Most people are hiding
at big parties like this one
I came here alone with glitter on my face as protection
Now everyone I've met is on ketamine and oversharing

I pick lemons from the tree that reaches over the fence
and start handing them out but no one wants them
No one wants my kindness
Everyone just wants to make out and forget everything
Perhaps I'll be the only one with memory of this night

I'm stone cold sober but
I too can be more honest than usual
It's like one of those theoreticals someone asks you
"You have one hour to say whatever you want without anyone remembering it: what would you say?"

I tell everyone they are beautiful and that I wish I could hold them and give them something real
They look at me how I imagine a ghost would
before I disappear back into los angeles

Why do I always end up with boys with C names
A pit in my stomach you crawled out of
you wouldn’t believe me if I said I fly under giants sometimes
I’d believe anything you told me

I’ll never unsee you that night
I'm glad pain happens in the first place
And if I wait and wait and wait
And allow the sun to soak in my skin
Can you come closer again

I don’t want my dreams because of you
In between awake and falling down the hole again
I kept avoiding your eyes because they are matches
my skin is burning in patches, of grass, of abandonment
Lights fade in and out
I keep seeking predictions other people want to give me
But I also know that the whole point is that I’m not supposed to know yet
These things reveal on their own

Hello,
It's a new day
She welcomes you
With warm arms
Today is a directional word
The "day" is nothing unless you go "to" it

All this time you thought you were nothing
Without them
And while it isn't as romantically tragic
To move on with your life
I think you ought to

Fall into the embrace won't you
Restart won't you
Return to yourself.

There is no space left to close
between us.
We should watch the sunrise so we can be awake,
fix our circadian rhythms,
and have our last day together
before we go back to our actual lives
But,
I want this to be my actual life
waking up in the morning with a beautiful human
with a gentle disposition and funny words
Well perhaps you are satisfied with life in your home state
and I was just a cure for homesickness
Your legs tangled around mine
110 degrees outside and we were hot
But we stayed tangled together anyway
It was worth the sweat and heat

Reading over 80 pages you wrote
that only you'd seen before me
I love that you trust me
Your arm around me in the dark
when I cry after the movie
I'll only let you go if I can't help it
I don't know if I can
Time does that
You had fake conversations with me
imitating my voice
and I laughed
But I'm scared that
now that the distance between us is restored
those fake conversations you made up as a joke
will be all that's left

And the goodbye
was just one of those moments
where I wish I was more proficient in the English language
so I could say what I felt.