nathan

nathan Jan 2020

run

tryna run from the dark
seeing through myself
my flaws are some holes
like some swiss cheese
i'm tryna please the whole world
and breathe
but that ain't feasible
i wanna escape and just run
and this is pivotal

these eras are slow motion
movements through emotion
the poison taking a toll on me
is potent
scampering around me like a rodent
keeping cool for some time
makes me think it's alright
but i'm not seeing the light

tryna keep my head up
while i trudge from the dark
lurks around before its ****
like a shark
i swear it wants to tear me apart
i mean i don't know where to start
when i talk about the fear
i have of falling apart

but then again
i don't know how to do
anything else
but walk
and talk my talk
stall the brick wall of self-hatred
from taking my all
immersed in prayer and self-worth
is all i can search for
and i want it
more and more...
can't do anything
but continue my run

- n.a.

instagram.com/thebitter.end

#poetry

nathan Jan 2020

breathing easy

tryna hone my inner power
living in retrospect
gets really sour
with every passing hour
facing a tower of emotions
im just tryna find the
antidote
to tear it down
falling like i’ve lost
my hope
they’ll crumble
i hope i drown in them

i feel like i’ve felt
my final peak
and now this valley’s
never-ending
spending my own
mental equity
for trying to feel feelings
of wanting to exist,
as a living being

until my time comes
i’ll drill it into my mind
that i can push behind my
woes and
unfortunate circumstances
and, by no
happenstance
i can have a chance at
breathing easy

n.a.

instagram.com/thebitter.end

#poetry

nathan Jan 2020

tired

praying for some energy
i feel like i've been buried in the dirt
lookin' for my worth down below
i looked high and
i was left dry
so i ain't know where to go

growing close to these feelings
of passionate pain
i've wrote of it before
you might be tired of what i'm sayin'
drought of joy floods my brain
rushes me to early unconsciousness
by 4 in the pm i've been slain by the
demon of unnecessary sleep
off my feet and then i'm up
until dawn in the am

if i can see disdain in your eyes
i'll disappear from your optical radar
you don't even have to tell me when
keen vision
mentally developed
from years of confinement in
this prism
of my mind and
my room

i've grown patient to the world
and these feelings i've felt
i'm tired as hell
but i pray you can’t tell
and i pray i feel well
in due time
till then i'll stay strong
i hope this don't last long
i feel it's my fault
i'm still searchin' for that
feelin' right and
what i've done wrong
i hope this don't last long

- n.a.

instagram.com/thebitter.end

#poetry

nathan Jan 2020

anger

anger gives me power
yet,
temporarily,
it sours my heart
my mantra is positivity and reality
through everything within me
that poses as contradictory

i pour everything in me
to see the light in the world
because i see much of it
in the people i love
the world continues testing me
in its devious ways
i deflect it my best
as i travel through the days

anger overcomes me
when i'm low and at my worst
i'm reimbursed when i come down
from the passionate hurt
because the pain gives me a clear eye
to the reality of the situation
accustomed to the cycle
and the fluctuation of sensations
through it all
the anger gives me depth and control
i'm one with it in a way
over time
it makes me stronger
within in its vulnerability-inducing haze

i unleash my anger through
my passions
it fuels my excellence
balance is my sustenance
in this world of extremes
i still have reverence for the deserved
and the Lord
praise the King
i have belief in myself
when i'm low and at my worst
and i know i can turn
the anger into my weapon
i know i'll make it work

- n.a.

instagram.com/thebitter.end

#poetry

nathan Jan 2020

faces + places

see too many faces
just take me to sleep
sleep is for the weak
proud member present
living in the past
so i'm never around
i can get so vulnerable
through these arduous life lessons

i feel like
these places just hold a hell
how do they know me so well
my demons follow me
accustomed to kiss and tell
the extrovert pops out
and then i bid the world
farewell for a few days
the sun rays and i got beef
and that's safe to say

overflow of painful
sensation in my mind
thoughts, faces and places
i can't leave behind
thinking in retrospect
i do it all the time
i know it's all in my mind
maybe it's because
i chase the sublime
more than chase my joy
both, i hope i find

- n.a.

instagram.com/thebitter.end

#poetry

nathan Jan 2020

inspired

i write at higher levels
when i feel inspired
if my brain is tired of
what fuels my fire then i'm
slumped and thrown in the
murky mire of
noncommittal activity

that's morally incorrect
with respect to my life
because i give everything to my passion
i ration the energy in my happiness
for it
i try and last longer for it
i bleed through the quill of my feather
and i deteriorate and weather through
the race of life for it

i don't care about scoring big
with my poems or my rhymes
they're just an antioxidant for my life
they expand my time on this earth
keep me grounded to the turf
keep my homies from having to
carry my hearse
sometimes all i can do is think
the worst
but then i know i've gotta
try and pick my mind up
out the dirt

because trying never hurts
and the effort really works
if you're heaving
keep your head up
you'll be above those mountains
you can't see above
soon enough
feel the love and
give the love back
watch how you act
they gon take you for your soul
if your back's vulnerable
to attack
and that's a fact

stay inspired for the love
of your art
everything is art
when you approach it with the love
and passion to never
let it fall apart
keep your spark alive
as long as you feel it
that inspiration
will make it easier to
feel it
please believe it
because
this story,
i live it

- n.a.

instagram.com/thebitter.end

#poetry

nathan Jan 2020

just know, young world

dear young world
i just wanted to say hey
and remind you that
it's okay to not be okay
you're strong enough to
rise from your frayed,
woeful days
i know you've been through
hell and back
Jesus died and came back
you're God's kid, too
i hope you know that

believe what you believe
but please believe in yourself
and know that you're loved
regardless, this world can be
heartless,
but you've got so much love
to give
and reciprocation exists in this
unforgiving World of Sin

above that love that
love that you can give
just know to love yourself
the difficulty ebbs & flows
but just know the only
way to go is
forward
move toward that inner joy
that little girl or boy that's
inside of you
please try and maintain
your youth... and remember...
to Love You <3

- n.a

i write and post this poetry on instagram, as well. @thebitter.end