Emotions and feelings
Everything gets jumbled up
One word confused for another
Stuttering when you
Can't remember the right word
When you get so mad you can't speak
But if you write it all down
It gets so much simpler
Your words come out smoothly
Stuttering is merely pausing
But when you go back and read it
The words flow smoothly
No friction as you get angrier
Just one word after the other
Come to think of it
Everything seems to be
Simpler on paper

You're pathetic
A cry baby
Never amounting to much
Worthless and useless
A waste of space
Obnoxiously selfish
Self-centered attention *****
You crave pity
And all eyes on you
Just stop whining
Long enough to **** yourself
You don't deserve life
Since you waste it
You're nothing special
Just an accident
Never meant to happen
Sincerely, yourself

Can we just
Slow down
Going 90 in a 35
Pushing to get there
But what about here
Enjoy where you are
Don't try to be first
Can we just
Slow down
Stop to smell the roses
Sight see a little
Before we move on
Take a few steps back
I'm not going yet
It's all too fast
Can we just
Slow down
I'm moving at my own pace
Turtle pace
Taking my time
Trying to enjoy myself
Before it's too late
Can we just
Slow down
I don't want this
Rushing and speeding
Take a few hundred
Steps the opposite direction
Can we just
Slow down
Leave it where it started

Sometimes I get lucky
And something smooth comes out
Like butter or cream cheese or icing
But I'm gonna end up giving myself
Cellulite thighs with all these fatty foods
Oh well
Maybe one day something smooth enough
Will come out to straighten me back up
Soften all my rough parts
Inside and out
Smooth out all the wrinkles I have
Make me fresh and new like a baby
Maybe I'll be completely smooth again

Sometimes I feel like the only way to name your poems
Is with an eleven word title
Cause it's the only thing that will make any sense
One or two maybe even three words just isn't enough
To express what you want it to
You can't express what you mean and what the poem means
But then at the same time I don't want to be a bother
Making anyone read a title that long
But I guess I'll make an exception just this once

You ease my fears
Calm my worries
With your soft voice
Gentle touch
Tender kisses
You soothe my soul

Where things decay
New growth replaces
Mushrooms on dead trees
Barren trees and
Blooming wild violets
Mid February
Pear trees blossoming
From early sunsets
To early sunrises
Spring following harsh winters
Changes are coming

Can I embrace them?

I am a stepping stone
Worn and *****
You cross my path
On your way to
Bigger and better things
It might take a while
But never worry
You'll get there
I will help you take those steps
Bringing smiles to your face
Until you don't need me anymore
And you'll continue to the next

Things were so easy when we were young
Now everything is so stressful
And I'm afraid you took it the wrong way
When I said I liked you better before
I probably said it wrong but it's too late now
I can't take it back
But I want you to know that my words are real
Just like I know yours are
And I'm sorry
I didn't really mean it the way it came out
Just a little frustrated is all
Partying when I kept checking for a message
Waiting and hoping for hours
Then finally giving up and saying goodbye
Waking up to see that message
It made me mad
I was stupid enough to hope you had changed a bit
To think maybe you had
But I realized I was wrong
It frustrated me
Please don't ignore me again
Or forget me
I want you around
Friends for now and maybe more later on
You were right about one thing
To go back and forth we had to feel something
I know you do and I hope now
You know that I do too
Because all of this is stressing me out

The other night my aunt told me something
She told me I'm strong
I've let myself be brought down by a man
And she told me I'm stronger than that
So I have something to say to you in return
You are stronger than anything you go through
You will make it out
Just believe in yourself and flourish
Blow the world away with your power
With your strength and courage and love
Make your mark on the world
And be proud while you do
You're amazing and beautiful
Love yourself and love everything you do
Don't be afraid to show who you really are
Don't hide behind lame *** excuses
Just go for it
Let your strength show
Pick yourself up out of bed
Here, take my hand and I'll help you up
We can do it together if it helps
Any time you need me I'm here
Because even though you are strong
You don't always have to be
I've got your back

Just an unhappy reminder
Of a miserable time
A hurting soul
On an empty Mother's Day
With no mother to celebrate
For the first time
In 18 years
Just an unhappy reminder
Of another Valentine's Day
Spent working
With no one to celebrate
Being in love with
Or even just being with
Another useless year
With an empty heart

I'm so confused by you
You give me signs that you like me
Then it's like I don't exist
I'm so lost in this maze
Of feelings and ****
Get me the hell out of here
What did you do to me
It's just supposed to be a little crush
But you just keep mixing me up
How did I get here
**** I'm really lost now
In the maze of mind
The one you dropped in on me
Out of absolutely nowhere
Thanks *******
I really appreciate this *******

You've always just assumed
That your love was one sided
There was no way I could
Ever return those feelings
And all this time
You've been so wrong about me
I've been afraid in the past
Of those feelings
Of what being with you would mean
But that fear went away
A long time ago
Replaced by the reality
That our lives went in different directions
That certain things don't work anymore
But none of that changes
The feelings that I had for you
That I have for you
That I'll always have for you

I guess it's my turn now
Tag, you're it
Hey
I miss you
Our signature phrase
We crossed paths
At the wrong time
Not quite able to handle
The potential we had
Tag, you're it
I ran from you
Instead of being open
Honest about my feelings
An emotional game of hide and seek
Tag, you're it
I'm sorry I didn't
Trust you enough
Or trust what we had
Tag, you're it
My feelings never left me
Light bulbs never went out
I'll always love you
At least I think so
When I read
All the things we
Wrote to each other
Out of love
And spite
Tag, you're it
I wish things were different
But the past is the past
Can't change what's done
Tag, you're it
Now come and get me

I was in this same house
Up late and unable to sleep
Feeling a heavy sadness
Like storm clouds in my chest
I guess some things never change
The desire for poetic connection
Lessened depression
An ache buried in my bones
For freedom from this life

Pressure building
Shaking fizzy drinks
In an air tight bottle
It's bound to blow one day
The lid is ******* on too tight
You can't let air out
So it keeps building
Getting harder to hold it in
BAM
There's the explosion
The angry words
Pour out of my mouth
Screaming and yelling
Throat getting sore
No energy left to fight
I fall to tears
Crying and sobbing
Letting everything out

Sometimes I daydream
Wonder what it'd be like
To just be next to you
Be able to reach over
And hold your hand
Look into your eyes
Maybe see something there
That would make me stay
Hope you feel the pull
Just as much as I do
But it's all just a daydream
You're miles away
Lost trying to find you
And I'm here alone
Daydreaming about you
What it would be like
To actually meet you
Be wrapped in your arms
For the first hug
Hear your voice
By my ear
Maybe you'll say something sweet
And I can grin at you
Oh God these daydreams
Are going to **** me
One of these days
But I do it anyways
Let myself pretend
That you'd be good for me
And good to me
Make believe that you see
How I feel
That I care about you
Instead of being blinded
By your choices and ignoring me
Cause that hurts the most
You're too busy
Partying, drinking, smoking
To see what's in front of you
That I have feelings too
So here's to the guy in LA
Who's too busy being a *******
To notice me

I used to write love poems
Verses of my dedication to you
Now I stare at empty pages
Hoping the pen I hold
Will start moving already
Scribbling all the thoughts
Running through my mind
Pulling my memories of you
From the darkest corners
Where I put you to avoid
The pain that echoed
Endlessly through the hole
Your presence left in my heart

I took a shower in the dark today
Fully clothed under the warm water
Let it soak through every piece
Running down my face
As I sobbed
Screaming
I had an emotional breakdown today
All of my emotions pouring out of me
Every ounce of sadness and pain
Leaving my dry throat
Painful echos of the screams
Of my mother's death
I hurt myself again today
Let my anger and pain take over
Pulling out my beautiful blade
Let it run down my arms again and again
Leaving angry red lines
I left purple and yellow spots
I gave up today
Stopped holding it all in
For a couple of lonely hours
Left my sanity somewhere
Down the bathtub drain
There it goes

I sat in a dark space alone
And sobbed
I watched blood seep through my jeans
I realized how worthless I am
I decided that it's got to end

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
I'M NEVER ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU HAPPY
When I say things
I **** you off
When I keep my mouth shut
I **** you off
And you wonder why I don't really say much
I'd rather **** you off
By keeping silent
Than fight like we do almost every time we talk
But you always find a way to blame me
I'm never good enough
I don't help
I don't do anything
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
I CAN'T BE THE PERFECT CHILD
THE PERFECT PERSON
***** YOU AND ***** THIS ****
I'M DONE
I give up
Just get rid of me already

To get the notification
My poem is trending
Makes me happy oh so happy
People actually do read it
Some truly do enjoy it
I feel good enough
Like I'm good at something for once
I get proud of myself like
I've never been before
When I talk about my writing it's always
"I write really dumb poems and post them
On this website that I found."
Never really positive
Not that it matters much to me
You give me the positive feedback
That I can never give myself
And I am grateful for it all

Two years ago you loved me
Now you love her
And I love you
I always have
I always will
Two years didn't get rid of it
Other men didn't get rid of it
It's always there
In the back of my mind
The boy that became a man
The one I grew to love
And I loved you fiercely
Though I know I never
Expressed it well
And was afraid of many things
That part was real and unwavering
Three long years
That turned into ash and dust
Because I let you down
Failed to make you realize
My love was there
And it was strong
So strong that every time
I forgot why I was angry with you
And just wanted to hear from you
So strong that to this day
You are still my greatest love
But I guess none of that matters now
You moved on and found someone else
It's been two long years
Without you in my life
I wish I had never pushed you out
And I know that I sound crazy
That's fine
I think I took some of yours
Somewhere along the way
Don't mind my words too much
I'm just a little unsteady lately
A bit of a wreck
Can't take me seriously
Emotions going in every direction
Body telling me that I'm sick
Though it's only my mind in ruins
Right
Here I go again getting off track
I can't say that I'm happy for you
Because I'm not
I wish things were different
I wish that woman was me
I'm not happy that you found someone
To replace me so quickly
I'm not happy that you're going
To spend the rest of your life
Making someone else happy
But I am happy for your happiness
You deserve it

What do I say
When I can't find words
Unsure how to respond
My heart is failing
To give me direction
Have I made
The right decisions
Is this how I'll feel
For the rest of my life
So unsure of myself

Not afraid of death
But afraid to die
I fear the unknown
I hate this life
All it does
Is bring me pain
I feel empty
I feel plain
I don't want to die
Or fall apart
But I'm losing hope
For my broken heart

I run through the days
Or do they run through me
How am I?
Fine. How are you?
Monotone
Going through the motions
Lifeless robot
Being controlled by someone
Outside of my own being
How long have I been like this?
Seems like I always was
And always will be
No control of anything
No control of me
Systems do it for me
I'm stuck on autopilot

Red face
White knuckles
Bruised legs
Bleeding palms
Tear stained cheeks
Broken bones
Smashed mirrors
Anger taking over
Losing myself to the rage
Won't you help me
Before I destroy myself

Everyone is alone
Everyone is empty
People no longer need others
There's always a replacement
A back up plan
Relationships have a Plan B
And I'm bored
Of the world this way

Cigarette butts
Dropped carelessly
Left all over
They remind me of you
The way you smoked
Almost a pack a day
Maybe it was half
I can't remember
It's been too long
I miss you
I hope you know
That I did love you

Reaching out in darkness
Only to find I'm grasping air
You're not there anymore
To comfort me as I awake
From the nightmares that
Make my skin crawl with
Thousands of fire ants
You're no longer there to
Hold my hand as I walk
Thrugh the fire in my mind
I can't quite reach you anymore
You've ventured just past my
Cold, shaking fingertips
I'm hopelessly in love
But I threw it away for
Something that was a waste
I'd give anything at all
To have you back in my life
And call you mine
For as long as you'll have me
To love you like I should have before

A shot of Jack
Hint of death
Pinch of wrist cutting
Sprinkle of suicidal thoughts
Dash of anger too
You call it
The cocktail of chaos
Doesn't sound too good for you
But you say it's perfect for you
Even if you die in the end
But every life is valuable
You're alive for a reason
You say your reason died
A long time ago
But I believe you
Can do amazing things
Create beautiful art
With the words you speak

Deep thoughts and cautious words
Sharing secrets and feelings
Talking about anything and everything
It's all gone now
This has to be one of the most awkward
Half hour conversations I've ever had
Seems there's nothing to say
Is the spark gone?
Did the connection disintegrate?

Let it go
Push until you can't anymore
Strive to be the best
To be YOUR best
Don't rely on help
Help yourself
Push through it all
You can do it
I know you can
I believe in you

Calling and calling
There's no answer
Never is
Probably never will be
No chance to explain
Get this sorted out
Can't fix these problems
You won't pick up
Please just pick up
I want to resolve this
Don't send me to voice mail
Not again
Just answer this time
So we can clean up this mess

A pack of cigarettes
A bottle of Jack
Maybe even a joint
What should I try first
Anything to forget
Lose myself in the high
Numb myself to these feelings
Pretend they don't exist
Ignore the problems

There's still something
That's missing in me
I'm not the girl I was
But that's who I long to be
Happy, smiling, joyful
Never really quiet
There was so much to say
I could've started a riot
But instead I left
I changed myself
Stopped speaking to people
And stay on a shelf
Away from people
Hiding in corners that are dark
Hoping no one pulls me
Into the light to see my marks

I dreamt of you last night
For the first time
And now my heart aches
I miss you
I would apologize for the way I've
Behaved lately but I know
Sorry means nothing
And I know you won't forgive me

First of all
I love you
Second of all
That scares me
I don't think I've ever
Been this in love with someone
In my entire life
And it scares me **** less
Third of all
It hurts like hell
You're so far away
I hate distance
You never know what's happening
On the other side
You never know if you'll meet them
Whether it be weeks from now
Or years from now
There are too many things that could
Possibly go wrong
With such a distance
It's not that I don't love you
That I'm not madly in love with you
Believe me I am
It's that I'm afraid
And I'm not ready for the distance again

Honey I didn't recognize my fear
Until you invaded my dreams
I woke with new realizations
Of the fears burning in my heart
I never meant to do this to you
Turn you into someone
Unrecognizable
Make you so paranoid
You were never a distraction
I'm so sorry I made you feel that way
You were my favorite part
Your phone calls spreading a smile
Across my face
Hearing your voice
I can't apologize enough

With paint covered fingers
The sky paints the sunset
Breathtakingly beautiful
Warming the souls
Of all who see it

It always starts with just a sip
Maybe a shot
Then the games begin
And I want it
The burning in my throat
The room keeps spinning
Round and round
I keep downing more and more
Prolonging the buzz
Until it's more than just a tingle

Bottle after bottle
Pulling me in
I'm drowning in the buzz
My life jacket in this misery
The only thing keeping me afloat
Under the crushing weight
Of my uselessness

Drowning in emotions
I just can't seem to get away from them
My life jacket nowhere to be found
Misery like a current
Pulling at my ankles
Letting go just long enough
For me to gasp for air
Before dragging me back under
Pressure crushing my lungs
I can't breathe

You said that I would forget
But you were wrong
I didn't forget you
Or what you meant to me
You're not just some guy I talked to
Who said he loves me
You are and forever will be
The second man I ever loved
You'll always be part of my past
Intertwined in my memories
Part of what made me who I am
And I'll never forget

pretty eyes
won't you let me in
past the walls
you've built around
your tender heart

There are traces of you
Left in my memory
A flash of your smile here
A laugh there
Reminding me
How loved I was
And how much I loved
Being in this world
The joy I found even in
The most mundane moments
I spent by your side
And I am filled
With an endless peace

Scarring the perfect skin
I will never be the same
My soul is breaking
I need this pain
Something snapped in me
I have twisted desires
Abuse is never enough
Hate burning like a fire
I long to destroy myself
I don't let myself feel
My body aches holding it in
None of this is even real

How sweet
The relief
Of death
Sounds to me
I'd give anything
To end it all
To feel nothing
No worries
No problems
No fears
Just me
Finally free

I don't know
And that scares me
I had a plan
I knew
Who I was
What I was doing
Where I was going
But that's gone now
I'm stumbling through
Barely staying alive
Feeling like
I'll never make it
Everything pulls me down
I'm fighting just to crawl
But I don't know
Where I'm going
Who I am
What I'm doing
Why I'm here
I'm struggling
To understand
And all that does
Is confuse me more
I just don't know anymore
I'm lost

I can taste it on your lips
The last cigarette you smoked
The last drink you downed
The last blunt you hit
I can see it in your eyes
The lies and betrayals
You've deceived over and over
But always use the same tricks
Tell her you've fallen
Make her fall
But it's all lies
Next thing you know
You're on to the next
The last left confused