I can't believe I cared I almost went back to him haha
You go on your facebook and claim that you've wasted 11 months of your life on me lol bruh
I am in foster care mostly because of you My mom put me here in foster care because I betrayed her for you! what do you mean you wasted 11 months on me
I almost Gave up my Closest friends for you!
You know what I'm not even mad I'm happy had friends texting me asking me to talk to you lol nah I'm good
I bet you one thing You gonna miss me because I don't step back I Keep Ahead and when I die Don't come to my grave crying you might as well spit on my grave do it that will satisfy my choice
.....I forgive but I will never forget
kisses honey bunch I hope you go to hell
XD

Where are my glasses, on my head they weren't there 2 seconds ago please excuse my Absent Mind
Walk into goodwill looking for my wallet its in the shoe isle
I don't remember ever going there how did it get there please excuse my Absent Mind
Its to early to have a Absent Mind
I'm only 16 yet I walk around with my head cut off
but please excuse my Absent Mind

She sits in the corner of her bed
terrified and crying
She sits thinking.... listening
to voices that aren't hers
screaming echos of words mostly unspoken
'Worthless....'
'You're crazy....'
'You're fat and alone'
'He's only marrying you for *** you know'
'You Ice cold heart breaker'
'You're selfish'
'No one really likes you'
'You lame *******'
'Their only your friends to use you'
'you're only family is them stupid cats'
'No one cares for you'
'Your mom wanted to leave you just like your dad did he was the smart one'
'You should just crawl under a rock like a bug'
'No don't do that you'll run the bugs away hahahaha'
She sits there talking back to them
leave me alone
'You are alone, crazy'
I'm not crazy
'yes you are'
no I'm not
'yes you are'
'you can't go a whole week without thinking of killing yourself'
I'm not crazy... he says I'm not crazy
'he's lying to you' ' yea he's lying about everything'
'you're not beautiful you're ugly' ' You're not perfect you're fat'
Stop it! !
' We're the only ones telling you the truth! '
......Am I crazy....Maybe I am....

Why is Sorry always coming from my mouth but never yours?
Why am I always the one in the wrong?
Hey! Hey! You1 Can't you see I'm trying!
What do you have ears for if you're not gonna use them and LISTEN!
Some would love to have ears that work.
I hope you go deaf trying to yell.
I hope your ears bleed from hearing yourself talk and complain!
Some would risk death to talk like you do.
I hope my demons torture you like they've done me. Going years and years feeling worthless.
I hope you hear me you worthless irrelevant piece of raw crap on a stick!
Apologize… Apologize … you need apologize to me … So apologize … or go through the hell your conscience will put you through for killing me within…
Apologize to me! !
NOW! ! Right Now!
I need an apology… or die of your own mortal words … so i dance on your hell hole.

Mikayka....
she's seen so much
unutterable to explain
she's known for her subtle and quiet ways
yet I see.... I see the beauty in her eyes
I see what other's don't....
she doesn't see it either
but I don't know how

I'm Patient, because I love u
I'm kind, because I love u
I don't envy, because I love u
I don't boast, because I love u
I don't have pride over lovin you because I love u
Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy
It does not boast
It is not proud
What do I do? I LOVE U

An uneasy feeling of nothing to do
nothing but silence just isn't good
staring at ceiling, walls, doors
I even enjoy watching myself go dizzy
what to do
what to do
listening to my own heart beat is boring too
layin' head on my papers
I would draw I just need new ideas
making a beat out of my own breathing
Inhale Exhale
Thump thump thump
listening to cars and the train horn
watching my dreads dangle in front of my eyes
I really wish I was high
Never mind I'm getting sleepy
Listening to my own stomach grumble.... I should go eat....Nah
never mind I don't feel like cooking this time
Oh My God! Siting still is so hard, no games to play, no chores to do,
no good books to read.
Wow I'm bored
I'm writing cause I'm bored
uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh.........
This...Is Straight....Bordom

I am completely tired of stressing myself out over not being smart enough to know something. I think too much, my head constantly hurts, I feel absolutely worthless when I don't understand something, most of the time when I ask for help no one wants to help me... so I stop asking...only reason I'm still in school now is because it was my goal to be the smartest out of all my family, the state makes me go to school and I don't want to be a disappointment to my mom or my family....or myself. But I feel I have failed. So I sit here crying not knowing what to do...I decide to give my brain a rest...I refuse to think any more... I decide to enjoy life as the world slowly ends and I slowly die.My brain will not exist 'til further notice... You can't learn to live from a book.

DEATH
death so silent
like the breeze
death so painful like thunderstorms
death so scary
like life
If you think about it
death is more living
than life
death is just a more
peaceful life

I was never mad.... never sad....til I look back.....and I see my life....now I feel proud that I'm not dead.....but curious of long I'm gonna hold on.... I Live for me, My dead brother, My unappreciated Mother, My desire for heaven....I would say I'm fine but I wonder....if I was the people that make me feel.... Confused..... would I care about Serenity......Maybe I wouldn't.....I know those that care will worry but trust me I'm strong..... because I'm still here.....the counselor's....The constant Therapy Sessions.....The psych ward visits, The friends, The Teachers, The churches, The Prayers, The Bible, The Fake Smiles, The Music, The Grief Camps, The Singing, The Dancing, .., .The Common Coping Tools..... Hasn't helped, Not saying I don't appreciate those Things....But what is the secret to hope and happiness.....Love? No tried that Support? Tried that too.....I Guess I'll never Know....I will continue to fight through the pain....My Tears.... I've been through so much....That I try to hurt over it....but It doesn't hurt anymore....but it stings....but soon I won't feel I won't be able to cry I'll just sigh and laugh because I'm use to the constant quick gunshots....just because you can't see my wounds doesn't mean I'm healed.... I'm just hoping....I think......

How am I feeling? ! How am I FEELING? ! I'm feeling like crap that's how I feel. Why do I feel that way? My mom said I was ungrateful so either I stay or leave. So I packed what I could carry and left...with my tears and regret. So ask me how I feel again, you'll get a pool of pain. Yeah that's how I feel...

I don't belong here you know me, but you say I'm weird and look funny. This earth is evil, this earth is corrupt. It reminds me of cruela devil, which stands for cruel devil.
I don't belong here. I belong in heaven with my sister and brother.
The only reason why I'm still here was because I worried about my sick mother. Wait a minute you don't believe me. Who cares what you think I know me. No mean to greed. No mean to have pride. Its just
we're different you and I. No need to get mad. No need to threat.
Its just I don't belong here...I belong in heaven.

Go through the worse with a smile on my face
But I guess I'm okay
Holding on to wanting life by a thread
But I guess I'm okay
Feel all my pain and feel all my tears
But I guess I'm okay
I cry out for you in your greatest ache
But I guess I'm okay
You never knew me but want to get involved HaHa
hmmm I guess I'm okay
Through screaming, crying, and the endless and sleepless nights
But I guess I'm okay
but the next time you ask 'Are you okay? '
I'll put on my smile with pain in my eyes and say
'Yea I guess I'm okay....'

You know that feeling when you wanna drink yourself into the
hospital but you're to young to drink
I know that feeling
you know that feeling when you wanna take a whole pill bottle
but they took all your resources
I know that feeling
You know that feeling when you wanna slit your throat and
purposely drown but you have promise to keep
I know that feeling
Oh... you don't know that feeling...
well I guess its just me cause...
I know that feeling

Being over 18 doesn't make you 'grown' it's just a number your time on earth
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Having a job doesn't make you 'Grown' it just makes you overly busy
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Being graduated from high school or college doesn't make you 'Grown' it just makes you irrelevantly accomplished
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Having a 'man' or Husband doesn't make you 'Grown' it just makes you loveable
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Not being a ****** doesn't make you 'Grown' it just makes you experienced in being gross and nasty
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Being pregnant and not keeping track of the 'BabyDaddy's'
Definitely doesn't make you 'Grown' it just means you a THOT
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Having Children and keeping them and yourself alive (which you haven't done) doesn't make you 'Grown' it just means you weren't prepared with birth control or condoms
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Being tough and threatening a 'child' as you call me doesn't make you 'Grown' it just means you're stupid and talk to much how about action and if not SHUT Up
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Using four letter words in aggression doesn't make 'Grown' it just makes all that bragging you did about graduating seen unimportant and pointless
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
None of the crap you do or are doing doesn't make you 'Grown' at all
Even bringing up the lie that you are 'Grown' makes you immature and not good at arguments or come-backs
So I'm not 'Grown' but neither are you
Oh wait I'm not doing any of that so I bet I'm more 'Grown' than you never been

I see what I've done was wrong so I apologise for my peace mind things happen to me so fast that my reaction runs far from what I was expecting you know the feeling I believe you don't have to worry if u ever did because I have come to notice love doesn't exist so I apologise for wasting your time and care because I see what ive done wasn't very smart I just wanted to be free to be me but now I can't me cause I don't remember who I use to be If I ever offended you in a way I didn't mean to I hope you forgive me I can't sleep can't​ eat can't think straight My deep depression will get in a way I might've seemed happy after you were gone but if that's what you thought then you were wrong I fake so I won't be the cause for anyone to worry And so I won't get hurt I've decided to never marry Ive decided if love is what I need I'll love myself Cause no one can love you like you'll love yourself I'm shutting down till further notice so that my heart will never be broken the your family that I'm sorry and that never forget everything that you guys have done for me but no matter what I'll have regrets that will keep me quiet My shine is gone My heart is Missing but I'm grateful for the time you stayed to listen if I die know that I'll never forget your love I leave saying my sorrows leave me empty and hallow My Tears fill my eyes till I wake tomorrow I sit back and watch the world fall to pieces but I'll never care because I was already broken don't blame yourself cause it was always me I'm surprised I stayed alive and didn't leave I do it for Unity til my desire to see him runs out Cause as a bother I'm not sure if he's proud I scream and cry cause I'm hurting I struggle with life cause I try to find where my pain source these are the words you'll hear me say when another man tries to love like you in the same way ' I'm sorry to tell you but you were wrong loving me always goes wrong I would tell you to ask my mom my father my brother and sister but my mom is gone and my father never cared my siblings are be dead my family is Missing I chose to be alone so mistakes wouldn't happen so move on with your life an forget about me cause the only person that can love me is only me...'

Every time you eat, a child dies of starvation
Every time you exhale the ozone hole grows bigger
Every time a baby is born, a suicide is committed
Every time you wake up, someone's dying in there sleep
Every time you blink, someone's tear drops falls
Every time you inhale, your lungs die a little
Every time you're happy, someone else is sad
but heck why am i talking to you... you wouldn't
see the issues if it hit you... Every time

You had a dream...Now dejavu, But we're not free yet.
I see signs of racism everywhere…but what about other issues.
The fight of religion
The unfair sexism
I've fallen in love with a "white man"
But what's crazy is he loves me back...deeply.
Martin is this what you meant in your dream?
As we walk the streets holding hands, we both would be dead if looks could ****.
Martin is that ok to you?
They see the black male with the "white woman" as an expectation.
Men want what they can't have. Black men no matter secret or out, they have always wanted to explore the creamy white difference in a touch…
But when they see me and my love they get confused.
They wonder why this "Fine and handsome" young man wants this "***** woman" with her hair all natural and locked...what's wrong with him…
Is that whAt you would ask martin?
Well MR.King your legend of brazenness stands strong as steel, but we have a racist president trying to reset the past you took time out to fight from.2017 will shatter your greatness. MLK REST IN FREEDOM…? MAYBE NOT.

That moment when you meet the love of your life
But you're scared of future pleasures
That moment when he's your first but you think it'll hurt
His mother kicks him out at the thought of my possible pregnancy
but I was never pregnant
My mom takes him in just to use it against me
She takes everything as me burning my pureness
even when I tell her I'm afraid to
So why are they so worried?
I don't know...
those are the moments tears flow
I want to scream in pain and confusion
science has no answers for my frustration
I pound on the door of heaven then apologize for my unexpected arrival
Should I burn my health just as a rebel....
I can't... I won't dare... I'm not brave enough to...
but OH GOD... the devil parks in my imagination
his eyes
his body
his love and care
Oh! Do I Dare... touch the heaven in hell
my desire for him grows stronger every time I look at him
I'd Die over a touch like that
That moment of life is to far gone

Hey! That's my lotion!
No its mine!
Don't touch my controller!
LOL This family might fight but we'll do fine.
No don't do that!
You're absolutely nuts!
So are you! prove it!
No matter what happens we'll try to stick together.
What are you doing? !
you're embarrassing me!
She did it first! no he started it! I think this family is funny.
I like the family I have.
Can I have a hug?
Aww alright only for a bit.
I love you all no matter how lousy we get.
: -)

My FOF's is all I have right now
so until they leave they will always have
my full respect for being there for me
through the good and the bad
they stick close even though sometimes we
fight
and even when there's tension between
I'll stick with them 'til they beg me to leave
Because that's what we do
Because we're apart of a Family Of Friends
and true families stick together

She's talented
She's beautiful
She sees the world with different eyes
She's been through other shoes
She might have wore mine before
Even after fame She remained herself
She tells the true feelings of the quiet
She's the voice of the misunderstood
I wanna inspire others...
like she's inspired me
her name speaks loud
it speaks Alessia Cara
You do You Girl... the best Alessia Cara
you can be.

I saw my mom...Told her I love her I love her a lot
I gave her a doll with red hair to remind her of me told her to read my poems...Mom if you're reading this I love you no matter Our differences....I'm a make something of myself and make you proud...By the way happy mother's day

Sadness is the friend that cuddles my soul
fear is my lost sister that keeps me shadowed in darkness
shy is my thought source it keeps me quiet and in my place
tears is the the air I breathe
pain keeps me warm in a solid winter night
Music is my life reason without music I'll die
these are the friends the keep me safe in my shell
they keep me safe from temporary love
from family that never stays
from hugs that were never given
from the world around me
their my quiet friends
my silent friends
my demon friends
they welcome me to a home I can never get kicked out of
my home of sorrow

Not being like is a natural thing
not being liked is why i sing
the common poison of popularity
could never reach to touch me
popular people tend to brag
sometimes when I hear it I wanna gag
All they wanna do is talk about others
That's why I hate it when they're together
but sometimes I tend to think about things
what would happen if there was a popular me?
would I turn from nice to mean
would I laugh at others instead of sing
See that's why I like unpopular me
The Nice-Nerdy-singing me

Where are my glasses, on my head they weren't there 2 seconds ago please excuse my Absent Mind
Walk into goodwill looking for my wallet its in the shoe isle
I don't remember ever going there how did it get there please excuse my Absent Mind
Its to early to have a Absent Mind
I'm only 16 yet I walk around with my head cut off
but please excuse my Absent Mind

So Dance Babygirl Dance
I see fire in your desire
So dance babygirl dance
com' on you know you wanna dance
I see it in your hands tap tap tap
So dance babygirl dance
I can see it in your bones  
Its in your constant moans
So dance babygirl dance
They say they won't judge
But they always do
So dance babygirl dance
Com' on its only you and me
So dance babygirl dance

You Use to tell me to be quiet
so I taped my self up
now that you can't hear you want me to talk
You tell me if I remove my taped for my friends i can do it for you
but your not my friend your my surrounding
I don't have to talk to you
because your not helping me through life as it gets harder
so yes I remove the tape for those I love
But they deserve it for sticking with me through it all
so no I will not remove it for you
'til you understand why I taped myself up in the first place

Sweet with his eyes
**** with his body
Tat my 'Gummybear'
Cuddles me with care
And kisses me with Love
Tat my 'Snuggle Wuggles'
Hugs me with protection
Makes me laugh
Tat my 'Sweets'
Melts me with his smile
holds me within his heart
Tat my 'NukaNuka'
Swaddles me with his careful thoughts
Whispers me calm with his voice
Tat my 'Austin'
And I love my 'Austin'

You ask me if I’m thankful for anything
I truly don’t know what you mean by thankful but I do appreciate Some of life’s privileges
I’m thankful for having a forgiving mother no matter what I did
She always welcomes  me with open arms
I’m thankful for the good times because sometimes bad times make you forget that good times exist
I’m thankful for the loving friends I have and love
because there are people without anyone to call family let alone a few friends

I’m thankful for the little wisdom that I do have because without it I could’ve lost all of my sanity by now
I’m thankful for this poem being over because I have to much to be thankful for

Die! ! Die! ! You constant life-giver.
I'm only 12! 12 I Say! Why didn't God just punish her sin.
Instead he made me die inside, feeling so sick within.
Hey! You! Yea You Almighty! I feel you batter me as i lie limp! I feel like I've been ***** by a sword. Mannnn! Why me? Why us?
I scream in agony. I didn't eat the stupid apple! She did! Not Me, Her! Total difference! You punish me just to multiply your worshipers....Ok, I bow to your will. I just wish the curse would heal...

It was May 5th 2017 I lost and left a man I thought I knew and loved he was a man that told me what I could and couldn't do I couldn't wear lip gloss couldn't wear shorts if I didn't pick a shirt covered me he would become paranoid even the my bra size was up to the H's so that task was hard to accomplish I couldn't wear dresses that showed my shape he felt uncomfortable about me being friends with some of his ex's he even told me not to say hi to my sister at heart because she was an ex that didn't like him I couldn't dance whenever​ I wanted to because he wanted to talk to me 24/7 he called me selfish if I wanted to go have fun with my friends instead of talking to him......it was so much......this list goes on and on......he was controlling be me as if I were a slave I gave up so much of me for him.....my mom......my sister.....my talents.....my goals for my future.....my life.....I realized even if I am the ugliest girl at school.....my civilization wasn't worth losing......I feel free but trapped because I had to let him go......I tried to teach him not to control me......but he didn't see how he was controlling.....my friends and family told me if his mother didn't teach him.....then what makes you think you can.....I realized that I was always better doing my own thing...I use to laugh at my mother for loving and crying over men so much.....but now I respect how strong she was.....but in the back of my she had a few screws missing too just like him......but I do too....no one's perfect....so if being tied down is something that doesn't work for you there's sadly only two choices for you.....be a ***.....or be alone....I haven't picked....but they're both balanced..... one's dangerous..... one's safe.....I got time unless God decides to do what I've wanted all along.....I wanna leave this harsh world to be with my brother.... that's if I were meant to make it.....I won't know till my time so I'll just wait on God like I been trying to do.....I hope he learns because there are some woman who would do dangerous things to get the respect they feel they deserve.....I hope he's careful

How do you just sit and say what is irrelevant but hurtful to a harmless person
They did nothing to you
What if just what if that person you laughed at or teased killed their self over the overwhelming stress you added too
What would you do if you found out that you're the reason that person never got to have kids or get married or go to college let alone finish the life they were meant to live
What if later that person was made to later on help you stay alive yourself
You just killed the person that will cure your future disease
She's been called crazy, weird, worthless, not worth ever caring for
And your comment was the tip of the falling tower
She went home locked her door thought over what others have said about her……. And decided to care about every word
And grabbed that sharp pencil you threw at her a week before
Decided to take it and stab that specific vein and felt herself slowly bleed out
She took it and drew in her skin this is what you did to me
YOU DID THIS! ! !
Now what would you do...huh?
You couldn't do anything now
She cried not knowing why but you just had to try to get attention
She tries her best to ignore
But she's tired of the jokes and people freely stepping on her feelings
Her pride
Her dreams
Her thoughts
Her mind
Her soul
But God allows karma for a reason
Well those of you that want popularity or wanna stay popular
Don't do it by making someone else feel like they're worthless

My Master can't stay clean
But blames me for the ***** house
But paid others to clean
Because the authorities noticed my neglection
they took me
master was scared
so she rushed the workers
but they hid my passion
my only way to success
master doesn't understand
that was my only way out of master's house or surely I will be irritated to death
But by brazeness I push through
I guess I'll Find another passion to prove

Where would I stay?
Who would be there?
Can't get attached because I know I won't stay here
Why Mom....
Why can't we get along
I get along with almost everyone
Well... almost
my friends are my family
My family is gone
And my mother would fill their minds full of lies
So where do I go?
Who will listen to me?
I guess I'll get used to moving
unsure if I'll ever see my fiance ever again
I miss him now I only see him at school
But this is his last year
See what I mean I feel Alone
But either way I can't go home

They speak to me
They hear me
They know me
They cry out my thoughts
They vibrate my feelingsThey love me
They see me
They're only there when they can be
I feel the music in me
Every note flows through my body
Every tear is played
I place my hands on those keys
And play The vibes of my soul
I feel every emotion
Those keys open me up
So I can let it all out
The keys play my life story

he sneaks in a marriage to steal the joy
he sneaks in the family to steal trust
he sneaks in the relationship to steal faith
he sneaks in the friendship to destroy time
he sneaks in every heart to steal the love
but love didn't shiver
he sneaks in every heart to destroy the love
but love regrew
he sneaks in every to end love once and for all
but love over came him so he would love himself but...
sad is there are more valentine thieves other than him

Being weird is important to me. I find it's a gift because it means that you are different than everyone else. I know I am weird because not very many 9th girls have my hairstyle. I say weird things. Instead of saying, what's up, I say "wasabi". I tell corny jokes. I'm weird because I like hugs and not very many teenagers like hugs. I'm weird because I eat olives and sunflower seeds, for snack. I'm weird because I believe in fairy tales characters like mermaids, fairies and unicorns though people tell me that they're not real. I'm weird because I'd rather read a good book than watch T.V. I'm weird because I have at least 20 nerd glasses and 5 snap backs. There are so many ways to be weird. I'm the weirdest person I know so I'll use myself as an example.
I know I'm weird because not very many girls have dreads at 14 years old. I also say weird things. Instead of "what's up? "I saying "wasabi". I also tell corny jokes that I know aren't funny like, what did the penguin say when his friend asked "why did you slap me? ! " He said, ¨I didn't slap you, I high fived your face." It's not all that funny is it ….Thats why its weird to say it.
I'm weird because I like to give hugs to show someone I care, but others only do that with boyfriends and girlfriends. A ****** like me might have a fairytale land of their own, where fairies, mermaids and unicorns live. I have a fairytale land of my own, full of candy canes and gumdrops, fairies, mermaids and unicorns. I have a black unicorn with a green and neon yellow horn, green tail, and a neon yellow mane. His name is Lucky. His favorite snack is Skittles and, his favorite food is graham crackers. His favorite drink is strawberry milk. We have dinner under my tree full of hearts. I'm weird because all that I just said is childish, but I don't care.
A ****** like me might rather read a good book than watch television. A ****** like me might have twenty pair of nerd glasses and five snapbacks. A ****** like me might not wear dresses, skirts, or shorts. A ****** like me might write books and poems.A ****** like me might fall on purpose to make someone laugh. A ****** like me might like school. A ****** like me might stare into space without noticing. I do this five times a week for at least two minutes; weird right. A ****** like me may dance, sing, or look up at the sky randomly without knowing. I'm me and you're you. I'm not you and you're not me. So, please don't judge ******'s for being who they are because they're gonna be them and you're gonna be you because that's how its suppose to be. So how weird are you? I bet it is not weirder than me.

You come in the world thinking its going to be peaceful...
but what about the what if's
I was told at an old age that what if's don't matter
but the older I got the what if's seemed to be the most important thing I should have focused on.
Like what if I get married
What if I don't turn out right
what if I'm poor all my life
what if I get a bad disease
what if no one likes me
what if I don't have a career
what if my family dis owns me
what if I was meant to be mistreated
what if I'm just ungrateful
what if ' the what if's ' don't care about me either
So instead of teaching your new born
how to walk, eat or talk
teach them the what if's of life
I realize it should've been taught

I hope I get this
I hope I get that
My elephant is secret
My elephant is special
Who ever picks my elephant I hope they like it
I don't care who gets my elephant
You all are my family... the only true family I have
So take my elephant to heart
because my elephant is original
My elephant is filled with love and care
So here's my white elephant...
Oh! Wait! Merry Christmas to You!

scream
heartache, stress
tears, pain, suffer
helpless, loveless, careless, strange
emptiness, fearful, breathless
mindless, failure
life