His words, his awful words
Haunt me everyday
Memories and flashbacks
Are terrifying
I spent a whole 9 months with you
I don't need your flashbacks...
Please, please get out of my head

Words he said to me
Brought me down like cement
So afraid, so scared
Don't know what to do
Words he spoke
Oh, those awful words
He spoke
The memories are a dagger
In my heart
The only way to get rid of
Those awful words
Is to dive into my world
Of self-destruction
And drown in my own pain.

Addicted to bones
Addicted to scars
Addicted to self-destruction
Can't find my way out of the darkness
Running from myself
While the young girl
Had tears in her eyes
Scared of the girl
Staring back at her

Lost little girl afraid of food
Lost little girl afraid of everything
Lost little girl afraid of herself
Afraid of getting
Beyond repair

Feeling numb
From a cut
So amazing
Comforting blade
Keeps me alive
When i feel like dying

All of a sudden my world
Is bombarded with the consumption of food
Or desperately trying to rid yourself
of the necessity of food
Normal human functions
Don't seem so normal anymore
****** functions are now shameful
Trying to destroy the thing that
Destroys you

All alone
People have left me
Faster than i could speak
I'm scared
I'll never find someone like you
So far no luck
Please remember me
As much as i will remember you

You don't understand
How much i want
To live a normal life
Instead of calories and numbers
It's happy dreams
Where happiness consumes me
As i lay there
With my hipbones
Covered with skin
Like a normal human
I don't want to be a shell
I want to live like a normal teenager
Where food is a blessing
Not a sin
Something that i am not
Mortified to admit
I want to live a normal life
You don't undersetand
How much i've dreamed

The numbers
Numbers in my head
Controlling my every move
Calories, calories
Daunting
Can't stop this
Pounding, pounding
In my head

Alone in this world
Where no one understands me
How could anyone love me?
I hate differences
People telling me what to do
and how to do them.
Why should i care
if they don't care about me.
I'm better off in this world
Alone

Alone in this world
Nowhere to go
Nothing to see
I often wonder
Why do people need me?
Alone in this world
A lost little girl
Trying to come back
But she seems
Oh, so very far away
Like chains in the bottom
Of the ocean
Help me get her back

She creeps up on you, unexpectedly
Her dark and heavy hands
When she grabs you
She won't let you go.
Darkness consumes you
Then your life
Has changed forever.

Ana's in my head
Raging at my rational mind
Fighting a world war 3
About to explode
In my brain
Thoughts please go away
I can't stand each day
With you by my side

Ana that's her name
She's my friend
She's everywhere
Inside my head
Telling me to do things
When will me and Ana
Breakup?
I used to like her
Now i hate her
Scared of her
And i can't make her
Go away
Please help me
Please make Ana go away

Numbing from the sting of life
Neosporin is the razor
The band aid is blood
Anesthesia is working
Numbing from the loneliness of life

Locked in a cage
My attackers aren't animals
They're demons
Chewing up my soul
Spitting it out in a pile of blood
Murphy
Is poisoned by demons
She won't let go
She trapped her
In a cage so dark
She looked invisible

Anorexia, all consuming, so fearful
So scared.
A little girl afraid of the world
A little girl afraid of gaining weight
The fear in my eyes
When i step on the scale
Scared of the basics of life.
Stuck in a deep, dark hole
and i don't think
I'll ever get out.

I'm scared
My past life has risen
Once again
I'm scared
Of losing another human
Who can put up with me
Stuck in a spiral
Thoughts drown me
Need closure
That this isn't what i think it is

Shaking
Can't breathe
Chest tightening
Heart pounding
Can't speak
Can't move
This is anxiety

Art is a way of expressing
What you can't in words
Disguised in black for demons
Red for blood
Too much to say
Drawing is easier
Easier to disguise

Rise from the ashes
Never thought this would be me
Crash down like thunder

Words bolted down
Life ******* down
Like Jesus on the cross
Except this body is meant to die
She wasn't supposed to be here

People telling me
Day after day
Stop this
Stop that
Shut up you're not worthy
I'm sorry
I'll just shut the **** up
I try with my whole being
To think i'm worthy of love
I was wrong
**** it, I'm done

At 15 this isn't
What i pictured for myself
Broken and manic
In every which way
This isn't what i wanted
I'm done
Lost forever

As the first, crisp breeze
of autumn blew...
Kids playing
Happily in the leaves
No worries about anything
Just playing in the leaves
Without a care in the world
Cold air all around
Cool breeze blowing in our faces
Fall is leaves and cold air
Pretty soon it will be winter
Fall is cool
Fall is in between winter and summer
Not to hot not to cold
That's what i love about fall

Banana's
105 calories
Brain food
Rather have 0 calories
Than for my brain to function

I just want you to fix my broken heart
Broken shards of my heart
Are around the places
That have destroyed my soul
Fix the brokenness of my heart
Put it back together again
As if were Humpty Dumpty

Life is like a battlefield
You either win
Or you die trying
To hold your head above water
When all you want to do is drown

Applause
The crowd goes wild
For their children to perform
A flawless routine
"This is my daughter, the cheerleader"
They say
Enjoy it now
You never know
When your
"Cheerleader", "athlete" title
Will be ripped away
By words of poison

Click, click, click
Goes my thighs
Beautiful thin
I will be happy when i'm thin

Andy's place
Lake house
Long drive
Waves crashing
Boat blasting
Fun to get away
To ****** lake

Want to get in bed
Drown my head
Shut the lights off
Feel my bones
Becoming more visible
Open the drawer
Eyes on the blade
House dark
Eyes closed
Solid and still
My demons fill the room
My nocturnal evil friends
Awaken the night
Bleeding high
Off the ground
Now i can
Clear my head
Close my dark eyes
Dream of happiness
In my head

Really alone
So scared
Help me please
Oh wait, i'm beyond saving

Bingeing
Rocket blasting off
Can't stop
Numb
Holding my emotions
Throwing them away
The trash can
Are where my emotions lie
Stuffing them down
One by one
Stuck in the cycle

Sensing the binge monster
Slowly creeping in
Stepping one foot in
Then the next
Soon he'll strike
As fast as i can
Open the wrapper
Of destruction
Hanging there
Bones clinching
Heart fluttering
Hands shaking
I don't like fullness
Makes me sick

Bones like in a cemetery
Among the living dead
Only now the bones
Are walking
And functioning
A human skeleton
Or as some say
A walking skeleton
The ghost is anorexia
She has taken over me

Wasting away
Bruised and broken
Lost and scared
Please save me
Before i completely
Lose myself
In a dangerous obsession
With skinny
Please help me
I'm really scare
I don't want to lose this
But i know if i keep going
I will be among the living dead
Please help me
Before i waste away

Scarred arms
Chewed nails
Fat drooping
Poison fills my veins
So broken i can't explain
Heart pounding
Hands shaking
Want this to end
Can trust no one

My heart is broken
Stuck in my head
Lost at sea
Don't know what i'm doing
In a place so dark
As dark as the night sky
My heart is broken
Get away from me
You don't deserve
To see my pain

Broken mirror on the wall
Tell me what is real
And what is not
Pick up the pieces of glass
On the floor
And fix
My distorted image
Or can you even
Pick up the pieces of glass
Broken mirror?

My soul has been ripped
Out of my chest
My demons have taken over
Cold blade
Silent ears
Empty soul

I want you here
I hate you
Go away
Undeserving soul
I want you here
to save me
From my demons
I hate you
Don't leave me
I feel like i can't breathe
I'm pieces
You complete me

Nothing is working here
I don't understand
My mind being controlled by demons
I can't take it anymore

Warm beach
Cold ice
Voices still there
All day
All night
Can't escape
The voice where my demons lie
Can't escape Ana and Mia
Where we are glued together
Like two pieces of a broken heart

I'm scared
Of losing
What i already leave
Don't you see
This is a part of me
Don't want to lose
The thing
That's been there for me
All along

Stop trying to understand
You never will
Digging deeper and deeper
You soon find your shovel stuck
Trying to get into my world
You will find a says
"Caution ED doesn't want you here"

My thoughts control me
Kids so innocent
Waiting for Christmas morning
Family, presents and decorations
I have such a love for Christmas

Christmas
Santa
Christmas cheer
Lovely people all around
Decorations
Brightened the houses
Food all around
Doing naughty things
I'm naughty with food
Shouldn't get rewarded

Stolen away by clouds of self-destruction
Lost in a world
Where food is poison
and bones are angels and goddesses
Lost in a world where all i have
Is self destruction

Slipped away
Faster than you thought
Something took her
Slipped away
I found it won't be the same