Who can I turn to
When I feel like there's no one
Who will hear my words
When it feels like no one listens
Who will hold my hand
When it feels like no one even sees me
Who will hug me
When I can't seem to stop crying
Who will talk me through it
When I shake and rock
Who will wipe away my tears
When they flood down my face

I miss you every day
Even when I'm not
Thinking about it
It's always there
In the back of my mind
Waiting for April
To force its way
To the front
Waiting for the chance
To be the center
Of my attention
And I read sad things
Sing sad songs
Write sad things
Because I can't help myself
I need to feel sad
Because if I don't
I'm afraid I won't
Be able to feel at all

It started out
As something simple
Consenting adults
Enjoying each other's company
Nothing more
But things are changing for me
I used to only think
About how much you
Turned me on
Now when I think of you
I remember how it feels
When you put your hand
On my face, my back
I remember how it feels
When you kiss my forehead
And look me in the eyes
How it feels to just
Sit and talk with you
I remember every time
You put your arms around me
The little squeezes
I remember laying in bed
Looking at you
My hands tracing your face
Running across your chest
Up and down your arms
Now I'm not saying that
I'm falling in love or anything
But my feelings will only grow
And it might be a problem

There are so many things
I want to say to you
But I don't have the guts
To hit the send button
Don't even know
What I would type out
Maybe tell you that
I love you
Or that I wish I
Had never walked away
Maybe that hearing
You're having a baby
Devastated me
It's my fault though
That you're engaged
Having a baby
While I sit and miss you
I regret not telling you
Exactly how I felt
When I had the chance
Because now we're
Different people
Living different lives

Every time I see your words
The ones that I know were meant for me
I remember the way it felt to read them
For the first time
I remember how much you meant them
And how much I meant my responses
Back when there was us
No label necessary
Just us
And I remember all of the things I've ever felt
All the love that poured out of me
The sadness and anger
The longing for you
And I relive the time
That I never want to forget

Two years ago you loved me
Now you love her
And I love you
I always have
I always will
Two years didn't get rid of it
Other men didn't get rid of it
It's always there
In the back of my mind
The boy that became a man
The one I grew to love
And I loved you fiercely
Though I know I never
Expressed it well
And was afraid of many things
That part was real and unwavering
Three long years
That turned into ash and dust
Because I let you down
Failed to make you realize
My love was there
And it was strong
So strong that every time
I forgot why I was angry with you
And just wanted to hear from you
So strong that to this day
You are still my greatest love
But I guess none of that matters now
You moved on and found someone else
It's been two long years
Without you in my life
I wish I had never pushed you out
And I know that I sound crazy
That's fine
I think I took some of yours
Somewhere along the way
Don't mind my words too much
I'm just a little unsteady lately
A bit of a wreck
Can't take me seriously
Emotions going in every direction
Body telling me that I'm sick
Though it's only my mind in ruins
Right
Here I go again getting off track
I can't say that I'm happy for you
Because I'm not
I wish things were different
I wish that woman was me
I'm not happy that you found someone
To replace me so quickly
I'm not happy that you're going
To spend the rest of your life
Making someone else happy
But I am happy for your happiness
You deserve it

I've known you for years
We were friends as first
But feelings grew
You told me things
I refused to believe
But I fell just the same
Scared to tell you
Afraid you would leave
For someone better
Or that you were lying
Took me a long time to tell you
How I felt
But when I did
It was the most wonderful feeling
To hear you say it back
And you scared me
How different you were
Than what I was used to
How open you were about things
That I was so shy about
Things I had never experienced
I was waiting for
It made me nervous
I thought you would get bored of me
And my boring life
I didn't know how to be
And by the time I had grown
Experienced things
It was too late
I had already ruined what we had
You were the greatest love I ever had
And I want to apologize
I never lead you on
Lied to you about my feelings
I just wasn't ready
For the love you had to give
I wish things were different
I changed
Grew up
Became someone ready
To accept the physical love
With the emotional
And I miss you
A tremendous amount
But it doesn't matter
I lost you
You're gone because I
Pushed you away
And I know apologies never
Meant anything for us
But I am so sorry
For every ounce of doubt
I put in your mind
Every bit of pain I ever caused you
And I am so happy for you
That you found someone
To spend your life with
I wish you the best of luck and happiness