorry, i am loyal, babe I can prove my worth. I can give you everything i have to offer. Please consider me back. In love with you no joke nor a act. Darling xoxoxo a kiss, it's you I miss. I've got a wish. Please be mine
31 · Mar 2020
Cold
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
I'm so cold it hurts to cry.
So overwhelmed because this journey is a long drive.
What's my destination
Send me a location
Wheres home?
Oh wait I'm driving in home
Always on the road
I just don't know
Wish it wasnt so cold
Now my eyes sting from tears freezing
Not enough blankets oh well i shouldn't be complaining
Could be worse
Stuck in a homeless hopeless curse
I have to stay strong not only for me
But to the people who say they'd do anything for me
I'm sorry but I dont trust that
Living in my truck
Depressed, cold, and lonely
Eyes ******* heavy
Just to cold to live and sleep
31 · Feb 2020
Hey girl
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Hey what's your name?
I just wanted to make sure you were safe.
You were pretty **** wasted and I saw the fear in your friends eyes
I know what thats like
I swear I'm not trying to mess with you
Just trying to help you get through
Seems like your friends anxiety is hitting the roof
Whats that? 80% proof!
Ah man yeah you gonna black out
Pass out
Not a doubt
Regrets about to happen
Trust me i know all about not knowing my aftermath
You just gotta rest and avoid your phone before you get criticism back
Months and months ago when I took my old gf and a coworker to a buddies party... i ended up kinda babysitting lol but on the serious not last night I saw someone freaking out and it reminded me of someone
31 · Mar 2020
Okay bet
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
I admit, my poems depressed.
But don't judge me.
We're all going through our own issues.
I'm going to search for you restless.
You'll be sleeping with one eye
About to scrap you and make you cry.
You mad bro?
You gullible when it comes to trust?
I'm a ******* up!
Burry you in the back of your head
Making you regret the **** you said
I'm a just get started
I'm a enjoy the pain i receive
No pain relief
Hard to believe?
I learn at my worse
I'm a put your judgment brain to work
Burry you six foot deep
No wake because you're sound asleep
Deteriorate your feeling
Got some bleach
You can't reach
Hush
Shhhh
Shhhh shhhh
Now whose the cry baby
I'm a survivor been on my toes lately
31 · Feb 2020
Noted
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
I've always noticed that the closer people are
The more distant they become
I tell myself I'm changing for me
But then I look in the mirror disgusted
I'm not really changing
It's ******* no one sees me
Noted
Life's supposed to mean something
But I feel nothing
Nobody truly hates me more then I hate myself
I would love some help
But nope don't help me
Noted
I'm scared and I just keep fighting for no right reason
How I feel
How I deal
Tears way to real
Not made of steel
About to kneel
Noted
I was supposed to be safe
But people like me are never safe
Feels like it's to late
31 · May 2020
Past go away
Nellie 55 May 2020
Past go away, stop replaying in my head.
Our love is dead.
I'm watching my past like a movie on repeat
Tears forming drowning my feet
You and I were a storm
Use to be amazing and warm
Now I'm a enemy
Past please leave me be
I've got no fight left in me
I'm just so empty
Unattractive is something I've accomplished
Ignoring my success because my flaws have published
As the night takes me away
I seek a new mental place
Past go away
I don't need false hope
I just want to officially happily let go
31 · Oct 2020
Confused
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
Drinking wine
Confused myself again
I'm inhaling toxic again
Left my locks open
It's not love its a trap
Just trying to smile right back
I'm drinking wine with no glass
Reached up to pick some of the roses
Confused, felt like being used
Does this amuse?
Oh I'm a fake and a liar?
Last I checked everyone close to me chased a wrong desire.
I guess I'm fantastic with ghost
I'll carry salt next time I want to think someone was close
31 · Oct 2020
Asked myself
Nellie 55 Oct 2020
I've been on thin ice. Looked up to the sky. Asked myself why every second I had a chance to breath. I learned how to swim so bring it on if I fall beneath.
I'm supposed to chill, but the heat leaves and finds its way back. I've got dry clothes in my backpack. I'm down for a dark cold adventure.
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