this is a memo, memoir
a memory of things right
before the big change
is there anything that needs changing
is there a flaw that you dislike
is there a imperfection
a defect that needs fixing

I need to make myself perfect
so that I can match you
this is a request for comments
is there a shortcoming that needs deleting
is there a fault forgotten
fix me, fix me forge me again
this is the foundation for a new form

i exist
i have set myself in the floor
i have etched my existence into the air
i have opened a door, i have walked around
i have affected the people around me and made them smile

they cried
they said no and ignored me
they walked away when i came close
they did not open the door for me or said hello
they trampled over me and my feelings and made me cry

he was taken for a ride
the track leading up was slow
but it was exciting nonetheless
and when it came all crashing down
the wind in his face; the speed
was intoxicating.

so he was taken for a ride again
the track leading up seemed slower than before
he had already seen these sights, he had already felt the cold air
and when it came all crashing down
the wind in his face; the speed
was intoxicating.

so he was taken for a ride again
the track leading up seemed to be even longer than before
and it felt as if it wasn't as high, and it wasn't as steep as before
and when it came all crashing down
there was no wind in his face
and he moved as slow as a snail

whatifineverknoweventhoughitried
itwhatifitallfallsapartrightinfr­ontofme
icantcomprehendevenifitsexplained
righttomyfaceicantrecip­rocatemyfeel-
-ingsforyouitsjusttoohard FULL STOP.

receptorial, over and under again

whatifyoudontremembermeevenwith
allididimstillaspeckinyour­everlargereality
somymindisfilledwithyouonlyyou
onlythinkingofyou­andineverwant
toletyougokeepyouinside FULL STOP.

everlargerealityeverlargereality

doyoufeeltheseemotionssw­elling
upinsidecanyoutellwhatimthinking
orisitjustachainofthought­satrainofideas
garbledrunningatyoulikeadeer
caughtinatrucksheadli­ghtsbut DASH-

why why why cant i be why why why

whataboutallthesearbitraryideas
thatihaveibelongtoyouandyouo­nly
icantsaywhybutyourebeautifuliwant
youyouyouyouyouaremineminea­nd
mineforeverandevereverever FULL STOP.

brace for impact brace for impact

keepyouinsidesafeinsidewideawake
andalivewecouldstayliket­hisdoyoulikethis
orisitkindadifferentdoyouhave
adifferentopinioni­triedsohardso
staystaystaywhereyouareso FULL STOP.

dont go away please stay stay stay

whywhywhyitreatedyousowell
whywhywhyikeptyousafeinsidejustf­or
youyouyouaremineminemine
whywhywhyarethesethoughtsinsidemyhead­
getoutgetout get out. stay AND?

hatehatehate i hatehatehate

willthesepillsfixmeorwilltheybreak
mefillmewithregr­etneverknownevertried
likethepomegraniteseedstheygo
downmythroatt­houghtsthinking
ofthemomentyouleavemebut HOLD ON,

too late too late too late too late

isaitallsoemptythereisnothinglefttohold
ontotogetagripalsur­facesboundbybricks
slipperylikeaneelsoelvenpillsinicantfeel
memys­elfandijustthinkingof
youyouyouholdondont WAIT-

waitwaitwait, waitwaitwait

leavemealone, dont, leavemealone,
dont, leavemealone, dont,
leave me alone, dont, leave me alone dont
dont, dontdontstopstopstopstopnomore
nomorenomorestopstop DONT STOP…

awake, awake, awake, dont go away

nevergoneawaygoneawrylikeatrainoffitstracks
snapcracklepopt­hesecracksinreality
takemeoffthesedrugstheymakeme
nothingandanyth­ing, everythingelse
everythingandanythingbutnothing INSIDE

hey, hey, hey, dont run away

imbackagainsocomebackbacktomestay
staydontrunawaypleaseplea­se
stayyouaremyonlyifthereisnothingleft
butmethanaspeckisprettybi­gsodont
dontdontrunawayplease DASH-

great big speck great big speck

maybetheproblemismeimightneedto
stopandthinkthatmightmakem­enormal
normalnormaliwanttobenormaliwanttobe
like jack, like trevor, like whoamiwhoami
whatismynamewhoisthis BUT;

thisismethisismethisismethisisme

withoutmewhatismebutahusk­ofskin
veinsfilledwithadrenalinehaveimessedup
haveisinnednotimeto­repentgenerational
defectsinsanenotnormal, i want to be normal
stopandtakeabreath, this is FULL STOP.