but it was necessary
tired and banal
but necessary

washing dishes
telling the hoods across the street
they can't smoke by my mailbox

isn't it all so tiring?
but as I wait for tomorrow
while the dryer finishes

I feel nothing
it just is it is what it is
I do it and then its done

life should be more beautiful
more magical
than this

indeed, it's a wow
went through a lot
hate
love

no speak
then all talk

you never saved me
I never saved you

somehow...
we both made it through

I tried new things
I read new books
I went to a different place
I came back the same person

I am not fictional
I am not real

even I don't care
the girl who loves me
she sits in the next room
I don't want to talk to her

I'm bleeding from my mouth
I have to hide the blood
Surprisingly easier than one might imagine
Deception is always hiding blood

but even I don't care
my muscles hurt for no reason
I wake up anyway though
it has to be done so I do it

even I don't care
I named a knife yesterday
even I don't care
she is just my knife now

Bella
I thought that was a pretty name
after a pretty villain
Bellatrix

what a sad world
born into knowing we're leaving

who knows where?

are you
an animal
a beast? ?

are you
nothing
but a shell?

does it hurt?
when that dagger comes in
when the truth stabs you

or do you smile?
does being alone
make you whole somehow?

i'm told i'm useful
i'm told i'm meaningful
i get up
i smile
i'm friendly

but then the night settles
and there is a sickness
that pours into my stomach
my hands shake

its believed that nice clothes
smelling nice
somehow makes you nice  

if you're reading this then you probably know
hell is insidious
we're all strangers here

the ambulance drives by
the domestic going on nearby

we sit in silence
while chaos reigns around us

we're not even sad
we're just glad

it's not us

without fear we have nothing

i need this
to make me whole?
no, you don't

the pieces that have been broken away
they're gone
bad news
not coming back


so get up
wash your face
enjoy the pieces you still have

it's not scary
wake up
the dreams are over

welcome back
to real life

do unto me what has been done to you

fear is no longer king
we are breaking
we are smiling with blood in our teeth
we are the truth of fairy tales

watch both our destruction
across a river
just wave
don't worry, you need not move

it will swim to you

maybe hiding in a bush
maybe in another's hand
there is no answer
until you feel what's left inside
in your hand

do you want to see though ?
if what you have protected
loved
kissed
is where you left it?

oh, you tricky
tricky
tricky

you think I don't see
I see more than you know

step up your game
your tactics are getting obvious

the anger
it lives somewhere dark
it only comes out
when it is pushed

she bears unimaginable burdens
but i've seen her free
i've seen her smile
the things that lie behind the tears and sadness
is still something quite beautiful

keep fighting darling
we only lose when we quit

watch them self-destruct
so go ahead and mate
like that's going to help
in all the **** you're bending

all of it you bending it through
it just never ends with you

I'll sit and wait
I'll sit and play
but there where will come a day

the sad day when you knew I was right

he sits alone
he rests alone

asleep alone
awake alone

dancing to tunes
with a fiddle only he can play

he plays all the hits
just like a game

your move, world
I'm still here

do you remember where your hole is
or are you praying as you dodge and weave?

how bad will it be if caught
how harsh will the bite be?

keep running rabbit
it's an endless race

knowing you're going to win
but still have to take that last swing

your arm is hurting
but you're relying on it for everything

the blood in your teeth
the look in your eye

they know you're not afraid to die

it scares them all
in their hearts
playing in their face

they know you're the evolution
of the human race

the person in the mirror
your own dead look that lives in your eyes
the sadness that lives
with understanding who you truly are

the sadness that lives
like a prisoner in the cellar
waiting for someone to let it out
so it can run free

walk, walk, walk
you wake up
walk, walk, walk
you wake up

now laundry
now drying

walk, walk, walk
straighten your left arm
walk, walk, walk
stretch those muscles

make them pay you
for being born with you
no worries
they'll get stronger

you might need them for something more serious

give in
its right there
all the temptations
love
drugs
alcohol

pick your poison

just be ready for the hammer
because it never ends well

fear not your fate born
bless your lost loves

you are alive
the sun is rising

smile again
fear of the unknown

is the dark cave
where the weak hide

might as well keep fighting
until i fade away or die trying
bleed out
**** it

this is no poetry
this is real life
this is anger
this is sweat

it helps i don't care who loses or wins

it just somehow feels right
no other explanation
it just feels right
right now

i can hear the footsteps
i lay quiet
sometimes pretending sleep
i'm not scared anymore
i just don't want to hear your voice

I have to do stuff today
the kind of boring stuff that makes me sad
at least I'm not completely dead inside
otherwise, why would i even care?

when the eyes are pumping
there is no going back
there is no acceptable apology

Doom found us anyway
He cares not for our cries
He laughs as he drinks the tears from your eyes

I'd spill the blood for you
I'm not asking
we're way past that that day
i am your witness ...

i am your witness
that my hands were bound
my teeth were ******...

...but now I'm tired
I'm sorry, Susan
I truly did love you

you'll never know
I'm not so evil
to ever burden through again

like the watching bird
i still live
no one is watching

it's all a game of when

they're quiet
they expect something from you

your mind is on you
you can't possibly know what they want

you want to please
you can't possibly know the words to say

they're quiet
they expect something from you

asking them to speak up
only makes them quiet down

i should be
but as the world moves around me
i'm not scared
though i should be

i feel like i fought wars
much worse than the next hour
patience is our friend

quiet

if we're lucky this will all be over
when we didn't have to do a thing

finished a talking job
only had to lie a little
happy with results

no rainbows
no flowers
no parade

its just simply done

as i fall
i won't you to know i can smell you

and yes
I'm scared
but more of whats coming out your mouth
than anything out there

the bottles are there
I clear them when I have time
but I don't know the color

it is three more blocks
plus the thirteen in my brain
I wait for a train

electric tracks quiet nice
all day long they will take home
strangers to places they never meant to go

this arm goes here
this one goes there
this door opens

this shirt is mine
this sidewalk will take me
this place is where I'll stop

this foot goes here
this foot goes there
this is what I'm supposed to do

this is not fear
this is not sadness
this is just this

with each new plan everything falls to bits
with each new sadness more get hurt
with each new terror i have to get more ruthless

this isn't me
I'm not asking to be saved
I'm not sorry
I'm not  me. I got lost somewhere along the way

what I've become though
with all of it
no one should know my name
since I don't even know it anymore

is it all ready in me?
i'm trying to feel it
there is a void
its dark but not scary

its relief with  no other feeling
where is my soul?
did i lose it along the way somewhere?

like a lost key
like a lost id
its just not in my pocket anymore