I turn the shower water on to a piping hot.
Hestitant but without backing out I enter.
I cringe a little as the droplets ambush me.

I allow the hot to hurt me.
I deserve the pain.

I sit in the middle of the tub and close my eyes.
The pit and patters of the water sooth my soul.
I close my eyes before the boiling water burns them, I can still feel it against my eyelids.
My makeup runs down and as if cued..
So do my tears.

I try to remember what it was like to feel love from another and I can't recall it.
Every time you made me smile was replaced with every time you made me angry.
Every time you called me beautiful was replaced with every time you made me feel hideous.
I silently cry to avoid anyone from listening.

Each water drop a memory of ours.
Good and bad.
All ending the same however;
down the drain.

The steam became too much to handle and I am suffocating. Unable to breathe anymore.
But the feeling is similar to how I felt with you.

The piping hot water may sting and burn and leave me sore, but it's the only thing I can feel anymore.

When I first laid my eyes on you, my heart began to race.
Because as cliche as it could be..
You were such a sight.
Every time we touched I felt the warmth rush to my face.
Every time I hugged you, the smell of secondhand smoke filled my nose.
I may not smoke, but the scent made me smitten.
I hate the cold but loved the way it gave me an excuse to be closer to you.
The way you looked at me made me shake and nervous.
Adjusting to new arms, new eyes to look at, new warmth made me scared.
But in the most positive and thrilling way possible.
I found comfort in your jokes, your embrace, I found comfort in your presence.

I've always feared unknown paths but took a chance.
Being around you felt natural.
Being around you felt right.
So I trusted myself and fell into your sweetness.

Kissing you felt like a cool breeze after hours, years, in the scorching heat.

in the shower,
i pretend that the burning hot
water
raining down on my body
are your soft and callous fingers
warm and wet
july heat;
seep through
my skin.

i arch my back, push my ******* toward the
low hanging ceiling
and i pretend that the water
hitting my throat
are your lips
kissing my neck
carefully.
i pretend that the steam is your breath
escaping,
but then i open my eyes and i am
alone
and it is cold winter not the summer *****
of July.

"let me use the shower!"
someone yells.
i pull the water to a stop, and it trickles
as the feel of your kisses dwindle
in January
chill.

like the northern wind,
a strong wander lust
i leave a trail of magic seeds
i leave a trail of dust

longingly,
you stand at the door way
indignant hands cupped
you've collected all the seeds
but you've lost all the dust