I'm in Love
with a man
whose love
for me
it seems
is wired
to a switch.
And
without warning
something
last night
caused it
once again
to flip.

It used to
lead me
to question,
if he gives
a **** at all-
But now
I just
passively wonder
how I go
about getting
one installed.

For solitude
is  less
intimidating,
than insecurity
and fear.
And laying
awake alone
is better
than company
that's
adjacent
but ultimately
insincere.

Even though
I should leave
I will place
my troubled
questions
in boxes
to forget
about tonight.
Endure the
deep breaths
and eye rolls
and stay
if only out
of sheer
stubbornness,
exhaustion,
or maybe
out of
spite.

Funny how we woke up in the morning
and pretended that tomorrow never happened—
strutted naked in mirrors celebrating our youth,
laughing, knowing suns and moons couldn’t do the same.

We borrowed our arms from the fridge
and peddled bicycles with bad breath—
trading war stories ‘cause we knew
if we came back alive
life would still be the death of us.

Soft wooden pews and the white dogwood tree,
Arched ceilings and Mother’s whisper Tetelestai
Making surprise harmonies with the sinner beside me.

Black preaching robes saying Grace is for free,
Now pass the gold plate so the Church can supply,
Soft wooden pews and the white dogwood tree.

Regenerated through love-on this we agree,
Shouting Hymn 22 children’s voices blend high,
Making surprise harmonies with the sinner beside me.

Drunkards and Deacons with Thou and with Thee,
Starched shirts and white pearls all standing by,
Soft wooden pews and the white dogwood tree.

Released from all of our chafe and debris,
With roars of repentance and relief we reply,
Making surprise harmonies with the sinner beside me.

I am whole I am new through His ministry,
I know I can never this truth deny.
Soft wooden pews and the white dogwood tree.
Making surprise harmonies with the sinner beside me.

i slept all night in a cigarette box
had dreams of whiskey
and liver rot
and i woke up in an awkward spot.
i was mashed up against
my last desperate cigarette;
i was clinging to it for warmth
and i crushed it with the weight
of my heart.
i couldn't see anything,
but i found you in my thumbprint
you were so precious & tiny
and i kissed you gently.
that's when we decided to quit smoking together.
together we burst out of the box
and i found a fresh cigarette on the
filthy pavement
that's when we decided to quit smoking tomorrow.

The present is the sand grains on the beach
and the past the sand in the receding waves.
Each sand grain awaits its turn
to be picked up by a new wave.
The present is the sprightly cascade
gushing down the mountain top
to merge with the flowing river
and the past is where the river meets the sea.
The present is the softly glowing candle
and the past is the molten wax around it.

The present is the moving hands of the clock
and the past is already gone, you see.
If the hands of the clock stop moving,
the present can yet never stay still.
For every present will soon have a past
And nothing in this world was made to last.
So let’s accept the present – the now
and cheerfully say to the past – “Ciao”.
Let’s live in the present
for it shall very soon pass.

Gita Ashok
24/10/2011, 1 pm