One moment
One fleeting idea
One action
Is all it took
For me to realize
I need more
One thought of control
Three years go by
You don't even realize it
You've been numb for too long
Now, when you feel ashamed
Of eating 50 calories
Above your "limit"
You've set for the day
Only then will you realize
This is controlling me now
Can't get out of this torture
I want to cry
I want to cry in frustration
I want to cry for food
I'm hungry
I can't eat
I'm scared
I haven't succeeded yet
In this disease
Because there is no visible
Evidence of my hungry soul

Food is a sin
Hunger is a gift
Evidence of my soul
That is shattered
Beyond repair
Food can wait
More than my heart can
Handle this crippling
Depression
That won't go away

Forever waiting
To find comfort
In the scale
Going down
Forever going down
Or staying just the same
Waiting for someone
To see evidence
Of my prolonging pain

Craving for hunger
Wanting anything
Anything at all
To stop me from the thoughts
Running rampid in my head

Slowly going down
I thought
This would help me
Someway
Somehow
I've become lost
Nowhere to be found
This is all too much
Need to relieve
My thoughts
That have been
Haunting me
For so long

I didn't mean
For this to get out of hand
I just wanted to be in control
Maybe even become popular
I'm not meaning to hurt you
At all
I just honest to god
Can't stop

Scale refuses to move
Days go by
Number has dropped
Significantly
I still don't see
What i want to
When i will be able to see
What everyone else sees?