I keep saying you don't understand
I'm telling the truth
Maybe you try
But can't you see that isn't enough?
Do you understand what it's like
To be stuck in a self-destructive brain?
Do you understand what it's like
To feel numb to your emotions?
Do you know what it's like
To feel everything's going to go wrong
If you decide just this once
And lift the fork to your mouth?
Do you understand what it's like
To have the sight of blood
And the number on the scale going down
Gives you a high like a alcoholic?
No, now do you see why
You don't understand?

Tired eyes
Weak hair
Ghost girl
Walking around

Food never leaves my mind
As hard as i try to avoid it
It still consumes my every thought
Scale, weight and numbers
All in my head
It's like children during Christmas
But this is way different
It's not sweet and lovely
It's dark and unpleasant
There's only one catch
It lasts forever.

I don't wanna break
Without you standing right there
Telling me it will be okay
I don't wanna break
All alone
I wanna break
In your arms

Moments of silence
Quiet
Lost in my destructive mind
Thinking about what happened
Scared
Of what will happen next
Can't get out of my mind

Help me, Help me, Help me please
I'm destroying myself
And i don't see a way out
Please help me before i break
Nature can be a way of expressing yourself
You can go outside
If you need time alone
To just get away
You also have a better attitude
and outlook on yourself
When you're outside you can
Go and do whatever
and go wherever you want.

It was only a year ago
That strange events began
That's when my demons take over
Stuck in a web
Now i can't seem to be set free
Where the blood on the floor
Is my demons
You don't see yourself living with it
You see that you are it.

I hate myself
I'm a terrible person
What's wrong with me?
I'm such an awful
Disgusting human being
I don't understand
How anyone likes me
How can people like me
When i absolutely hate myself?

I guess everything isn't what it seems
No one knows what it's like
To live with a monster in your head
Screaming, shouting, crying
To escape the demons in my head
Stuck in the mindset
That everything isn't what it seems

My secrets are spun tight
My lies are deep as mud
You don't want to know
I'm to secretive
To ever let you
Step into my porcelain frame

Alone in this world
Where no one understands me
How could anyone love me?
I hate differences
People telling me what to do
and how to do them.
Why should i care
if they don't care about me.
I'm better off in this world
Alone

This is now
The first step
To the hardest thing
I've ever gone through
Now here i am
Emotions stuffed down
As far as they could be
Numb from the world
Except for food and the blade
This is the first step
To opening those wounds
To begin this thing
Called recovery
A scary realization
The only person that can save me
Is myself
I've been running from myself
For so long
Now it's time
To let go
And give my troubles and anxieties
To my grandfather up in the sky
He's the higher power
That can tell me
It will all be okay

If you say so
You say i'm beautiful
If you say so
Not attractive
In the means of destruction
If you say so

No one to comfort me
No one to hold me
No one to kiss my cheek
Hug me and tell me it will all be okay
The only thing that comforts me
Are ED and music
I don't want to let go of ED
He's my only friend

Crisp leaves
cracked beneath my feet
as i was walking peacefully
Around a pond seeing nature
and smelling the air.

You're not even worth it
You're scaring me
I don't want your grip on me
Hunger consumes me
I don't understand
Why i crave you so much
I don't understand
Why you'll be with me forever
Why am i who you want?

Feel like a fake
When people have it way worse
I can't cope with life
When their doing just fine
Feel undeserving of my issues

I will love you
Like i'm not insecure
Like i've never been hurt
I will love you
When things are down
When we kiss
Each other's soft lips
Kids playing in the pool
Love you baby
Like i've never heard goodbye

Burned bridges
A broken heart
Tired of fake people
Who are uninvited
Go away
You don't deserve me
I'm going to find my way again
I'm gonna love you
Like i don't need saving
Tonight, tonight i'm letting go

People surround me
Content with the people
I've encountered
These people who i can say
Now are friends
Knowing that i have human interaction
Keeps me calm
Keeps me still
Keeps me from drowning
In isolation

My heart is glass
I dare you to break it
Don't **** with glass
It just might come back
And slice you right in the throat

I don't even know
What i'm supposed to do
What i'm supposed to think
What i'm supposed to say
I don't even know

Falling slowly
Help me please
Save me from plummeting
Don't want to go
Please help me
I'm falling slowly

Leave me be
To my secret world
Alone with my demons
Invisible friends

A friend is a flower
They bloom each day
They're always at your side

I've lost myself
To this awful disease
It ruins people's lives
This disease called depression
No one deserves to feel the pain
That i'm going through
I wouldn't wish this on anyone
It ruins your life in one second
Can you take my problems?
I don't want them anymore...

I forced myself
To let the two people
I love most
Know about my confessions
Worries and fears
I'm sorry
I'm scaring you
I'm just being honest
I want help
Here you go
My secrets have now surfaced
I just want help
That's all

Lost in the dark
Or more rather in a hole
and i can't see my way out
Lost in the dark
Don't understand
Why please help me
Find my way back to life

Easier to lie
Than to see the disappointment
In your eyes
Telling you my secret
Very dangerous
You wouldn't understand
The world i live in
Easier to lie

Can't concentrate
All thoughts on when i get food
Help me i'm losing my mind

You can feel the heaviness
On your chest
Feeling like you can hardly breathe
To what overcomes you
When you realized you skipped
Another meal
It's a normal thing nowadays
Wake up, foods there
Go to bed have nightmares
About slowly letting go of the control you have
Having a little bit more of something
That once had been forbidden
You can feel the pain when you starve yourself
That's why some people like it
Inflicting pain on yourself
Is much much easier
Than anyone or anything
It gives you the power to say no

World that breaks
Into nothing
Breaks until there's nothing left
Need one steady thing
In a world that breaks
Everyone leaves
Places change
People change
I need an answer
An end to the end of the searching
I need one steady thing
In a world that breaks

My words
Not my words
My eyes
Not my eyes
My soul
Definitely not mine
I've turned into ED
Call me Ana or Mia
That's what i've become

We feel numb to the things we see
Over and over again
I'm numb to the feeling of comfort
Destruction is comforting
Therefore
I'm numb to the fact
That this could very well take me
The only thing that comes to mind
Is a strong desire to comfort
So used to numbing my emotions
By bones and a scale
That seems to be with me
The moment i can open my eyes
And see the sunlight through
My bedroom window
The lingering thought
In the back of my mind
I cannot be like this forever
I will soon discover what it's like
To take the wool off my eyes
With my eyes open
To learn to be content
With living happy and healthy
Soon figuring out
That i no longer
Need a reason to numb
The thing i thought was horrifying
Happens to be the thing
That unlocks the change
From a life praying for my last breath
My last sentence would be
"At least i'm finally skinny"

Funny thing you said
Isn't so funny anymore
Now i have a secret
That no one can find
It's written all over my body
Written in red
That's still pretty funny isn't it?
All love is broken
Hearts are broken
Love is so hard to find
Now it's all gone

If you only knew
What i go through
On a daily basis
You would admit
What you said to me
Be a man
And say you're sorry
But of course
You're not a man
You're a little boy
That is afraid
Of getting in trouble
I suggest you grow some *****
Oh wait
You don't have any
Sorry i forgot
Cause if you did
You would apologize
I can't believe i thought
You would apologize
I hope you realize
What you've done to me
You probably won't
But you will one day
When we meet in hell

Kept my mouth shut
For the longest time
Thanks to you
Hope you succeeded
With what you wish
Her mouth still closed
Scared of life
Because of you

I don't know what to say
My words are controlled
By a much stronger being than me
This is not me, you see
This is the devil
Slowly taking me away

Depression feels like
A thousand 10 pound weights
Weighing you down
Sometimes i like depression
Others i hate it
and i just want to be normal
Ana sits around
In my head all day
She says alot of nasty things
When you hear something
Said to you
For so long you start to believe it
Unfortanetly that's what happened
To me
Whoever thinks this is a choice
and just wanting to be thin
I would never do this in a million years
If i just wanted to be thin
I wouldn't hurt my family the way i'm doing
I wouldn't hurt my friends the way i'm doing
I'm not that kind of person

Phone almost dead
Have to get into my other fake reality
Besides music
Books

Beneath the stars and skies
Is a world we often don't understand
Full of pain and heartache
And thoughts swirling around in my head
Filled with darkness
To remind me of how lonely and broken
I really am

God is a blessing
Good and bad
He is powerful
Gets rid of our demons
When we need saving
God is the angel
To save us from the devil

I want to be thin
To see my bones
Having people wonder
In fear

Who's worthy?
Who's loving?
Who's trusting?
No one exactly
Why would i open my secret
World up to you?
You think it's fake
Can i keep going?
It's not like you would notice

Love me
Love me not
I don't blame you
I would say no too

Lost in my thoughts oh, very destructive thoughts
All consuming all destructive they never leave
I don't think i want them too
They are my invisible saviors, my little secret
Where no one else can take them away
Broken and scarred lost in my deep and dark thoughts

Stop i said
Trying to understand
You will never get into my head
You will never know the real me
Murphy is nowhere to be found
My demons are awake though
Waiting to take another
Innocent beings soul

Like i said many times before
I'm done
Everyone acts like they know me
It turns out
They know absolutely nothing

Why would you want to leave?
I'm bleeding
I'm breaking
You slowly fading memories
I want you to stay
Where i'm safe with you

I'm sorry
Don't you see?
Were two pieces
Of a broken heart
Can't you see i need you
Please don't go
I don't want to lose
Everything we had
I'm sorry