are you just a monster
with good fashion sense?
are you just a criminal
with hearts hidden in a private vase?  

when the market is open
you can pick your apple for free
I don't know anything
I am not you, I am not me

an unneeded message to an ex-lover
an old argument with an old friend
an accusation to a family member
sitting alone again

this thing is heavy
sighing doesn't help the miles

the horizon across is beautiful
but I can't tell how far away

time to think with this burden
what I have to believe

do I believe anything?  

this blanket is heavy

they shut themselves down
you want to help
you want to save

but sorry hero
the door is closed

it's true
you're back
but I'm too busy laughing
to care

shoot
if you have the *****
go ahead
muscle can't stop bullets

so go ahead
its just a click away
i'll see you in hell
either way

one would like to say it is was sad
though as you walk around
there is no words that come out
just another place
not sad really

just one more place

people still smile
even though you're broken
beaten down
nice of them
the notes of broken authors flash before you

there is nothing to say
to the cute one
a table away
the eyes drag your own sadness
into clear relief

you look away
welcome to nowhere
don't worry
there is no concept here of late

I have a cat

he doesn't bother to clean himself
he sleeps wherever the sun warms his face
he cares for no one except himself
he pees all over the place

He'll follow you
for a gentle pet
his body feels like old scabs
and somehow he is always wet.

I sit in envy

dance until your brain is butter
pick up trash
wash the counter
finish the dishes
shave that growing beard

carry heavy things
your body knows
all bruises heal
just not at will

In a small smile
In some broken dream
Charge it
Lift it

In a small wish
In some broken plan
Wash it
Wrap it

Let the bruises heal
Make room for fresh injuries
Smile
You are not dead

old pictures, old girlfriends
friends who aren't friends anymore
lovers who aren't lovers anymore

store these images
collect these pictures
create a space for your shadow to remain
in a box hidden somewhere

label the boxes carefully
so the ghosts know
the correct box to haunt

"You're a tongueless talker
You don't care what you say
You're a jaywalker and you just just walk away
And that's all you do

The clap of the fading out sound of your shoes"

- Elliott Smith's words (' Last Call' if you're interested). not my words . just the song in my head right now &how; I feel right now.  RIP Elliott

so your feelings were hurt
you cried like you always do
one more night of sadness
one more night I just had to walk away

it occurred as I found myself
putting on my coat I want a drink
I crossed a busy street
hurrying to avoid traffic

a police officer drove by and warned me
no jaywalking.
I thought of you
I told the officer it was way too late for that.

there lives a rattlesnake
he is cunning
his tail is wagging

evolution has made him
your enemy
watch out for the bite

the spider in your bed
a bruise on your arm
you are nothing
you are not harmed

there is empty air
a breeze you feel
but you know
you don't live there

I've seen my face on your mirror
I don't know anything you don't
but yet I stand aware
it's harsh time for bugs everywhere

i struggle with the keys
i struggle with me

a fierce exists there though

hiding
but
its everywhere in me

i keep going
because the only direction

is forward

try to explain
getting nowhere
all this journey
just to get to nowhere

i see you hiding
not even sad anymore
silly emotion scabbed over
healing is a process for...

...something barely understood
that time is not your enemy
she is your friend
keeps you safe when you're scared


she smiles in her own slight way
as she casts down her smile
she will make those who have sought
to destroy you find her true ways

i'm a skinny person
that **** works you out
every muscle is screaming at me but its still fun as hell

i'm going to be a better dancer soon
i can tell you that much

when you find yourself low
when you're barely able to push that motion
the simple stretching of your arms
the gentle flow
of your wrists and hands
the simple movement of knees

still you barely rise

it's harder when this lives inside
that your body is fine
but your soul can barely stand
some pressure
somehow something to prove
a mouth full of broken teeth
not a single visible bruise

so you woke up
and the news
some terrible tragedy
somewhere

the coffee is hot
the workers outside are being loud with buzzsaws
the walk to the grocery is a pain
i mean its like a mile walk

but home again
turn on the computer
more death somewhere
something awful happened to someone you don't know  

some celebrity did something
some new construction thing
the neighbor's dog is annoying
the ebay order is late again

then you see a mirror
and there is just really nothing  looking back at you

the salt
the sea
destination is clear to me

there is swimming to do
but that won't be the hard part

when only your limbs failing
seems like a reasonable outcome
to your brain limping with indecision
your night time hunger spoken
with quiet inflection

a color beautiful
a color that cares
it hugs your waist
it makes your  imagination stare

and now you dance
to some tune you only heard by accident
you learn by forgetting
never forget that

the brain is an amazing machine
its the General ordering dancing
the master behind the scenes
pulling all the puppet strings

so dance and smile
it's only a short mile
or maybe 10,000

you won't know until you get there

misplaced anger is a real *****
I was really scared for a few
but the rage doesn't extend to me
God help the ******* it does though

someone is going wake up
watching a life channel version of his ******
with bad reenactment characters
playing up a dialed up version of the truth

I'm sure as hell I'm glad its not me
on this unhinged ******'s warpath

so you laughed out loud
at a joke that wasn't funny
they caught you laughing
when you were really planning

you're the broken clay
inside a  memory
which forms an idea
of whoever you're supposed to be

do you have an identity?
are you just a shell
broken
the Enemy


do you only exist in your own memory?

and so it hurts
and so you sleep
waking up
to some other dream

wondering what the darkness
might have dreamed
in a pleasant fantasy

surely your odds are better
they run in circles with no clue
no sweet, sweet nectar
now angry , now *******
shaking and getting angry

personal problems
can be put on hold
a night of indiscretions
your complete folly
somehow makes you feel bold

when you lose everything
you'll think:
well, it wasn't my fault
I was angry

I only did to the world
what it did to me

so the dance has come to rest
your world locked inside some chest
the key is hidden
as always

in the place where you hide all things

the tomb of being you
the nails you bought
the coffin you're constructing
just so your own body can fit

how does the story end?
you wait
half-smiling

inexplicably and without method

the room is comfy
the bed is comfy

you're trying to decide what to do
staring at the walls any longer
just doesn't seem right

stare
think
stare

water your plant
try to think of ideas
to somehow save yourself

have i been distracted this long?  
soon the sun will come up
then its tie and suit time

i hate tie and suit time
goodnight sweet princes of the internet world

i'm sore but ready
just another day

all smiles aside
then fall to ground
sweet scrape of trickling blood
like melting ice
dripping
from your own body

the smile returns
when you realize
you are not made of glass
you did not shatter
you are a
magnificent machine

have you nothing?
are you nothing?
are you sickened ?
are you sick and scared?

la
lalalalala
lala

wake up!
feel this!
you fool !
you sad idiot!
wake up!
feel this!

la
lalalalala
lala

you are smiling
laughing
feeling
can't you see
anything?
anything at all?

la
lalalalala
lalala

by the scarlet
across the sea
i sit quietly

the sun shines
the fan blows
the wind runs free

so little to do
so much to see
dread swimming far
but unaware

of my smile

somewhere hope lies in wait
hunting hide and seek
thinking it has hidden

so i think I can tell
heaven from hell
aloft in a bright cool breeze
you never meant that much to me
a testament to how it can be
finally free to enjoy the blue skies
fired from my lead role in a cage

is that you?
is this me?
I was someplace else
dreaming I wouldn't have to return

Does nothing in my dream count for reality?  

Is it time to do the dishes ?
How about the recycling?

Today can be another day
where the mind just plays
I keep my mouth shut
What the **** am I going to say anyway?

take a break
you tired walker
you chose the wrong direction anyway

this journey to nowhere
seems to go on forever
no harm in a bit of thoughtful play

hum a tune you like
look around while you wait
oblivion will hardly care if you happen to be late

where are you swimming?

fool
you have less than no idea
where you're swimming?

you wake up in a vacant parking lot
someone is working your leg
eyes open now

more human than human
less human than one would pretend
given chance and circumstance

the wrong town
the wrong mind
wrong ocean to swim

I hate weddings
I hate funerals
I hate mirrors
and I probably hate you

I love a dark hotel room at 9am
I love to hear the fighting, the *******,
I love the smell of old terrible sweat
I love the strange stains no one in their right mind would touch

I hate sunny days and fast cars
I hate pastel clothes and sunglasses
I hate any store signage that tells me I'm of value

I love my Ipod
that beautiful world it can bring
just noise in your head
I love ***** when I wake up
that beautiful world it can bring
less noise in your head

and then you're finally ready
to do whatever ******* you have to do  
when you're finally ready
I love the world

when I saw it
I didn't scream
I just looked
but didn't look away

one more dead eyed
one more broken
one more
held in a dark place

a fist
that protects my heart
a dark hand
than can hold everything

walk across the garden of deception
be afraid of the roses
they have a magic
but it's not meant for you

dancing like a stalking butler
dancing like your future grave

the hole is just waiting
the hole is playing your tune

the wind blows you there
though you seem not sadly

yet, he is not brave
the soft breeze just waits

your mistakes are coming
they'll meet you gladly

like some bugg-faced nightmare
this dumpster fire of some thing
exiled

no one thought to even ask
the answer should be poetic
but the truth

is no one cared

as my body gets harder
my suit fits better

with every fighting motion
i lose less and less

with each passing laughable win
i become less afraid

as i wait for the inevitable
i'm blowing bubbles

you read these poems?
yes an expression
pain, loss
we all get it

we all loved
we all lost
human misery is nothing new

hate to break it you
but humanity is an evil, disgusting race
we're the worst thing
but that's who we are  

we have to go forward
we didn't just win the war for our kind's fate
we ****** in all of creation's mouth while we did it
God help all of us if there is a God.

No more whining.
We're the bad guy's children
people cheat, women & men lie
that's how we won this ****** up planet

don't cry about who you are
none of this is our fault
we were born into an evil ****** up place
but we still have to live

so live
the best you can
and lets just hope
all will be well

this name is the name of a childhood hero
my avatar is also just of a childhood hero
I am officially not named
I am no one
and it feels great

what have you done?
quick
run
rinse

do what you have to dispense

keep the dance up
while your mind plays
in many eyes
you're just in the way

though smile as well
some cups are full
there is a scarlet castle
built across a sea for you

Now you're showered
you feel great

Who the **** cares what you have to say ?

There is no anger in apathy
Dance like a girl
Until you can't sit down
Adrenaline is rushing
Now you're found

Punch the air like there is a true crowd

Play your silly cards
Swing and sing just to be loud

Smile inside
I think you'll find it's not very hard

everything wakes up
the brain
the dreams
where we're seeing our parallel self

that moment
of impending doom
that just happens
when your soul talks to you

clear the tears
wake up
we're either
yes, we're either
dreaming or dead

up to you to decide which

it will never matter what
you chose
though

I could be your reflective surface
reflecting over everything
all you'll see is what you want
that touches and plays with how you think

My eyes should tell you
how much anyone
...cares
about what you think

but that is not what you want to see
thus no bother to me
so please
continue...

It's her birthday today
I haven't seen her for a decade
except when she invades my dreams
and tells me all the things
she and I will never be

So happy birthday
nearly exactly a year older than me
as the 6th closes in
August you liar
the situation has long been un-won


no idea where you are
I hope you're smiling
wherever you lie your head
my other lost love was born in November
she was a year younger

but I still remember

the idea in your head
is the one you feel can't be said

it's the broken part of yourself
the pieces you can't find

your actions are harsh and rash
your breakage is too bad

you've lost the plot
you don't know the story of your own life anymore