There was a time
I was married
And had taken vows
I was very stringent on my vows

Through everything
I always thought of my vows
Patience was something I was given
Understanding also was something I also learned

To throw it all into a nutshell
None of what I had learned
Worked, to keep it together

But, I still have those lessons I have learned
It's nice sometimes when you can see
That someone else has been through the same

Patience and understanding
Is what would take humanity to the next level
Yet
Is the most difficult thing
*Apparently

If I could show you
Everything I've seen
War and from my eyes
Maybe someone would understand me

I push and I push
For understanding and patience
Yet I find the most resistance there
It is something we all need to make a part of our lives

Life is too short
To be upset
To hold grudges
To hate
To be mean

Based on that mentality
I have been walked on and over
But I won't change
It's not a fault
I am doing what needs to be done

I am a trained killer
But that doesn't mean I cannot have a little bit of patience
Sometimes
You find out what is real
When you take the time to listen

We're all just people
Our hearts aren't that different
And maybe they aren't at all

If I could show you
What it took to make me listen
And see
You most likely would

It's difficult enough just trying to trudge through this
As a "regular" man
I'm not anymore

I have a responsibility to share my experience

I am trying to show you

I'm still surprised sometimes
By how alone I can still feel
Even when I'm surrounded by people who care
I catch myself wearing a fake smile around
So no one knows the face hidden beneath the mask
And that is why I'm alone
Because no one really knows what's going on
Even when I try to explain
I never feel satisfied that I succeeded
Sometimes
It's just me and my poetry

I've questioned what being in love was
Multiple times
Asking why does she mean this to me?

I'm caught between reality and feelings
Trying to decide if I should fight
Should I believe
In the possibilities?

Love is always a possible thing
We should all love a little bit more
But when it comes to a special person
It becomes a real and very serious
Question

For instance
I see that you like me while I'm happy and at my best
But I need to know
Can you handle me when I'm low and at my worst?

So based on what you've told me
You have baggage
You know what?
I do too

Can you bear my burden?
If I help you bear yours?
Am I worth your patience?
Your understanding
Your moment to consider
To take time to fully appreciate my worth?

All these questions, but things take time
Trust isn't something to be given away
I am just as unsure as you

Love is
Wanting someone to find happiness
With or without you

My greatest strength
Was that you underestimated me
You left your guard down
And I came in with my all
You forgot
The bigger you are
The harder you fall

When I was young
When I was small
The problems of the world didn't phase me at all

Small in stature
And in understanding
Wanting to be an adult
Then my life would be of my planning

The adults said, "Enjoy being a child while you still can!"
"Because time goes by fast and one day you will be a man."
Not realizing how short that time really was
I shook my head and didn't listen just because

I just didn't get it as a little person
That life really was easier as a child
Free to be free
Growing like a flower wild

The day of becoming a man
Came and went long ago
Lost was the sense of home and comfort
Once the weight of the world fell upon my shoulders

I now tell my son,
"Enjoy being a child while you still can!"
"Because time goes by fast and one day you will be a man."
He smiles and shakes his head
"You're probably right.  Okay dad."
And for that,
I'm glad

Such a mess sometimes
This thing we call life

When you realize so many things have gone wrong
And things have gotten to this point
Far from the original plan
You had
From the beginning when you were young
Carefree and innocent of life's harsh realities

Life made plans for you otherwise
And now, here you are

"That's life" people most likely said
They also probably told you to move on
Or some **** like that

But you can still keep working on
Finding your way back to
Getting your life back on that path
You want to walk

When I needed words of encouragement
I came to you, vulnerable and broken
Instead of lifting me up
You cut me down
Your words were like a razor-blade had spoken

When I looked to you for guidance
I came to you, open mind and open heart
Instead of showing me the way
You snapped at me
Your words were the teeth of a shark

When I really needed someone to be there
I came to you, so I didn't feel so alone
Instead of being someone to lean on for support
You let me fall
Your words were like rocks thown

I had been alone the entire time
You had been by my side

When I needed you the most
You abandoned me

Left to figure it out on my own
It didn't take long
Before I knew I was better off
Without your negativity in my life

But I now know
I need to take more time
Before making a woman my wife!

Seal off all the bad memories
Push them aside
And forget the loneliness
That kept you locked away

Feeling what it felt like
When sunshine touched you after so long
And you felt warm again

After letting yourself feel once more
Staying headstrong and moving forward
Never giving credence
To the pain that bound you before

Letting your past self die
So you can be born again anew

The next time dark clouds emerge again
And begin to darken your day
The beast within you will defeat the beasts
That carry doubt on their backs
Because you took all their power away
The day you understood your own strength

All you can do now is keep moving forward
Never stopping to look back

There was a space inside of me
Hidden from even myself
I didn't realize it existed
Until you came along
And then I knew

That space had been there and empty
Waiting for you because you were the perfect fit

You made me understand
That I had been empty and incomplete
For the longest time until I met you

You are my best friend, my lover, and my muse
I think there might be a point
To all of this madness we call living
If happiness like this is something true

You make me believe
Anything is possible

Watching her get ready
Staring into the mirror
Putting on her makeup
And fixing her hair
The mirror knows as I know
Of them all, she is the most fair

She is more than easy on the eyes
But her real beauty
Within the temperament of her heart it lies

She leaves an emptiness in her absence
And steals the show in her presence
There are many reasons to miss her when she is gone

She is the definition of true beauty
I love her for her
And she loves me for me

We give up
Before we understand what is at stake
Never giving our all
Too afraid to fall
It's safer when there's nothing to lose
Leaving shells of potential
A decision to choose
Yet a chance never taken
Wondering what went wrong
When it was ourselves
All along

If you were a clock
I should like to wind you up
And listen to each beautiful tick
We would depend on each other
To reach our potential
You give me a reason
To get up in the morning
And without hesitation
I would keep you going

How many sleepless nights were spent
Trying to avoid the demons that come with the night?
Bringing with them
Memories of failures and past loves
Calamity and death
Not allowing peace
For that much needed sleep

How many days were spent
Stuck in bed because dealing with the world
Didn't make any sense?
Fearful of dealing with anything
Even nothing seemed like too much

Walking through life
Like a zombie with no direction
Sense of purpose lost
When the carpet was pulled out
From under your feet

And your world came crashing down

That is why the demons haunt you
You blame yourself and are broken
Not knowing how to stand again
Because you can't tell where you belong anymore
Feeling alone more than ever

Just needing a friend to help you fight the demons
Someone to help remind you how to smile

I had been wandering for so long
Eventually it became apparent
I would never settle down and grow old
My heart was forever young
I was stuck in a perpetual state of adventure

I had become so used to moving
That sitting too long made me restless
I was on a constant quest
To see what was over the horizon

My thirst for knowledge and experience
Seemed unquenchable

In my times and travels
I have met many
I have seen much
I have broadened my perspective
I have learned to love
And to push hate away

I know that life is short
But it's never too short to explore
To learn more
Of the world and yourself

I sit and wonder
What type of man
You would be today

You were my best friend
And we had taken each other's qualities
I miss you

I remember you
But I have forgotten
The sound of your voice

So long ago
I've lost some of who you were
But I remember

You were stubborn and direct
Before the rest of us
Even knew who we were

You fell in love first
And told me about that
And how it felt

You were my only "blood" brother
Besides family
And that's how it was

We were young and stupid
Together
And it was awesome

I miss you brother
I love you

To all the women
Whose hearts I have broken
I apologize
And I hope you've moved on

It wasn't you
And it wasn't me
The fact is
We just weren't meant to be

I didn't use you
I didn't play you
I just knew
We were both better off
With someone else

I hope whatever experience you had with me
Is something you can walk away from
And be the woman that you're supposed to be

We were travelers on the same path
And were lucky enough
To share a moment together
Nothing about that
Should be frowned upon

This life is short
Moments add up and that matters

I hope you find what it is
That you are looking for
Because it is not me

You are my muse
You are my mirror
You are my heart
You are my dear

You've turned now into forever
And reminded me
To never say never

I once thought
That all my innocence was lost
But I felt it's presence
As our paths crossed

Because of you
I believe that fantasy can come true
I appreciate the countless reasons you give me
For loving you

You are my muse
You are my mirror
You are my heart
You are my dear

Things aren't the same
It's in your eyes I can see
Your kisses are empty
I'd rather you left
Than ignore me

If you have something to say
Don't leave me in silence

What's the point of coming home
Only to be left alone?

This isn't a game I wish to play

Young and free
Feeling like the world is yours
Avoiding advice
Saying, That won't be me!

Your weekend with friends didn't go as planned
Now you've got a baby on the way
And you haven't got a man

Up in the air
Your life got out of hand
No answers in sight
And you haven't got a plan

All your "best" friends
That you hold so dear
Can't make time to help you
They've made that clear

Alone the future brings fright
Not wanting to admit it
Your parents were right

Time passed
As you raised your baby on your own
Doing everything in your ability
To make a home

You made it work
Even when money was tight
Good men came along
But you pushed them away out of spite

You and your child got along just fine
Afraid to let anyone else in
Never letting someone
Hurt you again
Not this time

Being in love
Is like a break in the clouds
And all of a sudden
That single, solitary ray of light
Shines right upon you

I see a light inside of you
Helplessly I am drawn towards it
Yet I realize no harm will come to me
While I am in the rays of your inner light
I cherish the light you offer
For it is one of a kind and pure

To know that it has been squandered
And abused
Taken for granted
And used
Makes me feel rage deep within my very being
But sorrow mostly
Because your light deserves to shine
And loved by those who understand
What they are seeing

I hope that you can also see
The light that burns within me
In it's light you are protected and safe

No matter the amount
Of time or distance
Between us
Will change how close
I am to you

When I hear your voice
Or think of you
It closes the gap
And puts you right next to me

No amount of time or distance
Will change how I feel about you
Because you are always in my heart

A lady
Her scars were hidden
The ******* that had burned her
Left her to deal with it on her own

Tears shed
Stubborn and strong
Never being broken
She was a woman

Along came a man
Someone who said hello
Honestly
She felt vulnerable because of him

He saw this
And held her
"It's okay baby"
"I won't let anyone hurt you"
Were the words out of his mouth

He meant it

A real man takes care of his woman
And will carry all of her baggage

Always.

I had been gone for so long
I had forgotten the route
The turns I made were from memory
And I knew the names of the streets
As I turned my way onto them

The more familiar they got
I realized that I didn't know where home was

I had lost my way

I stopped somewhere familiar
To ask for directions
Recognizing faces,
I felt better

Familiar faces did welcome me
I was known to them
Told me where I wanted to go
And invited me for a drink
Everyone is so different from what I remember!

I stayed for a little while
Tried to make sense of it
To understand why I knew them
But I couldn't remember them

I left and headed out
Directions in hand
I arrived at my destination
Only to discover

I was the one that had changed

I was lost,
Even to myself

I thank you all for today
It's no easy jump
Friends and loves are hard to find
Eww...
Nerds...

Thats just grown up.
When is the last time time
You thought about holding someone?
I don't want to **** anyone again for that
Meg is a terrible self.

But I love me some Family Guy.
Ummm...
Irresponsibility with your family,
I bet you love that
You ******* person.

Sorry,
My fault as well
Nerd.

The Irish are going to go hard soon.
You gotta wake up my friend...

I understand
All of our time is short
What it means to say goodbye
Is something we all only learn
Once someone is gone

The good and the bad
Happy and sad
The proud and the frown
Waiting and wanting
Sitting and forgetting

What matters is being a good person
And knowing how to say goodbye

Goodbye

What's the point of being,
If you can't be yourself?

I knew when I met you
You weren't going to be
Instant gratification
Even though I knew how I felt
Instantly

You were an investment
Someone worth my patience
And understanding

I was told
At a young age
Anything worth having
Is worth fighting for

I respect that statement

But the fighting for
Is sometimes with yourself

You have to fight with yourself
To know if you want it
If it's worth it
And sometimes
Wait for it

Patience is a battle we all fight
In a world (America)
That wants instant gratification

From the start to the finish
You are my prize
That I will race to achieve

Together,
We can be thankful
That we didn't give up on each other

Sometimes
We get through our Mondays
By wishing for Friday

A true crime
Is shutting someone out
That only wants in

To be a part
Of your madness and misery
That accepts you
In your current shape
Recognizing who you really are
Beyond your broken state

It's easy to shut someone out
And keep your distance
Locked away only with yourself
It's much safer
When there isn't anything to lose

A true crime
Is denying someone that chance
To help you heal
So you don't have to go it alone
Just because you are afraid

When fear dictates your life
You cease to live

When you miss someone
The littlest things and everything
Will remind you of them

The emptiness felt
In their absence
Is only cured by their presence

Even now I still
Find your hair on things
And it kills me

No amount of distance or time
Will change how I feel about you
I still ponder it all in disbelief sometimes
The whole story is quite romantic
It's fact, not fiction
And that is hard to believe

Although missing you can make me feel
Stressed at times
I feel quite lucky
For having someone to miss
The way that I miss you

I miss things like
Holding your hand
Seeing you smile
The way we intoxicate
Each other

When you call
Hearing your voice
Puts you right next to me
And makes me miss you more

One day
Once we are finally together
I will miss you still
Just for going to the grocery store

Oh how we fight to believe
In the things we cannot see
Yet deny our feelings
And fight the truth
Ignore the obvious
Placed right in front of us

We fight to admit
Who we truly are
Or what it is that
Makes us truly happy
Some live their entire lives
Without ever actually living

It takes more than eyes to see

As I take this long drag
On my cigarette
I remember and contemplate
What has come before

The loves and losses
Past jobs and bosses
Success and failure
I touched all bases
Before hitting home

Through it all
I am still here
And I am not bitter
But better than before

My experiences have helped me
To better my ability
To understand
And truly see
The truths that are in front of me

I understand now
More than ever
The world isn't fair
Some people
Just don't care

Even when we do everything right
It may not be enough
It will challenge your self worth
And can break you
After losing a battle

This is a truth
But nay a reason
To give up hope

The point is
To keep fighting
Be tough

Learn to love
In a way you never have before

I love the way you move
I love the way you walk
There is a certain grace about you
In the air that surrounds you
Even in how you talk

Your smile lights up a room
Your touch makes my heart
Burn with desire

Just being in your presence
Is time well spent
Feeling that my heart is safe
In your hands
Is priceless

You are the source
Of so much inspiration
It's difficult to explain
You make me want to better myself
Because you deserve the best man
That I can be

You "get" me
And I "get" you
I've never felt more
Understood or appreciated
For just being myself

You make me feel thankful
And I don't take that for granted

I love the way you move

These cats
With their paws
As upside down
Teddy bears

I resisted for so long
I did not value
Your ability

I admire your soul-searching
And determination

You are a creature
Of both great design and desire
You constantly quest and take
What is yours

There is much love
In your heart
Always living in the moment
To this, I relate

But you, kitty
Live as a fierce realist
As do I

Will falling in love
Ever make sense?
NOPE

Someone comes along
Logically, you get stupid
They will change
How you feel about everything

The fine lines you drew before
Won't be as fine anymore
The only thing you will care about
Is loving this person

Love does make you blind
But that is okay
It makes you blind to the *******
And says yes to happiness

I used to to wonder
As a child
What type of man
I would end up becoming

Now, as a man
I wonder where the child I was
Went to

Every instance of my innocence
That was abused
Taken for granted
Lied to or fooled
Ate away at the inner child

I know now
Of the man I've become
But sometimes
I miss the child I used to be

I have this friend
She's quite a bit younger
Much more inexperienced
Yet
She understands whenever
I talk about real things

Emotionally,
Her shape has sharp edges
Not knowing how to handle her
Will get you cut

She is a fine art
Not to be appreciated or understood

Only the professionals will know her worth

She is my friend
Who holds her weight in gold

I've told you once
I've told you before
You are the one I want
And no more

You have some things
Not of my desire
But you have everything
Of what I do want

Within you
Is the person I've been searching for
You are the first
To sate my fire

You are my love
And my heart

NO matter what
You can always talk to me

Just don't be stupid
And don't disrespect me

I don't ask much
But I ask that of you

The love I have for you
Will always exist
So I hope you care for it
And nurture it

I want to help you grow

I want to fight with you,
Not against you
I will have your back,
And mine is yours
To share the weight
Out of this world

You're mad at me
Because I'm not in love with you
But that takes time

I don't bow to anyone
except for one

I appreciate you and who you are as a person
But loving you still takes time
Don't judge yourself so harshly
We live in a real world
And it's time you got real with yourself

I'm flattered that you find me that lovable
But I'm not truthfully
It's very easy
To fall in love with me
But not to love me for me
That is something every potential needs to know

I realize this and do my best to be honest
But it still isn't enough to keep me
From breaking hearts

Love just doesn't come as easily for me
As it may have for you

I apologize for letting you fall in love with me
I am not worth it
Because I am in love with another

Wanting to call
Yet knowing there is nothing
You can say to make things right
No apology worth giving that will fix things

Accepting the truth that that part of your life is over
But being stuck to the memories and habits
Of living it

Knowing the obvious and logical
Trapped by feelings
Entangled in your own heartstrings

All is never lost

One day a phone call saying "hello"
Will be more than enough
To acknowledge a good memory
Instead of baggage

Looking up at the window
The best you have
Is hoping to fall asleep
But the best you have is memories
The light that crosses your ceiling
Wakes you up and reminds you
You gave up on something
That is down the block by now

I found some old letters today
That I had kept from my past
Tucked away, left to forget

Lost loves
And lost loved ones
Were amid the mix

Always talking about the weather with my grandfather
How it was much hotter where I was overseas
He sent me pictures of ice sculptures
So I could "feel more cool"

Not my experience,
But how you treated me
Was the first real time
I ever felt like a man and not a child

That,
I will forever thank you for
Making me "feel more cool"

As far as past loves go
I don't have much to say
The letters you wrote me were often
And always something to look forward to

You helped me not feel so alone
When I was so far apart
From everyone and everything I knew
I can't help but be thankful

In many ways,
You may have saved my life

After reading some of these old letters
I am reminded of things almost forgotten
Never meant to be swept away or lost
But kept
Reminding and feeding the heart

I used to dream
Of how I would feel
If I ever met the person
That saw into me

Past the pain
My baggage and troubles
My anger and frustration
Of waiting for happiness
For so ****** long

Through all the *******
Every time I had to tell myself
Keep going
Don't give up
You deserve to be happy
I still believe

I keep dreaming
And sometimes dreams come true
I know this to be fact

My ability to love someone
Is not an ability I lack

If you could go back in time
Would you go back
And right the wrongs you made?
To **** regret before it's seeds were planted

Would you hug a person
That you didn't get a chance to say goodbye to?
To feel their embrace one last time

Would you take back a lover
That was lost because the timing was wrong?
To show them who you had become since

Would you go back
So you could plant the right seeds
That would grow into something beautiful?
To have something to admire in your old age

Would you go back
To see yourself young again
Carefree and beautiful
Without pain and full of potential?
To be reminded of the reality that person isn't gone
But only buried within you

If you could go back
What would really be worth changing?

There is something
You need to understand about me
I'm older now
I've loved and I've lost

I've lived with regret
After doing someone wrong
Who didn't deserve it

I've judged myself
Wondering if I would ever again
Feel right
Wondering if I would even be able to feel again

Yet I find myself still here
In one piece
And not at all crass or harsh
But only seeing things more vividly

I understand now
That sometimes love and beauty and good things
Mostly only come in moments

I recognize and acknowledge them
While they are at my front door
I take my time saying hello
Instead of goodbye

The memories that will last
Will mostly be made up of moments
I still feel lucky for them

Every day you **** me
Then send me to heaven