I have hatred for people,
The human species as a whole,
But the human I hate the most is me.

What if the world suddenly flipped,
And everything you knew was wrong?
You'd be lost.
Would you freak out?
Or perhaps make the best of it?
Or would you be the one behind it all...
Behind the questions of "how",
And "what happened"?
Would you be the one that caused it?
Who would you be in this alternate reality,
That follows the path of Alice.
P.S. - If it tells you to eat, don't.
Or do,
And see how your adventure will go.

I'm sorry I'm not the girl you want.
The one who isn't afraid to kiss you with everyone watching,
The one who doesn't hear a small panicked voice in the back of her head every time we hold hands.
I'm sorry I cant be as comfortable with myself as you are with you.
But I do promise you this,
I love you and I want to be with you.
I will always be there,
No matter what happens.
I promise you that I'll be the perfect girl to love,
One who sits there with an open heart,
And a listening ear.
Honey I love you too much for this.
I'm scared.
Text me back.
Let me hear your words again.
Throw away the razors and put down the knife,
When you make a mark on your skin,
It makes a mark on my heart,
Because its my fault.
I couldn't be there for you,
And I couldn't fix it.
But baby,
Please dont go.

Im giving you a second chance,
Heres the key to my heart.
Dont hurt me,
Dont break it again,
Because this time,
I wont be able to pick up the pieces.

I regret a lot of things,
But the thing I regret the most is letting her go.
Having her in my hands,
And releasing her,
Letting her slip away.
Because I was afraid of the oppression,
And hate,
That might come,
If I was to call that pretty little,
Tom boy girl,
With the brown hair and the green eyes,
"mine".

If I could turn back time,
And tell the 10 year old me,
To ignore the cute girl with the sandy blonde hair,
If I had the chance to do the impossible,
Would I?

Lets take these scars and turn them into art,
Into beauty.
Lets take something ugly and make it beautiful.
Lets take our story and make a novel.
Lets live out our fairy tale.

Can you hear me?
Im screaming.
Fool, I need you,
Come back.
Remove those thoughts from your head.
Shut your mouth boy,
You're talking nonsense.
You're loved,
And wanted.
Boy you saved me.
And not only me,
But so many people,
And now its my time to save you.
Its my turn to be the hero,
My turn to be superman.
You can be the damsel in distress,
And I can be the one who takes you away from it all.
Honey just be quiet.
Sit back and relax.
Lets turn this nightmare into a fairy tale.

To anyone out there who hates their freckles,
The way your body looks,
Your voice,
Or your life in general.
Stop.
Your imperfections are perfect.
They are beautiful and they make you, you.
Be proud of them,
And wear them with a smile,
No matter how a-dork-able your smile may be.

Lets take this rope,
lets slip it around my neck.
Lets take the leap of a life time,
and jump off the chair to the floor,
only 3 feet away.
Lets take a moment,
say thank you,
and say a prayer,
say goodbye,
with one last breath.
Lets jump,
and lets dangle.
Let the light fade away,
and let the dark take control.

If only she knew,
What goes through my head,
Every time I think of her,
And then emotions start to swirl around,
Overwhelming,
And pure crazy.
I hide them,
Repress them,
Almost to the point that they're smothered.
Whats the point?
I can hide all of it,
And be a dead bud,
Or I can be a beautiful blooming flower with love,
Be true to myself,
And let my true colors shine,
For all to see.

I want to play a game of Russian Roulette,
But I dont want a partner,
So honey sit down.
This way,
In the end,
I'm the winner,
No matter what.

Darling put down that knife,
Take the razor from your mind,
And quit dreaming of a noose.
You're better than that.
I love you,
And you should love yourself,
Just as much,
If not more than I do.
Honey flush those pills,
And never pick them up again.
Throw out the scales,
You dont need them.
Along with that nagging voice in the back of your head,
The one that's driving you closer and closer to the cliff,
The one that keeps telling you you're less than,
Or not good enough.
Because you are.
You are good enough.
You are beautiful,
And I wish you could see that.
But whenever you feel like all is lost,
And your heart beat goes a mile a minute,
Then you feel those walls closing in on you,
Just take a breath.
Look up at the stars,
And clear your mind.
Think of me,
Think of the things that I am saying to you right now.
Because I love you,
And its all worth it.
I know you dont really believe me,
And you dont have to,
I just want you to listen to what I'm saying.
I know how bad it is,
To hate yourself so much that you just cant.
But there comes a day,
When someone shows you the light,
And you cross the bridge to the other side,
And the other side is beautiful.
Its full of hope and love.
No judgement,
No caring.
A person took me to the other side,
Into the light,
And it was one of the most terrifying things ever.
But now that I'm here,
Its worth it.
And now I've come,
To show you the light,
Even in some of the darkest times.
And lead you across that bridge,
To happiness.
It gets better,
It really does.
I love you.

You broke my heart,
Not once,
But over and over again.
Dont come crawling back,
And expect another chance,
Because I cant forgive you,
Not this time.

The people I owe my life to,
I cant possibly thank you enough.

Hey darling,
I wrote you a letter,
It bled out,
With the blood from my heart,
And had its own special signature.
I tucked it away,
Its under my bed,
Waiting for the day,
That I bring up the courage,
To kiss you one last time,
Hand you the letter,
And walk away,
As my final goodbye.

Where has my inspiration fled to?
It took most my problems and ran away,
Held them captive,
Left anxiety by side.
No inspiration for my poetry,
Poetry being my outlet,
Thoughts swirling around,
Cant figure a way out,
Overwhelming,
Panic.

This is not the life that I expected,
Its not the outcome that I had planned,
Or wanted.
But its here,
And it happening.
I'm going to make it work,
And greet it with a smile,
And let nothing hold me back.

Music is my escape,
And my way out of the world.
With every emotion I feel,
There's a song that's just right for it...
Except for one emotion.
There's all these songs about love,
But only a few about girls who had loved other girls.
I'm in search for the perfect one,
Something I may have to create myself.

Tell me something darling,
Can you please tell me this?
Why?
Why does God hate some of his children,
And love others?
Why,
According to you,
Does God hate his gay children?
He made them,
Just like he made his straight one's,
Did he not?
What ever happened to what the good book says?
It says that we who believe,
Are God's children,
And that God loves all his children.
You scream that we are sinners,
You say that we're going to Hell.
Aren't all people sinners?
It's in our nature.
And will you please,
Oh please,
Tell me one more thing.
Why is a person who sees past gender barriers,
And doesn't judge,
And is happy,
Who loves another person,
Why does that condemn their soul?
And make them a sinner,
When hating someone doesn't?
Tell me this,
God,
Why is love a sin?

The fact that one day I will die,
Saddens me.
I will have to say goodbye to the ones I love,
And jump into unknown,
Without option.
Imagine all the conversations,
And stories,
Shows,
And drama,
That will happen,
And I will miss,
After I'm gone.

The light that was hope at the end of the tunnel,
It just got blew out by Satan himself.

She darkens her eyes,
With another ring,
Another line,
While her soul inside screams.

They say that the eyes are the window,
To what we hold inside,
But its only what we let show,
And let the rest subside.

That girl with the darkened eyes,
Shes me.
Shes the girl with so many lies,
That she hides so that no one can see.

She has a gentle smile,
And kind a soul,
But a dark one all the while,
Wishing to curl up and die in a hole.

You can be one of good intentions,
But if you darken your eyes, and darken your clothes,
People with view you from a different dimension.
So let the blood come, and watch it flow.

Whats the point of anything anyways,
If you're viewed in that light?
Your life becomes a haze,
And then you slip out of mind, out of sight.

If you had the chance,
To take the high and glorious road,
Would you?
Knowing it would be hard,
With heart ache,
And terror,
But coming out on top in the end?
Or would you take the commons road,
That most people take,
Of a boring,
Mediocre,
Half wit life in the end,
But happy the entire time?
Which would you choose,
Being the choice was yours at all?

"I just like bracelets."
She says.
That's not true.
She just likes to cover up the marks of her pain and sorrow,
And hide the true part of her,
The side she never wishes to see the light of day.
As far as people are concerned,
That part of her doesn't exist,
And never has.
Its the part of her,
Thats her demons,
Behind her teeth that slip through her smile,
And behind her emerald green eyes,
That are the gateway to her miserable,
And ever-suffering soul,
Of a teenage girl,
A teenage cutter,
A teenage disaster.

I have a lot of words for you,
but most are going to be left unspoken.
The only think I can say now,
is I'm strong,
but as a beautiful song once said,
"Even the best fall down sometimes."
I'm sorry.

Can I take a second,
To try and sort out the things,
Thats going through my head,
And turn it into a story?

Five people to tear my love between,
Is way too much...
I dont know who to drop,
Or which way to turn,
So I'm sorting it out with words,
Trying to figure this mess out.

Because being bisexual is complicated.
Can I just be married to my music instead?
No?....Ok.

So there's this guy...
Lets call him Derick.
Derick was the guy I loved.
I gave him my heart and my everything.
For nearly a year,
He was the one that I called "mine".
After school started,
We drifted apart,
But that wasn't unexpected considering we go to different schools.
We had our fair share of fights,
And dates,
And then our time was over.
Only to reconnect a few months later,
Which led to one hell of a scare.
Last night we talked,
And I think...
I think I fell for you again.

But then I think,
How can I fall for Derick,
When I also love Lynn.

I've known Lynn for years,
Shes been my best friend forever.
Shes amazing,
Loving,
And beautiful.
When our lips touched for the first time,
It was magic,
That I still hold on to.
I think I love you too...

But--

Theres also Ashley, Shane, and Cory.

Ashley was my first real girlfriend.
A person I'd known since before I knew myself.
She inspired me and led me into being comfortable with who I am.
But then something happened,
And we couldn't be together.
Every time I see you though,
I still miss the warm embrace of your arms.

Shane is just awesome.
His voice is---ahhh.
He's helped me so much,
With anything I need.
He loves me,
I know he does,
But I dont know if he loves me,
The way that I love him.

And then there's Cory.
I really like him,
And were in to all the same stuff,
But there's no way he could return my feelings.
We would never work,
And I really need to let go of that glimmer of hope,
That I have sitting in the back of my mind.

I love all these people,
I love them to death,
But I dont know where to go,
With any of it.

Derick just broke up with his girlfriend,
And he'd be my number one option,
But thats really bad timing.

Cory would be my number two,
But theres not chance,
Sadly.

Lynn would be my third option,
But she has a boyfriend,
And I missed my chance with her long ago.

Wow...I really hate numbering them,
But I need some order,
To make since of this.

Shane would be my number four,
But he's so wishy washy with all the girls he dates,
That I'd be afraid of heart break,
Along with that,
He's figuring out some sexuality things for himself.

And finally, theres Ashley,
Who would have to be number five,
Because even thought I love her to death,
I wont go back.
Shes too much for me to handle.

So my causers of stress at the moment,
Are the people I hold dearest to me.

What happened to the times,
When a ratchet was just a tool,
And a tool being something to use?
What happened to a twitter and a tweet having something to do with birds?
Facebook was the term some punk yelled when he'd smash a nerds books right into his face...
And tumblr was a person who did gymnastics.
People would never go around saying kik me,
Instead a sign said it loud and clear,
Taped to their back.
YouTube...what the Hell was a YouTube?
You had some kind of tube put in...
What?
Why is a ***** a mean and angry girl,
Instead of a female dog?
Why is that little gay boy called a ***?
Does he look like a cigarette,
Or a bundle of sticks?
What happened to calling some dude a ****,
Because that was his name, ****.
What happened to cuts being accidental,
Something that happened when we fell,
Or messed with a sharp edge?
Why is a ***** someone who is scared,
Rather than being a cat?
What the hell happened to life?

No one knows,
Whats secretly going on,
Behind the locked doors of your mind.
You're the only one with a key.
If you keep it in,
It will go crazy...
Let a bit out,
Dont fight the secret war alone.

What happened to the love I used to show?
To that one girl,
or boy,
that I used to like?
What happened to my love for them?
Now I just flirt.
And its not a loving flirt,
its an empty,
and soul less flirt.
I've turned into a *****.

I am not black,
white,
hispanic,
or asian,
or anything else.
I am human.
My hair is not blonde,
or red,
or brown,
or white,
or gray.
It is just hair.
I am not male,
nor am I female,
gender has no meaning.
The cause of this thinking,
is simple and harsh.
You are a product of the 21st century,
who must label,
and name things.
Judge them,
then put them neatly away,
or dispose of them.
Am I wrong?
Dont be a product of the 21st century.
Be the factory that changes what it means,
to be  a product,
of the 21st century.

I wish I could take an eraser to my skin,
And get rid of the outcome,
Of what happened when I took part of a pencil sharpener to it.

The threat of relapse is always on my mind,
Its a dream,
And a wish,
To go back to that "safeness" that I once felt.
I miss it,
But I push it to the back of my mind,
And struggle up the mountain,
Until I reach the top.

Why do you think that because Im not attracted to you,
That I dont think you're attractive?
You're very attractive,
Hot even,
But I'm not attracted to you.
I'm gay ***,
Not blind.

How does one sleep?
Because apparently I dont know how.
I lie here awake,
Thinking,
And day dreaming,
About everything.
Never letting my brain shut down,
And get what it desperately needs,
Rest.

I'm sorry that it made you cry,
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Maybe its best to say goodbye,
Before I REALLY hurt you.

What if...
Humans are the monsters?

We're these weird,
Evil creatures,
Who take advantage of everyone,
And thing around us.

We had thread that comes out of the top of our hair,
In weird colors.

We have plastic looking stuff on the end of our fingers,
That just keep growing and growing.

We walk on two legs,
And stumble around like idiots.

With that mental picture in your mind,
Are we not the monsters?

Do you think its funny?
To make fun of a person,
A culture,
A lifestyle,
That they have no control over?
It isn't cool.
Not at all.
It hurts,
And its unacceptable.
But I keep my head down,
And continue walking,
Let you win,
Because no one wants a fight.

The things you say,
And do,
May impact a person beyond your belief.
Just whispers behind their back,
A giggle at their fall,
Or a small mocking comment,
May be enough,
To push them over the edge.

My love for you is,
Brighter than the sun,
Deeper than the sea,
Broader than the oceans,
Bigger than the universe,
And stronger than your love for her.

If only I could go back in time,
And tell that little 5 year old girl,
To take the other path.
To turn away from that girl,
And walk away.
Be normal.
Force herself to do what every other girl did.
Take the path of an easy and ok life,
Not the hard and happy one.

I'd tell that girl to run,
Run as far as she could,
Into the arms of the little neighbor boy who liked her,
Instead of making googly eyes at the cute blonde girl.

But I cant,
And I didn't.

I took the path of rainbows,
Punches,
*****,
And protest signs.

At the end of the day,
When all is done,
And our love is ******,
Will we go,
And part our separate ways,
With a smile,
A loving departure to everything that was?

Laughs and screams,
Smiles and tears
A newly found love,
And "the boy I was gonna marry heartbreak".

You yell at your parents,
Hit your little brother,
And for what?
Because your mad at some high school boy,
Who couldn't keep it in his pants?

You should be yelling at him...
But ohh no...
You could never do that.
"It was a mistake."
He says,
"I love you, and I promise I'll never,
Ever, ever, ever do it again."
And then tops it off with a dazzling smile,
And runs his fingers through your hair,
Kisses your cheek,
And says,
"I gotta run, love ya babe."

Yeah...
He's gotta run...
Run to your bestfriends house,
Because he's bangin' her tonight.

Liar.

Ooops...
He did it again.
It was an accident..
Again.

But you forgive him,
Because you love him,
And he "loves" you.

You throw your friend to the side and proclaim,
"Its all her fault!"

But then one night when yall are hanging out,
He goes to the bathroom,
And leaves his phone sitting on the bed.

BUUUZZZZ

New text message,
From some girl named Brittany?
"Who the hell is Brittany?"

Not thinking,
You open the text.
It says,
"We gotta talk, now."

"Why is this chick wanting to talk to MY man?",
You think to yourself.

"What's going on."
"It broke..."

"What broke?"
"The ****** you idiot."

"What do you mean?"
"I'm pregnant."

There it is.
He did it once again,
And ******* up big time.

Can you forgive him?
There's physical,
Living,
Evidence this time.

You do what any rational teenage girl would do...
You throw a tantrum,
Scream "I hate you.",
And run home to daddy.

You tell daddy...
Daddys mad.
He runs out of the house,
Gets in the truck,
And races down the road,
Without a word.

You go up to your room,
Because what else can you do?

You go to your desk,
And see your drawings,
A beautiful art,
Thats always been your outlet.
But hows it gonna work for you this time?
What are you gonna do?
Draw him on top of the name Brittany,
With his **** in the middle of the A?

You sling everything off your desk.
The pencil sharpener hits the wall,
And breaks,
Leaving the metal blades exposed.

You pick it up,
And begin to draw.
But this time,
There isnt any pencils,
And there isnt any paper,
Just metal and skin.

You hack away at your teenage soul,
Going through your "emo" phase,
Wanting to feel normal,
And trying to make a time machine,
With your blood as the key,
To get rid of all the hurt he had caused.

"How did you handle the pain of all that?"
People at school ask when the word gets around.
"Drawing is my outlet."
You say,
And then walk away,
Pulling down your sleeves,
So your broken teenage soul is encased in last years sweater.

A teenage soul.
At 13,
So alive,
So new.
By 18,
Its dead.

We were meant to be friends.
Little did I know,
When I saw that little weird,
And awkward,
And antisocial kid,
Sitting on the bus back in 7th grade,
Listening to his music,
That he would turn about to be my brother.
A guy that I love to death,
And owe my life to.

I have a demon,
That lives inside of me.
He's been there so long,
That he's kinda like a family pet,
I couldn't get rid of him,
I'm too emotionally invested.
So I take him out for walks,
Feed him with blades,
And keep him calm,
At bay,
So that my pet demon doesn't take over,
And attack,
Like a rabid animal would.