My eyes got so heavy, I'm laying down as I'm numb and my bottles empty.
A night under the stars was almost so pretty, but the sun lit the lake on fire and reflections pure as gold.
I've still felt alright alone, wish I had somebody to hold.
Went from a freeze to a melt.
Ignore the past and the **** I felt.
Sweat dripping down my skin, all I've wanted was a do over but I didn't know where to begin. The lake giving me waves to leave.
I was almost at peace.

This ache
This pain
I'm different
You're different
We ran the world
Hid from the world
Now the bridges have burned
I'm struggling to keep up
This feels like a lose lose toss up
It's too ******* tough
I don't need a something to lean on
I just want to continue the journey we've been on
I'm ******* drowning bruv

I've been kind and polite
That should of been a warning
But y'all done and ****** up now
Lete explain my anxiety attacks
I've been there but got no one to understand whats on my back
Like you comprehend my **** to understand that
I'm there for the most but I'm the one stabbing backs
Nah I'm trying to vibe
Stay by my loved ones side
People come to me to hide
But I'm to listen and to be "alright"
You know what I'm at the point and about to pop a poll and a few drinks
Who the **** cares what I think?
About to watch that light house
About to dip my toes and ice cold
But **** it at least I'm not at home

You're not ugly
We've all got that beautiful personality
You've got it all
Why dont you believe anyone?
Pocket full of personality
No one needs the insecurities in this reality
You're beautiful
Wish I can Express the witness lyrically.
People need to take a minute to reconize your smile
I swear the world stops for a while
You need to reconize what you've got
Come on darling you've got all the beauty and what not.

Love is a desperation cried out loud from the broken. Been taken for granted for leaving my heart open. Had a few almosts, began to believe in ghosts. These days it's a matter of popular demand, what's potential without a chance?
I've been on both sides of a few love stories, still managed to fail though. My time will come because losing means I've got much more to lose. I can't count how many times I've lost and found myself. Sometimes it's a matter of self love or a bit of help. Many of us got so far with no guidance, real ones call that independence.
One day love will find me again.

I've been here for so long!
Struggling far to long
I've turned on my radio
Relating lyrics to my story
Chest sore I begin to worry
I've given everything my best
Learned the tougher route needing to rest
I've got just enough cash for a snack
A drink and ready to chill and relax
Micky D's on my mind
Might impulsively go to town
Jamming my music loud
Screaming some lyrics and watching the clouds drift over me
I've been in the dark too long!
Comforts gone wrong
Empty phone
Dry conversations
Awkward situations
May put on a movie
Something thrilling possibly scary
Maybe bittersweet or comedy
But first,
turn off my radio I may go cruise
A cheap beater brought me amuse
Skittles and mountain dew
Popcorn M&Ms too
Gummies with chips or hot cheetos
A slow day is my future goals

Avoiding the feeling of being under water. But in I'm on my feet and I'm perfectly grounded but I'm still drowning.
My plans kept breaking.
Hopes and dreams seem so distant.
Clouds fog my surroundings, misty out, and I'm cold I began coughing. I warm beverage but I'm still cold. Some tunes to put my tears at ease in this barely dim lit room.
I long for attention but I don't bring any home with me.

Good morning,  goood afternoon,  and goodnight to you darkness
I wrote the note hopefully it won't hurt everyone
I'm pretty close to being done
I swear somedays I'm not okay
But i have to be
A handfull of issues and perhaps something that gets me through
I wish it was that easy
I wrote about suicide in my journal and the pages are increasing
Judgment and darkness is all I'm receiving
I wake up ready to just quit
Grab my journals and drive away from this ****
No matter how far or how fast
I'll never escape the darkside of my past
I wanted to write the note
I wanted to explain to you theres no hope
Wanted to cry but chose a different path
I'm always going to be that regret that no one wants back

I was on top of the world with joy and love
Began a journey
Use to believe it was all worthy
Always got sticking working
She kissed my forehead and sat me down
Took my boots off and made sure I felt safe and sound
Always dressing up to go for a walk to the gas station
Walked to Walmart because of our no vehicle situation
Did everything together
But that didn't last forever
As I ******* up
She still found love
But I've made it worse
Got close to being buried in the dirt
Lied and cried a lot
Wanted to end me everytime we fought
Made up
Forgot to stay closer my love
I'm now alone drinking too much
You've found a new love
What happened to me
I'm still sorry
Filled with Longines
Lost my happiness
We both were in the wrong
I go back to the past replaying a song
Sometimes a whole Playlist
It was you I miss
Time to let go
Sorry, I loss and can't find light to my world
Now empty and silence fills my tears
I drown in the shower to let it out
Turn up my radio to scream and shout
I'm happy you're finally happier

A mixture of laughs and music hit this town with a perfect volume. I feel the happiness that's meant to be loud.
Lots of smiles in this crowd.
Kids horse playing and families so proud.
I don't want this moment to end, I'm enjoying me a few beers watching rejoice come in.
I love a small town get together
Plenty of food and plenty of family friends to be with.

As I thought my heart broke,
Turned out to be blooming.
A rinse from my eyes,
A wild flower growing.
I've got mistakes and I've got success taking its path on the fields of petals.
A wild flower is what I find my soul to be.

Ever have a movie of thoughts in your having a marathon?
But can't find yourself to run that long?
I even avoid the words I shouldn't say in the first place
Trying to stay at a steady pace
I've got my own motives
I wouldn't want to blow it
I'm now drawing in liquor I've got my own life coat
How about you just let me float
You haven't struggled withe so why does it matter where I go?
I'm only feeling safer talking to myself
I don't know who to trust
But I'm doing just fine
I don't want to have any secrets to hide

Not again
Tempted to open
Great more pain
Every day feels the same
Like i said before
Tear communicate
Feels like my eye lids are going to deteriorate
I'm nothing new
Not special to anyone including you
Dear mama,
I'm sorry I shut you and my father out
I'm in a darker place and I'm just buried in doubt
Wish I was a better man
I'm a classified cheat
Don't nobody trust me
They say don't trust anyone who can't satnd you at your worse before they see your best
About to give up and forever rest
I've owned up
I've lost love
I've been going crazy
Just not myself lately

Use to watch it all in a sitting
Junk food, drinks, laughing, crying, either way it was all comforting.
Writing this piece because a song gave me this bitter sweet memory.
I feel like bella at the moment because I had love that abandon me. Love her for a thousand years.
Now alone with tears.
What's wrong with me.
Why is it all still hurting
Thought it was working
**** it twilight I want to be okay

I had love once
Man time flew
Call me victor
I had a corpse bride
Because our love slowly dies
Freed the butterflies
Victoria revive me
Oh no wait this is real life now I see
I can pretend
But i can go so far
Forgot wjere i was going
I can be confused and still feel my own abuse
For real though?
Can a heart break ince it's stopped beating
Will love still be breathing who knows
Maybe it's me that should go
Choices
Options
Yet still locked underground
Can't tell if I'm safe and sound

My other half
My wheeze when I laugh
Forever going to have your back
Prepare for a hug attack
Stoic and wise
Learning me and warning me that it'll be alright
Always a call away
I'm eager to talk about your day
My wise fox

**** a insecure thought
Been through a battle and I won everyone I fought.
All because I'm the last one standing,
I fall a bit but I'm outstanding.
Try me,
I'll put that to rest because you'll experience true anxiety

It was your failed intentions that ****** me up, the way you impulsively hurt me me. The way sins blushed your cheeks as tears rolled down mine. Love was meant to hurt me and drive me mad. But I've always loved so madly.
Once upon a time I'd day dream of the right one treating me right. Dates under the dark sky under a blanket of stars. The comfort of a presence.
But now I'm insecure and would rather do what I'd imagine any broken soul would do. I'd smile and tell others I'm fine.

I'm okay
I'm fine
I'm happy
I promise I'm safe
I'm eating
I'm sleeping
Lifes great

As if enough, we've talked with exuberance that made my feelings so tough. A love at first glance but a heart shattering after falling for her for just a few hours. Funny how I pleaded to be enough. But she'd bounce between broke boys as if enough for her world to spin. I've rotated mine and have made it go up, down, and back around to catch a smile. As if enough I'm the one that wasn't even enough. She'll never reach high enough to get back to my level.

With the conflicts full of confusion
With this chest ache I've found myself pretty close to be using
I'm drowning in poison to numb the decisions I make
I'm fighting Soberioity from the choices I've made
I've always improved and gotten much stronger
But the next challenge had always gotten tougher
The greatest strength I've gained was being sober for 14 years
About to burn that bridge to bring that inner Nel out.
Sick of missing, sick of feeling defeated, sick of over working to just lose it.
I don't believe I understand or relate to anyone but I sure hope you all believe me when I say loneliness is all that I'm feeling.

I remember when I use to want to be on top of the world. Reaching for a star, shine upon every secure wish. Not a scratch on my smile. But now my teeth rots, I want to be below the world. In a cave, or hidden in a corner. Just distant, please!
The thought of love from a beautiful smile. Who you might ask.... I ask myself the same. But a smile of a beautiful girl who accepts me as one, not who she got attracted too. No one falls for personality first. But personality comes along way, impressions mean everything, but nothing at the same time. We forget to feel when something goes wrong. I can feel nothing as my light flickers on. I still see nothing, but my thoughts directs a film full of depression. But I don't die, I cry, I also hear no sound. But I feel the screams of agony from tough love. I learned that sorry doesn't mean a **** thing. The I love yous or the I miss yous don't mean ****. Have a good day on repeat, but who's really sincere? I'm always sincere because I smile when I look into your eyes. I see the good in you, don't know the worst from you. But would love for you to have an improved good day. I can tell most of you love and love but forget to love yourself. As cliche as love is, we seek it to love us everyday second if the day. The tears form, the thoughts of what hurts us kills hours and hours of our day. But it takes seconds to destroy me. It takes longer for me to seek love I deserve.

Never wanted to panic
Took a hit from insecurities now I have it
Been working just to make it
Use to drink do to my flaws, now I drink to accomplish them. Cheers to failure, flaws got me here.
Now is the time to grab fear.
My little homie is committed with guilt
Experienced something real
But drown in fakeness
Wished that pressure was weightless
Relating to **** commitment
Hey man we're all facing that experiment
Just need to chill, doctor suggested a pill
No time for that antidepressant
On the search for real excitement
Shoot for the stars while flaws gaze upon me
Accomplish failure still haunts me
But who doesn't face failed attempts
Builds up commen sense
I've got my two cents
Just need to vent
What up Dylan how's it going
Heard you're frustrated
But you've got time to change
Got your back and don't be afraid
Not about to stab it with a blade
Patch you up and we'll upgrade
Waiting for you to calibrate

Hanging with the boys
Always doing something different fun and all by choice
I got your back and they've got mine
Always putting in the good time
Jamming then drink
Games and drink
BS and drink
My homies, my brothers, my boys
What's up today we ready to chill
Talk about life and laugh the hours away
Talking about a set life
Scrapping yo mama jokes aside
Lunch on me today let me make the drive
Rant life and sharing stories
Bumping and dancing to our favorite tunes
Thanks bro I vibe with you too

Working late
A decent living
Enjoying the break
Sharing and forgiving
Lost a lot in the past
Changes for the greater good
Going to make every second last
Don't really care how I look
I'm with some good people
That's all that matters to me

Don't hide your beautiful smile.
It's contagious
You're beauty is dangerous
May I spam you?
To late hope you enjoy the view
Hey ******, how you feeling?
Woukd you like me to go?
I'm a at least spam you with a handfull of compliments
There is no way you can win these arguments
You may have to accept it because you have amazing confidence

I am still daydreaming
Thought I had it figured out
Please forgive me
I still love you
Beautiful girl
You are still my world
My smiles are faking
My hearts aching
I'm still breaking
Please know I rather have you happy
Please know i want you back
I'm here crying because it was the past that threw us off track
Don't mean the past was right
I can't help this feeling I'm so alone
Wish I can just have you pick up the phone
I know you're still on it
But I've not words because you didn't want to have it
My chest aches because my tears flooded a whole new planet
My heart remains you can still have it

All it takes is a little effort with some time,
Something that replays the back of your mind.
Somedays it feels no different and some days you seek true comfort in your efforts.
I've cleaned up my mess and tried to seek success
But failure demands itself.
Sometimes the best achievements requires true failure.
Little inspiration goes a long way
Swinging my life to make the achievement
I've got to sign a personal agreement
I've got a new goal and I'm will to do whatever it takes

Couldn't fight the good that turned out to be kind of bad.
I tell myself I didn't deserve any of that.
Had a few tears and a couple of laughs.
Recycling a bit of me to bring myself right back.
I believe I can repair the broken,
Should have not allowed myself to be that open.
Mistakes made me.
Success destroyed me.
Anxiety hits uncontrollably,
Now I'm learning it's not all that bad.
Once again I'll learn from all of that.

Depression & attention both have one thing in common, but always have a different direction.
One can be sudden, one can be annoying, hell one can ruin your choice in affection with ones you love.
Either attention craves you as you lay in bed paralyzed or you're pleading for love as everyone's screens captures they're soul.
A cry for help with no actions or words are being heard.
I once loved so ******* much it was impossible to trust & important for me to set healthy relationships with boundaries & communication was awesome. Attention was filled to the brim & depression wasn't over flowing. Now I'm depressed & have no attention. Well at least the attention I crave. I'm falling in love with strangers, I'm over loving people who take me for granted. I can't stop loving as if the DAM you gave me collapsed & now I'm over flowing with false hope. I guess the difference between **** you and dam me have a cause & affect. The difference is.... I **** myself for opening up to you.

When I punch out I sit in my car smoking a cigarette
About to go home and play some Apex
Hour or two later
I put on some TV in my favor
When the weekends young I drink till I get stupid
This is my life I'm happily getting use to it
Junk food and a good drink
Sweats and TV
Punch out till my lights go dim
I'll put on some slim
Driving around for some music therapy
Gas station food because my stomachs empty
I'll punch in, working for my paychecks go thin
Punch out to enjoy a weekend
For that I'll punch out to punch back in

I always expect the worse, especially when I know it'll hurt. Always putting in the work. Insecure thoughts will follow me til I'm six feet below the dirt. I need to figure myself out. Always fighting and filled with doubt. I still never get a clue. I'll push myself to see it through. But being attractive to someone increases my pressure. I beg for advice but get a pointless story with a lecture
People have been so cold, double tapped trends is their gold. Communications poor and blank selfies so old.
Always afraid of what to say, anxiety is so common but I'm just trying to make it through the day.
I'll always expect the worse, hopefully when it happens I wouldn't be badly hurt.

Dad I'm sorry for lying
Especially when I tried dying
Got hooked and I lied when i said i was sober
Wanted the past to be over
The goals i set
Now living woth regret
Wished you didn't have to see me in the hospital with a suicide attempt
Then after all of that I played being okay
I played it safe
Manipulating the system judt to get hooked
Then to avoid a trace I became an alcoholic
Sorry pops I got so neurotic
It ***** losing
Especially when it was the one
Look at the aftermath I've done
I swear I'll be okay
Just need to have a detox day
I swear ma I'll do better
I'm a write G-ma a letter

My expectations got so high. As if my feelings could survive. May the fears play on set. Drinking up my regret. When must I make it?
I guess I'm about to fake it.
I can sit and rewrite my poems all day. Letting all the words play. May I find the flame to set up the burn. Ready to use some words and maybe even learn. How does one find his main. On the go for some rain. Cool off the train of thoughts. Tryimg to beat any battles I've fought.

I've been a mess without me.
All I've wanted was to make accomplishments with you.
Thought I've found another safe space.
Built these walls to guard my mental place.
I've never wanted any break ins, tell that bad wolf to hold his breathe, I plan to blow myself away.
I thought I wanted a whole new life with you, until you lied me awake.
Only lies I wanted was the wraps around each other arms. Now I hope this pain stays away. I hate the way you got me
Devastated from the rollercoaster full of what ifs and buts along with the hate and adore. Was hard to ignore.
You're knocking and pounding on my doors, now these bricks I've rebuilt crack and break on the floor.
How did this piggy become the wolf when I was the one attempting to huff and puff your love away?

Feel like I'm in a castle
Nature singing
Earth spinning
Tree's dancing
Theres birds speaking
It's beautiful
Sunset caught my eyes just right
Hazel
I'm a chill on top of this tree
Work on me with some peace

I write to feel better
I write a lot of darker poems that ryme
It's a challenge but fun because I can look back and see where it went wrong
My accomplishments are framed in my memories when I feel like picturing it
I can write the same depressing feeling multiple different ways and different stories
I can write about my idea of falling in love all sorts of ways especially in waves
I surf the idea and blush
Even when I have nobody nor have a girl in mind
I still write about something all the time
Started off with a wide ruled notebook and a NO. 2 pencil
Upgraded to college ruled because I loved the idea of writing smaller
By the time I was in 8th grade I got hooked on leather journals
Now my favorite is a leather journal with no lines
My impulsive writing choices amaze me
Glanced up the sky star gazing
To gaze upon, is to plot along
I'll continue to write when I'm feeling right. For that it's a true delight

Last I checked i was the one ugly
But now I'm focusing on trying to be happy
No longer in theater arts so I don't have to be acting
Like performance of a lifetime
With no spotlight
The way I am is a whole new level of normal
I've got teased but that's fine because I am me
Chasing reality
Sober from the bad
The secrets I've had
Now I climb up a step
Drinking a regret
Lost track of the people that left
"Too good at goodbyes"
But that's okay because I'm still alive
Tell me my personality horrible
Last I checked I've met too many that ended up gullible

That smile hurt me
I knew behind that smile was pure agony
I saw me hurting
I've used that smile before
Hard to ignore
I wish to see a real smile

Clever little boy
It's almost Christmas I think Santa got you a toy
Do you know something that I don't?
You're clever, in my family tree forever
You wanted to be just like me, listening to music like me
Now next fall I'm a take you out hunting
Some true bonding
Let's watch over our family together
Thank God for my brother
Then and I wouldn't have each other
The music taste and the choices you make
Here's my heart its for you to take
My little nephew I love you and wouldn't let anything happen to you