You've told me that you appreciate me, I tell you that you mean a lot to me. But all that matters is the years known and the fact that we still are closer than ever. Happier never after. But I'll always have your back. I'll pull up so fast. I feel sorry that you don't have a man to feel complete. But let it be known to the world that your stronger than most. Here's a second of my time because it's piling up to a minute. A heart to offer and you're still in it. You know what means a lot to you and I?
We'll still have each other with no goodbyes.

We went to this concert but you were the one to rock my world. No poison from your smile just a beautiful amazing girl. A chill vibe, a good day and a great night. A kick off to the fourth of July. Sparks from your eye, a smile that got me by. HairBall tradition now, a Red, White, Blue from you. HairBall got me to really admire you. With a smile like that I'd be just as happy as a VIP or up in the nose bleeds.

I'd be more than happy to spend any sort of time next to you. A spot on the bench to watch the seasons fly past our eyes. From gloomy days to gold in the skies. A drink of London fogs to hear about each other's day at work. Stories from our past, I've got the chills thinking and wishing you could be mine. For what it's worth.....That's all that's been on my mind. A duo's, a couple, an even love. But darling what do I have to do to be more than enough?

I am so glad it was never a commitment. You're the one declining my achievements. If it wasn't for your disagreements I'd a never snapped, but it was you spamming my chat. Sorry ***** I'm a disagree with all of that. Good thing my heart never signed no contract. You best not keep in contact. My feelings were for a moment breaking, you ****** me but I was the one faking. Thank you for adding color to this picture because I'll leave it hanging. That's what you get for body shaming. Don't let my homies see our conversations, I'll respectfully warn you to ******* and have a nice life.

You're insecure
I understand
You're angry
I relate
You're controlling
Don't you dare
F YOU for saying some ****
You're lucky you've been blocked before I destroyed your security
Don't you ******* tell me to **** myself again
I'm already alone
F you I've FaceTimed you for hours, I've dealt with your lame *** attention seeking conversations and poor me pity parties.
Now you can F up your trust with others because you've lost mine.
You don't deserve my time

You were always so sweet to me when you requested my presence.
We'd always have a drink and share cigarettes and just talk.
Our sweet snuggles with True Blood in the background. Dogs also snuggled in with the both of us. It was literally peace, I've never been in a safe peaceful place in a long time. I swore I was able to sleep just fine. I almost never wanted to leave. Your smile and giggle was literally the best thing that ever happened to me. I still remember the happiness of your energy when you'd wake me up. The very first time I slept over you woke me up and asked me if I wanted donuts for breakfast. I've never blushed so hard in my life but I drifted off to sleep, my bad love. I'd read out loud my journal entries and my poetry. I'd express my feelings and history with a few drinks and cigarettes as you lay in my arms seeking peace and comfort. I'd never been so happy to share my poetry I'd almost thought you was bluffing until you asked me to keep going. It was right then and there I knew you were serious about your interest with my words. I still day dream about you requesting me to come over. I knew you weren't ready for any relationship, I couldn't careless about your history, but I did care a lot about you and your request was always granted in my book. I don't blame you one bit for ghosting me. I'd be scared too, but I do know one thing. I wish to be scared with you.

I'm beginning to think I'm a *******.
This tolerance was either built in perfection or was meant to be ****** up by their destruction.
The pain of depression has no location, but physical pain always had the location enabled. Maybe that's why I find comfort in my scars. For the sake of the walls I built I will be ****** of my veins bleeding.
I'll find a map instead.
Her hellos and goodnights made me wish her lies were wrapped in my arms. A good day and how was your day made me feel a touch of warmth. It's tough to figure me out.

My thoughts are floating, my emotions devlating my actions. I fell head over heels to sink. I have this habit to overthink. I'm just sporadically all over my feelings. Can't tell if I'm happy or sad. Can't tell if I'm confused or if I'm numb. Can't tell if I'm to be angry or upset. I'm restless most nights.
Why do I feel like a mixed ingredient?
I just don't understand what I'm feeling. My heads in the clouds, but my heart doesn't follow. A floating confusion, a love deflating. Can't tell if I already fell and this is a new improved of my heart breaking.

My key to my heart can be duplicated here is your copy. This heart is your home too you should always be welcomed. The porch light will be on to ensure you can get somewhere safely on your darkest of days. Hopefully you can be enlightened by my attempts to ensure your safety. Here's my hand don't be afraid to take it or hold it when you're fading mentally. Stay as long as you need to, the porch light guide you. Lock the door behind you, I'll welcome you with a hug. Sometimes you just need to be reminded that you are loved.

Today I am tired of the day. I'm exhausted and I wish I wasn't awake. Another dark and gloomy wave. My hand on a cigarette, inhaling my thoughts away. I want the day to be silent, not overwhelming. I just lay here, it's funny......I am supposed to be on this bed to rest. But I'm not even close to resting. In fact I'm restless. Maybe tomorrow something will brighten my day. Maybe tomorrow I'll clean up my space, in this place, and then just Maybe find a dream to chase. Maybe tomorrow I won't drown in doubt and have another severe anxiety attack. Maybe tomorrow will not be as depressing as I am today.

Someone found me, I can't wait to be of company. Without a conversation I'm already feeling a bit lonely. Finders keepers, she didn't need to say that. But her heart did. The way she looks at me brought me to safety. I think I'm no longer the hide and seek champion. But hopefully wish to express how happy I've been found.

With the amount of regret
The amount of guilt
The amount of impulse
All the lies, truth, cries, screams, fails, success, depression, anger, silence, violence, hell even LOVE!
Took a lot of battles and I'd given innocence trauma scars.... just to learn how to be more gentle. I've learned to appreciate more, but my walls will be twice as strong. I'm pretty good and understanding the misunderstood. But it's a shame that I misunderstood the ones who've **** near killed my kindness.

Darling you're not okay, you avoid me all day. You're trying your best, but you avoid rest. Now your veins are filled with regret. Babe you just need help being sober. Life isn't over. If I can survive so can you. I'll help you through. We only got ourselves to lose. The real ones stay, their words not mine but it's part of dark and gray. I'll be there for you everyday. Help you avoid another wave. Like a hand saying goodbye I'll be the first to greet you. That's just what I'd do. You've got a lot to lose. Your life matters and it also matters to me. You're not losing me, thats not whats meant to be. Darling I'll stay with you through your fix, I'll fight til you're sober. Your life isn't over. I cross my heart and hope to die. But this reality and pain don't lie. We fight to survive! But babe you'll be alright. I'll be here for you life and the afterlife.  Darling it won't be alright, but you'll do just fine. Pain demands to be felt. But for you I'll be your stitches, I'll fight off the temptations to be dead in ditches. Just like the world turning in you, I'll rotate nothing more than love. Hey love, you're more than enough.

My dearest siblings I know you miss our dad
Don't think of me as damaged because we all are but I'll always have your back.
Grandma we miss you too
Hardest time around the corner because we lost two
You and dad
I wish time would rewind so I can hug you tighter
As the love lingers in the air
I find myself hyperventilating
A bit out of control and now I'm grieving
I guess that's why my schedule changes.....
I work late, once I'm alone I've got this ache
Hard to believe I'll celebrate my birthdays with out you pops.
We always shared the two days...
Yours and the day after.

I can't promise you the world but I can promise you mine. I understand when you're not ready to give me your time. But you're the only one who sees me, we still chose to be so lonely. We both fell, we both weren't doing so well. But you can mark my heart on your map so you know where to find your home. Just promise me you won't ever go. It's bad enough I felt safer alone. We both know that's not the right path to go. As your tears began pouring, my heart beg and pleaded to save you. But you can't stop a storm. I'm a build us shelter and give you my jacket. My hugs tried to be your blanket. But I'm also not as prepared as any sane person would be. I'm hiding because I'm ******* lonely.

I'm not going to pretend I've got a lot to lose. But I got more than myself to prove. Just got into a habit of expecting the worse. I burned bridges, slit my wrist and put myself in ditches. But still manage to put my friendships six feet into the dirt. They don't want me at my worst maybe they don't get to see me at my best. I'm a put my happiness to a rest. I know I'm not the greatest to be around especially when I'm just ******* depressed. But my past and stories stay with me. I was not okay and drunk while saying shut impulsively. Am I mad or bipolar. The ***** the difference? I still want to burn the world, my world..... maybe things will chill in the end.

I've never seen myself a handsome man.
Handsome like the guys who always have the right look, the right smile, the right people in their life, filled with confidence with no insecurities drowning them. A man who has the perfect world between love and desires. But at peace with his respects. I see myself no different than a shadow or just that empty man in the background like a background noise but with no sound.
(If that makes sense)
I'm no stud...
But I accept myself.
My smile may not be pure as gold.
My world may be dark and gloomy.
But my loyalty has grown truthfully
My mistakes taught me how to survive all the storms before the handsome ones took the light and rainbows.
I'm no handsome man.
But I'm a good man

I'll isolate
When I'm sad I write
If only someone can paint me a picture
I'll attempt to describe it
Most days I barely know my worth
But I prioritize work
But I forget to allow people I trust in
Maybe next episode they see me as a sin
I'll mention a couple of things with no explanation
Yeah, well I ****** up trust again
I'm better off in my cave
I swear I'm not sinister just a little emotion rage
Paranoia for no reason
Maybe I'll open up next fall
(No I won't Maybe next season)

You can take it all out on me,
But I'll refuse to see you as a enemy.
You can ghost me,
Just as long as if I know you're not buried in agony.
I know things been rough lately.
How much longer? How many voice-mails do I got to give you?
How many letters shall I send?
Wish you were here, wish I didn't have to pretend. More importantly I wish you were here when I need you. I've been embarrassing myself and I've been wrecking friendships. No one understands me as good as you did. I maybe have 2 maybe 3 by my side, but I know I should be greatful.... but I'm losing motivation and some pride. It's been 4 months since I last heard your voice. I get a text atleast every other 3 weeks. You've still have yet to learn how much you mean to me. Wish I could just give you my emotions and my eyes to show you.

My love for you can go from intimacy all the way to expressing everything verbally. If your attention found my direction I'd hold you closer. I want us to love each other, I would love to watch us grow older. With you I feel sager.
I don't think you understand how you mean to me. I believe I owe you my heart. I believe you deserve my attendance.
But darling you need to realize things will be okay. You don't have to hide away from me, you don't have to ignore me. My love maybe a mountain, but together we can climb. We can take a hike. Guess what.......?
The adventure has its mystery but....
Wouldn't the view be beautiful?
I think it'd be.
I have a trillion love and miss yous piled up ready to head towards you.
You're my hat to block the sun or the rain.
You're my blanket to keep me warm.
When am I gonna be your Bel to fight off the pain?
I don't believe you know how much I adore you in every sense of the way.

I've been doing good but I still have karma dimming my light.
I pay some respects but still struggle with my life.
Been spending A lot of alone time reading and writing.
But for the sake of my securities I doze off in silence.
Mute my phone, turned off notifications.
I'll be doing okay