You were just a child
(but you wouldn't agree with that.
you were just an adolescent,
embarking on the adventure of
adulthood)

And so was I

We grew up together
played together
laughed together
loved together

Shared secrets,
laughter,
pain.

Shared trimuphs,
trials,
tribulations.

And then came...

Distance.

For both of us.

We lived our own lives,
got through each struggle  
"on our own"

fought our
individual
battles.

Reconnected

here

and

there.

Never the same.

And then,
IT
happened.

IT

Which we can't talk about,
and we couldn't talk about before.

Because it's too dark,
or depressing,
unreal,
or just
too much.

But it was real.
And I felt it.

And did...

Nothing.

And now you're gone
and there's no turning back
no fixing anything
no telling you you're important
and amazing
and inspiring
and real
and serving a purpose
and just

******* alive

There's no turning back

now

There was
but I ignored it,
let it slide
thought I was doing the
"right thing"

I made a mistake.
And now you're gone....
And I wonder,

Why are any of us still

Here?

I don’t want to do this!
My students complain
And ask,
Why should we anyway?
Often I respond
“For the points
Of course.
This is a big part of your grade.
You want to pass,
Don’t you?”
Because it’s all about the grade you get
The points you earn
The quality of your work.
You don’t really need to know
What the characters are like,
Or what themes are in the novels we read.
You can survive without it.
But as teachers we ask you to anyway.
I say, “You need the points!”
I say, “You have to pass!”
I say, “You need to work.”
But what I should be saying is what I truly feel.
Why should you read all of these books, you ask?
You should read them because they will
Change
Your life.
These books can open your mind to completely new worlds
They can take you to places you’ve never been
They can comfort you, scare you,
Make you laugh and make you cry.
When you learn to love reading and writing
like I so desperately want you to
You will see.
When you find those books that resonate within your soul
You will know.
Words will always be there for you,
Whether they come from someone else’s mind
Or your own.
When you feel so angry you could cry
Or so sad that you could die
You can transfer your feelings onto paper
Push them away from you
Find relief
You can write.
So why do I want you to read and write in my class?
Why should you do this?
Does any of it really matter anyway?
Well, it matters.
I want you to read and write
Because I don’t want you to just graduate,
Or survive,
Or get a good grade.
What I want for you is an experience.
I want you to learn how to truly live.
This is why.

Sometimes, those words you throw
so carelessly
Hit hard enough to leave
welts
red marks
bruises

They often nick the skin,
Reopen old wounds,
and occasionally
Sever
an artery

One of these days
I
just
might
Bleed out

Congratulations, you now have a sweet *** ride
It was really my own fault for leaving it outside.
I have to say, I’m almost impressed,
because stealing a bike must have been quite the test.
In broad daylight, no less, you snuck up to my house,
snatched up my bike and scurried off,
quiet
as a mouse.
My neighbors must have been distracted, you picked a great time,
to steal that bike right off my lawn, the perfect crime.
I hope that you took it because you loved it a lot,
not so you could sell it, get some money,
and buy,
lots of ***.
But I’m sure that’s not the case, you wouldn’t do that,
I’m sure that you’re just borrowing it to bike off some fat.
Or you took it because you couldn’t afford one for your kids,
if that’s the case don’t worry,
I’m glad,
that you did.
Regardless of the reason it was taken for,
I’ve learned my lesson, I’ll leave my bike out no more!
Anyway, I hope that you’re now really happy.
Good day to you.
Sincerely,
Me

Everything is hard
Moving, looking, breathing,
Laughing, loving, speaking
I can’t do it
I can’t
I can’t
I CAN"T
They say you can
It’s not hard, just be

happy.

I say the opposite
How can it be easy when just thinking hurts
Everything hurts
I promise you I’ve tried
And tried
and tried
and tried
But every time I try I fail
Can you hear me?
STOP
HELP
Every time I fall, the climb back up becomes harder
Someone is smoothing down the walls of this pit as I climb out
When I fall again I know this
My hands try to grasp something,
Anything
to cling to
To pull myself out
Of myself
There isn’t much left to grab, it takes awhile
One more fall
Just one
And then nothing

Some days I wake up
But I don’t
My eyes open, I see the world
But nothing is real
This ringing in my head tells me something is not right
What I see must simply be imagination
People move around me,
Through me
As though I don’t exist
Automatic doors follow suit,
Refusing to recognize my presence,
Denying entry into every day life.
HELP ME
I scream and cry and plead
But my words and tears melt into the wind
Gone without a sound.
I drift through the day listless,
A plastic bag caught in the current that is my life.
Night comes,
I crawl into bed and sleep,
Ending a day that never really started.

I woke up this morning and it happened
the same thing at first

I looked for you and I found you
(posting pictures to Facebook with your new friends)
(posing for Snapchats of your shots and your beer pong skills, because it's important that people know you're fun!)

I looked for you and I found you
(******* up to others, proving your worth)
(doing what you want in the moment and forgetting about everything else, because you can explain it all away tomorrow)

I looked for you and I found you
and I used to feel
(jealousy, because I have never understood why everyone else matters more than me)
(anger, because I am so tired of the wanting, the waiting, the wishing, the what ifs, and the why am I not good enoughs)

I woke up this morning and it happened
I looked for you and I found you
and finally
I didn't feel

seeing you makes
my heart flutter
my head spin
my knees go weak
and beads of sweat to form

now, seeing you causes
those same reactions,
but it feels more like the flu
than love

your kiss was the
best
and
worst
thing to ever happen to me

Wake
(and bake)

Wake
and partake

of drugs,
of alcohol,

but of life?

No way

you wanted me for yourself
but you also wanted others
to want you
you wanted their hungry looks
their hands on your knee,
your back,
your neck,
your chest...
you wanted their flirtatious whispers,
the smell of their breath as they leaned in,
hoping to kiss your lips
you wanted others to want you so much that
you forgot about me

lies heavy upon me

in the mashed potatoes to my left
the beer on my right

the "if onlys"
and
"what ifs"
that weigh on my heart

the
"i'll get up and run!"
followed by
"****, i'm too tired."

the
"help me,
come to this,
i need you,
don't forget the early meeting,
we need you,
come over here now,
help me."

step by step by step by step by step by step

the day progresses

and ends in a
beer to my right
mashed potatoes to my left

i will always run

tomorrow.

I see things
Happen
every day

And these days
all that runs through my
Mind

is

Why?

I look forward
to closing
my eyes

Because I get
to open them
and see

You