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Natalka Sep 2013
You strike your lighter
the air warms
you draw the flame near
the heat lights
and you take a long drag

Inhaling in my pleasures
you occupy yourself
studying all I have
then bring your lips back to me
inhaling me once more

With every breath
you brighten the spark
it burns for a moment
but not long enough for the night

When I am just a bud
all the pleasure gone
you hold me for a moment
then discard me to the ground

I wait for the next night
when your addiction rages
and your hands ache to touch me
and your mouth aches for my taste

You are as addicted to me,
as I am to you.
This poem I wrote last year, it's actually about love, and had nothing to do with cigarrettes. My boyfriend at the time use to smoke, so I guess it just made me think about about addiction, and I don't know...
Natalka Sep 2013
It doesn't matter if she has her eyes open or closed
                                                  She'll always see the same darkness

She sits patiently
            waiting for the sadness to **** her

I ask why she cannot find a way to smile.
                                  Why she won't let me love her

"I don't love me,
                 and that's how I understand why you don't either."

I stay silent.. waiting
                 Wishing she could see.

Why don't you accept compliments, I asked
                                      Reaching to touch her, to love her..

"They make me feel like I'm being lied to"
                                          Her hand reaches for me.

We touch, her hand as cold as her mind.
                                              I wish to warm her

The only warmth I can give,
                                   is to myself.

I turn away from her,
            turn the light off...
                        and realize the girl was merely me...
Natalka Aug 2013
A** pple pie, freshly baked from the oven. I don't wait for it to cool, I want it hot, with a big greedy scoop of vanilla ice creams melting next to it.

B oys. Cute, querky, gross, crazy, but amazing. You can't stand them, but for some reason you need them in your life.

C ookies. Warm, fresh-out-the-oven, gooey choclate chip cookies.

D  is for dancing. Dancing in the rain with my eyes shut, screaming at the top of my lungs and not caring what anyone thinks. Just dancing.

E lephants. Strong, old, smart and beautiful creatures. Harmless yet protective.

F stands for foxes. More specifically fennec foxes. Adorable, small, cunning, cute and most of all, want by me!

G iving. Not just material items, but hope. Giving hugs, and smiles to those who need one. Also, For-giving.... letting go of the past and moving forward

H eartbreak. The feeling of no being able to breathe, not being able to speak, or make sense of everything without your "other half." Moving forward slowly, cautiously, because there are more around the corner.

I Me. The broken, yet strong; beautiful, yet self concious; smart, yet lazy teenager.

J is for Jenna, my first best friend. We aren't best friends anymore, but we still talk, and enjoy catching  up in eachothers lives.

K issing. I love kissing. I mean come on.... everyone does ;)

L ove. A strong, complex emotion which many guys lie about, and which I do too. I think I've only ever once loved my partner... all the rest I enjoyed...

M om. My mother, the woman who decided "I'm going to take the qwerky, adorable girl home to America with me and make her part of my life."

N is the first letter in my name. Natalka Hannah Evangeline Kmiotek.

O veracheivers. The people who make fun of me, because they can do things better then me, and everyone else. ******* all.

P erfection. Skinny girls with perfect *******, and big *****. No scars, and white teeth. the opposite of me.

Q uiet, as in I have to stay quiet or they'll hear me. Who? My demons of course. If I'm too loud, they will come for me and drag me back to hell.

R stands for two things. The first is **** A horrible word describing a nightmare you wish you could forget. It's being robbed of your first touch by selfish men, and being back into a corner against your will, forced to stay silent.

S is for strength. The strength to overcome, the strength to live, the strength to move on.

T hank you. To everyone who has ever been there and listened to me...

U nderstand why I cut myself. Why I hurt myself. It's easier to deal with physical pain, then the emotional kind. The emotional pain rots and festers inside me, destroying everything. It shuts my lungs down, forcing me to gasp for air.

V acations. Small escapes from your daily life, into something glamourous and relaxing. The warm sand between your toes, as the hot sun beats down on you. The cool ocean kiss the tips of your toes, cooling your thirst.

W hen will pain end? When will people stop being mean to eachother? When can I expect my child to be able to go to school and not be afraid of the other students? When will I be able to walk outside, and finally be able to say "I am safe," not having to lie.

X plain to me why people put others down? Why are there perfect models and barbies, telling us how we must look, how it's acceptable in society.

Y es please. Thank you. Simple manner, dying out, almost extinct. What happen to being nice? Or do we now, just take what we want? Expect everything, like the world owes us.

Z ach. He was my first love and my first heart break. With him, when he left, the floor caved under me. We were one of those couples that would break up, and get back together then next week. I guess you sould say we were crazy for eachother, but when he left, I guess I was the only one crazy. I was crazy enough to think he was ever mine.
Natalka Aug 2013
Who do you call when you've been robbed?
Not of your possesions...
but of your heart

You came in the middle of the night
and stole my breath with your lips
taking my heart along with it

in return you left my world a mess
and decaying memories in my vault
unlocked

I want you to come back
to give back my breath
and my heart

I feel my lungs ache
as if there is not enough air
for me without you

as if you are the last tree
and for my survival I must stay with you
I MUST

I want my heart back too
it's essential for me moving on
for me to forget you

There is nothing that I want to keep,
I want you to take all your memories,
And the pain you left with me.
Natalka Aug 2013
It seems another has left me
feeling cold and empty
another one bit the dust
another one left me in the shade.

This isn't my first broken heart
you'd think my heart would actually get it
to stop falling
to stop breaking
to build those walls higher
and stronger.

I get a heart transplant every month
if I didn't I'm sure I'd be dead
these hearts should go to someone on death road,
not someone foolish enough to think you'd stay.

Instead I get them
and break them easily
so easily
but tell me..
if I've broken my heart before
why does the pain stay?
why does it hurt so much?

Perhaps if I kept my old heart
it would be so much stronger...
or maybe not...
maybe it would be so weak that it would collapse
like me on the floor
a broken heap of pitiful flesh.

I don't trust anyone
but I still give my heart away.
Maybe it's because I enjoy pain
it becomes a releif
or maybe it's because I like being alone
and just don't know it.

I should stop thinking with my heart
there are cobwebs in my head
dust on the shelves
like in an old home.

I'm sure in a month I'll be fine
and I'll fall again
put scrapes on my heart
and bruises on my ego.

I'll let my insecurities drown me
in an endless black lake
which was created from my first heart break
Every tear would wash over me
pulling me down to bottom
and I would look up
and see no one to save me.

My lungs would fill with water
and I could drift away
hopefully to a safe shore

I would find myself
crawling out of the river
and laying on the cold sand,
breathing in the painful air
realising I have to move on,
I have to go on
After all..
It's just another broken heart
Natalka Aug 2013
To understand the fundamentals of a broken heart
you will have to break your heart
I don't mean merely drop it
I mean to have it stolen away,
as you gasp for your possibly last few breaths
believing that without your heart
without him
you cannot possibly go on.

First
You will have to lose the perfect person,
and forget him.
Forget about his adorable smile
and warm arms
and soft kisses
and beautiful brown eyes
and querky fashion sense.

Got that out of your mind?
Good, on to step 2.

Second you will have to forget about the future and past
all together too
you'll have to forget the promise to take you somewhere exotic
after your high school year
you'll have to forget that night you spent in his car
there was no ***, just sitting in the back seat
listening to comfy music
talking
you'll have to forget the way he made you shy
shy to where you turned your head when he tried to kiss you
and you would stumble over your words shy
and that new feeling like it's your first love...

Forget that yet?
No? I'll give you some time.

People say "Time heals all wounds"
how? It's been 2 months
my heart still twists
and the air evades my lungs
and it all happens because of you...

forgot it? Good.

Finally ask yourself why.
Why did you let him in?
Why were you so stupid to pull your walls down
after two weeks.
Why did you fall without a parachute?
Why did you fall inlove with someone 21
when you yourself..
are only 16.

After you've finished forgetting,
go out and smile and pretend you are not missing a piece of yourself
pretend your heart is still whole
and your smile is genuin..
and just forget
forget like I have...

— The End —