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  May 2016 Nathan Pival
Victoria Rose
My dear, if you were to cut me open,
to tear away my measly skin,
you would not find
the contents of an ordinary human being.
You would not find veins
or internal organs,
especially not a human heart.

Instead, you would find a battlefield, with freshly made bomb craters
and you would find discarded bullets,
fashioned from spiteful words,
that were perhaps destined for use on my worst enemies
but were instead aimed at myself.

You would find the remains of a daisy field
with the left over petals
looking vaguely like feathers
that fell from doves
or perhaps even angels.

You would find memories of a tiny village
once colourful and lively
but swept away by multiple hurricanes,
that took all happiness and innocence along with them.

Blood would not pour
from my lifeless body,
but dark cigarette smoke would seep from the wounds,
and if you closely investigated,
you would find that the fumes were made up of
microscopic black moths
that had all my lies and promises
carefully written all over their feeble wings

For I am not a human being, but simply a worn out shell of one.
Nathan Pival May 2016
Carrying a torch
Never being free
Lost and imprisoned
In love with a memory

Something that was lost long ago
Yet never being able to let go
Preventing you from opening up
Making a new start
Bound by the chains surrounding your heart

Although one day your body will give way
Their name will be the last on your breath
Your last thought will be of them
Until the day of your death

Although your light might go out and you yourself expire
Never will the torch
That carries that fire
Nathan Pival Apr 2016
I was so young and innocent at some point
I always felt that things weren't right
Watching grown people being broken

And now it's just the same
Yet knowing more and what it really takes to break someone
I can look back and now I understand
Why there are so many things that can break us

I know in my heart
That happiness is simple
It is so close
Within reach and right there for the picking
Yet, it maintains it's elusive quality

Sometimes, just a taste
To let you know what it is you're missing
Hello, it's me.  Had you forgotten?
Skeptical while it's felt
Not even letting it happen sometimes
What a **** shame
Too scared of being hurt
To let ourselves be happy

But yet it's there
Within reach
Ripe for the picking
Right in front of us
Nathan Pival Apr 2016
Never asking life to be easy
Knowing that everything will be tough sometimes

Being patient
And waiting and waiting

How long with this downturn
Of this rollercoaster ride take?

Waiting and waiting
Because things have to get better eventually

I keep working towards it
Doing what I feel is right

Being patient
And waiting and waiting
Telling myself tomorrow is a new day

Waking and wanting
A fresh start and another take
On this so called life

Some of us are destined for difficult lives
Because we feel pain and care
When others don't

If that is my role,
I accept it
In the meantime
I am being patient
And waiting and waiting

For tomorrow's fresh start
Nathan Pival Apr 2016
If I opened my soul
for you to see
Would you still want me?

If I needed a hug
when I was down
Would you turn my frown upside-down?

If I needed a romantic embrace
could I steal a kiss
Would you be mine to miss?

If I needed reassured
would you hold my hand?
Would you help me be a better man?

If I needed to not walk
on this earth alone
Would you give me a place in your heart to call my own?

Would you be mine
after listening to these words I've told
With you by my side
I have no fear of growing old
Nathan Pival Apr 2016
There was a time
I was married
And had taken vows
I was very stringent on my vows

Through everything
I always thought of my vows
Patience was something I was given
Understanding also was something I also learned

To throw it all into a nutshell
None of what I had learned
Worked, to keep it together

But, I still have those lessons I have learned
It's nice sometimes when you can see
That someone else has been through the same

Patience and understanding
Is what would take humanity to the next level
Yet
Is the most difficult thing
*Apparently
Nathan Pival Apr 2016
If I could show you
Everything I've seen
War and from my eyes
Maybe someone would understand me

I push and I push
For understanding and patience
Yet I find the most resistance there
It is something we all need to make a part of our lives

Life is too short
To be upset
To hold grudges
To hate
To be mean

Based on that mentality
I have been walked on and over
But I won't change
It's not a fault
I am doing what needs to be done

I am a trained killer
But that doesn't mean I cannot have a little bit of patience
Sometimes
You find out what is real
When you take the time to listen

We're all just people
Our hearts aren't that different
And maybe they aren't at all

If I could show you
What it took to make me listen
And see
You most likely would

It's difficult enough just trying to trudge through this
As a "regular" man
I'm not anymore

I have a responsibility to share my experience

I am trying to show you
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