I enjoy to celebrate my success. Always doing my best. Taking that weight off my chest. I am far to amped too rest.
A shortness of breath. But thus isn't anything I'll regret. Happy I woke up early with the shortness of hours I slept. Now I will happily take a step.

Why do I ignore me?
Never wanted to make it work, the best I did was my worst. Mocked myself again. Stuck inside my head. Decided to give up instead. It's a lot easier to do nothing, then I've caught myself daydreaming about me doing something.
I've made a difference, used my flaws as a reference. But then I climbed up the ladder. Earned my way to a staircase so I best take a step. Moving up slowly. Not allowing myself to be so controlling.

I'm not a good friend I've gone mental
Ignore the facts I've been slightly suicidal
Girls ranting to me about wanting to be happy
But can't fight the reality
I'm not there right away
So now I'm the cause of pain
We learn from failure not a bad memory
Sad to see I'm someone's world temporary
**** the smiles I've once had
Always rushing to get the past right back
Now I'm trying to move from that
I'm a horrible friend because I blame the mental
A repeated cycle but **** me for being suicidal
Crossed paths victims and a suspect
But I'm the one who you chose to disrespect
I'm there but it's not enough
Then you tell be it's the memory and dark thoughts from above
Who do I believe?
What are you trying to achieve?
I tell you my days off 3 times a week
But you remember conversations
But you don't remember what we planned last week?
Excuse me for not participating in your cycle
I'm just looking past it to avoid going ******

"Delta 16, will you take out a 47? Front desk."
Said the dispatcher.
"10-4"
I Said
But everything seemed so off. I can't hear anyone once I get to the front desk. It's colder than normal. I started hearing my radio break out.
"Dispatch, radio check"
It's still statically
"Dispatch, radio check"
I repeated
in a creepy deep female voice
"Radio check good"
I had assumed that was just delta 12 but the radio was also being just weird. As I proceeded to the front desk I could swear I heard whispers behind the slots themes.
"They're here, get out!"
But then again I had been listening to horror stories and had been watching horror movies.
"Eagle dispatch, 47 front desk"
I had said
But there was no one at the front desk so I waited
"Clear from eagle on your 47 front desk"
Oh great, I'm clear But not clear. Do to no one here.
I heard a voice though...
"back in here hold on one second. I dropped the receipts."
Front desk clerk said
She seemed off to me...
"Delta 16, eta on your 47?"
Said dispatcher
"I'm at the front desk still waiting on the clerk, sorry dispatcher I had thought she was ready"
I start to hear whispers getting louder
"They're here! They're with us! Get out while you have a chance!"
Said the voices
Okay, I think I'm skitz, but I can't help that it dramatically got louder
BANG!!!
"Delta 16, are you okay!? What's going on there!!!!"
Eagle dispatch says
"Delta 16 down, code 4 deltas, I REPEAT CODE 4 DELTA DOWN, DELTA 16 DOWN"
Eagle says in a panic but yet professional voice.
It got cold, outside looks so dark and gloomy. Like rain will down poor but it's also kind of foggy. Only in Minnesota. I began to walk past the front desk because I thought she'd had gone in the back from some reason. But then a guard approached me.
"Sir, you can't be back here!"
A man had said
"Sir, I work here. What are you doing following me?"
I had said
He looks at my badge and I look at his uniform
We both in confusion look at each other
women screaming
I ran over right away towards where I thought I'd hear it.
"Welcome, to hell!"
Dark deep voice
"Dispatch 10-65, 10-24 behind the front desk door!"
I repeated
But no response
Not even a statically sound
But I keep hearing random voices again
"Nellie! Stay with us!!!"
I began to wonder what's going on
I keep feeling a sharp pain on my chest, anxiety level to the max
"Hey, we've got to get moving. Shooting in thus casino!!!"
Said the man
I get up to catch myself fighting masked men
"Get the ******* me!!!"
I screamed
I got beat and I noticed blood everywhere
But I'm only bleeding from my face
I looked up to see that bodies are everywhere and that man is now laughing while bleeding to death
I go to look outside to see the beautiful outdoors one last time before I fade away. I noticed a very tall man in a suit next to another emo looking man with a huge smile
I began to wonder what's happening I'm very very disturbed
But I start seeing a bunch of dark figures crawling from behind them. Then my chest really began to hurt but then my whole body felt a rush of air and a huge shock ran through my body.......
"Clear!!!"
"Hurry up, we're losing him again!!!! Nel, wake up!!!"
I've noticed I'm not okay, as I got a sharp pain towards my side.
I got sharp pain and shocks of waves running through my body!
I scream what's going on!!!!!
I lose sight immediately of the dark shadows and Grey and gloom room and I now see a room full of officers and paramedics and like my whole Delta team
"What the hell happened?"
I struggle to ask
"Nel, you've been shot and stabbed, try and not move or speak"
I knew I should of listen to the whispers. But I can now hear whispers telling me
"He's got you, no escape!"

Hoping your choices haunted you
Along with cupid that taunted you
How are you going to fight for my attention?
Then just leave?
Once upon a broken heart lead by cupid
Struck by a arrow that made my guts seem so stupid
The youngest God of all time gave hope to those in need
All with a dash of a happy heart beat
Now a arrow struck for dark punishment
A failed heartless commitment
Haunted romance
Cupid with a beautiful voice made queen rejoice a dance
Little did anyone know we watch our love deteriorate as we feel so empty
The numb of nothing brought a cruel love affairs of destruction
Tell me who fell off but still kissed some lips softly?
Reply to agonizing comments with compliments in hopes of repair
Now a bottle in despair  
Now I felt pain and I felt so ugly
But can't help to still reach out to repair the arrows wounds like I'm a medic
What a pandemic
Here's the keys to my trust I guess anyone can have it
Cupid conquered what I wish to have but I can't demand it
I beg and plead
With cold hearts making me freeze
I really hope you get what I feel I deserve
As you're walking around happy and I'm the only one hurt
I better put this broken heart for auction
A poetic broken heart
On a shelve collecting dust like a piece of art
Who can really understand how that feels?

Nobody noticed any changes I've made,
Makes some good adjustments just to feel betrayed
Always a game to you but I've never played
I've now been avoiding just to clear my head
But now I've felt like I'm all of the sudden everyone's regret
Consider this my first step
But now I've got the urge to run
Rumors just caved in
You're not a angel so I'm a just let myself sin
Your comfort was like a pillow
Not I'm uncomfortable I'm a flip it over to have my head chill
Trying to keep myself down low
Avoiding everyone is the easiest when they're loyalty can't stay still
I'm off to my own now
Phones on mute but these streaks cry out
But left on read, I think I'll just turn off my phone instead.
My budget may not be the greatest, but my love and loyalty is completely priceless!
***** the difference? I think you're confused, might need make multiple calls let's start a conference!
I deserved the best, but got the worse. Caught some rest, now I'm buried in dirt.
A pounding chest, questioning my worth.
Loved who saw me at my worse, now they witnessed my best.
Don't ever feel obligated to anyone, just commit to loving yourself.
Who's honestly going to know you better especially when you've got your own mental health?