The worst thing about this kind of sadness
is not being able to eat or move or
write
and you can't just snap out of it
or maybe you just don't want to
because you're sort of getting used to it
and you don't know who you would be
without it

Never let an illness define who you are
otherwise when the pills start working
you'll end up with an empty body
a shell without a soul
and no words to describe
what you've been through

As I blew out the candles on my birthday cake
I wished for happiness
five years in a row
and I was sure it never came true
until I looked at pictures I didn't remember taking
and at poems I didn't remember writing
and realized I could've been happy all along
if only I hadn't focused that much on my sadness