We were sitting down, your long, nimble fingers intertwined with mine.
You whispered sweet nothings into my ear as a smile creeped across my face.
I could hear your laughter ringing through the air as your head tilted back and you squint your eyes so hard they disappear.
I could feel the warmth of your skin everytime you graced me with your touch.
The sound of your voice permanently engraved in my mind, never quite sounding out your r's.
The sunlight danced off your golden curls and turned your eyes into a pool of amber and fire.
As you leaned in to kiss me; my eyes fluttered open- my cheeks wet.

It wasn't real.
You're gone and you're never coming back.

I want you to feel pain.
I want you to know what it's like to not feel good enough.
I want you to know what it's like to be lied to again and again.
I want you to know what it's like to fall asleep wondering what's wrong with you and why you couldn't make the person you're so in love with, stay.
I want you to know what it's like to have the same person who kissed your lips, kiss someone else's.
I want you to feel everything you made me feel so maybe- just maybe, you'd be sorry.

I know it's not my fault, but that doesn't keep me from thinking that if I had loved you more, tried harder, have done something differently- then maybe you wouldn't have given in to temptation.
If I didn't argue with you as much, asked you about your day more, didn't ignore you when I was mad- then maybe we still would've been together.

Maybe you still would've loved me.
Maybe you still would've stayed.

I know it's not my fault, but a part of me still blames myself.

"I promise I'll never hurt you or break your heart"
19 months later I'm hurt and heartbroken.

I don't understand how you smile with your friends while I cry myself to sleep.
I don't understand how you dance to music while every sad song I hear instantly reminds me of you.
I don't understand how your heart feels full, but mine is shattered.
I don't understand how you feel nothing, but I feel everything.
I don't understand how one day you loved me, but the next day you didn't.

Being ripped apart from the only place you called home.
Being ripped apart from the one place you felt safe and secure.
Being ripped apart from the place where all your best memories were were made.
Being ripped apart from the only people that gave you strength.
Being ripped apart from everything you've ever loved and cared about.

And people think these rips can be simply sewn back together and you'll be as good as new.

This was the night I lost it.
The night I "gave' it to you.
But really, the night you took it from me.

I don't remember, but you do. You knew what you were doing was wrong, but you did it anyways.

I told myself it was okay. I convinced myself it was fine because I loved you. But it wasn't okay.


You took advantage of me to please yourself. And because you didn't regret it, I thought I shouldn't regret it either.

You knew how much she loved you. You knew how forgiving she was. You knew she'd give you a second chance, so you kissed the other girl and prepared for the apology speech you would give the next day. Because you knew you would be forgiven.

They say your firsts never last. So even though you once made me feel like I was flying- I knew that one day i would have to come down. But I didn't think that it would end like this. I didn't think it would end with you falling out of love with me. I didn't think it would end with me feeling nothing but pain while you feel nothing at all. I didn't think it would end with you wanting nothing to do with me and completely cutting me out of your life.

Dear you,
You made me look stupid for loving you.
You made me look stupid for giving it my all.

No matter how many times I forgave you.
No matter how faithful I was to you.
Nevermind that I was always there for you.

Even though I loved you with everything in me- it still wasn't enough for you. I wasn't enough for you.

You couldn't even tell me why. You couldn't even tell me where it all went wrong, the moment you fell out of love with me. You couldn't even explain why you did what you did to me. You can't even tell me why it was so easy for you to rip my heart out. You don't have a reason for why you did what you did to me and that makes it so much worse.

You broke me.
You destroyed me.
You ruined me.
And you can't even tell me why.