Most people are hiding
at big parties like this one
I came here alone with glitter on my face as protection
Now everyone I've met is on ketamine and oversharing

I pick lemons from the tree that reaches over the fence
and start handing them out but no one wants them
No one wants my kindness
Everyone just wants to make out and forget everything
Perhaps I'll be the only one with memory of this night

I'm stone cold sober but
I too can be more honest than usual
It's like one of those theoreticals someone asks you
"You have one hour to say whatever you want without anyone remembering it: what would you say?"

I tell everyone they are beautiful and that I wish I could hold them and give them something real
They look at me how I imagine a ghost would
before I disappear back into los angeles

Why do I always end up with boys with C names
A pit in my stomach you crawled out of
you wouldn’t believe me if I said I fly under giants sometimes
I’d believe anything you told me

I’ll never unsee you that night
I'm glad pain happens in the first place
And if I wait and wait and wait
And allow the sun to soak in my skin
Can you come closer again

I don’t want my dreams because of you
In between awake and falling down the hole again
I kept avoiding your eyes because they are matches
my skin is burning in patches, of grass, of abandonment
Lights fade in and out
I keep seeking predictions other people want to give me
But I also know that the whole point is that I’m not supposed to know yet
These things reveal on their own