This year passing
Leaves me much more pleasantly
Than two years before
But I find myself here
As the day comes to an end
Wondering about you
Because I still care
And never wanted it to end like this
So here I go again
Lurking in these shadows
Mere hours before the day ends
My 20th birthday

They say your eyes are windows to your soul
Well I got blackout curtains
My feelings will not get out
I got soundproof walls
This is the end of it
No more peeping toms
Or ears pressed to doors
No one will ever know
What hides inside of me
Me secrets and my past
Are mine and mine alone now
Those who know will know
But those who know nothing
Will be left in the dark
With the bright exterior I will display

I walk outside and all I see
Are the surrounding houses
I can't see miles out
My home is a hilly place
Surrounded by mountains
Leaves turn to red and orange
Setting the trees on fire
For a couple of weeks
Before they all fall down
Leaving bare branches and gray skies
Such hope when there was 60 degree weather
In the middle of December
Then January hit and so did the snow
Gone in a couple of days
Then there are more nice days
That turn to rain
And when you start seeing green it's time
Mosquitos come running
To munch on you all day
Better get some bug spray
Spring brings the bees
Flying everywhere you go
Wasps all over and in your car
Days get longer, hotter
Swimming pools used frequently
Nights are warm too
Everything is great
Then the real heat hits
Sweat dripping down nearly every face
Soaking through t-shirts
Sandals everywhere
Shorts galore
Girls in barely anything
Men going shirtless on occasion
Mowing the yard or going for a run
Air conditioning and ice tea
Grills going on the weekends
Then it starts to cool down
Leaves change once more
Setting the trees on fire again
Home state seasons

I'm watching you live your life from afar
Trying not to show back up
I don't want to bother you
Just make sure you're okay
Silently screaming
Sighing
I never wanted it to be like this
Pretending you don't exist
Hoping you'll never know I'm here
But hoping you will too
Hoping that maybe you're checking too
Lurking in the shadows

Wide awake
Left alone with my thoughts
Music playing softly
Free to let my mind wander
To feel everything
And cry if needed
The most inspiring time
If you happen to be awake

Just an unhappy reminder
Of a miserable time
A hurting soul
On an empty Mother's Day
With no mother to celebrate
For the first time
In 18 years
Just an unhappy reminder
Of another Valentine's Day
Spent working
With no one to celebrate
Being in love with
Or even just being with
Another useless year
With an empty heart

Lust in her eyes
She'll give you a show
Exactly what you want to see
Something sweet
Just a little treat
Draw you in
When she starts to move
Something soft and sultry
She'll set the seductress inside free