HER even lines her steady temper show ;
Neat as her dress, and polish'd as her brow ;
Strong as her judgment, easy as her air ;
Correct though free, and regular though fair :
And the same graces o'er her pen preside
That form her manners and her footsteps guide.

i.
We would sleep, but never touching,
your sheets were always cold,
your room dark, like a thick blanket

You told me tonight that all you
wanted to do was hold me in your arms,
I didn't know if this was the truth
or the ***** speaking your sentiments
for you

ii.
You have been out with women,
women who I'm sure were beautiful,
who were possibly more expressive,
more full of life,
able to offer you what I couldn't
but still, you said
that you were left with
comparisons
and that every time

I won.

We smile at each other
and I lean back against the wicker couch.
How does it feel to be dead? I say.
You touch my knees with your blue fingers.
And when you open your mouth,
a ball of yellow light falls to the floor
and burns a hole through it.
Don't tell me, I say. I don't want to hear.
Did you ever, you start,
wear a certain kind of dress
and just by accident,
so inconsequential you barely notice it,
your fingers graze that dress
and you hear the sound of a knife cutting paper,
you see it too
and you realize how that image
is simply the extension of another image,
that your own life
is a chain of words
that one day will snap.
Words, you say, young girls in a circle, holding hands,
and beginning to rise heavenward
in their confirmation dresses,
like white helium balloons,
the wreathes of flowers on their heads spinning,
and above all that,
that's where I'm floating,
and that's what it's like
only ten times clearer,
ten times more horrible.
Could anyone alive survive it?

I always said I never understood
human nature and why we are
as we are and as we will be
and as we always have been.

I always said I was never like the rest
I knew I wasn't perfect but I was not
quite as
selfish or as
stupid or as
indecisive or as
foolish.

But now I see how I wanted you
when you were no longer mine to have
and I missed you when you were gone
and I let go of you when you were holding on to me
and I want you more than ever now that
you no longer want me at all.

and only now do I realize,
much to my dismay
that I
am
human nature.