I held on to the weight of her guilt.
Carried the regrets she once felt.
I'll still seek forgiveness for the way I once was. Simply not meant to be. But we work on ourselves to be happy. False hope and filled with misery. Wishes fill the field and the sky. Please take me away from this planet. I will be better I demand it. Here's my agony you can have it. Held on for nothing! Held myself for comfort, Also held a bottle. Even then I still felt the pain. Held that pain in between my arms. I held on to her weight of guilt. With the false hope I've once built. I will hold my own, Find A new home. Sick of the darker thrown. My experience has grown. Now it's time to plant me A new future. I had A gut feeling when the toxic relationship started.
She's the one that gutted me and no longer felt guarded. I held myself for so long.
I killed my love and she got so cold.
Lost my world, I held on to let go.
Don't know if I regret my choices.
Wanted someone to hold. Please forgive me. I can't forgive myself. We kept secrets, lies with bad conversations to ourselves. All that to make sure none of us will go insane because we wanted safer health. Held on for so long. Let go so we can move on. I'm sorry I emptied A clip to your heart. Lost my shot and we both fell apart. I forgive you and I will get better. I'm slowly finding out who I am

Watching couples from A distance
Wondering if mine has an existence
Someone to hold hands with
I know it aches my heart
But I can see my worth slowly crumbling apart
I want someone to spend my holidays with
Family time with stories to share along with A kiss
No even worried about gifts
Hanging with each others parents and playing with kids
Holding hands on car rides
Sharing drinks & sticking by our sides
Is that to much to ask for?
The more I daydream the more I can't ignore
Will someone take me?
I hate begging, I'm impatient for love
I'm to be patient but why not start A new journey
I'm slowly burning, Discomfort has me learning
I'm watching couples from A distance
Began to think mine has no existence
Nothing but A harsh experience
Why am I smiling to wake up in A dark reality? Someone deserves this best part of me
I wasn't the greatest in my past
But tough love I've learned pretty fast
I believe I'm good to show my commitment
I've been told I'm A gentleman
Take it from me not them
They only noticed my flaws not the real story
Trust me I'm worth something no need to worry

The way love tortured me, I was still fighting and it still made me happy. Gave in to go out and drink. Hate me, love me, *** with me. All that work to feel nothing. But I was still feeling something. She'd move on, false hope got me wrong. I'd black out on purpose to not feel it. Last night I was the dumbest and that's something I strongly admit. It's a shame I don't remember it.
Been a couple years now, been over a year since I moved out. Dating tough, being attractive is rough. I get ignored a lot, regret that I ever fought. Sleep deprived again eyes going blood shot. What was going on today? I forgot.
One day I'll be appreciated as far as I know. I've got real homies by my side and it shows.
I'm a change because I reread some of my messages. Life's tough and I get it.
She's not worth it bub, calm down and hush.
She won't speak up. Won't even make time for you. Now you're to drop it all. **** it don't need another drunk call.

I ain't trying to compete. But you want to get your *** beat. Maybe you shouldn't talk **** now you don't speak. Bet you're ******* weak.
Don't try to test me kid. Hearing you talk makes me sick. Sick of the games but I can still slay. Start something you can't finish will out you in debt but I know you can't pay
Last time I checked you came to me for help. Then you ghost me like I'm nothing. How funny, how silly. Now I'm ready to throw hands don't need no homies.

I've got 4 by 4s ready to treat you like you do to your ******. Six feet deep, decay below my feet. You won't even have a wake. I'm a be  at your funeral paying my disrespects. You and your poor choice of reality checks.

Why me and why my old friend?
I now know I'm not special and my chest is torn open.
I thought you were crazy about me
You tell me your angry because of jealousy.
But you hid it from me
And now there's a new guy for "hikes"
and now a few movies.
**** man I feel betrayed,
But it doesn't matter to you because we're not "together"
But you're allowed to be jealous and angry

Headphones on, jamming to a song. What can go wrong. I'm a jam til the bottles gone. Albums for weeks. Good songs put a blush on my cheeks. Now I'm daydreaming. Headphones on with songs streaming. Thank you for putting up a good taste. With this moment and liquor I wouldn't waste. Going to keep my pace.

Feel sorry for someone who don't compete.
I ripped the rappers for the bars to eat.
Brushed off the cavities, ready to brush them off my teeth.
Mouth wash mint, but they can't keep up and my trends already has been sent.
Like I said I feel sorry for the weak. Sorry that you can hardly speak. My brains been on fire this whole week.
When will I be well know. I'm talented and words like gold. Been writing, always mentally fighting. But I will always be the one climbing.

I'm ways down for commitment. I'm great at communicating because poetry is gifted. Never been awesome at life, but I do my best to be treated right. Never been lucky, but I chill and stay til dawn. Always down, ways trying to be happy. Look at the alcohol choices I've made now I'm somewhat lucky.

What are you doing to your body
No food because someone cracked fat jokes now you're claiming not a hottie?
What are you insecure again.
Whats next splitting wrist open?

Don't even start! I'm attempting to keep these voices apart. I work 10 hour shifts and the las i need is some thoughts dissing me. I want to be happy.

You can't be happy not getting when you're notified as Nellie with a belly. You need to lose weight to look great.

Nah man I'm just enjoying myself again. I've lost **** near 20 pounds

Hold up 20 pounds isn't enough. No wonder you can't find love. You're the definition of a mistake. What happened, did you're heart break? No wonder why everyone left. You black out and its your own regret.

I just drink to feel nothing. Now I realize its atleast something. I know I lost myself. No one hates me more than I hate me. What a true agony. So what no likes me

No love so I chose to drink. I'm atleast getting wasted with plenty of time to think. Steep choices hit me fast. Cigarette ashes fly in the air. I'm having drinks and I don't care.
"Nel why the **** do you write so much?!"
I write **** down because sometimes life's to tough.
I'm here, slamming some beer. Homies by me about to be a decent year. We all have cheers.
I've got 4 by 4s and I a bury social anxiety six foot deep. 6 foot away or 6 below our feet. Not even a disk because yall so cheap.