i've been thinking lately
about you & me
and all the questions left unanswered
how it all could be
and i hope you know
you never left my head
and if i ever let you down,
i'm sorry*

i know you're still there
and i know you're not okay
i know you've been waiting
for me to write here everyday

some days i write for love
some days i write for what's true
some days i write for peace of mind
but today, i write for you

i'm sorry for facing everything on my own
to the point that i became unaware
that no matter what you faced yourself
it will never change the fact that you care

i'm sorry for trying to fight my demons alone
when deep inside, i was nothing but scared
i'm sorry for not wanting to add up
but instead left your heart ensnared

i am still here, love
i will be waiting for us to start anew
perhaps one where i no longer hide secrets
maybe one where i start to fight once again with you

and i will always be here, dear
i know you always will be, too
if there will be another chance
i'll start to ready myself
for new adventures with you

but maybe i said too many sorries
maybe i should let you choose
but i can't, for you are one of the people
i think i could never afford to lose

it hurts me to see how sad you are
it's devastating even with witnessing just a single frown
you start to feel like the songs i listen to
when i want myself to feel down

take me back to the time
when the weight of your world was also the weight of mine
i apologize for staying inside too much
that i've left you outside just waiting for my dark to meet your sunshine

if my walls are once again so high
feel free to tear them apart again
because even when the world was ending
i swear, i love you so much
and i will always be here
to be your friend

until then, i will use telescopes to watch from afar
for the next time our stars will align
i will be just here waiting
for the time we'll sing our favorite songs and everything will once again feel fine

where do i even start? that girl is the girl of my dreams. my refuge. my strength. my love. my hope. my light. my earth. my every ******* planet there is. my whole galaxy. her eyes are what makes up the stars in my whole universe. that girl is my everything. she's still everything, but i'm afraid she's no longer mine.
there have been times when i was lost, looking for what really is the reason i'm here. i look for things that i never even thought i could find. i look for home as i'm literally just about to knock on my front door. i look for where to go when i've been walking the same routes ever since. i would always ask myself "should i turn left, or right?" when she was the one face i would see whatever direction i look at. her clothes are smell of my bedroom blanket. her hands are the softness of each of my pillows. i saw her in everything that was at my house. that was until that girl's love came along. i realized that i would sleep better on her arms than i would ever sleep in my own bed. her hands could keep me warmer than my favorite bedsheets. her shoulders would let my heart sleep tighter than the softest cushion we have. her voice sounds more mellifluous than any instrument i play. that girl. that girl's love was home.
on sunny days, give her the sweetest flavor of ice cream there is, don't stop until you find it. and i swear, the cold of its ice would be the opposite of the warmth she will give you in exchange. on nights that she feels as if she isn't enough, make her feel as if she's everything you will ever need. and trust me, there will be nothing in this world that she would ever pick you over. on rainy days, drape her in the warmest of hugs she can ever receive. i swear that if you do so, her heart will never turn cold. she will make jokes yet also be the only one to laugh at it. laugh with her, smile as if you're just waiting for those lips to be on yours. she will try to tell you she loves you but she will be the most timid of all girls out there, so you have to tell her first. when she looks like she's angry for no reason, do not get angry. know that she is only looking for your love and affection. when it seems as if she wants to do everything with you until you get exhausted, know that she only wants to be assured that you will never get tired of her. she's a stubborn girl, you will fight and it'll be over, but she will keep bugging you while she repeatedly says sorry, that's how scared she will be of losing you. when she feels like you're annoyed, she will only vex you more, but all she really wants is for you to know she's really sorry. don't get angry at my beautiful princess, okay? i swear to god and to all gods out there, do not make the same mistakes that i did, it will be the thing that you will regret the most for the rest of your life. because me, i lost the girl that loved me more than she loved anything in this world. i lost the girl that only ever wanted what was best for me. i lost the girl that was willing to smile to make me happy when deep inside, she was breaking. i lost the girl that laughed at my stupid jokes when i couldn't even smile at myself. i lost the girl that gave me the sweetest of kisses when i was going through every sort of bitterness in my life. i lost the girl that was going to stay with me through it all. i lost the only girl that could conjure the storm within me, even when she knows that my words could strike her like lightning. i lost the girl that could stop my earthquakes within, when she knows that the following tsunamis could drown her heart. i lost the girl, the one that loved me the most. i did not deserve her, she was everything i received yet could never give back. i gave her my words yet could never turn them to actions. that girl was my princess, and now, make her feel like a queen for me, alright? make her feel like she owns every land in the earth when the only thing i could give her was my kingdom. make her feel like she's the funniest girl there is when the only thing i made her feel was despair. make her feel happiness when the only thing i made her feel was misery. make her feel like the only girl in your life when i made her feel like there are still other girls that are above her. make her feel like your best written poem when the only thing i made her feel like was most cliché of words. get lost in her love when the only thing i did was search for more. make her feel like your most special of all books when i only made her feel like a chapter in my library. make her feel like her voice is the only thing you'd like to listen to when i made her feel like just one song from my playlist. make her feel like her eyes could show you every galaxy there is when all i did was try out telescopes. make her feel the love i could never give. give her your everything. give her all of your attention when all she feels is ignored. give her your passion on the times when all she could feel is your apathy. give her your soul when she feels like she is the emptiest of all my promises. give her your feet at the times that she cannot stand on her own. give her your hands at the times that she can't even pick herself up from the floor. give her your eyes when she can't see how important she is. give her your ears when she hears her voice as the most horrible tune my instruments have ever played. give her your brightest smiles when she goes through the darkest days of her life. make her feel at home when her family won't. make her dance when i could never even give her the perfect song. and lastly, give her your heart when she feels as if her was too broken, too shattered, too destroyed by me. that girl just wants to see you sacrifice for her after she shows that she would break bones for you. love her like she's the only person you would give your affection to. love her the way that i never did. please, take care of her. don't hurt her the way i did. show her that she's everything when i made her feel like she was never enough.

*best wishes,
the one that never deserved her love

forgive me if i have swam oceans for you
even though i've been drowning since you left
forgive me if i have willingly burned
just so i can say i am here to keep you warm
forgive me if i have broken bones
after keeping your heart together each night
forgive me if i've been trying to fix your heart
that i have forgotten i am broken as well
can we be broken together, once again?

because there was once a time with you, a time when i've felt happiness i haven't felt in a long time
but you were not as joyful as i was
so i poured my whole heart out for you
and found myself realizing
that the emptiness i have created within me
could swallow me whole

now there is this void where my heart used to be
a black space that resides within all the hurt
i thought that with a broken heart
i could never once again feel
until the day i realized that the spaces
between the blood on my fingers
is the kind that only your hands will be able to fill

i hope you know that if you just read what i write
you will find my pieces, if you just stare
please understand that i've been trying to bury your name in poems
knowing i could never leave you there

reason
/ˈrēzən/
noun

you are the reason i write
you are the reason i ache
the stab to my chest that
makes it bleed words every time
you see it break

i will write about you tonight. i will write using ink just as dark as the day you left. i will carry this pen using hands that has not forgotten how it felt to love. i will put these words to life using my heart that still beats for you. for you, only. and for you, always.

i looked into your eyes today
and i drowned in its sea
perhaps i realized that up to now
i still could not breathe
at the thought of your promise
that you would never leave me be
you looked into my eyes today
tell me, darling. did you see regret?
when i told you to forgive
or when i tried to make you forget
we pass by each other
as if this was the day we just met
"stay", you whispered -- when i never really left

there have been times when
i had to write about hope
but it ends up being about pain
i remember trying write about love
then ending up writing your name

*you are the reason i write
the reason behind everything i do
i could write about something different
but these words will always be for you

once upon a time
there was a boy who loved art
the kind of love that doesn't die
the kind that doesn't fall apart

he walks inside a museum
this is how his day will start
he will look at every painting
as if the colors have taken his heart

every time he sees its beauty
his eyes will shimmer bright
but every time he leaves
it will be his own starry night

the boy has his favorite painting
the boy has his favorite poem
there is nothing else in this world
that he would rather call home

just like museum artworks
he can only see, but not touch
the boy would dream of having a glimpse
of your brilliance
but having you would be too much

once upon a time
this little boy wrote a poem
helplessly hoping that strings of words
would keep his bleeding heart sewn

he could never come near
he can only linger in your light
he can never
this beautiful mixture of colors
that puts up rainbows
in his world of black and white

because the painting was a girl
a girl that never knew
so through a poem, he said
"the little boy was me
and that beautiful artwork
haa always been you"

the scent of you, i still look for
in places we used to go
breathe it in, like the pain
of the things
i was never supposed to know
the thought of you, still floods my heart
like an overflowing creek
i open letters from a few years back
and all of it
still means so much to me
you taught me to love
but never how to quit
i remembered you
and i still love you
but maybe that's why museums exist
maybe
to see one thing related to the person
and to suddenly remember
everything you used to do
but darling, how could i forget
when everything i see
is a reminder of you?