The touch of comfort
The pleading for comfort
A safer place mentally
A desire to feel the warmth of your lips
A touch of desire by the fire place
I've wondered how long before I reach your hand
The touch from your finger tips
The gestures of love pressed to my lips
I desire you and have yet to still meet you

It's always been difficult for me to decide where I belong.
I've opened my heart to allow others in.
I've been betrayed and gifted countless times.
I swore I'm my own enemy.
But the bottles has helped me.
Bitter sweet with a curse.
Couldn't see straight and I think that was best for the worst.
I've waited eagerly for the best of me.
But darling I think I'm always going to be my worst enemy.
Gave everyone my best
My kindness, became a weakness, and for that I've been locking doors to allow myself to rest.
Go away from me, let me drown myself with my enemy.
Our friendship turned into a bitter sweet story, full of beauty. I my own enemy.

I wish upon a girl, to remind me why I need love in this world. A little cling to brush off the hate. A way to look forward to someone I'd appreciate. Once upon a time a few mistakes. Tell me why I need to prioritize self love. Help me see the views because I've seen hell and I want to be high above. A once fallen angel that manipulated me for destruction.
Come adore me the way I'd look at you. Beautiful eyes, a comfort by my side.
That is a good goal I'll once achieve.

Tired of feeling empty, but when I drink so heavy, all my problems spill out this bottle til everyone is sick of me. I'm drinking Jagermeister ice cold. My Problems on the rocks, these insecurities don't stop. Fell down before I saw the world crumble from the top. When did the lies begin to burn? I've learned the truths that hurt. Been fighting since birth. Letting go by the next toughest lessons that brought pain to my chest. One day I'll be able to be at peace but my burdens continues to rest. I only know me at best. Counted my personal wins that kept me at success. Cheers to the ones that knows a little toooo well, what's its like to drink yourself to hell. It's like spoken slurred words ranting some spells, a suffocation on the liver ringing painful bells. My drinks empty, my decisions filthy. Words I've never said, actions I'll forever regret. Began a journey I shouldn't have left. But as long as I stick to the right maybe I'll find my way back around, a moment of safety or a moment of weakness either way there is a way to hit the ground. Eyes blood shot, stomachs a angry growl. I'd change the minute I know how.

We're together now, I wonder how it'd be like when  we were kids. Riding bikes, meeting at the park, running blocks to each other's homes, and talking about chasing dreams in our tree house. Pillow forts to keep the us safer from scars that are now covered by our tattoos. I wish I could have been there for you when life hurt you. I wished I could have given you my night light to use on your darkest days. I wished we all would have grown up together. But now we're Adulting together. I can dream of a chapter from my younger adventures. I can talk about pay phones and cigarettes. But now I'm here with you now. We're getting older together now. I'll give you my night light, I'll read you a story on how I got by and show you the scars on my skin. Let you know that you're never alone with me by your side. Meet up with me under swings and walk with me to the slide. This is our park now. We'll continue to grow and dream still

Hand me that pill, these emotions about to ****, swallow that feeling down I will, I got my drink not trying to spill.
A message to my stepmother father you understood in certain circumstances, I used to drown my life then take chances. I spent so long sipping and slamming bottles. It's ironic because that **** used to help, when I said I'd never drink it bad for my health.
Little brother I need you, youngest sis we talk more and see **** through. Then my second in command, we use to take a hand. You told me you understand, when I couldn't stand. **** some days I feel so defeated and I can't see it through. Mama the ******* need me to do.

Paralyzed on the floor
Gripping on the pink pillow
I'm shaking back and forth in this dark room
Tv lit and I'm distracted from remembering the scent of her perfume.
Narrow road
If it wasn't for a smile I'd a never spoke
Burry me with whiskey and cigarettes
Put on my songs that'd I'd never forget
Excuse my manners they haven't left
This is where you count me as another guilty regret
But at least we're ****** together

Already feel like we met
Already have said what I've said
I want you in bed
Side by side
Kisses with hugs with excitement
Smile kissable
Eyes full of desires
Smile had me blooming
I'm now daydreaming
I'd say you're pretty perfect for me
All I see is beauty and loyalty
Hopefully you'd desire me the way my eyes desire you
"I'd never let go first"

My other half
My wheeze when I laugh
Forever going to have your back
Prepare for a hug attack
Stoic and wise
Learning me and warning me that it'll be alright
Always a call away
I'm eager to talk about your day
My wise fox

Depression & attention both have one thing in common, but always have a different direction.
One can be sudden, one can be annoying, hell one can ruin your choice in affection with ones you love.
Either attention craves you as you lay in bed paralyzed or you're pleading for love as everyone's screens captures they're soul.
A cry for help with no actions or words are being heard.
I once loved so ******* much it was impossible to trust & important for me to set healthy relationships with boundaries & communication was awesome. Attention was filled to the brim & depression wasn't over flowing. Now I'm depressed & have no attention. Well at least the attention I crave. I'm falling in love with strangers, I'm over loving people who take me for granted. I can't stop loving as if the DAM you gave me collapsed & now I'm over flowing with false hope. I guess the difference between **** you and dam me have a cause & affect. The difference is.... I **** myself for opening up to you.

As I thought my heart broke,
Turned out to be blooming.
A rinse from my eyes,
A wild flower growing.
I've got mistakes and I've got success taking its path on the fields of petals.
A wild flower is what I find my soul to be.

Went for a few, treated myself too.
Danced the night. Chilled with friends it was pretty alright.
Talking and sharing stories.
I'm so thankful for my homies.

The night we met
A simple kiss
A simple night
Kisses grown wild
One thing led to the next
Laying in bed for some rest
Plans to know each other
Plans and intentions to admire one another

Saw a post, learned I missed you the most. Wish you was still so close. A rush of anger hit me, then Sadness took over lowkey. ***** that simple little posts and memories ****** me. Hate the ways of this reality. Unreal that you're gone, hate the way darkness consumed my rejoice of this ****** up world. Saw a post of that *****. What a ******* wave of a goodbye I had to deal with. I refuse to seek any sympathy if that ******* feeling. It'd be up on sight. Wished I'd had dragged you away that night. You're gone and life without you don't seem right. Dear cupcake I think of you most nights. Wished to talk about everything and wished to sat in the phone with you even as simple as background noise. My family wished they loved you as much as I do. Wish you came back home my dear, I'll love you to the moon and back baby. My best friend, my family, my lady. Miss you so so much bud❤

This was unexpected but also was predicted.
High pressures and hopes deflated
I'm so defeated
Depression gave me type two
I'm not sure if anyone understood why I stressed eat sweets
Always ready for a drink
I'm happy I pulled up
Upset about the results
Appointments after appointments for now
I hope I don't ******* drown
I've got a sweet tooth
But that's how depression and anxiety get you
Greater pros, higher cons.
I've got to learn how to avoid consuming under stress
A diet to put my levels a safer journey
I'm going wild both in my mind and my soul

I've been so caught up
Felt like no one wanted to save me
But these temptations are stronger
I don't think my mind can save me
My heart screams just ignore me
Is this what you wanted?
A dose of poison to dual what I've been dealing with
Because surviving the pillshot wasn't enough
I don't think anyone is listening
These temptations are dragging me closer
I'm pleading and screaming but I'm losing
Thought I'd be stronger as I got older
But I'm beginning to careless
It's just that drinking isn't enough
Smoking just don't feel enough
I want something deeper than longcut
Just lost in my head
Ignore the motivation and **** what said
Temptations goes along way
Beyond the dead
A wish upon a comfort
But a sharp pain
I'm losing my mind
Feels like I'm going insane

Couldn't be any more sympathetic about these kicks. Walked plenty of roads with these. A greater distance with plenty of views I was able to see. Some good shoes taking care of my feet. Haven't felt anymore or less from the soreness that kept me on my toes. The new shoes will soon enough take me on another adventure. But I'll never forget the times I've spent slipping these on and off.

I chose to admire from a distance
Chose to fall in love in silence
I'd much rather dream while your smile drives me restless when I can't sleep
Would rather love and adore you from a safe distant away from your gaze
Would rather get over you in days
Rather than spend my whole life dealing with the rejection you gave
Would much rather skip a rock against your waves because I'd be able to control the skips before I drowned down to a dark place
I'd rather day dream a cliche
In silence I'd treat you the best anyone had offered you
But again.....
I'm better off staying silent
All because I know my action screamed but I'm not of worthy
Would rather fall in love and let go all in the same day.
But baby trust me when I say,
In silence I've loved you life time after life time in silence full of life.

I've been a mess without me.
All I've wanted was to make accomplishments with you.
Thought I've found another safe space.
Built these walls to guard my mental place.
I've never wanted any break ins, tell that bad wolf to hold his breathe, I plan to blow myself away.
I thought I wanted a whole new life with you, until you lied me awake.
Only lies I wanted was the wraps around each other arms. Now I hope this pain stays away. I hate the way you got me
Devastated from the rollercoaster full of what ifs and buts along with the hate and adore. Was hard to ignore.
You're knocking and pounding on my doors, now these bricks I've rebuilt crack and break on the floor.
How did this piggy become the wolf when I was the one attempting to huff and puff your love away?

I've always know this had been over
But your attention had you laying on my chest and shoulder
What's the hell am I to do when I try to climb and get over?
I've always thought you wanted what I wanted
The what ifs and how's that?
Feels a lot more worse than a closer loved one stabbing my back
You showed me hardly any emotion
Called me out for not showing enough
You'd already givin up
As I'm repairing **** that'll continue to break up
Now my inner sides scream in agony with tears shoving me back into the night when we'd dance with the waves
Had no idea they were your waves to me

Let the thoughts be a lot more quiet
I wish my mental health would stay silent
Can I please be happier
I shouldn't struggle this hard to fake a smile

I've learned to rest when I need sleep, it's always different when you're next to me. Here baby, I've got comfortable clothes, I'll hold your hands when your cold. Want my hoodie and my coat? Let's watch our babies get old. Be there on their high and lows. Roll me up, smoke me up, wish to hold you my love. My partner and my best friend, I never want our time to end.
The way you look at me, the way you kiss me
The way I hold you, the way you let me too
I want to grow with you
My plus one against the world I hope it stays just us two

Some days I just don't know how to feel
I'm laying in bed contiplating what lies under the truth and hope things aren't so real
How do I begin to wake up under this chill
I know I need to see someone but they'll just give me a pill
The toughest old habit I had to ****
Some things aren't just meant to be this real

Once upon a job, I've gained a best friend.
Once upon a girl, she ****** off as if it's the end.
Gave me a warning, a painful debate led to a loss.
I guess I'll take my bies self off the planet, I'll forever love you here's my feelings you can shatter it.
I'm sorry for being more than enough, I understood your frustration but a debate between rejoice and friendship was tough. Your friendship with me had sailed, left me with no life jacket and my rejoice almost failed.
A Bies friend became my new name
2 week ***** became hers
If I've learned anything I must have been some *****
**** hurt when you left and I'm too afraid to get close to any one anymore
Now I'm a stranger