Always destroying my love
Fights break out I began to push and shove
I plan to move
But I feel like there's too much to lose
I'm trapped wearing a noose
Can't catch a breath I seriously have to choose
Self destruction with a depressed cherry on top
But my world completely fell off
No privacy, not even a knock.
That insecure part of me made me so lonely
Can't trust anyone to even get to know me
How will you tell me you care?
But I unlock myself to see that no one's there!
Not surprised, but I've got this mental panic.
Wished someone wanted my heart but I still had to grab it
Now I'm looking past it
It's now my new habit
Who was the old me?
I barely drank socially
Now that temptations getting a hold of me!
Try and tell my I'm ugly!
I've made it the far so go ahead and judge me!
I felt bullet proof until my love shot me
A bottle with a 100 shots
Emptied the liter reloaded and cheers went down the hatch
I'd a wished to take it all back

Don't talk to me about your commitment
Show me you're committed
It's personal not a business
But we got different sides of a story
That's something that we shouldn't lose sleep over nor something much a worry
Assertive voice
But a defiant action by a choice
Never made any agreements
Just focusing on my achievements
Don't stress too much not worth grieving
Messages receiving
A phone call just for a rant
But making your own choice is a won't not a "I can't"
I understand the frustration
But you've gotta to redirect the situation
Just don't retaliate
I'm sure you'll do fine and I'll feel great

Living in depression
Built up from constant destruction
But working my *** off for nothin
Always empty
Always lonely
**** this feeling
I miss the happy me

All these doubts are making me lose motivation. Especially when I feel good about a situation. Never a dull moment but always a sharp pain. With a thought of comfort I put myself in vain. But on the bottom of a mountain I still see beautiful views. With not a moment to lose. Not trying to get myself confused. Doubts gave me a hand, depression gave it a round of applause. Anger filled my world with chaos.
I've chased dreams before. But a catcher caught it, so I bought it and tried to catches more. Now the dreams catch me.

I'm far so greatful for picking up a pen
In the end I've always been able to learn how to win
A struggle hits and that's where the writing began
I'm my own fan
Ever struggled so much someone's else struggle was a walk in the park
So you went out and stitched up their heart?
That happens way too much for me
But a pen really saved me
I've always felt alright
Always eager to write
Found a true best friend
Love always my good pen

I get mad
I get impatient
But I will not lose my cool
I'll do whatever it is I need to do
Please give me space
To get myself back in place
Just a moment and I'll be okay

Waking up for my first job and still half woke. Survived first shift to barely make it to the second shift, all that work to still be broke. A handful of bills in my wallet. But these dead presidents keep my credit score haunted. I remember when things were fairly easy. Never mind no I don't, I've been working full time since high-school. Never was once was able to see my own IQ. The difference between dayshift and late shift is that I'm able to nap to prepare for the cycle again. Chasing dreams from head but it's going to cost overtime to make that happen. I've got to stay on my feet, work late for 3 extra hours to enjoy my lunch breaks just to eat. I've got no where special to be, I'm just trying to succeed. Hardly ever want any company. By my lonesome is comforting. A day to myself is more than a treat. But that's I day I hope to see. By then that'll be plenty!