I don't want to just fall for love, I want love to fall for me. Simply or simply not meant to be. Either way I found myself lonely. I've got scars and flaws to make up. But sometimes tear drops wipe them away, sleeves can only cover so much. Just please don't hurt me the way I've hurted myself. For that I refuse to seek out help.  There was a illusion that filled my head. I don't want to classified as delusional so I keep **** myself instead. With the fear surrounding my fall, I find myself deeply in love with false hope. I predict no future but I predicted what would hurt the most. Little did I believe, I said I dint feel no ghost, but I'm haunted by any attention. I'm a open person, I forget to close my heart. A warming person who feels cold from the start. I've been so close as I've been distant and I know that's my bad habit. But how do you quit a bad habit if there wasn't even a commitment? Just feels like I'm wasting time finding no achievement. I don't think I can settle to anyone's agreement. I've always known me less, but others the best.

I know she ain't really been a mom. Everyone ended up leaving you in town. Life's been a mess lately with out dad. We hide depression by being upset and mad. This is the life I didn't want for you. I really wish there was a thing I can do. But we're Hall's we always pull through. Kills me knowing there isn't a solution. I wished you to have everything for you to receive nothing. My hearts breaks, I die a little. I cried a bit. Now I sit, now I wonder... what would dad do?

People say they don't have enough.  I've learned how to make the best of what I have. I am known for losing and winning followed by more losing. But I'm surrounded by good friends and I have a strong sibling bond. What more can I really ask for. I do get scared sometimes but that is the way of adult hood. I can't say that I am happy with some choices I've made in the past, but everyone has those moments. I am going to be working in a whole new level of change. I'm scared but yet intrigued. It's not far from where I live and it's dayshift. I'd say that's a win, but I hope I last longer than a few months. I'm so tired of starting over. But that's what makes my life a bit more exciting. A new job, hopefully a decent career. For that I will hopefully no longer live in fear but for the most important part....my new chapter.

I can't help it. I can't compare it. I don't want to lose it. They say the bigger you are, the harder you fall. I'm beginning to believe it's the same thing for love. Like, the bigger your heart is..... the harder I fall. I'm hard to love, but I love too hard. Harder than most. People preach love and loyalty, but they also preach one night stands and a month to month worth of content or a subscription. I can't say that I'm the one nor anyone's only. But if I may.... will someone.....the right one change that?