You know the relationship is unhealthy
When the abuser
Decides he's abused too much.
He's used you too much
He's lied too much
He's caused too many tears
He can't bare to abuse you anymore.
And yet...
You still want to hold him
You want to kiss his soft face
And feel his arms around you,
Even if they wrap so tight
They squeeze the air out of your lungs
And you're left gasping
Alone
At night
In your bed
Wondering where he is
Who he's with
If you've even crossed his mind.
But of course you haven't
Because he's the abuser
And you're the punching bag.
He only punches
When he needs to let out frustration,
And you take every hit
Like the knuckle bruises he left on your stomach
And you told yourself it was okay
Because at least he was touching you.
But now he's had enough punching
His arms are tired.
But you could take a million more hits
If it meant sometimes he still approached you
With his violent hands
And even more violent mouth
Screaming profanities
*******, *****.
But you close your eyes
And remember when he said you were all he ever needed
Whispering sweet nothings in your ear.
Even if they were really nothing,
You're stuck.
And you've made a comfortable home
With chains around your feet
But your abuser still leaves you
Alone in this house of false comfort
And the door is open for you to run away
But he didn't unlock the chains before he left.
And so,
Shackled down by the weight of grief
You become your own abuser
Because it reminds you of him.
Abusing sleep
Dreams are the only place you can see his face now
Abusing pills
The meds you now take because you can't handle the anxiety on your own
Abusing alcohol
It always seems like a good idea until there's 3 sent text messages and a pounding headache in the morning.
And the one who caused destruction to begin with
Is gone.
And you're left
Abusing yourself.