We all have secrets,
Anybody can have secrets,
But are they ***** secrets?

The ones that you never speak of,
Or the ones that make you giggle,
Or blush,
Just thinking about them.

I have ***** secrets,
Don't you?

We sit there,
And talk,
For hours on end.
And the entire time we're together,
I just want to kiss you.

With all the things I say,
If you listen close enough,
To the words coming from my mouth,
And then read my poems,
Is there much difference?

I just want to hide,
From the entire world,
Sit there in my room,
And cry.
I want to be alone,
But I don't trust me by myself.

You must hate me.
You yell at me,
And treat me like a dog.
I hate me,
So why shouldn't you?
It only makes sense.
The more you hate me,
The more I hate myself.
I try to change,
Or be a better person.
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong...
Other than everything,
Apparently.

Tear drops run down her face,
She craves you,
And your soft,
Warm embrace.
She misses you so much,
But she knows you had to go,
Still,
She wants you.
Nothing can change it,
It was forbidden love,
Every single bit of it.
But it doesn't matter,
She only wants you.
Her parents,
They scream,
And rage,
About all the wrong,
And little things.
But it doesn't matter to her,
You are all she wants.
She wants your soft chest,
To lay on,
She wants your eyes,
To stare at anytime she wants.
No matter what anyone says,
Or the looks they give,
She still wants you.

Thanks for being there for me,
But I don't need you anymore.
Thank you for trying,
But I'm tired,
Wasted,
And done.
It means a lot to me that you try,
But I'm done.
I cant be saved,
Not anymore.
But know that you warmed a special place,
Within my stone cold heart.

Gay thoughts,
Gay actions,
Bi me.
Well,
I think.
Possibly.
I have gay thoughts,
And gay actions,
But I also have straight thoughts...
Just not straight actions.
Because it sickens me,
Almost.
With most guys,
When they hold me,
I want to pull away.
People just cant understand,
Or they don't want to.
I may like a guy,
But I want the warm,
And soft embrace,
Of a girl.

Dear God,
I know you're out there,
And I need you now.
I don't know what to do,
Or who to turn to,
So I'm turning to you.

I'm sitting here,
In the dark,
In the corner,
Singing.
To me,
Its comforting.
But to someone who the scene is new to,
The scene of a child,
Rocking back and forth,
Singing.
That wouldn't be comforting,
Creepy instead.

I walked out,
Just before dawn.
It was light enough to see,
But the moon still shown.
It was peaceful,
Right up until the moment I noticed something odd.
Peculiar.

The moon seemed to be glowing red,
A red ring circled it,
And then bled to the inside.
Blood.
On the moon.
Blood.
Danger is coming,
Its on its way.
Its a warning,
That few understand.

I got to school,
And right as I walked through the doors,
A broom fell.
Trouble is coming,
And its coming my way.
Oh what a wonderful day,
For destiny is set.
Its on it way,
Time to prepare,
For the possibility of disaster.

Something that always seems so welcoming,
But has the bedside manner of an old hag.
Death,
Where is your southern hospitality?
Did you leave it back home,
Were you take your hostages,
Heaven or hell?
You come in a long black cloak,
A face masked by shadows,
Shadows that come from no where,
Nothing to cast them.
You crawl on the walls,
And on the ceiling.
You sit in the upper right corner.
You hide among the trees as your victim drives along the road,
And then...
Crash,
Another one added to your collection.
You're the monster under the bed,
The thing that children fear,
You **** the youth from them.
I have seen you many times.
Without question,
I'm sure its you.
With each time,
I prepare to say goodbye.
But then something changes,
There's a man...
I dont see him often,
Only on special occasions,
And even then,
Just briefly.
I see him nod to me on the side of the road,
Or give me a thumbs up when I walking down the street.
I see you,
Then I see him,
And then you're gone.
But only to return again.
Its not my time now,
But one day it will be.
One day I will see you,
And no longer see that man,
And then that will be the end.
It will be my time.
Something that happens to every person,
But not everyone chooses to accept.

As kids,
We couldn't wait to grow up.
Why?
We couldn't wait for more stress?
For one day closer to death?
For bills,
And drama?
Now that I'm closer to being grown up,
I understand that's its a trick,
Set by Satan himself,
And I want to go back in time.
I want to go back,
I want to grow young.

We may not know why,
Or how,
Or anything about the life we were given,
Other than the obvious fact that it was given to us,
And its ours,
But it can easily be taken away,
By many unexpected things.
We have so much knowledge of it,
But so little understanding.
We take it for grated,
But we'll want it the most when its taken from us,
In our sleep,
Or on the way to school,
Never to be returned again.
Be thankful for what was given to you,
And dont dwell to terribly much on the little fact of not understanding,
Accept it,
Love it,
Cherish it.
Because while you're taking life for granted,
Somebody else is fighting for another breath,
And another,
They've just lost their war.
A war that you don't have to face,
Not yet.

I look normal,
Like another average human,
Well as average as drama nerd can be.
But I'm not normal,
I just appear to be.
The things that make me different,
That set me apart from others,
They also make me a monster.
They make me a monster because I let them.
I let myself believe,
And then the demons consume me.

The way you make me feel,
Its magical.
It's like a spell.
It's like I'm in a trance.
It makes me feel completed,
And in a bliss happiness.

There's this girl I know,
With the prettiest hair,
Hair as white as snow.
Shes tall,
With green eyes,
She hasn't a clue at all.
She wears sleeves,
And when I ask her why,
She just turns, and leaves.
One day in the locker room,
I saw a hint of leg,
And my heart filled with doom.
Her leg was red,
Marked with pain,
Leading her to her death bed.
I ran up to her,
And gave her a hug,
She had to be safe, that I was sure.
She pushed me away,
Confused and scared.
And then I showed her something that put her confusion at bay.
I lifted up my pant,
And she said "Oh please stop, dont do that."
And I whispered "I cant."
"But you're so pretty,
I would love to be like you,
Its such a pity."
I looked at her with dumb struck eyes,
Was this girl blind?
She must be telling lies.
I told her to take her own advice,
And take a step back,
But she said her life was on the roll of a dice.
There's this girl I know,
With the kind and troubled heart,
She lives her life, as if she was in a show.
Its fake,
But shes alive,
And thats something I must take.
For if not,
I would die,
And cry, a lot.
So to this girl that I know,
With the green eyes,
And the hair as white as snow.
Take a step back,
And look at what you have,
Instead of what you lack.
Look at what you have,
You have a friend like me,
One who will be your other half.

I try to write a poem,
I try to make it rhyme,
But with every passing line,
I ***** up time after time.

I'm tired,
And weak.
There are bruises on me,
Ones that seem to come from no where.
I'm always achy,
And my head never seems to stop hurting.
I sleep more.
I eat less.
I'm tried,
And weak,
But more than any of that,
I'm scared.

Such irony.
I still wear that ring,
But its a ring with no meaning.
Purity.
What does that mean anymore,
To me?

I cant focus,
On anything.
I cant think,
Or remember.
And its all your fault.
I cant breathe when you're around...
I sound miserable right?
Quite the contrary.
When I'm with you,
I'm happy,
And my world is perfect.

I heart you.

Why do we talk in hearts?
Can we not say love?
So we must talk in a symbol.
Heart,
I heart you,
Not I love you.

Why do we make hearts on our papers?
They're not the easiest shape,
But still not difficult.
But why not draw a circle?

Why do we draw hearts?
When hearts symbolize love?
And we dont love the work that we put hearts all over,
In fact,
We despise it.

Why do we put hearts beside our names?
Did it suddenly become a must have in our signature?
Are we that in love with ourselves?
How coincided does that prove us to be?

My poems are starting to become useless,
Old,
And worn out,
But yet they're brand new.
I've lost my inspiration.
I need a new muse.

Dont let them see you cry,
You cant be that weak,
Not in front of them.

Dry your eyes,
Straighten up your back,
And stiffen up your upper lip.

Show them what you're made of,
And how strong you are,
Not how broken.

Pull down those sleeves,
Do you want them to see your cuts?
They're living proof of the mental pain.

Dont be stupid,
You know how to act,
Be an actress.

Dont let them see the real you,
The one that inside is crumbled up,
Be strong.

Let me start by saying one thing,
That two words cannot possibly express,
Thank you.
Thank you for being my best friend.
Thank you for being there,
Thank you for coming into my life,
At just the right moment.
There has been some days,
Where everything is going wrong,
And I'm tired,
And 1000% done with life,
And ready to leave,
And then you say "hey".
My day instantly gets better,
And I dont feel so bad.
You made me promise,
Promise to not hurt myself,
And within one day,
I broke that promise.
I dont deserve to have a person like you,
To call my best friend.
But for some reason,
You stick by my side.
Thank you.
I cant say that enough times...
I love you..
BGH

If I could show you the world,
Would you go with me?
Would you be daring enough,
To take that crucial first step,
Out into the light,
And out into love?

Because darling,
I can show you the world.
A world in the way in which you never thought imaginable.
A different world,
With no shame,
No hate.

This world,
This is what I see when I look at you.
Let me show you,
This magnificent world,
That I see in you.

A penny for your thoughts?
Oh please,
Whats going through your head?
No need to be sad,
It just needs to be said.
And maybe when you see the marks there on my wrist,
You might realize that you really will be missed.
Uh oh. Uh oh.

Its not worth it,
Take one step back.
Look at all the beauty around you.
Please put down that razor, that knife,
Dont go away, just continue with this life

You tell me tells,
Of her,
And your new found happiness.
Good for you.
I found someone too,
Just not in the way I had expected.

"If I were a boy,
Even just for a day."
What if I was?
Would I finally feel comfortable?
I like guys clothes.
I like guy music.
I like girls (and guys).
I sit,
And stand like a guy.
I don't like make up,
And as a kid,
I was the girl playing with action figures.
I know I'm a girl,
And I dont want to be a guy,
Im fine with who I am,
But I just wonder...
What would it be like,
For all those things to be normal?
"If I were a boy,
Even just for a day."
But I'm not.
I'm a girl,
And not just for a day,
For a lifetime,
And I'm happy with that...
But still,
I wonder.
"If I were a boy."

Some things,
They cant be described in words.
Those are the things that are never explained.
They're just pushed aside,
And then eventually let go,
In tears.

Do not speak,
Do not say its name,
For it is cursed.
It is evil,
Do not even mutter part.
No M...
A...
C...
Shh.
Leave this place.
Or shut your mouth...
Idiot.
Beth.

I made you promise me,
That you wouldn't get into it.
You made me promise you,
That I would stop.

You're important to me,
And I'm gonna keep that promise,
Do or die.

If there is anything,
Anything in the world that I could possibly do,
Then name it.
I hate seeing you sad.
I love to see your smiling face,
But we cant smile forever,
Right?
I love you,
It will all be ok.
Everything that happens,
Its has a reason.
Love has a way or working itself out.
BGH.
I love you.

Currently...
My hair is either half down,
Or half up,
It depends on the way,
That you look at a cup.

Hello there,
My dear old friend.
I welcome you back,
With open arms.
How much I have missed you.
I have to show you,
How much I've changed,
Without you.
I thought that you were no longer needed,
But I was wrong.
Hello there,
Old friend that I love,
I welcome you back,
With upturned arms,
Do your magic.
Make the white rose turn red.

Everything happens for a reason,
Sometimes for a good reason,
Other times...
Not so much.
But from each thing that happens,
You learn.
Each experience we endure,
There is a lesson to be taught.
You can take that lesson to heart,
Or you can completely ignore it.
Its all up to you.
But everything happens for a reason,
So dont dwell,
Dont sorrow,
It will all turn out ok,
In the big picture that is life.

Dont blame me if I just stop talking,
To everyone.
Dont blame me if I never speak to you again.
Its not my fault.
I cant stand to look at you anymore.
I'm going away,
There will be no more...
No more of me.
Dont blame me,
If when you try to talk to me,
I turn the other way.
I've been hurt too much,
I'm trying to protect myself.

You stepped on stage,
And people ohh-ed,
And ahh-ed,
There were murmurs of,
“He’s cute.”
But something wasn’t right.
Something was off about you,
And it seemed oh so familiar.
Where have I heard of this?
Where have I heard of a person having those same…
Characteristics?
You’re charm,
How charismatic you are,
How people seemed to worship you?
Odd.
Up on that stage,
I saw you,
But you were tainted,
Something…
Messed up.
You seemed to be radiating.
But it wasn’t love,
Or charm,
Or anything like that you were radiating,
It was evil.
Pure madness.
And then you smiled,
And won over the hearts,
Of many,
Many people.
Where have I heard of these characteristics before?
They sound so familiar,
Like something I learned in school.
Oh,
I know.
History.
I learned of a person like this in History class.
His name was ******,
And all the things people are saying about you,
They said about him.
Be careful my darling,
History repeats itself.

So many words flowing through my head...
How can they translate,
And flow,
Into a beautiful creation,
Such as a poem.

I write many poems,
When I talk,
The words flow out,
So beautiful,
Like poetry,
Like a true poet.
But,
Then when they go to paper,
They're clumsy as ****,
They don't make sense.
They're just like my mind.

I wrote one poem,
Earlier today,
That I really wanted to share.
But its so sad,
And depressing.
It would cause people to worry,
Theres no need to worry.
My words are great,
My poetry is fine,
And my mind is destroyed.

Its not possible for me to be anymore done than I am right now.
I have to go back,
And I have to let you go.
Im going back to my old ways.
Nobody can stay strong,
And hold on forever.

Im sorry for what I've done.
Im sorry I let you down.
Go ahead and shun,
Cause your daughter's now a clown.

The day I first met you,
Is a day I will never forget.
I was 10 years old.
Even then I thought that you were beautiful.
I was the new girl.
The teacher told me to go sit down beside of a little girl,
With sandy blonde hair.
The teacher knew she was the only one who would be nice to me,
After all,
Who wanted to be friends with the new kid?
Apparently she did.
I got to know her,
And soon she became my best friend.
I made a promise to her that we would be friends forever,
No matter what.
We were friends for a little while after,
But then something changed.
That something was me.
We hit middle school,
And all of a sudden I was too good for her.
I ignored her,
And when she'd come my way,
I'd turn and walk in the opposite direction.
This I regret,
She did nothing to me,
And I treated her like garbage.
The girl,
The only girl in fact,
Who was nice to me then.
After middle school ended,
I had a change of person.
I left everyone,
And was homeschooled for a year.
I found myself that year.
I also found out that it was ok,
Ok to accept myself,
And be me.
I came back this school year,
5 years after we first met,
And something happened.
I fell in love with a girl,
For the very first time.
I tried to ignore,
And deny it,
Even though I already knew what I was.
She is in my English class,
I sit beside her,
And every day I feel that we get a little bit closer.
Nearly a month ago,
She told me that she liked me,
I told her I felt the same,
And then before I knew it,
We were dating.
She was my girlfriend.
My old bestfriend,
The one who as a child I thought was beautiful,
Is now my girlfriend.
She seems to love me,
I catch her every now and again just smiling at me,
I look up and smile back.
We hold hands,
And hug,
And say I love you...
But as teenage girls,
That's typical behavior.
I want to be out,
With my girlfriend,
And not be shamed.
She says she loves how I express myself....
How is that so,
When I cant even express how I love her?
I'm stuck,
Kissing and loving her,
In private.
But,
At least shes mine.
This is the story of how I fell in love with my bestfriend from 4th grade.
This is the story of my girl.
This is the story of us.

Today is day number 18.
It may not seem that long,
Or that big of a number,
But it is for me.
At one point,
I couldn't make it one day without...
Doing that.
18 days clean.
Tomorrow will be 19,
And then 20,
And then before I know it,
It will be a month,
A month clean,
And free.
No more need for the the blades,
And the blood.
The need and the hunger,
Its becoming weak,
And fading away,
As I'm becoming strong.

This generation is going to hell in a hand-basket.
It is,
And its something that cannot be denied.
Its not because of the sins.
People have always sinned,
We're sinners at heart.
Its not because of the gays,
They cant change your views,
And the world isn't growing up gay.
This generation is going to hell because we are lost.
Somehow morals were not enforced,
Only taught and then forgotten.
We have a chance of being saved,
But we wont accept it.
We're stubborn,
And corrupted.
There are a few,
Within our generation,
That have hope.
It is them,
And our parents,
And teachers,
That hold the key to our salvation.
Without them,
We will be forever lost,
And on a one way street,
To hell.

Shh,
Dont speak.
Treasure this moment,
Hold on to it,
Then file it in your memories,
You never know when we will have the possibility of this moment again.
So dont speak,
Just shut your lips,
And come in close.
Treasure this moment,
Forever and always.

We sneak around,
Trying not to make a sound.
Our love is forbidden,
And it must stay hidden.
For you are important to me,
You are my love.

She kissed me,
And I kissed back.
And then we fell,
Fell into the deep abyss,
That I call love.

Lets go back to the beginning,
Back to before I knew you,
And before you knew me,
Back to when you were just a familiar face,
Back to when we were practically strangers.
We need a reset.

Would you hate me?
Because I think you would.
Can I trust you enough,
With something so important to me?
You would leave me,
You would treat me different,
Everything would change...
But I'm telling you anyways,
I'm gay.

A pick here,
And a pick there,
Before I know it,
I'm bleeding,
Then there's a scab.

A spot on the floor,
I have to make it clean.

A hair out of place,
It has to be moved.

Books out of order,
Movies not alphabetized,
Shirts not color coded in the closet,
Shoes not put in a perfect line,
A messy binder...

These things drive me insane.
Simple things that normal people dont care about,
Or just look over,
A sentence not beginning with a capital letter,
Or not having any punctuation at the end.
They make me tick.

They say I have a thing called OCD.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,
I don't have a disorder,
I just want things neat,
Organized,
And clean.

Is there something wrong with that?