Two hours at home
In the dead of summer
My sweaty feet vibrate
Like the shivers of my mental in the hibernating winter.

I can’t stay here for too long.

Some might say ADD
But I’m an African Christian.
We don’t get that
We got God.

So the fam prescribes me with some prayers
They talk to God and not me.
So I can be free.

Now it’s the peak of frostbite
At this point I’m numb to the pain.
I’m feeling off about not feeling.
You could call it empty.

I can’t stay here for too long.

Some might say depression
But I’m an African Christian.
We don’t get that
We got God.

So the fam prescribes me with some prayers
They talk to God and not me.
So I can be free.

The flowers are growing
And I’m worried I might miss it.
Spring bounces really fast.
I’m nervous that I won’t have my leaves.

I can’t stay here for too long.

But I’m an African Christian.
We don’t get that
We got God.

So the fam prescribes me with some prayers
They talk to God and not me.
So I can be free.

But the seasons are forever.
They don’t go away.
There’s no freedom in that.
So let’s talk about it
And cope.

I gracefully tip toe
With landfills on my head.
I’ve learned to wrap my feet with layers
That mask the ****** red.

I want to unravel in front of you
So my skin can breathe

But I’m afraid these hideous injuries
Will scare you and me.

I’m crying from my nose
So I can say I’m sick instead.

But these are my little calls for help.

Don’t talk to me about self care
I’ve done yoga before.

I am grateful.
Because the first time I had ***
There was consent
There was consent to explore my body
And expand my walls, slowly
Very sweaty
It was nothing like the movies
But the amount of comfort moved me
I pray no one ever rapes me
**** has tried to sniff me
I can feel my trembles at those memories
I pray that **** victims are healing
That maybe they can experience *** freely
And not like a prisoner in their own body.

Do I love you or hate myself?
Maybe it’s not a binary
But,
If you don’t love me in the way I want to be loved
Why am I letting it happen?
I think it’s time to do some surgery.

I can’t imagine life without you
But I’m not sure I’m with you

Your absence has directed me inwards
And I’m finding me.
I don’t love me enough
Time to repair.

I don’t always want to be a woman
Sometimes I want to be a girl

Without you taking advantage of me
Without you seeing me as less
Don’t infantilize me

Now can I have a hug
Will you hold my hand?

Does vulnerability only live on this land?

I’m sorry I rhymed
Was that too juvenile for you

Why am I apologizing for my youth?
My inner child can only save me

I love you baby

As I step into the unknown
I’m stepping into myself
Because all I know is that I am here

So thank you to the unknown
For making me meet myself
I’m still meeting me
It hurts

Lots of dust to sweep
But ****
I look good
In a ****** up way.

I’m not totally serene
There’s monsters inside of me
I decided to be friends with all of them

We create sweet sounds of mental symphonies
I see them evolving
Giving me flowers and stuff
Sometimes with secret bombs
But were talking about it

Some days my grip will be weak
But even my weakness is strong

When I fall,
I want to smile
And kiss my wounds
Turn my lips
To the perfect red

I think my blood
Is good fertilizer
I’ll probably let it drip a little
Say hello my tears

I won’t push it away
Cuz I know it will cling
On to me stronger
So I honor you sickness
All of me belongs here

I’m stronger than ever
And dying at the same time.

I’m not here to make you comfortable
I hope you’re comfortable with that.

This is where I'm at.
I don't know what I did wrong
I don't know what I'm doing wrong
I don't know if anything is wrong

I feel wrong
I can't sleep normal
My heart pounds me awake
My psyche says I don't deserve sleep
Till I figure this out

When I try to figure this out
The knot gets more complex
My heart gets louder
I think I give up

I can't tell if giving up is freedom or defeat
I don't know what's wrong
Trying to know makes it worse
Letting go feels unfamiliar