CONTRADICTORY - n.anderson
by Natalie Elizabeth (Notes) on Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 7:32pm

I'm disposable yet beautiful,

I'm discontent but content,

I'm ***** although cleaner than most.



Constantly I'm waiting for my contradictions to catch up with me.



I'm sick of life yet dying to live,

I cant get up yet I'm flying high,

I'm alive but essential parts of me are dead.



When will my head stop contradicting every feeling every thought?



I'm white but I'm black,

I'm quiet but I'm screaming,

I'm genius but incompetent



There they are again.



I'm happy but sad,

I'm ecstatic but devastated,

I'm constantly grieving but full of life,



Look at them all piling up like skulls in a pile tumbling over themselves.



I laugh but I'm in tears,

I'm lascivious, I am *** but I am distorted and putrid,

I am the essence of light but in the middle I am ink black.



My contradictions i cannot escape.

not suicidal lol
by Natalie Elizabeth (Notes) on Friday, February 4, 2011 at 3:49am

plotting my own demise

waiting to be surprised

tired of all the lies

watching as he dies

you meant everything

staring at the sun

sun spots clouding my vision

red haze

fury and rage

locked in this eternal cage

anger so high i cannot gage

if looks could ******* ****

as i take the next handful of pills

thinking of you makes me ill

scraping my fist against your grill

i dont know what to think of you

holding my breath turning blue

you used to be my steadfast glue

i should have expected this

its nothing new

i love to hate

and

i hate to love

am i holding on to only wisps?

you in my mind is something ive missed

there yet unattainable

i cant count on you to remain stable

whats a girl supposed to do?

when she constantly comes unglued

due to only you?