Trust in the Universe
Trust in God
Trust in yourself
Trust makes me anxious
I don't have it
I preform it
I draw it
I watch how fresh it makes your face
So I freshen mine up too
But there's no untying the knot in my gut
So I come back and ask for trust
I was told trust doesn't ask
It just believes

I deleted my social medias again
I won't go back until I have a song I'm proud of.

I was waisting away down a timeline of ads
I wasn't connecting with anyone
I connected with awkward cats.
I don't even want a cat.

Maybe I'll fix my TV
Invite some potential friends over
And watch awkward cats together.

So low
l
o
w
e
r
Lower
Slower
The pain is dragging out
It's depth is slippery
It feels like it's me
I don't believe it though
It's just a heavy jacket
I'm something else underneath that jacket
But ******* ****
I can't find the zipper
I've been in here for a while
Some days I can't tell if this jacket is my skin
Remember it's a jacket
REMEMBER!
It's a battle
Pyou pyou pyou
With myself.
It feels like I'm against the world
But I know it's with myself.

I just want to spend time with you.
He says okay.
And comes at night when I'm asleep
That's time right?
But I'm not there
I'm in another world of dreams.

I just want to be present with you
But he can't afford that
He got bills to pay,
Words to write,
Friends to entertain.

He says I love you.
Ya I know.
But
Love makes time.

It turns that 24 into a 25.
It says
"Hey you wana hang during my lunch break"

Babe come over,
Help me create.

Wedge me into your time.
I don't want to be the one asking
All the time.

It hurts.

My mother tongue got cut off
I’ve been bleeding in my mouth ever since
But I learned to cope with the pain
Because no one with my mothers tongue has been able to
Show me how to grow it back.

Hair grows back easily though.
It keeps my head warm
So my thoughts can sit comfortably
While trying to process what the **** everyone’s saying,
Without burdening the translator who just wants to listen.

I try but can’t listen or speak
It turns into a silent loud noise
This language barrier pulls my hair
My thoughts release with no refuge
It’s cold out here I try and tell them
But no one can hear me.

So I try to improvise and improvise
I wana say I love you. I’ll try and show you how.
I can’t verbalize my humor
It makes me cry.
Now they wont get to know me as deeply
As I dig for them and they dig for me.

Then they ask me how could you not learn your language
As if I hate it
I ask them do you know my story
I did not choose this.

It’s not their fault
It’s not my fault
Idk what was conspiring against me or with me
To make this happen.

So as I try and learn to grow back my mothers tongue

I pray that this is a gift
And its curse like symptoms is only a mask

I pray this is a gift
And its curse like symptoms is only a mask

I pray this is a gift
And its curse like symptoms is only a mask
Amen

He looks like a rasta
Preaches no money only peace
But smokes no ****
He’s been sober all his life
Like he just got out of rehab
But doesn't mind if his friends smoke a couple trees
He breaks it down like a b-boy
That might of known Michael Jackson
Then belts out American country music
In the heart of Africa
Designs fashion making Europeans wonder
If they should colonize Africa again to get his resources.
Neo-colonization anyone?
He has small money
He lives poor
But lives rich
Has his own humble home
Like the adult he’s been since 15
And loves helplessly like he’s still 15
Despite the bruises the world continues to lash on his never aging soul.
Ohhh
Those bruises must hurt
But he’s trying to heal them with his art
He is an anomaly
Doesn’t fit here or there
But anomalies are perfectly normal
They choose to sit in there soul
Release truth that needs to be told
Because it’s only natural
Not fabricated
The fabricated
Really hates it.
The fabricated
Still takes a taste of it
Because they want that
Freedom
The fabricated
Watch in awe
They say no
You aren’t allowed to do that
That’s a contradiction
You’re a paradox
Social lines wont let you cross that.
Get back in line
Get back in line
Before we shoot you
Because we want your freedom too.
He’s been shot a couple times
I think his soul is his armor
But he lives in a human body
So you can imagine he’s not all that bullet proof.
Even if his body dies one day
I swear his soul will live on.
His freedom has no expiration date.

You've made it clear that whenever I speak to you
I can't touch you.
You've made it clear that when I try
There's no will.
So I stop with emotion that's still present.
I stop because my waste you have so named, has no sewer.
And I cant. Because I'm clogged.
My feelings have reached overcapacity and I don't entirely know where to drain.
Or if I even should have a sewage for this supposed waste.
So I lay here in floods of my pain
Not knowing if you'll merely recognize them
As I go mentally insane.
So don't tell me I'm special
Because if I was important you wouldn't let me rot
Like a half eaten Apple
You decided to pursue
Like the yoga you picked up but
Only for a short period of time
Like that thing you decided to do but not really.