in the days of being vicious
through the inane,
mundane chatter.
we wonder who will miss us
so very savagely
defying for it to matter.

we proclaim we're not afraid
as we sob
wretched in hurt.
we dance on display,
legs flailing,
face down in the dirt.

...but when the tears get boring
just finally
so sick of yourself.
that's when you may **** down.
eyes so blankly
letting your lips hold the ground.

what the ****
how did this work out
you're like a survivor
outside of a terrible fire

so you walk
there is no name as you look back
you had nothing to say
better stick with that

you're the hero
in the plot unsung
I'd like to tell everyone
but I too

am a plot undone

a man wants to help me
i fell down
i just fell down
yet he stopped his car

to see if I'm okay
the blood is just a scrape
my jeans have a rip
this is all my doing

i fell
i only fell
I survived
the blood is a miracle

I am alive

you wake up
i think this is a time zone
you scatter the dirt
off your body
for a moment
when your  pretty face isn't built to a snore
another moment
you're just dreaming for

waking up
consciousness hand in hand
I'm sorry
did I have something to say?
I got distracted.  
I have some kind of plan

at least I'd have you believe that way

the dreams are the worst
the panic the waking poker face can't hide
everything so casual, so careful
the smiling politeness of the storm inside

and sleep

here is not why
all the forks in the road
only you thought  you were clever
always choosing the reckless side

and sleep

you get away with all your crimes
so now what's the plan?
do you have anything left to do?
endless questions the next step

sleep will take you

what will you say?
if you ever have to explain yourself truthfully
eyes ahead
the traffic roar, the night

it's dark but no sleep now

on the edge of the overpass
in the crisp autumn air
your one way ticket to midnight
is just a single step down there

an unneeded message to an ex-lover
an old argument with an old friend
an accusation to a family member
sitting alone again

a win
a goal
a touchdown

a home run
a knock out punch
a celebrity lunch

talks of the current
threats of the future
a near miss by our all-star

yet, we stand alone
broken
with so few things to cling upon

one would like to say it is was sad
though as you walk around
there is no words that come out
just another place
not sad really

just one more place

people still smile
even though you're broken
beaten down
nice of them
the notes of broken authors flash before you

there is nothing to say
to the cute one
a table away
the eyes drag your own sadness
into clear relief

you look away
welcome to nowhere
don't worry
there is no concept here of late

the spider in your bed
a bruise on your arm
you are nothing
you are not harmed

there is empty air
a breeze you feel
but you know
you don't live there

I've seen my face on your mirror
I don't know anything you don't
but yet I stand aware
it's harsh time for bugs everywhere

so i think I can tell
heaven from hell
aloft in a bright cool breeze
you never meant that much to me
a testament to how it can be
finally free to enjoy the blue skies
fired from my lead role in a cage

what does one say knowing wrong ?
lies drip from lips
the movement itself selfish
every thought designed only to one cause
whim is based on a side effect
the invisible dirt of every guilt possessed

the private glance in the mirror
the dulled fear
the private thought of who you thought
lied beneath the dull eyes
in a dark room with a mirror

all mistakes are smiles
yours to make
made and bidden
you took everything you could take
still breathing but unforgiven

i watch them browse the magazines
wedding dresses
*** hints
fashion sips
a celebrity scandal
a celebrity beauty tip

i watch them consume calories
i see works about wars long past
fantastic other lands
lore of presidents long gone
I wonder if immortality for deeds done
warrants anything next to red carpet fashion

i see Archie
and that knucklehead crew
I see Simpsons, Wolverine, passing times
and somewhere
I can see me and you

wake up today
go to sleep tonight
there is no  hunger
go to sleep now, fool

you have nothing to add

I'm going to open a restaurant that sells flavored cat blood
Build ice sculpture monuments to people never heard of
Crash drive a same model car into a rental center
I'm going to talk about the weather like it's always winter

I'm going to construct  a zoo with no animals
Burn down the trees and trap endangered species
Set bear traps in public places,  mock people with normal faces
I'm going to quip stupidly while tripping crippled old ladies.  

I'm going down with the ship, I have nothing to say
I'll hide in your bushes to surprise you with a cookie cake
I'll volunteer to help everyone just the same
Then I'll get drunk and not do a **** thing

I'll grab the yoke and be yelling
the nonsense of this life  
smiling as my teeth fall out
broken faced, all destruction and glee

I'll be laughing
The blood filling up the spaces of who
or where
or what  I wanted to be

In a small smile
In some broken dream
Charge it
Lift it

In a small wish
In some broken plan
Wash it
Wrap it

Let the bruises heal
Make room for fresh injuries
Smile
You are not dead

It's her birthday today
I haven't seen her for a decade
except when she invades my dreams
and tells me all the things
she and I will never be

So happy birthday
nearly exactly a year older than me
as the 6th closes in
August you liar
the situation has long been un-won


no idea where you are
I hope you're smiling
wherever you lie your head
my other lost love was born in November
she was a year younger

but I still remember

dance until your brain is butter
pick up trash
wash the counter
finish the dishes
shave that growing beard

carry heavy things
your body knows
all bruises heal
just not at will

when you find yourself low
when you're barely able to push that motion
the simple stretching of your arms
the gentle flow
of your wrists and hands
the simple movement of knees

still you barely rise

it's harder when this lives inside
that your body is fine
but your soul can barely stand
some pressure
somehow something to prove
a mouth full of broken teeth
not a single visible bruise

and so it hurts
and so you sleep
waking up
to some other dream

wondering what the darkness
might have dreamed
in a pleasant fantasy

they come in all forms
the enemies who win
the obvious
the abstract
the ones who know what you believe ?

is there a shield?
for the people you have let in
to who you really are?
when you want them to stop knowing you

when you see them
do you feel embarrassed?
for some reason ashamed?
maybe you feel like running

maybe you just stay in place

just smile

is that you?
is this me?
I was someplace else
dreaming I wouldn't have to return

Does nothing in my dream count for reality?  

Is it time to do the dishes ?
How about the recycling?

Today can be another day
where the mind just plays
I keep my mouth shut
What the **** am I going to say anyway?

surely your odds are better
they run in circles with no clue
no sweet, sweet nectar
now angry , now *******
shaking and getting angry

personal problems
can be put on hold
a night of indiscretions
your complete folly
somehow makes you feel bold

when you lose everything
you'll think:
well, it wasn't my fault
I was angry

I only did to the world
what it did to me

my body, my hands, my eyes
all copied from someone I don't like

DNA only won
in making me prettier than my dad
thanks to my mom

so you worked hard previously
great
you were under-appreciated
by friends, family, coworkers
great

do you languish under any false impressions?  
does a weapon of some variety come into mind daily?
are you broken on the inside?
do you wish you still had faith in humanity?

well,
i'd lose all that and smile more

will you do whatever I say?
are you willing to sleep with me if I let you play?  
how desperate are you to be a *****?

Great!

no dentistry for you
we're not made out of money
said the parents indifferently

so I grew two fangs
like Dracula
spitting blood
with broken gums

my left one eventually learned how to fit in
still pointed and edged
but living comfortably

my right is still the angry vampire
ready to defend

guarding this crooked kingdom

I have a cat

he doesn't bother to clean himself
he sleeps wherever the sun warms his face
he cares for no one except himself
he pees all over the place

He'll follow you
for a gentle pet
his body feels like old scabs
and somehow he is always wet.

I sit in envy

the salt
the sea
destination is clear to me

there is swimming to do
but that won't be the hard part

when only your limbs failing
seems like a reasonable outcome
to your brain limping with indecision
your night time hunger spoken
with quiet inflection

where are you swimming?

fool
you have less than no idea
where you're swimming?

you wake up in a vacant parking lot
someone is working your leg
eyes open now

more human than human
less human than one would pretend
given chance and circumstance

the wrong town
the wrong mind
wrong ocean to swim

rising from the ashes
of the fire you created
the never-ending Phoenix
rising above it all

knowing the end won't matter
once it is finally the end

i sit alone
headphones on
mind my own
laptop in lap
blinders on

still too loud for you?

I wash dishes
take out the trash
don't bother you with my interests
though you're quick to
come to me with yours

still too loud for you ?

maybe you just hate me
maybe there is no way to win
maybe you can **** caring

maybe

doesn't mean a meleficent eye is not upon you

does it make you smile
when the plane shakes & cries from turbulence?
does your mind flirt with
the thought of one final merriment?
soaring through the air
rushing
high speed dirt
about to mate with the pavement .

or perhaps in the coffee shop
when he sits next to you by circumstance?
just taking the policeman's keys and gun
rushing
there will be no happy end for this coincidence
you smiling
knowing you have no chance

laughing like a loon
handing it all back
telling him
sorry but...

I have plane crash I need to get to

inspired by out-dated dreams
lost over half-polished fancy things
collected
owned
sitting now in someone else's home

in a vault
somewhere in some cave
it was too dark
you lost your way

now broken somehow
dying, a plastic man waits
mounting bills to pay
people to ignore
people who simply don't go away
lie in bed and wonder

where do you move when where you're moving from is yourself

so you laughed out loud
at a joke that wasn't funny
they caught you laughing
when you were really planning

you're the broken clay
inside a  memory
which forms an idea
of whoever you're supposed to be

do you have an identity?
are you just a shell
broken
the Enemy


do you only exist in your own memory?

keep moving that body
your mind doesn't do as much as would it believe
the things hidden behind the curtain
the actual muscles who are strong and free

when your brain is the captive
in a jail it cannot see
use some animal assistance
evolution has made it all for free

Defined:

implementation
demonstrated by achievement
intellectual talent
measured by achievement

measured by who?
in essence someone less qualified
has been given the task
to determine if you're more qualified than them

a thought process inherent with ***** traps
a person-to person mine field
where you go in like a soldier in war
every situation is blind

but yeah,
I'm loaded with meritocracy
why not?  
I'll make up other words that sound good if you like.

it will show implementation
demonstrated by achievement
intellectual talent
followed by achievement

a color beautiful
a color that cares
it hugs your waist
it makes your  imagination stare

and now you dance
to some tune you only heard by accident
you learn by forgetting
never forget that

the brain is an amazing machine
its the General ordering dancing
the master behind the scenes
pulling all the puppet strings

so dance and smile
it's only a short mile
or maybe 10,000

you won't know until you get there

I just can't get that song out of my head
especially the part:  
"S.O.S. she's in disguise"

"There is a wolf in your closet"
Now I'm afraid to open mine.

if every color
could be explained
by an action

if every action
was determined by a letter
could we...

perhaps get a color to be better
when we spelled
something completely profane

the circle of four
colors swim together
but offer no wisdom
rotate around your broken heart
you remain nothing
a blank rock in an empty solar system

eyes shoot open
they dart and see
brain changes gear
as it lumbers back into
this reality

not familiar rooms
filled with strangers
armed with fistfuls of lies
and what's wrong?
that is what you kept asking me

what's wrong?
I told you

nothing.

lying to myself
just asking the question from your lips

old pictures, old girlfriends
friends who aren't friends anymore
lovers who aren't lovers anymore

store these images
collect these pictures
create a space for your shadow to remain
in a box hidden somewhere

label the boxes carefully
so the ghosts know
the correct box to haunt

so the dance has come to rest
your world locked inside some chest
the key is hidden
as always

in the place where you hide all things

the tomb of being you
the nails you bought
the coffin you're constructing
just so your own body can fit

how does the story end?
you wait
half-smiling

inexplicably and without method

Now you're showered
you feel great

Who the **** cares what you have to say ?

There is no anger in apathy
Dance like a girl
Until you can't sit down
Adrenaline is rushing
Now you're found

Punch the air like there is a true crowd

Play your silly cards
Swing and sing just to be loud

Smile inside
I think you'll find it's not very hard

take a break
you tired walker
you chose the wrong direction anyway

this journey to nowhere
seems to go on forever
no harm in a bit of thoughtful play

hum a tune you like
look around while you wait
oblivion will hardly care if you happen to be late

you fancy men dressed of consequence
you untimely girls of sad circumstance

there are holes in you
where things crawl

smiling and leaving paint
ever so sly
just in case you forget
the mirror is only one shade of a lie

the reminder of sprayed colors
leaking
laughing
the dripping colors from some eye

when the tears mean nothing
and you feel nothing
try to bottle and store your something

remain unforgiven
in the secret place you hide your true face

in holes you crawl
in eyes you charm
when the juice is ripe dripping from your lips
just until everything is quenched

untimely gentlemen of sad circumstance
well dressed women of false consequence

it occurs to me
while heating up my Campbell soup
trying to think of buzz words
for a resume

that someone
somewhere
holds my choke chain

its not the illusion that bothers me
as much as it is
my forced and terribly willingly
complicity

half here
half awake
the scarlet in the sea
touches wet far away

so the day begins
stop to catch
that branch through the wind

half stupid
half scared
still you can feel your magic hands
working the silly air

somehow you're winning
waving that wand that isn't there

are you just a monster
with good fashion sense?
are you just a criminal
with hearts hidden in a private vase?  

when the market is open
you can pick your apple for free
I don't know anything
I am not you, I am not me

I could be your reflective surface
reflecting over everything
all you'll see is what you want
that touches and plays with how you think

My eyes should tell you
how much anyone
...cares
about what you think

but that is not what you want to see
thus no bother to me
so please
continue...

all smiles aside
then fall to ground
sweet scrape of trickling blood
like melting ice
dripping
from your own body

the smile returns
when you realize
you are not made of glass
you did not shatter
you are a
magnificent machine

some people's brains are
where knowledge goes to die
a simple prisoner
who only is allowed for speaking lies

I could tell you the truth
you might not like what your hear
seems hardly my fault
your lies you hold so dear

I don't have time
to play the silly games
lying just wastes
all my energy

you don't have to like me
I'm not too crazy about you
just being honest
I'm weird and so are you