Have you ever been under the influence so long
That when you are forced to stop
To come up for air
Everything feels
Unfamiliar?
Sobriety chokes you
Traps you
Makes your heart race
Like a Chinese finger trap
You voluntarily entered into,
But now feel as though you might not escape.
The sober life is what you strive for
Long for
Dream of
Everyone around you encourages,
You can do it
One day at a time
They say
Attempting to motivate
Inspire
Help
But these are all lies
A mere hour of sobriety is too much to handle
It suffocates
Makes my hands shake
And my mind go crazy
DRINKDRINKDRINKDRINKDRINKINEEDAFUCKINGDRINKNOWGODPLEASE
Thi­s phrase repeats itself,
Over and over
No matter how many times you tell yourself
ICANDOTHIS
You know
It’s only another lie in the endless stream of pathetic, useless encouragement
You have created for yourself.
And after you say this,
ICANDOTHIS
You laugh
Knowing that it is absolutely
UNTRUE
And always will be
How can you embrace sobriety
When the bottle calls from its hiding place
The place you hid it
From your lover, family, friends
Pretending you function
Just like all of them
Waking up
Going about your life
Without panicking about when the next drink will be
When the drinks you need
Will **** you
If anyone will even notice
Or care.
Probably not,
Why should they,
Do you?
You never have.
Your life is an endless series of drinks and lies, and more drinks
And more lies.
You are nothing.
An empty cup
Waiting to be filled with the substance that will distract you from living
And then take your worthless life in the end.
Alcoholic
Forever
Unfixable.
Stop wasting our time.

Just love me
Please
That's all
I ask

I just want
your
love
affection
attention

I just want
You

I just want
to be
near you
close to you
next to you

I just want
to feel you
touch you
kiss you

I just want
to know
that you
want
me

I just
want
you

I stumble inside and sit upon the couch.

Waiting

Eternity passes,
or maybe it's only been a second,
and then

SHE

walks in,
emitting a light of such brilliance
such intensity
that my whole world is set on fire.

I burn from the inside out.
My biggest fear was always burning to death,
yet I find myself in Heaven,
consumed by flames.

Slowly she collapses next to me
Skin to skin
we sit,
I tingle,
filled with electric heat

and then...

Movement

Fingers digging into my side
she grabs me.

The most exquisite pain I can imagine

"This isn't right, you're a GIRL"

The words float in the air,
suspended,
and then explode into beams of light
as her lips
finally
meet mine.

Happiness?

*******, it exists.

Once upon a harvest moon,
a timid gnome encountered a boisterous baboon.
“Whacha up to tonight?!” the baboon slurred,
yelling loud enough that the whole town heard.

‘You got this man,’ the shy gnome thought,
because for a baboon, she was kind of hot.
“Not much, ya know,” stated the gnome,
“I’ve just been hanging out at home.”

“Well that ain’t fun!” the baboon cried,
“You’ve gotta have fun, life’s supposed to be a crazy ride!”
Embarrassed, the gnome replied with a fib,
“Tonight was a fluke! I got out, I’m no Squib!”

Laughing she stated, “I think you’re a liar.”
“Oh really?” He retorted, “My pants aren’t on fire.”
She laughed, “HA HA HA! Good one honey,”
the baboon didn’t realize his joke was not funny.

Drunk as a skunk, she had no clue,
the meadow she was in was not Club Blue.
The gnome, however, thought things were going well,
trapped in the clutches of her womanly spell.

Being a bit nerdy he didn’t get out much,
the poor gnome had never even felt a woman’s touch.
Feeling bolder he decided to take a chance,
until he realized that the baboon had peed her pants.

Life

Ideas
put down

Thoughts
smashed
rejected

People
humiliated
insulted
thrown away

We are like
Ideas
Constantly changing
always encountering
Opposition
Rejection
Degredation.

I hope things
change

but I don't
know
that I
believe

Every day
EVERY
DAY

My day
embodies
insanity

I go to sleep
thinking
(hoping, wishing
promising?
{lying}
hoping)

That tomorrow
(today)
I'll be better

I'll be different

My days will start
with coffee
(only coffee)

I will skip the
vices
that call to me

That tell me
you want this
(you need us)

We will not let you
survive
without us

You must
You
must

Imbibe

You chose us

And now
there is no
escape

Welcome to
your
life.

This is your choice.

What happens when
I have no
new
ideas?

Is it
possible?

Or have I lost
faith
in my own
feelings,
my own
thoughts?

Life
baffles me
constantly.

Why?

Saturday night, I’m getting crazy as usual,
taking pictures of my cats because they just look so beautiful.
Yea, some people go out, but I’ve got so much to do,
boys line up to take me out on dates but I tell them to shoo.
“Who are these guys?” you wonder, but don’t worry about that,
you wouldn’t know them because, they’re from a secret, hot guy frat.
I stumbled upon it once when I was out doing cool stuff,
like dancing with a king, and jumping off of bluffs.
Then one day, I jumped right into the hot guys secret lair,
and after I landed they could do nothing but stare.
I thought that they were looking at the mole on my face,
and I was right, but they loved it and begged me to stay at their place.
Not for the night, but forever, they didn’t want me to leave,
and who can blame them, I’ve got a badass weave.
But I had to decline, I just wasn’t ready for that,
so they said, “Come back anytime, even if you get fat.”
And with tears in my eyes, I bid them goodbye,
started my jetpack, and flew off into the sky.
I don’t have pictures of any of this because they were burned up in the fire,
but I can definitely assure you that I’m not a ***** liar.
But anyway, back to what I’m doing tonight,
I know that you’ll be jealous, you can’t help it, that’s alright.
I’m meeting up with Michael Scott and crew, but that’s not really a big deal,
we see each other every day, one time he tried to cop a feel.
Well, I may have just imagined that, which is probably pretty weird,
But I gave up on normal long ago, like my mother always feared.
Which is why I’m sitting here on Saturday night, talking to some cats,
who have low self-esteem because the media made them think they’re fat.
Those cats on the MeowMix commercials always look so thin,
no matter how hard regular cats try, they can really never win.
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell them, “Let’s just have some fun.”
So now we’re watching TV, because, what else would we have done?

She's crazy

She was a student
a scholar, a biology major
she excelled at being smart
hated her life
left college and followed her
passion for art
"She went crazy."

She was a mother
a wife
trapped in her life
a life she chose, but didn't want to
so she left, ran away
started over.
"She went crazy."

She was wanted by men
beautiful, charming, adored
dated many
could have gotten married
but didn't. She chose happiness...
by leaving men behind, for a woman
"She went crazy."

She was an alcoholic
and went through the DT's
Ran through the street
In her nightgown
Yelling about spiders
and fear
"She went crazy."

Crazy

She's

Crazy

Aren't we all?

In a far away forest there was a bear who felt very blue.
She simply could not snap out of it, and didn’t know what to do.
There was no reason for this sadness, her life was going well,
But at random times in every day, tears would start to swell
This feeling kind of scared her, but even more than that,
It made her feel embarrassed, like some sort of selfish brat
I don’t know why I’m like this, she constantly thought to herself.
I have no reason to feel this way, I have my legs, my sight, my health
There are bears in other places who have lost their homes to fires,
And baby bears in situations that are absolutely dire.
But these thoughts did not allieviate her internal pain,
In fact they only made it worse, topping sadness off with shame.
While she wanted to go talk to someone, to find out what was wrong
She settled for self-medicating, taking hits off of a ****
This helped her out a little bit, at least for a short while
But it was not a real fix, to say so was denial
So this went on for months and months, getting progressively worse,
And the bear learned to carry the weight of it, bending to this curse
She became her toughest critic, her own worst enemy
An ugly, unlovable idiot is what she thought herself to be.
I can’t tell you what happened to her, I simply do not know
Maybe she’s still out there somewhere, just putting on a show.

lately these images appear
uninvited
unwanted

but so very
real

a gun to my head
held in my own hand
finger on the trigger

afraid
yet
confident

I dont want this
but
my mind
pulls the trigger

every day

what do you do when happiness is
darkened
by your own mind

what do you do when your
own mind
tells you to die?

I dont want this
but
it won't stop

All day I
Dream
of the night

When I will
lie next to you
pull you close

and fit the
perfect curves
of your
perfect body
to mine.

You and I,
we're matching
pieces

People often seem to enjoy
living in
delusion.

Deep in their souls,
they know they live
unauthentic lives.

Yet
following society's rules seems
easier,
more imperative,
than following their own hearts.

How many people out there are genuinely happy?

How many detest their existence,
like I did
Wishing they were
strong enough
to follow their feelings

instead of following the flock?

"We see people as we are,
not as they are."

So true.

What do we really know
about the people we encounter,

the friends we have,
even
our families.

Everything we see,
might not be
real.

Eerie, right?

But life is only about perception.

We all see things differently.

So is anything actually real?

Most of the time I'm a ****** up
**** up.
Stumbling through my days blindly
Leaving wreckage in my wake.

Here, I'm sober
"Clean"
But you take away getting ****** up
and you're still left with

THE

**** up.

Because sometimes, being
pathetic and horrible
just comes naturally.

It becomes fused with your soul,
becomes a part of you
unfixable
unending
unacceptable

But still your reality

The part of you that you most want to
change
but can't.

And so you think,
I might as well drink,
I might as well die

But when you think like that
you know,
those thoughts will lead you to drink...
...and then you will die.

So the question is,
Does it matter?
Do you matter?

I really don't know.

"Say what you mean!"
But when I say it,
you respond with,
"But you shouldn't feel
that way."

Feel
But Don't

Say it
But Don't

if you could
S.T.O.P.
feeling the WRONG way
in the first place

"We wouldn't be having this
conversation."

I knew you
or knew of
you

I almost
knew you
I suppose

But I didn't get
the chance.
I'm not sure if
the chance
was offered
or not.

I don't know if
I could have been
your friend,
a confidant,
(your savior?)
I don't know that
I could have
helped.

But maybe...
I could have
said something,
done something,
simply sat in your
presence
until you felt

like existance was
managable.
Until you felt
worthy,
valued,
realized your importance.

Until you felt
like you could
stay.
(God, how I
wish you had
stayed)

But before I got the chance...

You put that gun to your  head.

You put that noose around your neck.

You put that knife to your wrist.

You took one or two pills,
too many.

You left me here.

ALL of you,
(even if I never knew you)
left me here,
and I'll never know if
I could have

Helped

If I could have
helped make it
okay,
manageable,
real,
made you feel loved.
(because I would have loved you)

But I want you to know...

I wanted to.

I am the
SAME
as you

I work in your community
I live in your world
I contribute
(too much)
to Capitalism
by frequenting your local stores
and buying
WAY
more items than
I need

I vote for your President
your Congress
your Governor,
I participate in politics because
I care
about the way
our world
functions.

And yet I'm not equal
I'm not "the same."

As if any of us even know what being
"the same"
means anymore

When I dated men you
ALL
applauded me, praised me

Even when I dated total
*******
people said,

"Well you're just too good for him.
But you're such a great person for
being able to see past his
'rough' exterior"

I saw past
SO MANY
'rough exteriors'

And I was miserable
And I forced myself to
PRETEND
to be happy.
And loved
And love-ING.

But then
SHE
walked into my life.

SHE
had been there for awhile,
but I shoved the feelings to the side
because they're
NOT RIGHT

NOT
acceptable

NOT
real

NOT
important

Be with a man they say.
And I followed their rules.

Which lead to alcoholism
drugs
depression
suicide after suicide after suicide,
never
accomplished.

Which reinforced the fact that
my life would be full of
Failure.

And then came the kiss
(when my lips met her perfect lips)
that opened my eyes,
and changed my life.

Now, I may be
Unequal
Rejected
Frowned upon

BUT

There is no frown upon
my face.

For my world is
Complete
Authetic
Rewarding
Real

And I wouldn't change that
to cultivate the appearance of
Equal.

Imagine
Create
Look at the world with
Wonder
Believe
Trust

Then,
Insults
Rejection
Confusion
Why?

­Attempt
Friendship
Acceptance
Happiness

Encounter
Insults
Rejection
Confusion
Reality
Why?

Attempt
Attempt
Attempt

Failure

Depression­
Drugs
Alcohol
Anxiety

Attempt
Death
Encounter
Failure

Again and
Again and
Again

Re-evaluate
Consider
a Future

Try
Try
Again

you promised you would be there, after
that our friendship was too important to lose

i don't think you meant to lie,
but you did

my mistake was believing you

Once, a long long time ago, there lived a happy family,
of good looking dinosaurs, with all daughters; they had three.

The dad went to his job all day, he always worked very hard,
to support his family the best he could, against all evil he did guard.

And so his daughters and his wife never wanted for anything at all,
he even built them a swimming pool, his own hands put up the walls.

His daughters knew that they got lucky by having such a dad,
who did so many great things for them, though just his presence made them glad.

On top of this, these three girls had a pretty awesome mom,
who stayed home with them when they were little, and helped them all day long.

She put band-aids on their bruised up knees and brushed away their tears,
and came when they had spooky dreams, to chase away their fears.

Then, when they grew up a bit, she followed her own dream,
and started teaching little dinosaurs all the things that they would need.

Soon enough, it was time for their oldest to leave the nest,
and find out where she should go to start her own life’s quest.

While they were sad to see her go, her family did not despair,
for it was not that far to her new “independent” lair.

All too soon, it was time for the next daughter to move away,
she chose a slightly farther place, where they could not see her every day.

This made her family pretty sad, they didn’t want her to go,
but they knew she had to try new things, and have her own space to grow.

And so the “baby” was left alone at home, though baby is not the right word,
because she had grown into a beautiful dinosaur, as if overnight she had matured.

It was weird for this youngest dinosaur, without her sisters there,
she had her parents to herself, along with the entire upstairs.

While some days this was pretty nice, it was a little bittersweet,
because she loved her sisters very much, and they had moved out of her reach.

However, distance makes the heart grow fonder, as the oldest soon found out,
she hadn’t thought she could love her family more, but she now did, without a doubt.

And though it made her sad that she did not see them every day,
they were always in her thoughts, never even slightly fading away.

So this oldest daughter was really not too sad,
when she thought of her family, it only made her glad.

Because what she had realized, with all this time apart,
is that you never leave your family, because they’re always in your heart.

Smokey the bear had fought lots of fires,
he was a good guy, didn't have any priors.
But after so many years committed to the job,
Smokey started to feel as if he would sob
every time he got a message calling him back to work,
to put out a fire started by some drunken ****.
No matter how many fires Smokey put out,
it never seemed to gain him any social clout.
His so called “friends” never invited him to hang
though all Smokey wanted was to be one of the gang.
They would hold fancy dances and dress in their best,
but poor lonely Smokey was never a guest.
He rented a tux and showed it to one guy,
who immediately retorted with quite the rude reply!
“Are you kidding,” he said, “Smokey tuxes aren’t for bears,
besides, you’d have to return it all covered in hair!”
“No,” the guy said, “It’s best you stay home,”
“Besides, I know you don’t mind hanging out alone!”
But Smokey did mind, he minded a lot,
and later that night, he had a brilliant thought.
“I’ll go to that party and show them, they’ll see,
you can’t just leave out a fun bear like me.”
However, Smokey's idea did not go as planned,
his first mistake being that he arrived in a van.
A van that looked like something a molester would use
while trolling the streets for a child to choose.
Smokey’s second mistake was his puke yellow tux,
the one he had bought for only two bucks.
When he finally entered people gasped in surprise,
unable to believe the strange thing before their eyes.
There Smokey stood, all covered in yellow,
holding a cane and top hat he thought made him quite the “fancy fellow.”
After a moment of silence there was a loud roar,
as laughing people asked, “What look were you going for?”
Embarrassed, Smokey tried to claim the whole thing was a joke,
Stuttering, “C’mon you guys know I’m quite the funny bloke!”
Eyes brimming with tears Smokey decided to leave,
but this embarrassed bear had something up his sleeve.
“I hate them,” he thought, standing outside,
and decided to make sure none of them would have a ride.
So he slashed all their tires while giggling with glee,
Thinking, "Now they’ll feel bad for laughing at me!”
But this was not enough, Smokey wanted to do more,
so he grabbed a gas can and started to pour.
He saturated the grass, the trees and the flowers,
and then sparked a fire that would burn on for hours.
This was one fire Smokey would not put out,
he simply stood, and then laughed as he heard the first shout.

I think...

I might not
Deserve
YOU

God, that scares me

But I think

It's
True

You deserve
Someone

Who sparkles,
and shimmers,
and shines,
like
YOU
do

When I look in the mirror,
I don't even see a glimmer

And that's not
Fair

To
YOU

YOU
deserve the
World


And I
want to be the world for
YOU

But I don't know that
I
am the world you deserve

Because you deserve someone who
sparkles,
and shimmers,
and shines.

I want to
Shine
for
*YOU

When my grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s everyone got really sad,
we couldn’t believe she would forget her family; her husband, me, my dad.
Everything happened so quickly, how could we have known,
that memories were running away from her, there were no signs she had shown.
To indicate that she was leaving us, not in body but in mind,
I didn’t know what was happening until I went to the hospital where she was confined.

Laying there in her hospital bed, with all of us around her,
worried about cooking dinner, she didn’t know where we were.
When I realized what was happening, I just could not believe,
that a few, very short, years later, my grandma would completely leave.
The reason I could not believe this was because she was such a source of love,
I could not understand why she was being punished, by somebody above.

Growing up I had always considered my grandmother to be,
the best woman in the entire world, true love’s epitome.
Every time we would come to the farm, she’d open the door, grinning wide,
and say “I’m so glad to see you all, c’mon let’s go inside!”
The minute you walked through that door, you knew that you were home,
surrounded by love so deep it was tangible and open spaces in which to roam.
The best memories of my childhood center around this place,
and in each one of these memories is my grandma’s smiling face.

Now my grandma sits in a nursing home, unable to respond,
to our pleas for her to come back to us, for her mind has been long gone.
And though this overwhelms me sometimes, because I just don’t think it’s fair,
I know if she was able, she’d tell me not to despair.
For our time together isn’t over, we’ll meet again someday.
Regardless, I know her love for her family will never fade away.

Drunken

Decisions

Destroy

Days

Humanity

hates
(loves)

kills
(creates life)

hurts
(heals)

Every action
has an
equal
and
opposite

reaction.

To love or
hate?

To heal
or hurt?

To act
or react?

To each
their own.

Humanity
decides
it's own
fate.

just want

to kiss
you

and hug
you

and be with
you

Always

You
light up my
World

Darkness suffocates me.
Ever-present blackness fights to enter my bloodstream
Worming its way through my pores
While tendrils of grey fog claw at my eyes
Obscuring my vision

Suddenly a light appears.
The tendrils retreat,
Skittering into the surrounding shadows
White fire circled by a hazy purple brilliance,
Floating in my direction

A positive thought.
Possibility
“I am a good listener.”
Corny, yes
But I like that
For a moment, I like me

Connection
Brilliant fire envelops
Light radiates from within me
A supernova, I shine overwhelmingly
Before collapsing in on myself

With the light gone
I lie in darkness,
but not despair.
Glowing dimly,
A flickering ember sits in the corner

Hope

Addicted to
Liquor
Beer
Wine
The buzz

Addicted to
Snacks
Dinner
2nd dinner
Excess

Addicted to
Painkillers
Creating pain
Numbing pain

Addicted to
Worry

Addicted to
Self-doubt

Addicted to
negativity

Addicted to
Distraction

Addicted to
Secrecy

Addicted to
Escape

Always
Escape

You have to stop
Drinking
Eating
Being tired

Don't be so emotional

Lose weight
Smile more
Work harder
Stop being like this

(Can't you just)
be better

A Vietnamese student
sits in class

Two students
snicker
insult
put her down
for being

different.

While they wear
yoga pants whose
tags stick out

and read
"Made in Vietnam"

Take things
Slow
They say

Don't move too fast

Love takes time
You have to cultivate it
Learn how to
Truely
Love someone

Understandable
But
Unrealistic

Because
Life
Doesn't stop for anyone

Life

Moves quickly
Changes constantly
Keeps you on your toes

You could get hit by a car
Or shot on the street
Or get cancer
Or have a heart attack

At any time
On any day

Life
doesn't stop for anyone

So if you fall in love
Love hard
Go all out
Invest yourself
Make it real

If it doesn't work out
Move on

But if it does,
if it does...
Embrace it.
Love with all you have
Give all you have
Don't hold back

We are not guaranteed tomorrow

So I will love with all my heart
Today

After moving to Windowville from a smelly pet shop,
Lord Lispy Lizard felt he would soon be on top.
The view from his new place was quite superb,
Lispy couldn’t believe he’d had doubts about the burbs.
“This year will be swell,” he thought, “It’s my time to shine.”
It was easier to think this away from mildew and brine.
However, Lispy was in for quite the surprise,
as there was a roommate in his highrise.
Shy, she had been watching from behind the plants,
nervously eating handfuls of ants.
Being alone for so long had taken quite a toll,
her former good looks had faded and left a troll.
Still, she was determined to confront this stranger,
in order to see if he presented any danger.
She was not too worried, he didn’t look like much,
and she was certain she could take him with only a touch.
Hardening her resolve, she lept out with a shout,
forgetting she had forgotten to pluck her mustache out.
This was not all, she had not bathed either,
And the yell she let out sounded like a deranged ******.
Needless to say, Lispy lept up, screamed, and bolted.
Both because he was scared, and a little revolted.
“Just my luck,” he thought, cowering behind a rock.
“But I’m a man, I’ll go out there and at least try to talk.”
So Lispy stood up and brushed himself off,
clearing his throat with a less than manly cough.
“I’m sorry…miss? I didn’t mean to run
It’s just that I’m allergic to the sun.
I got scared when it’s rays reflected off your pretty smile,
And thought it best I took off for awhile.”
The girl was a little confused, her teeth were very mossy,
she knew this because she never did any flossing.
But she decided to go along with his claim,
saying “That’s okay sir, let me tell you my name.
They used to call me Elenor, back when I feasted on Orange Roughy,
But the fatty whose cage we’re in just calls me Fluffy.”
Lispy couldn’t believe this thing had been rich,
especially when she looked even worse than a witch.
Still, he was a gentleman and did not want to be rude
so he said “What a pretty name, where does Fatty put the food?”
“I’ll show you,” she said, “C’mon, follow me.”
Beginning to think how nice it would be
if they ended up married and had lots of kids,
as it must have been fate that Lispy showed up when he did.
So later that night Elenor jumped in the pool,
scrubbing away dust, dirt, grime and drool.
She plucked out the unsightly hair on her face,
and pulled out a ribbon from inside an old case.
When Lispy was awoken by bright sunlight streams,
the vision he saw was that of his dreams.
There Elenor stood, shining like a star,
looking nothing like the former monster all covered in tar.
He couldn’t believe she had cleaned up so well,
with not even a hint of her old sour smell.
With this one look Lispy fell in love,
as if he had been struck by something up from above.
To this day Elenor and Lispy live in bliss,
even though she had not brushed her teeth before their first kiss.

there are ants crawling
underneath my door,
up the side of my trashcan,
onto my counter,
into my room.

spraying them,
creating boundaries,

reminds me.

i am not the only one
who always feels like my presence is

an imposition.

At night
I long
(to touch your skin)

In my dreams
I long
(to touch your skin)

In the morning
I long
(to touch your skin)

During the day
I long
(to touch your skin)

I long
(for you)
Always

I don't
Understand

My own
Unhappiness

It's mine
But
It shouldn't be.

My life is
Wonderful
Blessed

Full of
Wonderful
Blessed
People

And yet
Sometimes

I am
Overwhelmed
by a sense of
Despair

Unfounded
Without substance
But so very
Real.

Yet I am so
Lucky
so
Blessed.

I must be a
Terrible Person
or
Cursed.

Because if not,
I just don't
Understand.

Money

     Corruption
     Change

             Loss
                   Devestation
                   Descent

   Stress
    Stress
    Stress

    Earn

Money

Work
    Hard
     Harder

   More
       Need
   More

Always

    Never
       Enough

Just
  Try

Survive

The buzzing inside my head tells me nothing is real.
It can’t be.
A fog has infiltrated my mind, distorting reality
Twisting
Thoughts, sounds, images,
Until I don’t know the difference between real and imagined.
People around me talk, I listen,
But is it really happening?
Or is it all just a dream?
I know this is real life, I do,
But through these heavy lidded eyes nothing looks the same.
I sleep and sleep and sleep
And wake up tired.
My eyes and my mind are constantly closing,
Wanting to drift away into darkness.
Only then can I find peace.

Let me tell you about something I saw the other day,
when I was out walking through a field of hay.
The night was quite pretty, the air crisp and clear,
when I suddenly encountered a cat who was drinking a beer!
I walked a little farther and encountered some mice,
sitting around a card table, all playing dice.
The mice looked quite serious, they all dressed like thugs,
I was dumbfounded, and simply stared down from above.
Then I saw something that completely blew my mind,
it was a variety of animals, dancing in a conga line.
For hours and hours and hours they danced,
more animals joined in, even deer came to prance.
This party was larger than any I’d seen,
a couple of badgers were even smoking something green.
“Innocent” deer were snorting lines off of snakes,
and a couple drunk farm dogs were fighting with rakes.
A cat and a mouse were sitting in a barn,
entirely too drunk, they took turn telling yarns.
From across the field, you could hear an owl retch,
while a gaggle of geese slurred “Benny and the Jets.”
Sheep laughed, “Bahaha!” while dancing on tables,
the horses were getting it on in the stables.
This party was crazier than any I’d attended,
a pig even ended up losing an appendage.
As the sun came up, things started winding down,
all the cows went home, and the "Keg King" took off his crown.
I took this as my cue, it was time to depart,
so a couple mice and I hitched a ride on a farmer’s cart.
"Sayonara!" I yelled, "It's been lots of fun!
Everybody get home safe, try not to hurt anyone!"
But enough about me, let's talk about you.
That was my weekend, what did you do?

Brilliant light
flashes before my eyes,
dances across my skin.

My very soul pulses,
electric
Your light drives away
the shadows of my past.

Illuminating a future filled with happiness.

To me,
YOU are perfection.

Happiness
does not come to those who
wait for it
to come their way.

Happiness
comes to those who
work for
and actively
seek it out.

You
choose the direction
your life
takes.

I wake to a
brilliant
light every morning
that comes not from the windows, but
radiates
from the beautiful creature
lying next to me.

My world
sparkles
shimmers
shines.

When I look at her
I can see why people say
the world
is beautiful.

My world
has been set
ablaze.

...means nothing
to anybody.

The teachers that try to help us,
work day and night,
neglect their families
to think about
their students,
we ridicule,
insult
roll our eyes at,
attempt to intimidate.

The older man
standing at the door of
your grocery store,
who smiles and says
"Hello, How are you?!"
We glare at, or
ignore,
we brush him away,
and deny his
importance,
his existence.

The parents
who work so hard
and care
so much
for their children
are cussed at
ridiculed
insulted
rejected
treated like they are
Nothing
of no importance.

When someone
accidentially bumps into us
we respond with
"*******!"
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"
"WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?"
Instead of,
"Excuse me."

We all lament this
world of conflict
that exists.

We mourn the
death
of respect,
of common courtesy.

And yet we do nothing.

Are we people?
Or have we become animals?

I used to think I knew the answer,
I stayed positive,
but now...

I'm just not sure.

two months.

it's been two months.

two months out of eight.

one-fourth of an entire relationship.

a relationship that ended before it began.

so why am i still dealing with the reprecussions of
the ending?

the end is supposed to be it,
correct?

False.

people refuse to let things go.

why do we want people,

who don't want

us?

we cling to them,
cry,
and beg,
and plead.

And they reject,
or ignore.

And we get angry.

But
WHY?

love yourself.
respect yourself.

and if someone doesn't love you for you,

for God's sake...

Move on.

i feel confident
state my opinion
stand my ground

then, defeated,
i wonder
did i imagine it all?
i feel crazy

life is most comfortable
assuming
and
embracing

the fact that i am most often
wrong

It starts with a smile
It always starts with a smile.
I smile because I'm friendly,
and people like friendly...
Right?
Right...
People love friendly.
[Men] love friendly.
Because apparently,
Friendly equates to easy.

And so it begins.

"Hey, you seem cool,
We should hang out sometime."
Say the boys (men?) boys
In my class,
At work,
At parties.
"Okay!" I say,
Because he's cute, or funny, or smart, or possibly just
Different
From all the others.
And sometimes he is.
But sometimes...

You get to his house
To "hang out"
Because that's what people do apparently,
They "hang out"
Ask me on a date?
Laughable
I don't know that it has ever happened.
But tthey have no problem inviting me to hang.

And I go along with it.
Because we all want someone, something
And maybe this is just the way things work for my generation...
Right?

And once you get to the house
You're invited to sit on the couch.
Relax
Smoke
Have a drink
"I thought we'd watch a movie or somethin'"
...or somethin'

So the movie begins (because why get to know each other?)
And suddenly
It becomes less about the movie, and more
About the somethin'
I'm not asking for somethin'

Regardless of my nose ring,
The jokes I make,
The drinks I had,
The dresses I wear,
And the fact that I agreed to watch a movie,
"or somethin'"
I didn't come here for somethin'
I'm not asking for somethin'

"No, let's just watch the movie."

He just moves close,
Pours another drink.
When I take a sip,
His hands begin to roam.

"Seriously, no thanks."

I think about leaving but...
This is just how guys are.
Or so I've been told.

"It's no big deal. Come on. You're being a *****."

Maybe I am being ridiculous.
For some reason I feel bad. But still.
I'm not asking for somethin'

"No."

Apparently, at this point,
No
Is not an option.

"You want this too. I like you."

The fight for territory begins,
A battle I quickloy lose.
Or resign myself to?
Maybe...I asked for this?
No. I'm not asking for somethin'

Shame. Anger. I walk out alone.
How did I let this happen

AGAIN?

Guilt. Then rage.

And this time, I refuse to play the victim.
I refuse to blame myself, to keep taking this,
Because "that's just how guys are."

I didn't ask for this.
I NEVER did.

Providing drinks and entertainment doesn't mean I owe you somethin'

My dress doesn't mean I'm asking for somethin'

I am done feeling responsible,
Keeping silent,
Blaming myself.

When did men start believing that
my smile
means I'm asking for somethin'?

I'm asking for something
Not
Somethin'

Yesterday I looked at you
(looking at me)
and wanted to say
"You mean so much to me."

So much
You mean
So much

But what does
(so much)
mean

You mean
so much
more
than
so much

To me,

you mean the world

you mean light, brilliance, fire

you mean forever, eternity, a beautiful life

you mean electric tingles, bursts of blinding light

you mean passion, happiness, peace

you mean love that changes my life for the better

you mean
so much
more
than
so much

Constant
Consuming all thought

Everywhere

"I won't give in!"

And then,
I do

For some reason I can’t fathom I’m constantly alone,
as there are never any men calling me up on the phone.
I’m not sure why this is, but there must be some reason,
why there is such an absence of men in my life, season after season.

I guess it could be the fact that I have a lot of friends,
except they’re all cats and apparently that’s not “in.”
I don’t really understand it, we get along quite well,
and I know that all my cats do think I’m absolutely swell.

And yet my dates don’t usually last any later than six,
which could have something to do with all my cool cat pics.
Apparently guys think it’s “weird” when you show them all that stuff,
they’d rather see pictures of **** girls in the buff.

So when I present men instead with a styling, western-wear cat,
they are less than impressed, and that’s the end of that.
You’d think I would learn, but I never do,
so I’ll sit alone forever, just me and my cat crew.